Blogging
17years and counting
Where I am on a journey to help you discover what it looks life to live a thriving life!
Note to Men: It’s About Being Intentional
I'm not sure why I wanted to write about this topic now. Because in reality, I have been thinking about it for a long time. Maybe it's because I work with a lot of men. And maybe because a lot of the men I work with (both in counseling and in ministry) struggle...
Change and Transition: Re-Defining and Re-Negotiating Your Marital Roles
[image by the Welsh Poppy] In a marriage, changes abound. The couple may move houses. They may move states. They might have a child, or two, or three, or more. The mom may work as a stay at home mom. Or maybe even the dad might take up that work (I did for a short...
Change vs. Transition: Why Most People Will Fail at Achieving Their 2011 Goals
Without a transition, a change is just a rearrangement of the furniture. --William Bridges I can easily say that I learn as much from my clients in the course of a therapy session, then perhaps they often learn from me. At the end of each day when the last client has...
“I can tell you what Christmas is all about” — Linus
Sabbath Keeping versus Margin Keeping: Practices We Must Foster
Exchanges between friends on Twitter often raise some great questions. On November 24 Tyler Braun posted the following: Challenging post from @MarkBatterson on maintaining margin: http://bit.ly/gMJmjP // I lose it far too often. My reply to Tyler was: @tylerbraun...
What Sincerity, Change, and Growth Looks Like in a Marital Relationship
"Relationships are like a mirror. They show us who we are, how our behavior is perceived, and where we fit. We see a little of who we need to become, where our behavior is inappropriate, and how we must change to fit better in relationships, and this is especially...
Do You Have A Social Media “Mirror”?
I do that with satire, which is a tremendous vehicle for truth. It’s like a big mirror: You take an issue and you blow it up so it’s big enough and obvious enough for everyone to see. Then you stand next to it and ask: “Is that us? Are we OK with that? I love that...
Your Marriage and Facebook: Just Don’t Be an “Idiot.”
Our conventional response to all media, namely that it is how they are used that counts, is the numb stance of the technological idiot. (Understanding Media by Marshall McLuhan, 17-18) Reverend Cedric A. Miller made national headlines last week when he gave his...
Colliding Juxtapositions: Re-Thinking My Use of Social Media (i.e. Twitter)
[image by nashworld] If you want to get a glimpse in how my thinking has changed in regards to my use of technology and social media, and more specifically Twitter...then look no further than these two articles that I have written for Collide Magazine in the last year...
The Hideaway Marriage Intensive: 4 Days, 4 Couples, 2 Therapists, and Transformed Marriages
This last October 6-10, I participated in The Hideaway Experience: Marriage Intensives, which was one of the most amazing marriage experiences I have ever been a part of. I was invited by my friend Todd Sandel (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Executive...
The Influence of Technology in Our Lives
“The technology is rewiring our brains,” said Nora Volkow, director of the National Institute of Drug Abuse and one of the world’s leading brain scientists. She and other researchers compare the lure of digital stimulation less to that of drugs and alcohol than to...
Establish Your Boundaries in Youth Ministry…Early!
I wouldn't have known what to call it then, what questions to ask, nor what to say since it wasn't even a topic on my radar. But looking back at that ministry I would have framed it around the topic of boundaries and self-care. The only pastoral advice I had been...
Anxiety as a Tool for Growth
"Whoever has learned to be anxious in the right way has learned the ultimate." —Søren Kierkegaard in The Concept of Anxiety Anxiety can be a very helpful tool in our lives. Unfortunately we have too often thought of anxiety as an indication of something wrong in us....
The Roundup: Youth Ministry, Family Dinners and “Messy Canvas”
Youth Ministry Youth ministry is an important topic to me because of not only my time in youth ministry as a kid, but all the time I have invested in it as a youth pastor and volunteer. Combine that with my other passion on the topic of boundaries and self-care...and...
The Hideaway Experience: 4 Couples…3 Therapists…One Amazing Weekend
The Hideaway Experience: Marriage Intensives
Youth Ministry, Boundaries, and Burnout — Part 5: Model The Change You Want to See
This is the final post in a five-part series on Youth Ministry, Boundaries, and Burnout. Be sure to check out the four previous posts, Youth Ministry as a Stepping Stone (Fail), Looking at the Population You Serve, Have a Schedule, and Where's Your Identity. If you...
Youth Ministry, Boundaries, and Burnout — Part 4: Where’s Your Identity
This is the fourth post in a five-part series on Youth Ministry, Boundaries, and Burnout. Be sure to check out the previous posts, Youth Ministry as a Stepping Stone (Fail), Looking at the Population You Serve, and Have a Schedule. The reality is that our identity is...
Youth Ministry, Boundaries, and Burnout — Part 3: Have a Schedule
This is the third post in five part series on Youth Ministry, Boundaries, and Burnout. Be sure to check out the previous posts, Youth Ministry as a Stepping Stone (Fail), and Looking at the Population You Serve. One of the great benefits of ministry in general, but...
Youth Ministry, Boundaries, and Burnout — Part 2: Looking at the Population You Serve
This is the second in my series on Youth Ministry, Boundaries and Burnout, a topic which has become very important to me over the last couple of years. In the last post I looked at how seeing youth ministry as a stepping stone to "move up" in the church world can...
Youth Ministry, Boundaries and Burnout — Part 1: Youth Ministry as a Stepping Stone (Fail)
On Monday I had the awesome opportunity to hang out with about 100 youth pastors in the Dallas-Ft. Worth area. We were all attending a Youth Specialties luncheon, checking out their upcoming events, hearing about some of their ventures, and just having a good time...
