‘Oneness’: When Two Become Three

I’ve been thinking a lot about marriage these last few weeks for several reasons. Whether it is with the couples I work with, or my own personal marriage…I have come to realize that we just can’t do marriage on our own. We can throw all the tools at...

Men: Are You a Relational Hero?

“Each man is a bridge, spanning in his lifetime all of the images and traditions about masculinity inherited from past generations and bestowing–or inflicting–his own retelling of the tale on those who ensue. Unresolved depression often passes from...

Difference Between Studying and Reading the Bible

When I work with people in therapy we often talk about the importance of being physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually healthy. And one of the primary ways that many people who foster their spiritual growth is through their participation in the Bible. That...

Do You and Your Spouse Need a Marriage Intensive?

I wish couples would go to counseling on a regular basis as a part of their commitment to being intentional in their marriage. I wish couples would go when their marriage was in a good spot, so that they can take it to an even greater spot. But the reality is, in my...

Leadership and Relationships: Creating Safety

“Weak leaders are the ones who only extend the benefits of the Circle of Safety to their fellow senior executives and a chosen few others. They look out for each other, but they do not offer the same considerations to those outside their ‘inner...

Exclusion as a Violation of the Self

Last week I came across this article that stated, being ignored is worse than being bullied. I had to stop and think about that statement for a second. Nevermind the article and the research, I wanted to just think about that statement, especially since we hear so...

“Ruthlessly Eliminate Hurry”

Not long after moving to Chicago, I called a wise friend to ask for some spiritual direction. I described the pace of life in my current ministry. The church where I serve tends to move at a fast clip. I also told him about our rhythms of family life: we are in the...

Running as an Antidote for Anxiety and Depression

I love running! It has completely changed my life. I have loved running since I was a little kid. I loved running and playing with friends. I loved field day and running the sprints and the longer races. I ran track in high school. But somewhere along the way running...

What Are You and Your Spouse Really Fighting About?

I’ve posted before that when couples fight, the argument is rarely about the issue. We think we are talking about money. Or sex. Or parenting. Or in-laws. But it rarely is about those things. Before long (usually within a few seconds) we are questioning whether...