There are lots of things we will be doing on this trip, and there are still many unknowns, and like any trip abroad, we will just have to be flexible when opportunities arise. Mark Oestreicher has a good break down of some of the work that awaits us, as well as some of the things we will be doing among the Haitian pastors. What I do know is that we will be serving the people in Haiti and doing a lot of work with those who have fled out of Port au Prince and who are currently living in refugee camps.
One of the things that we have been asked to do along with serving the people of Haiti, is to also bring awareness to not only the situation that all of you are witnessing on the nightly news, but to also tell the stories of our personal experiences, and in doing so, hopefully encourage you, as well as further laying the foundation for future teams to follow after us, and serve long after Haiti is not the top story in the nightly news. If you are interested in following our journey you can do so at our team Facebook page, our team Twitter feed, or just stay tuned to this blog or my personal Facebook page. You have lots of options. I hope to do a good job of keeping you all updated through writing and video.
Offering Our Presence
I’m not a doctor, I’m not an engineer, and I’m not a professional in disaster relief, but I’m hoping and praying that my experience as a pastor and as a marriage and family therapist will come in handy as I work among the Haitians. And no, I’m not preaching sermons on performing therapy, but my work in those fields has given me the opportunity to travel the world and provide relief in the area of mental health. I was blessed to live for three months in Guatemala where I volunteered at Obras Sociales del Santo Hermano Pedro; I’ve been able to serve at the Sisters of Charity in Calcutta, India (the week of Mother Theresa’s funeral); I’ve been able to serve on several occasions at the Sisters of Charity in Mexico City. And my work as a college pastor allowed me the privilege to lead numerous trips during my eight years at Bel Air Presbyterian Church in Los Angeles. One of the real exciting things for me is that I’m not leading this trip, but just get to be a part of an amazing team. [click to continue…]
Can social media use be a hindrance to effectively transitioning to next stages of life?
I don’t know, but it’s something I’m exploring.
This question was rooted in a conversation I was having a few weeks back with Lars Rood and the parents of seniors who will be heading off to college next year. What we have noticed is that some college students fail to effectively transition into college, and that one possible considerations is that social media use has hindered them from effectively being present, setting down roots in their physical community. Instead, social media tools like Facebook keep them engaged with high school friends in different states in different schools. And that’s a really good thing of course. I wish I had Facebook when I was in college. So though I don’t want to draw a conclusion that failure to transition is a direct causal of social media use (it’s not), I think it does affect our relational and social interactions.
So sometimes, instead of investing in the person in the dorm room next door, they are more concerned with what their friend from high school is doing on Facebook.
Can social media use keep us tied to, or concerned about other things, that instead of not only helping us build relationships with those not physically near us…..it can also have the unintended affect of not allowing us to fully invest in the next stages of our lives? Stages that involve the participation and support of the community around us.
This question I have is not limited to the high school to college transition either. It could be singlehood to marriage? It’s possible to get married, but with Facebook keep up with all the happenings of our single friends, and very subtly, and subconsciously we can be holding onto that previous stage of our life, not fully embracing the present one. There are other transitions as well, but these two come to mind the quickest.
Transition in its very essence involves a process of transformation, and often transformation requires a leaving of something, and a cleaving onto something else.
Can I properly leave something and transition into something new, if I’m still cleaving to the old?
And social media not only allows great things, and fosters friendships with those we can’t be near, but I wonder if it keeps us cleaving to things, hindering us from fully living in our physical surroundings.
I’m seeking some some clarity…
Remember, I think social media is awesome, but I’m thinking about it’s very nuanced and subtle unintended outcomes it can have on our relational, social interactions.
“Compassion asks us to go where it hurts, to enter into places of pain, to share in brokenness, fear, confusion, and anguish. Compassion challenges us to cry out with those in misery, to mourn with those who are lonely, to weep with those in tears. Compassion requires us to be weak with the weak, vulnerable with the vulnerable, and powerless with the powerless. Compassion means full immersion in the condition of being human. When we look at compassion this way, it becomes clear that something more is involved than a general kindness or tenderheartedness. It is not surprising that compassion, understood as suffering with, often evokes in us a deep resistance and even protest.” (Compassion: Reflections on the Christian Life by Nouwen, McNeill and Morrison, pp. 4).