Paying for Counseling (Reframing the Discussion Around Cost)
[image by tenaciousme] I get it...paying for counseling is a big commitment, and can often be a hindrance for those seeking it out. Even though I'm in the counselor's chair now, I still pay for my own counseling. So I can empathize with you. I have had the same...
My Advice to Husbands on the Topic of Counseling…GO!
If your wife EVER...I mean EVER, suggests to you, that you, or that the two of you should seek counseling. GO! "Couples don't run to therapy at the first sign of trouble. Researchers estimate it often takes 5 to 7 yrs for some to seek help." Marriage and Family/Sex...
“I don’t really enjoy being a pastor’s wife.” (Not As Uncommon Of A Statement As One May Think)
"I don't really enjoy being a pastor's wife. Joanie" Permission to Speak Freely by Anne Jackson (pp. 16) That "confession" from one of Anne's readers, early on in her new book really stuck out to me. There has been lots of research on this topic, and even more...
Men: Put Down the Video Games, Stop Looking at Your Phone, and Turn Off the Computer…It Is Changing You
The ubiquitous barrage of battery-powered stimuli delivered by phones, computers, and games makes “the chaos of constant connection” an addictive electronic narcotic. As continuous stimulation becomes the new normal, “gaps between moments of heightened stimulation”...
Setting Boundaries With Technology Can Help You Maintain Your Sense of Self and Identity
Last week I shared with you some of my thoughts from my talk at the ECHO Conference. In the post, Is Your True Sense of Self And Identity At Risk As You Navigate An Online World I explored more in depth some of the technological hindrances to self and identity in an...
Is Your True Sense Of Self And Identity At Risk As You Navigate An Online World?
Last week I had the opportunity to speak at the ECHO Conference in Dallas for the first time, and for my topic I decided to address an issue that I have been wrestling with for quite some time -- Not Losing Yourself in Social Media. It's a topic that has been near and...
Eliminating Options and Accepting Limits Brings About True Freedom
This last week my wife gave birth to our second child, a baby boy. The birth of a child is an amazing event, but I am hard pressed to find an event that better brings to focus one's limitations in life, quickly eliminating many choices and options, but therefore...
Warning Signs: When Couples Should Seek Professional Counseling Help
Striving for a healthy, thriving marriage--and simply trying to avoid divorce are two very different goals for therapy. One is proactive and the other is reactive. I've noticed that the proactive group is often quicker to get professional help for their marriage than...
How Many Types of Intimacy Do You and Your Partner Share?
It is more than likely that when you ask someone about intimacy, only 2-3 types of intimacy are discussed...3 is pushing it for many people. People talk about physical/sexual intimacy, emotional intimacy, and I often hear about spiritual intimacy a lot as well. When...
What If? The Scariest and Most Crucial Question in a Relationship
I feel like I do some of my best thinking and reflecting while out on a run. And while I was running yesterday a few stanzas from the Coldplay song, What If? really stuck out to me... What if you should decide That you don't want me there by your side That you don't...
Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries…Boundaries
"Without truth there can be no intimacy, because without truth you wind up sharing lies or delusions. Without intimacy there can be no relationship. When two partners share their true selves, protecting self and others by the correct practice of boundaries, the...
College Students and Empathy: Can Social Media Create a Bystander Effect That Can Inhibit One’s Compassion?
Compassion on the Decline Among College Students A new study finds that today’s college students are not as empathetic as college students of the 1980s and ’90s. University of Michigan researchers analyzed data on empathy collected from almost 14,000 college students...
The Continuing Work in Haiti
This last February I had the opportunity to travel to Haiti with Adventures in Missions and some really amazing people. You can read some of the posts that I wrote about that experience here. I was hoping to get back to Haiti by this point, but I had to decline a...
Leaders Are Only As “Successful” As Their Level of Differentiation
One of the topics that has been of great interest to me as of late is the idea of self-differentiation (differentiation of self). It has great interest to me in interpersonal relationships, and it has been really intriguing to me in terms of church leadership. There...
Are We Fooling Ourselves To Think Intimacy Can Be Created Online Through Social Media?
[image by Jesse Millan] In the last year I have blogged on the topics of ambient intimacy/ambient awareness, as well as some of the discussion involving the use of technology in fostering intimacy. I was a big fan of this topic, and a believer in the use of technology...
Holy Vocation: Encountering the Other in Front of You
I recently just finished a really great book by Ronald Rolheiser, The Restless Heart: Finding Our Spiritual Home in Times of Loneliness. In one section of the book Rolheiser writes about a conversation he had with a nun. In that conversation the nun said the...
Restlessness: Not Acknowleding Our Limits Can Keep Us From Focusing On Anything Permanent
[image by izzymunchted] Coming to Grips With Our Limits Something that I have noticed in our culture, and in my own life, is a certain restlessness that often keeps us from truly putting all our energy and focus towards one thing. Instead, we find ourselves with our...
Technology: Connected, Yet Lonelier Than Ever
[image by Bidrohi Hirok] Technological Paradox One of the glaring paradoxes in my use of technology/social media, is that it has both the ability to make me feel connected and intimate with others, while at the same time feeling isolated, alienated and lonely. I think...
Overlooking People in Ministry (for number’s sake)
Unfortunately, one of the ministry lessons that has been drilled into my head over the years is that numbers matter. Specifically large numbers. I was rarely asked by my supervisors how an event went, or what stories I could tell about the ministry. It always seemed...
Are You Having an Affair With Your Social Media Persona?
[image by Rojer] One of the things that I have come to understand more clearly about marriage affairs, has come from a result of my continual growth as a therapist working with couples, and as a result of some great insight from some mentors and authors. And this is...
