Rhett Smith Podcast 43: Using the Pain and Peace Cycle to Lead to Differentiation in Relationships
This last week I have spent some time talking to you about the Pain Cycle and Peace Cycle in Terry Hargrave’s Restoration Therapy model. I love the Pain and Peace Cycle because it has transformed my life. It’s transformed me as an individual, as well as my marriage, my relationships, vocation and more. But how do you practice the Pain and Peace Cycle in your own life? To do so I recommended 4 steps to practice. As you begin to use these steps and work through the cycles you create a safe emotional connection which also fosters a real strong sense of “usness” in the relationship. And it is out of this place that couple’s can really solve problems. Without a safe connection, problem solving is difficult, if not impossible in a relationship.
In today’s episode I want to tie all four episodes together by talking about the concept of differentiation, and giving some examples from different perspectives of what it looks like. In this episode I share the concept of differentiation from some literary writings of Rainer Maria Rilke and Kahlil Gibran. I also look at how renowned sex and marriage therapist David Schnarch defines it. As well as looking at the concept from well known therapist and Rabbi Edwin Friedman.
In this episode I explore:
- the concept of differentiation
- Bohemian-Austrian Rainer Maria Rilke’s thoughts on differentiation in relationships/marriage
- Lebanese poet Kahlil Gibran’s thoughts on differentiation in marriage
- Sex and marriage therapist David Schnarch’s thoughts on differentiation in committed relationships
- boundaries and differentiation in the work of Henry Cloud and John Townsend’s book Boundaries
- Paul’s words in Galatians 6:2-5
- Therapist and Rabbi Edwin Friedman’s thoughts on differentiation and leadership.
Please listen and subscribe to my podcast in the following places, and then leave a comment letting me know what you liked about the show, or what guest you would like to hear from. Thank you so much for your support.
Rainer Maria Rilke
John Townsend Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life
A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix by Edwin Friedman
The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran
Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke
Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships by David Schnarch
I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Plano, TX. I specialize in relationships, both marriage and non-marital, as well as working with individual men and women, and adolescent boys. Some of the topics that I specialize in are anxiety, depression, transitions, spiritual issues, and all forms of relational struggles. I am the author of the books The Anxious Christian, and What it Means to be a Man. Check out my weekly podcast where I interview guests and cover a lot of these same topics.
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