Going to Haiti…
On Sunday night I received a most unexpected call asking me if I wanted to join a small team of people traveling to Haiti from February 11-17th. I was initially shocked by the opportunity, then anxiety quickly set in as I was informed I would have less than 24 hours to make the decision. And then slowly a little bit of fear set in as this would be one of the rare times of international travel that I would have to do since becoming a father. One thinks about life differently when they are single, than when they are a father, husband (and soon to be father to our second child). Other things to consider now.
As I got off the phone and talked with my wife I was hoping that she would not be too keen to the idea, and would even possibly help me say no to the opportunity. At least that’s what I think I wanted outwardly, but inwardly I was hoping she would give me the green light for the trip. I wanted to make sure that this was a decision we were both comfortable with. So when she said,
“I think this is an amazing opportunity, and I think you should go.”
I was sort of relieved, but then the anxiety kicked up a notch. My two and half year old daughter heard us talking and she said to me,
“Daddy, I want to go too.”
And I said to her,
“You want to go to Haiti with me?”
To which she replied,
“I have to get dressed first.”
I know there is a sermon analogy in there somewhere about the willingness of a child to faithfully follow their father without question. [click to continue…]
It’s a response I often hear as I sit across from couples in therapy. At this point in the relationship one, or both of the spouses has become angered, disillusioned, sad (name the feeling/emotion) over what they feel is a loss of the person that they dated, became engaged to, and eventually married. They are desperately trying to get back to those early days, maybe capture those early feelings.
But the fact remains that each of them has changed. It’s part of the process of growing as a person. In fact, I would worry if the spouse was still the same, had never changed, and was the same today as they were on their wedding days years ago.
There are things that often stay pretty consistent about us throughout our life and marriage. Maybe it’s the temperament of the person, their favorite books to read, how they take their coffee in the morning, etc. Whatever it may be, there are markers that stay pretty consistent that give one spouse a pretty good knowledge of the other spouse.
But then there are things that may change such as hobbies, friendships, styles of food, music, or maybe even a move from extroversion to introversion. Sometimes the changes are so subtle that we may not notice in the busyness of life, or sometimes they may become so apparent that we feel like the “rules” of the marriage have been re-written without our knowledge or input on the matter. [click to continue…]
I’ve recently been reading a really phenomenal book by Richard Rohr and Joseph Martos, The Wild Man’s Journey: Reflections on Male Spirituality. One of the things that I have continually be thinking about is the distinction the authors make between ascent (which is common in the early stages of a man’s life and dangerous in the later stages), and descent (which is required in the later stages of a man’s life). We live in a culture where ascent is favored and applauded, and descent is looked down upon with disdain often seen as weakness. When this desire for ascent seeps into our church culture (and it has), we fail to live the counterculture message of descent offered to us through scripture. I fear that we too often live in a Christian culture of egos and desires to attain (large crowds, fame, wealth, etc.), rather than in a culture that strives to walk humbly (in order that Christ may be raised up) and lay down it’s life for others.
Because I think this is such an important topic, especially for male leadership within the Church and in society, I’m going to quote at great length from the book.
They write:
The language of the first half of the male life-journey is the language of ascent, the earnest and necessary idealism that characterizes all healthy young men. It is a heroic language of winning, succeeding, triumphing over ego and obstacles. Without such vision and effort, men remain cowering in a small and selfish world. No wonder that they set out to be ‘wounded’ — either intentionally or unintentionally, either wisely or foolishly. No wonder that almost all primal cultures see the need for male initiation rites, mentors and elders. Someone has to oversee the first-stage journey and also teach them that it is only the first stage. Talk about wisdom! We suffer today a lack of knowledge of both initiation and transition to maturity. Without these, we will continue to have more ‘religion,’ without spirituality or real transformation of person. I have no doubt this is the basis of disillusionment with Western institutional religion. People no longer trust new belief systems that merely surround old egos.
The language of the ascent becomes dangerous in the second half of a man’s life. It becomes disguised egocentricity, climbing at all costs, misusing power, using ideology and principles to avoid relationship–what Saint Paul calls law instead of Spirit in his Letter to the Galatians. [click to continue…]
One of the questions that comes up a lot in my work with parents of high school and college students is:
“How do I help get my kid connected in a college ministry?”
or
“What are some ways that I can encourage my kid to get involved in a ministry when they are away at college?”
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I read [...]
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