Accidental Discovery: Technology Can Sometimes Be Like Junk Food
[image by sass_face] Let me start this post with an example. I'm the type of person who if I'm going to try and be disciplined about not eating junk food, then it's much better I tell my wife if we just don't buy and have junk food in the house, rather than me trying...
Don’t Play Life Safey by Simply Being a Visitor in This World
[image by epSos.de] God is Not Safe, So Why Do We Play So Safely There are lots of books, stories and examples displaying how we tend to play life too safely at times, and the need for us to overcome this complacency. One of the examples that is always in my mind is...
Haiti: 4 Ways to Help Now & 6 Stories of Hope and Connection
Wednesday night I had the awesome opportunity to share about my trip to Haiti with a couple of hundred students at Epic Student Ministries of Hope Fellowship. It was an amazing experience. Not only did I get to share about the hope that I witnessed in Haiti, I got to...
You Are Texting Who? A Conversation You Need to Have With Your Spouse
[image by globevisions] One of the things that seems to be a common trend among couples I work with in therapy is that there is an assumption about the relational boundaries that each of them will/are keeping. There is an assumption, but rarely something they have...
A Book Resource for Steering Through Chaos
No, the irony is not lost on me that my last post was called ENOUGH: Put Down Those Ministry and Self-Help Books and Pick Up A Novel. But remember my caveat: So you don’t have to give up on your ministry and self-help books, but put them down for a season, and pick up...
ENOUGH: Put Down Those Ministry and Self-Help Books and Pick Up a Novel
"Novelists work the same field in which Christians pray, believe and obey, plowing and sowing and harvesting all the interconnections of ordinary lives. This statement by John Updike supports my conviction that the novel is an essential component in spiritual reading:...
So When Did You First Realize You Were Addicted to Your Smartphone?
You ever read a really great book? So great that you just want to underline all of it? That's how I felt about this article that I came across some time last week, Obsessed with smartphones, oblivious to the here and now -- and to be honest...it freaked me out a bit....
Some Simple, Easy Steps, For You To Partner With a Haitian Church
Haiti was, and more importantly, IS, a life-transforming experience for me. I've been back for a couple of weeks now and trying my best to figure out how I can best be involved. I was scheduled to be back in Haiti this week as well, but for various reasons I could not...
Social Media in Haiti: Seeing Beyond the Messengers to the Message
[image by Adam McLane] When I was called and asked to be a part of the Adventures in Missions YMATH Team, I was told that one of the reasons I was being asked to go was to communicate through my blog, Twitter and Facebook during my time there. In an earlier post Why...
Are You Doing Enough to Educate Adolescents on Technology and Pornography?
"There is a Tsunami coming. We are a hundred years from understanding what we are dealing with regarding the influence and impact of cybersex on mankind." Those are the words of Dr. Patrick Carnes, one of the foremost experts on addiction and recovery issues,...
The Cycle of Destruction, Praise and Redemption
I experienced lots of emotions during our time in Haiti. It felt like a roller coaster ride, and at one moment I was on the mountain top experiencing wonderful feelings of joy, and the next moment I was plummeted to the valley and felt despair. It was up and down the...
Why Haiti? And What You Can Do
This last week of my life has been an unbelievable whirlwind of emotions and it's going to take a long time for me to process everything that I have witnessed. It was only two and half weeks ago that I received a phone call giving me 12 hours to see if I would be...
Haiti Day #4: Displaced People-Displaced God-Displaced Disciples
[image by Anne Jackson of tent city of 5000 in Marassa] Displaced People About one month ago one of the most horrific disasters in human history struck the small island of Haiti. In the wake of that destruction thousands upon thousands of lives were lost, and...
Haiti Day #3: Stripped of Everything But God
I have always been pretty good about being self-reliant. It's an inheritenly deep American, Westernized trait that we forge our own paths, and pick ourselves up by our own bootstraps. And if you don't, then often you are left behind, or looked down upon as if you have...
(Re)Birth in the Chaos of Haiti
Today has been almost indescribable. After each experience I found myself trying to process what was taking place, and just when I thought I had a good enough grasp on how to try and convey it into words -- the scene switched and a completely new experience -- a...
Redemption in Haiti
Rudy was a Haitian man that we met today in a field hospital in Jiminia, Dominican Republic. He was recovering from injuries he sustained in Port-au-prince, Haiti during the January 12th earthquake. Sitting next to him is his girlfriend. Just blew my mind...there...
Naked and Vulnerable: First Day in Haiti
"Prayer requires that we stand in God's presence with open hands, naked and vulnerable, proclaiming to ourselves and to others that without God we can do nothing. This is difficult in a climate where the predominant counsel is, 'Do your best and God will do the...
Travel Day: Hands Open
Today was a long but amazing day so far. It started at 4:00am as I drove down the North Dallas Tollway as fresh snow was covering the road. A beautiful, but unexpected surprise. I picked up Lars Rood and we took a flight to Miami where we met the rest of our team, and...
Limits On Our Knowledge of the Other Person
I think we live in a culture that likes mystery, but we don't want to go too long without that mystery being solved and unraveled so that it answers all of our questions. I can't imagine too many viewers of LOST being satisfied after this last season if the mysteries...
Upcoming Trip to Haiti: Nothing to Offer But Our Vulnerable Selves
Last week I wrote about some of my initial thoughts on my upcoming trip to Haiti, and with each passing day I'm getting more and more excited, and a bit more nervous as well. One of the really exciting things is the coming together and completion of the team I will be...
Can Social Media Use Be a Hindrance to Effectively Transitioning to Next Stages of Life?
