This last week I have spent some time talking to you about the Pain Cycle and Peace Cycle in Terry Hargrave’s Restoration Therapy model. I love the Pain and Peace Cycle because it has transformed my life. It’s transformed me as an individual, as well as my marriage, my relationships, vocation and more. But how do you practice the Pain and Peace Cycle in your own life? To do so I recommended 4 steps to practice. As you begin to use these steps and work through the cycles you create a safe emotional connection which also fosters a real strong sense of “usness” in the relationship. And it is out of this place that couple’s can really solve problems. Without a safe connection, problem solving is difficult, if not impossible in a relationship.

In today’s episode I want to tie all four episodes together by talking about the concept of differentiation, and giving some examples from different perspectives of what it looks like. In this episode I share the concept of differentiation from some literary writings of Rainer Maria Rilke and Kahlil Gibran. I also look at how renowned sex and marriage therapist David Schnarch defines it. As well as looking at the concept from well known therapist and Rabbi Edwin Friedman.

In this episode I explore:

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Resources Mentioned in this Episode

Link to this Episode

Restoration Therapy
Terry Hargrave
Marriage Strong
Sharon Hargrave
Rainer Maria Rilke
Kahlil Gibran
David Schnarch
Henry Cloud
John Townsend Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life
Edwin Friedman
Galatians 6:2-5
A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix by Edwin Friedman
The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran
Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke
Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships by David Schnarch

I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Plano, TX. I specialize in relationships, both marriage and non-marital, as well as working with individual men and women, and adolescent boys. Some of the topics that I specialize in are anxiety, depression, transitions, spiritual issues, and all forms of relational struggles. I am the author of the books The Anxious Christian, and What it Means to be a Man. Check out my weekly podcast where I interview guests and cover a lot of these same topics.

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