Sex, Intimacy and Belonging in Marriage

“A sociologist once observed that the prevalence of intimacy themes in mass media, pop psychology, and ‘alternative lifestyles’ suggests that were driven by hunger for intimate union. It may look like this on the surface, but my clinical work helped...

The Imminent Threat to a Pastor’s Marriage

About 8 years ago I was sitting in a marriage and family therapy class at Fuller Theological Seminary when the professor made an off the cuff remark about the marital satisfaction of a pastor and their spouse. The professor’s experience was that pastors (in this...

“Marriage Books” That Will Change Your Life!!!

With so many marriage books out there, how do you know which books to choose from? Last month I wrote a post asking you about what marriage books changed your life. I mentioned in the post that two and half years ago I wrote a post about the premarital books I...

Marriage Books That Will Change Your Life

What books on marriage do you recommend? I get asked that question a lot. Since I’ve spent the last 18 years working with couples in the context of church, community mental healthy and private practice, I’ve had the opportunity to read a lot of books on...

The Marital Tension of Come Close, Get Away

Over the last few weeks I have found myself reading this passage out loud in premarital counseling to several different couples. This passage has always resonated with me as I think this struggle between dependence and independence is at the core of many marital...

The Journey of Forgiveness

The issue of forgiveness is a huge issue in every marriage. Whether the issue seems small (hurt feelings), or really large (an affair), forgiveness is something that is part of every marriage. How does one seek forgiveness? How does one grant forgiveness? Though I...

Fathers: How Much Time Do You Spend With Your Kids?

Fathers…how much time to you spend with your kids? I was intrigued by the article in the New York Times this last week, The Triumph of the Working Mother. Though there are parts of the article I would want to know more about and may dispute, what I found most...

Transforming Your Anxiety: Anxiety in Relationships

“When we can stand face-to-face with another human being in all of our anxiety, and we don’t have to try to run or hide from it, that is the beginning of a true relational connection.” One of the areas of life that we often tend to experience the...

Grandiosity: Terrence Real on Working with Men in Therapy

Here’s an interesting video excerpt from Terry Real on working with men in therapy. Specifically around the issue of grandiosity. Terrence Real writes: To understand the importance of leverage, you have to understand grandiosity, especially male grandiosity....

Transforming Your Anxiety: Getting Intentional

Intentional = done on purpose; deliberate. On the first morning of The Hideaway Experience four-day marriage intensive we start off with a devotional from John 5:1-9. The passage of scripture reads like this: Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for one of the...

Mumford and Sons and the Apostle Paul on Boundaries

“Roll away your stone, I’ll roll away mine Together we can see what we will find.” I have had this lyric from Mumford and Sons playing around in my head for the last couple of months. Probably because those two lines remind me a lot of the concept of...

Emotional Affair — Are You Having One?

The topic of emotional infidelity is a very common one in therapy. Sometimes the topic comes up because one spouse has a friendship with someone of the opposite sex that their other spouse feels is inappropriate…lots of texting…hanging out at work too...