[image by Hawthorne Ave] Can social media use be a hindrance to effectively transitioning to next stages of life? I don't know, but it's something I'm exploring. This question was rooted in a conversation I was having a few weeks back with Lars Rood and the parents of...
Some Initial Thoughts On My Upcoming Trip to Haiti
"Compassion asks us to go where it hurts, to enter into places of pain, to share in brokenness, fear, confusion, and anguish. Compassion challenges us to cry out with those in misery, to mourn with those who are lonely, to weep with those in tears. Compassion requires...
That’s Not Who I Married: Allowing Your Spouse the Freedom to Be
[image by Adam Foster] "That's not who I married!" It's a response I often hear as I sit across from couples in therapy. At this point in the relationship one, or both of the spouses has become angered, disillusioned, sad (name the feeling/emotion) over what they feel...
The Necessity of Ascent and Descent in the Male Spiritual Life (Pay Attention Spiritual Leaders!)
[image by iwona kellie] I've recently been reading a really phenomenal book by Richard Rohr and Joseph Martos, The Wild Man's Journey: Reflections on Male Spirituality. One of the things that I have continually be thinking about is the distinction the authors make...
Helping Your College Student Get Spiritually Connected on Campus
One of the questions that comes up a lot in my work with parents of high school and college students is: "How do I help get my kid connected in a college ministry?" or "What are some ways that I can encourage my kid to get involved in a ministry when they are away at...
Being Present, Observing, and Removing Distractions (aka Sherlock Holmes)
One of the things that I have been telling myself the last few months is that I want to do a better job of "being present" with others in 2010. 2009 was an awesome year, but I felt overwhelmed, and overextended throughout much of the year. There were lots of reasons...
30 Books That Spiritually Transformed My Life This Last Decade
I love reading books, and like many of you, I read a lot of books in the last 10 years. Half of the decade I spent in graduate school (finishing up my MDiv and MFT) so there were a lot of books to be read. And I just really enjoy reading anyways. I read about 500...
“Introverts in the Church” — Interview with Adam S. McHugh/Part 2
On Tuesday I posted the first part of my interview with Adam McHugh ("Introverts in the Church" -- Interview with Adam S. McHugh/Part 1), whom you can find blogging and writing here. As I've already said about a million times already, his new book, Introverts in the...
“Introverts in the Church” — Interview with Adam S. McHugh/Part 1
Back in the early part of the fall I made a comment on Twitter about being exhausted from all the deep conversations I was involved in at a conference, and Adam McHugh wrote an @reply to me asking if I was an introvert. It was an interesting observation and comment,...
iPhone + Ustream = Therapy on the Go
One of the things I have been thinking about for the last six months is the idea of doing therapy on the go through mobile technology. Though I believe strongly in the benefits of in person, face to face therapy, I think technology is making available new avenues for...
Are You Everywhere, But Really Nowhere?
If you have been following my Twitter stream over the last week you will have noticed how much I love the new book, Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture by Adam S. McHugh. I will be blogging about the book more at length in the near...
Two Relational Caveats on the Use of Technology in Creating Intimacy
I wanted to share this Ted talk with you (HT: Marc Payan), How the Internet enables intimacy by Stefana Broadbent. The description of her talk is: We worry that IM, texting, Facebook are spoiling human intimacy, but Stefana Broadbent's research shows how communication...
Can You Be “Fully Present” Relationally If You Are Tweeting In Your Wedding, Church Service and Marital Interactions…
At the Cultivate Conference in October I was really impressed with John Acuff's thoughts on satire. He basically said (loosely paraphrased) that for him satire was blowing something up so big (larger than life), so that we can sort of step back and see ourselves in...
Some Observations on Social Media and the Emerging World of Therapy and Pastoral Counseling
[image by Ben Zvan] I've been thinking a lot about the topic of social media and the role of therapists (pastoral counselors) in the midst of it. There is a large percentage of therapists who thinks being online should be super limited, if online at all. And there is...
A Pastor’s Dilemma: Responsibilities, Limitations and Questions to Ask About Counseling
[image by dcfdelacruz] I made a comment on Twitter the other night that went something like this: Feel blog post coming on about how dangerous it is when pastors ignore serious mental health issues & blame it on spiritual problems And from that I received a lot of...
Facebook Isn’t the Problem…But Maybe Your Marriage Is
[image (47/365) :: Saga] Triangling Facebook Into the Marital Unit Often I find myself working with a kid in therapy whose parents have brought him/her in because of the problems they are creating in the family. In therapy/counseling terms that kid has become the...
Revisiting Facebook’s Effect on Marriage and Relationships
[image by soundlessfall] Earlier this summer I was contacted by Irving Bible Church in Las Colinas, TX to write an article on technology for their monthly magazine. After talking with the editor at length we eventually agreed upon a topic that we thought would be of...
On the Similarities Between Being a Writer and Being a Therapist
Though Anne Lamott is speaking on writing--I think it can also be used as one of the best explanations for what a therapist does. I inserted the word therapist for writer and it best explains some of what goes on in therapy--things that are hard to put into words....
Providing Understanding for Parent’s Experiences Around Their Kids and Technology
[image by Jeremy] More and more recently I have been afforded some great opportunities to work with parents around the issue of their kids and technology. There have been some great conversations taking place in the context of therapy, church ministry and some...
MyTherapistMatch: Clearing the Connection Hurdle Between Client and Therapist
Finding a therapist can be a very daunting process for many people. Finding a good therapist can be even more daunting. This last summer I posted What to Look for in a Therapist and How to Find a Good Therapist hoping that my thoughts on the issue might benefit some...
Your Kids Online: What Are You Doing to Them?
