RSP21About 5 years ago I was introduced to a therapy model that changed my life. And that’s not an exaggeration. It literally changed my life, beginning with me, then my marriage, then my parenting, then my therapy work, then friendships, and eventually in the work I do with organizations, churches and corporations. I was introduced to a model of therapy developed by Terry Hargrave called Restoration Therapy. Actually, at the time I didn’t know it as Restoration Therapy, but rather as the 5 Days to a New Marriage model that was developed for The Hideaway Experience by Terry and Shawn Stoever. Essentially, from what I know, Terry and Shawn created a model for the marriage intensives based on Terry’s Restoration Therapy work that he was developing, and which was eventually written by Terry and Franz Pfitzer under the title Restoration Therapy: Understanding and Guiding Healing in Marriage and Family Therapy.

In October 2010 I attended my first marriage intensive and sat “3rd chair”, which essentially means I was not one of the co-therapists, but was rather there to observe…and speak/share if I felt compelled. I was so intimidated by that first experience I remember saying very little, but I also remember being blown away by the transformation I witnessed taking place with the 4 couples who were there that weekend. It was an unbelievable team effort between the founders/operators Steve and Rajan Trafton, the two therapists, the cook (who provided all the meals)…and of course the 4 couples who ended up really being some of the biggest encouragers of transformation for the other couples. If you are curious about what this experience is like, I blogged about it early on. I ended up staying on staff of The Hideaway Experience for about four years and it continues to be one of the most amazing experiences I have had in working with clients, especially couples, as well as being an amazing experience for me. Eventually it was difficult for me in my stage of life (young family, growing practice, etc.) to continue to travel to Palo Duro to do an intensive, so I eventually resigned, but continue to be in collaboration with them, as well as referring clients to them and working with couples after they do an intensive.

But all of these experiences led me to really want to dive more in depth into Restoration Therapy so I could better understand the change I was seeing in individuals and couples I worked with, as well become a better practitioner of the model. So in December of 2014 I started Level I training with Terry, and then completed Level II training with Terry in May and June of this year. Now I’m a certified Restoration Therapy therapist…it has helped me better understand a model I had already been practicing for about the last 4+ years.

As I have stated above, this is a model that has changed my life, so I use it with all my clients to varying degrees, whether individual, couples or families. And what I have learned from it I implement in my relationships, whether it be my wife, kids, parents, friends or colleagues. That being said, I decided it was time to do a podcast about Restoration Therapy. There is so much I could talk about, but I thought I could start with just a general overview of some of its features, as well as how the Pain and Peace Cycles work. There is definitely more to be said on this topic, and I will continue to write some posts on it, as well as record some podcasts on the topic, and eventually have Terry Hargrave on the podcast, as well as Steve and Rajan Trafton, and my good friend Todd Sandel who was the first to train me at The Hideaway Experience.

Example of my Pain and Peace Cycle

Example of my Pain and Peace Cycle


Example of an imaginary couple's Pain and Peace Cycles along with the 4 Steps in Restoration Therapy

Example of an imaginary couple’s Pain and Peace Cycles along with the 4 Steps in Restoration Therapy


Below are the worksheets that I mention in the podcast. Check them out for your own understanding of your Pain and Peace Cycle.

Identifying and Practicing Your ‘Pain Cycle’

Identifying and Practicing Your ‘Peace Cycle’

Identifying Pain and Peace Cycle Chart


So in this podcast I do my best to talk through some of the features of Restoration Therapy and how it can be applied to your life and relationships.

In the podcast I discuss:

  • my experience at The Hideaway Experience early on and eventually as a co-therapist.
  • my experience in learning the 5 Days to a New Marriage (i.e. Restoration Therapy) and how I began to apply it to my practice.
  • how Restoration Therapy changed people’s lives.
  • my desire to learn more about Restoration Therapy, and eventually go train with Terry Hargrave
  • the 4 elements of Restoration Therapy: a) helping people identify and understand their pain (fostering awareness in the client of their destructive pattern); b) promote emotional regulation through helping the client identify their truth (teaching the client to take responsibility for themselves); c) provide cognitive map for understanding new behavior (helping client make choices); d) practice of these steps (mindfulness/experiential).
  • Restoration Therapy’s focus on attachment, emotional regulation, and mindfulness.
  • the Pain Cycle
  • the Peace Cycle
  • Restoration Therapy’s 4 steps: a) say what you feel; b) say what you normally do; c) say your truth; d) say what action you will do differently.
  • how I’ve used the Restoration Therapy model for individuals, couples, families, churches, organizations and corporations.

Please listen and subscribe to my podcast in the following places, and then leave a comment letting me know what you liked about the show, or what guest you would like to hear from. Thank you so much for your support.



Player FM


Resources Discussed in This Episode

The Hideaway Experience
Steve and Rajan Trafton
5 Days to a New Marriage
Terry Hargrave
Restoration Therapy and Restoration Therapy Training
Restoration Therapy: Understanding and Guiding Healing in Marriage and Family Therapy
Shawn Stoever
Todd Sandel
LifeGate Counseling