[image by Zieak] Something I have been torn over for a while is the question of "How much of my daughter's life do I share online?" With blogs, Facebook, Twitter, Flickr and other services it's more convenient than ever to post photos, share little blurbs about their...
Note to Fathers: Move Beyond the “Nuclear Option” Style of Parenting
If you have heard it once, you have heard it a million times--it's the phrase that every kid has heard--so much so that it eventually reverberates in their ears like that of noisy cymbals or a loud gong...if they even hear it at all. It goes something like this: "I'm...
The Journey Continues…A Stage Along the Way
[image by Maria Keay] For those who choose to take the journey, it is lifelong. The longer the journey, the more nuances it takes on and the more it opens up to broader experiences. Yet, a journey must progress step by step. So it is with our spiritual journey. (pp....
Recap of our Cultivate Session
Tony Steward and I had the opportunity to collaborate last week at the Cultivate Conference on the following topic: Title Finding Our End // Communicating in the social web brings relationships with it. How do we care for those relationships in our limitations while...
So You Have a Lot of “Friends” Online…Now What?
Tony Steward and I are super excited to be facilitating a conversation at the Cultivate Conference this upcoming Tuesday in Chicago. Ever since we were asked to facilitate jointly at the conference we have been discussing what would be the most beneficial conversation...
Destigmatizing Mental Illness
I came across Bring Change 2 Mind via DJ Chuang's twitter stream. On Bring Change 2 Mind's website it states the following: 1 in 6 adults and almost 1 in 10 children suffer from a diagnosable mental illness. Yet, for many, the stigma associated with the illness, can...
Are You Truly Listening to Your Spouse
[image by ky_olsen] One of the things that was sort of a wake up call for me when I got married were the number of times that I thought I was really listening to my wife, but she would retort with "you aren't listening to me." Inside, my pride was telling me that she...
Reminder to Parents: Presence=LOVE
[image by Schantzilla] One of the things that I vividly remember from growing up was my father's voice calling out encouragement from the sidelines of my athletic events. It didn't matter if I was a good or bad player, or whether or not I even got in the game. My...
Self-Care Is Not Just About Doing, But About Being–And Some Books for the Journey
[image by Tamara Areshian] In my last post, When You Refuse To Take Care Of Yourself, You Are Refusing To Take Care Of Those Around You, I just briefly reflected on some comments by Rob Bell at the Catalyst Conference 2009 and how I felt they played into self-care....
When You Refuse To Take Care of Yourself, You Are Refusing To Take Care of Those Around You
This caught my eye: Is there any way you’ve neglected to take care of yourself because of the allusion that you have to keep going all the time. You need to be fulfilled with energy and vitality so you can love what you do more than you did before. Have you been...
Founder of NetSuccess Lori Barber: On Her Company, Social Media and Her Battle With Cancer
Back in August I sent out a tweet about cancer in our family and how my wife and I created a team (The Shade Runners) for the Susan G. Komen, Race for the Cure. And later that day I received an @ reply on Twitter from Lori Barber that said the following: @rhetter I...
Terri Swain: A Look at Breast Cancer’s Affect on Her Family
Recently I had the chance to interview Terri Swain with the Susan G. Komen Dallas County Affiliate. She has an amazing story, and her team 1:11 Lauri's Angels (which was created in memory of her sister) will be participating this October 17 in the Race for the Cure....
When Kids Hurt Conference…And It’s Free!
Here is an amazing opportunity that our church, HPPC, along with some other churches are putting on for people this weekend in Dallas. I hope to see you there. "For youth pastors, volunteer leaders, and parents, When Kids Hurt challenges caring adults to help...
Jon Acuff On Writing, Storytelling, Cultivate09 and His New Book, “Stuff Christians Like”
The only time you might possibly see me up before 5am is if my baby daughter is sick and can't sleep, or if I'm interviewing Jon Acuff, the writer of the uber popular blog, Stuff Christians Like. As luck would have it, I was up at 3:30am with my daughter this morning...
A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life by Donald Miller
What would one's life look like if it was written with, and contained the elements that make for a good story? This is the fundamental question that I believe Donald Miller is after in his new book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My...
Is Facebook Making Your Marriage Vulnerable?
[image by hikingartist] Chatter Magazine which is the great print/online monthly magazine for Irving Bible Church dedicated their October issue to technology. There are some really great articles in there like John Dyer's Stop Bringing Your Bible to Church! My...
What Are You Waiting For?
"A fifty-year-old man approached a musician and asked, 'Can you teach me to play the trombone so I can play in the town civic band and in parades and other things?" 'Sure,' the musician said. 'How long will it take?' the aspiring trombonist asked. 'Well,' the...
Are You Able To Be FULLY Present To Others?
[image by mikebaird] One of the unique things about being a therapist is that it requires me to be able to be fully present to those who sit across from me in my office. No cell phone. No computer. No interruptions. No distractions. For45-50 minutes they get my full,...
“Life is Short. Have an Affair.”
That is the motto that I heard coming from Noel Biderman this morning as he was a guest on The Billy Madison morning radio show. Noel Biderman is the President of the Ashley Madison agency and the creator of their website. Ashley Madison isn't the first online...
Breakthrough: An Online Platform for Therapy
The world of online therapy is emerging quickly and there are a lot of tools out there to make this easier, and most importantly, secure. The AAMFT which I am a member of recently sent us out emails about a service they endorse, Therapy Hosting. This is just one of...
Cultivate 2009: My Interview with Matt Knisely, And Why You Should Attend
The Cultivate Conference in Chicago is getting closer every day. Two weeks ago I posted my interview with Carlos Whitaker [aka Ragamuffinsoul], and last week I posted my interview with Cynthia Ware of the Digital Sanctuary. Check it out. This week I'm talking with...
“Cancer Affects Everyone”–And Breast Cancer Has Affected Us
[photo of my mom Melodee and my aunt Judie] I have heard that phrase time and time again and I know it to be true, at least in my life and the many lives around me. The cancer I am speaking of is breast cancer, and it has affected our family in every possible way. I...
Jethro and Moses: A Story of Self-Care
[image by marvin L] 17 Moses' father-in-law said to him, "The thing that you are doing is not good. 18 "You will surely wear out, both yourself and these people who are with you, for the task is too heavy for you; you cannot do it alone. 19 "Now listen to me: I will...
Cultivate 2009: My Interview with Cynthia Ware, and Why You Should Attend
The Cultivate Conference in Chicago is only about 6 weeks away and I'm getting more and more excited everyday with the number of amazing people that are showing up to participate. Last week I posted my interview with Carlos Whitaker [aka Ragamuffinsoul], and he gave...
Does Therapy Need to be Face to Face, In Person to be Beneficial?
[image by Wrote] It was inevitable that with the emergence of more and more of our lives online that the field of therapy would see more and more benefit from doing therapy online, but even still, lots of questions remain for both practitioners and clients. In an...
Carlos Whitaker on Why You Should Attend the Cultivate Conference
I had a chance to sit down with Carlos Whitaker after the ECHO Conference and to talk about the upcoming Cultivate Conference in Chicago, October 27. Check out Carlos below as he talks about why you should attend. We hope to see you there.
Interview with Clover
I've been really impressed with Clover and the beautiful websites they have developed, and especially the intuitive ease with which they are designed...especially for those of us who don't know how to program or code. I recently sat down to interview them and to get a...
Is Your Addiction to Technology Transforming Your Life
[image by David R. Carroll] Do you remember what life was like before your cell phone, or before you had an internet connection in your house? It seems like such a long time ago. We even wonder at times how we could have lived life without them. The scary thing is...
A Philosophy of Book Reading to Combat Social Media Saturation
[image by annais] Throughout the years I have been presented with various philosophies (systems, ways of approaching it) of reading. When I was in grade school I remember the philosophy was basically quantity. The more books I read, especially in the summer time, the...
Saying NO, So We Can Say YES to Solitude, Silence and Prayer
[image by DDFic's] "I had three chairs in my house; one for solitude, two for friendship, three for society." Henry David Thoreau My father shared that quote with me in mid-July when he was visiting and we had found ourselves on the topics of social media, writing,...
Why You Should Try Running Without Music
I used to love field day back in grade school, especially the running events. Whether it was the 100 yard dash or the long distance run (usually one lap around the field) I loved running, and I often found myself throwing my head back and straining towards the finish...
Anxiety
"The more original a human being is, the deeper his anxiety." Soren Kierkegaard Posted via web from Rhett Smith-Therapy
Kierkegaard and Anxiety
"But attempts to evade anxiety are not only doomed to failure. In running from anxiety you lose your most precious opportunities for the emergence of yourself, and for your education as a human being. 'If a man were a beast or an angel, he would not be...
What is God’s Will for My Life
No question seems to bring up more anxiety in people’s lives than that very question. Because in that question is contained people’s anxiety over who they should marry (Because what if I don’t find my soul mate?), or what is my vocation (Because what if God really...
Pushing Beyond the Limits of Your Pie
[image by net_efekt's] Marathon Training In the Spring of 2006 I had this deep yearning to run a marathon, something I had never done before, yet something I always wanted to do. Training for this marathon was going to require some shifting of things in my schedule,...
Social Media and the Running of the Salmon
The Running of the Salmon When I was in high school my family and I went on an Alaskan cruise, and along the way we stopped at one of the islands to get a tour of where the salmon swim upstream during the spawning season. I don't remember a lot of details about what I...
Online Therapy: What Do You Think About It?
It is often said that online therapy eliminates face-to-face contact, which is said to hinder the therapy process. Should this be the case, efficacy of treatment could be negatively impacted. There are two points to consider in this argument. This first is that with...
Therapists: Putting More of Yourself Online
For lack of a better metaphor, therapy has often seemed to be this "underground entity", where at times it can be quite difficult to find a therapist. You look online and most therapists seem to not only not have a website, but finding an email address or some form of...
Some Practical Tips for Dealing with Depression
If you haven't noticed yet, I have been covering the topic of depression quite a bit the last couple of weeks. This is going to be the last post on this topic for a while, but I wanted to leave you with an article that I thought had some great practical tips, and...
Leading on Empty
Recently I have been very intrigued by the topic of burnout and depression in ministry, and I have been writing on the topic mainly because it seems to not only be so prevalent, but it's rarely talked about. In fact, I would say that the symptoms (burnout and...
Depression and Burnout: Anne Jackson Interview, Part 2
Yesterday I posted the first of two interviews I did with Anne Jackson back in January of 2009. Check out part of the interview below, and read the rest of it here. From your own perspective, what is at the root behind the stigma of counseling and therapy in the...
Depression and Burnout: Anne Jackson Interview, Part 1
I had the privilege of interviewing Anne Jackson back in January 2009 on the topic of depression and burnout, especially as it relates to ministry and the church. Since I have been writing about depression over the last week I wanted to link again to her interview....
Of Course Christians Can Be Depressed
A couple of different times this week people brought (thanks @justinwise and @witheringfig) this article to my attention, Can 'Real' Christians Be Depressed? And of course, I say EMPHATICALLY YES! (Plus, I'm not really sure what they mean by 'real' Christians...
Depression: Discernment in Pastoral Caregiving
Discernment As we talk and think about the issue of depression in ministry one of the most important factors that we have in helping us determine what exactly we are dealing with is discernment. the quality of being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure...
Depression: Christians and Medication
"you may have questions about whether Christians should take this or that. You get in that state, I assure you, you will take rat dung." Pastor Tommy Nelson on his depression Why the Stigma? Let me start this post by saying this. When it comes to the issue of taking...
Depression: Hope Through Hospitality
The fourth and final video I shot for LifeChurch.tv on depression aired today and is titled Finding Hope. Monday's video was An Anchor in the Journey-Exodus 17:1. Tuesday's video was Depression-At the Movies continued. Wednesday's video was Walking Through Depression....
Depression: Soren Kierkegaard on Actuality, Freedom and Possibility
Today, LifeChurch.tv posted the third of four videos that I shot with them on depression. Monday's video was An Anchor in the Journey-Exodus 17:1. Tuesday's video was Depression-At the Movies continued. Today's video is Walking Through Depression. In today's video I...
Are You Experiencing Depression?
As I mentioned yesterday, I had the opportunity to share some thoughts around depression with LifeChurch.tv. The first video, An Anchor in the Journey-Exodus 17:1 appeared yesterday, and I posted a little more details on my blog, Depression: Getting Honest With Our...
Depression: Getting Honest With Our Journey
[image by Church Online] This week I have had the opportunity to share some thoughts around depression with LifeChurch.tv. You can watch the 4:34 minute video, An Anchor in the Journey-Exodus 17:1 as I talk about the importance of seeing our lives as a journey, and...
Dealing with issues around depression, anxiety, etc…
This last week I had the opportunity to drive up to LifeChurch.tv to film 4 video vignettes on the movie Henry Poole is Here. Without sharing too much in this post, the movie does a great job of really capturing some of the more human experiences we go through during...
Premarital Counseling: Before You Say I Do
[image by vicnknes] One of the things that I wish more couples did was seek out premarital counseling. It's quite shocking to me that very few people go through any type of premarital counseling, therapy, classes, etc. leading into their marriage. We require training...
Improve Your Marriage During Tough Economic Times
[image by Stewart] I came across this post the other day, 15 Ideas To Improve Love And Marriage During Tough Economic Times. The post is actually great advice for anytime, not just hard economic times. Tess Marshall says: 80% of the people who have lost jobs are men....
Book Recommendation: The Mystery of Marriage
The Mystery of Marriage: Meditations on the Miracle is a book that I read probably back in 1999, or 2000, after I was required to do a book report for one of my family counseling classes in seminary. This book was one of a handful of books recommended by my professor,...
Two Questions I Have For You About Being Married
There are two questions that I often think about in terms of marriage, and it's these two same questions that I often like to ask couples...so I am going to pose them to you. Here they are: What is the most rewarding thing about being married? What is the most...
Using Your Twitter Leverage for Good
Before I continue on with my current series that I started here and here, I want to post an article I just wrote for Inspiren, which is the publication for the Christian Web Conference which I will be speaking at in September. I would love any feedback that you might...
6 Marriage Books That I Highly Recommend
There are lots of good books on marriage, but I want to mention just six of them here that I highly recommend. And in recommending them, let me just give one brief statement of why I like them. As For Me and My House: Crafting Your Marriage to Last by Walter Wangerin...
Fun with the Online Church crew at LifeChurch.tv
Today I drove the 3 hours from Dallas, TX to Edmonds, OK to film 4 video vignettes at LifeChurch.tv with the Online Church crew. The videos will most likely air sometime next week. But for now, here's a little iPhone video Tony Steward shot with me.
imarriage brings you “real-time” updates on marriage
For the last week I have been talking a little about marriage, whether it be a quote from a good book, to some thoughts on some benefits for couple's therapy. Today I want to introduce you to a great tool on Twitter. It's called imarriage and it's the brainchild of...
Four Simple Benefits of Couple’s Therapy
[image by mikebaird] Working with couples is great. With two people in the room (not including therapist/counselor) it can make for quite an interesting, interactive, and great experience. Sure, it can be hard. Tears and strong words may flow. But in the midst of that...
Differentiation in Marriage and Committed Relationships
[image by nzgabriel] Differentiation is a natural process in committed relationships that involves developing more of a self while growing closer to your partner. Men often sacrifice their relationship to hold onto their sense of self. Women often sacrifice their...
Marriage: Freedom and Belonging
"For a person is the single most limitless entity in creation, and if there is anything that is even more unlimited and unrestrained in its possibilities than is a person, it is two people together. Not everyone is as fond of solitude as I have been. And certainly not...
Diagnosing Our Online Busyness So That We Can Live More Holistically
[image by Winstonavich] Earlier this week I wrote a post on our identity in our engagement in social media and technology. I believe that at the heart of our online engagement are large questions of identity. And unless these questions of identity are addressed, we...
Book Recommendation: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
"Perhaps the biggest myth of all is that communication--and more specifically, learning to resolve your conflicts--is the royal road to romance and an enduring, happy marriage. Whatever a marriage therapist's theoretical orientation, whether you opt for short-term...
Are You Afraid of Marriage?
[image by makelessnoise] Yesterday I posted about therapist David Schnarch's view that marriages (committed relationships) are "people growing machines." But for us to grow in a committed relationship obviously takes a lot of work and a lot of sacrifice. It's not...
“People Growing Machines”
[image by Todd Baker] For the next couple of weeks I'm going to take a look at the topic of marriage and relationships in general. One of my favorite authors on the topic of relationships/marriage is David Schnarch, author of Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and...
Our Identity in Social Media/Technology Engagement
[image by LollyKnit] Identity in Christ One of the most crucial passages of scripture in the Bible in regards to our identity is Mark 1:9-14: "9, And it came to pass in those days, that Jesus came from Nazareth of Galilee, and was baptized of John in Jordan. 10, And...
Two Blogging Resources
One of the things that I want to do during these 100 posts in 100 days series is to point you to some resources (books, articles, therapists, conferences, blogs, etc.) There are some great blogs written by some great therapists out there. Two local therapists that I...
The Importance of Rapport in Therapy
[image by Wrote] Rapport... "Relationship, especially one of mutual trust or emotional affinity." How important is rapport to the therapy process? Whether it's a topic discussed in research literature, read in textbooks, or is simply anecdotal...one finds that it's...
Family Holiday Traditions
[image by iChaz] We all know that holiday traditions are important to the life of a family. So as we approach the 4th of July tomorrow I have a few questions for you. What is your favorite 4th of July family tradition growing up? What's your favorite 4th of July...
Book Recommendation: Therapy Demystified
Considering the posts I've written over the last week, I thought the following book would be a helpful recommendation. Therapy Demystified: An Insider's Guide to Getting the Right Help, Without Going Broke by Kate Scharff. Scharff does a good job of covering important...
If You Use Social Media, Then You Have to Be Willing to Give Up Some Control
So I wrote this post back in November of 2008, Community Organizer+Grasp of Web 2.0/Social Media=President Elect Obama. And then I saw this on July 1, 2009. And then this tweet by Tony Steward on July 2, 2009. #churchonline political campaigns found leveraging online...
Feeling the Freedom to “Shop” for a Therapist
There are lots of reasons that people don't go to see a therapist (stigma, cost, location, time, etc), but I am convinced that one of the largest fears about looking for a therapist is that people are afraid that they will get stuck with a therapist they don't like or...
There’s a Blog Post in Here Somewhere…
Morse Code-Leno - The funniest movie is here. Find it I was watching this video (which is a few years old), and a couple of thoughts came to mind: I was thinking about how quickly we are to announce the arrival of the latest, and the best new technology. Whether it be...
When Should I Go See a Therapist?
[image by Ted Percival] This is a great question and was actually brought to my attention by a comments thread over on Facebook. In fact, one can Google this question and you will find a variety of answers, ranging from very specific things, to a more broad and...
What to Look for in a Therapist
[image by Matti Mattila] Now that we have talked about how to go about finding a good therapist in the previous post, let's talk about some things you should be looking for. Now, this is going to differ based on a lot of factors, but I think most often, it will differ...
How to Find a Good Therapist
I have found that there are a lot of people that are wanting to go to therapy, or at least try it out, but they are really unsure of how to go about finding a good therapist. There are several ways to go about this that I want to share with you, and then I'm curious...
Creating Relational Intimacy Through the Sharing of Minor Details in Life
[image by Tom Purves] One of the things about Twitter that I have not quite been able to explain that well is why I think the little details in life that one tweets about (eating cereal, going for a walk, crying after that movie, hanging with friends, etc.) are so...
So What is Marriage and Family Therapy?
[image by mescon] Sometimes I get the question, "So what does a marriage and family therapist do?" It's a legit question, especially amongst some of the confusion over the differences between a psychologist, counselor, social worker, etc. There are a lot of ways I can...
Nope, You Are Definitely Not Crazy…Nor Alone!
Often when people come to therapy there are a couple of things that I notice. One, some people joke with me about how they must be crazy to come to therapy. Or they are quite curious to find out if I think they are crazy. Trust me, you are not crazy. I tell them that...
Can Community and Openness De-Stigmatize Therapy?
This is Post 2/100 in my 100 posts in 100 days series. [image by tboard] Yesterday I asked the question, Is There a Therapy Stigma? If you haven't had a chance to answer that question...please take a moment to do so, as I'm interested in your opinion on this important...
Exploring the Online Characteristics of Generation F/Y, and Their Implications-Part 2
[image by jakeoneil] Last week I posted Exploring the Online Characteristics of Generation F/Y, and Their Implications-Part 1. This series was born out of my fascination with the great article, The Facebook Generation vs. the Fortune 500. And for the first post...
Is There a Therapy Stigma?
This is Post 1/100 in my 100 posts in 100 days series. [image by Vali] There is a lot to talk about in the next 100 days. Lots. So I thought it would be appropriate to start from the beginning. And by beginning I mean...the idea of going to therapy itself. If you...
In Memory of Professor Ray S. Anderson (1925-2009)
One of my favorite stories that Dr. Anderson used to tell his students (and is written in the book, Dancing with Wolves, While Feeding the Sheep), is the story that is told of the connection between his farming and ministry days. Ray wrote: "It happened only once....
100 Posts on the Topic of Marriage and Family Therapy
If you have been visiting this blog I really appreciate it. But you may also know that I haven't been spending much time blogging on this site as I've been pretty slow to get into gear. But I have been spending some time reflecting, trying to figure out what would be...
The Beautiful and Intriguing Simplicity of Twitter
[image by Robyn Twomey] The thing about Twitter is that it is beautiful in its simplicity, and powerful in its capability. Not everyone gets it at first...or second...or third time. But if you stick with it, it will pay off for you. I was struck the other day with...
faithHighway: Utilizing Technology to Advance the Kingdom
If you take a second and look over to the right side of this blog you will see an advertisement for faithHighway. faithHighway is a great company, doing great work in the area of technology and ministry. They also scored me a free ticket to the ECHO Conference as...
Exploring the Online Characteristics of Generation F/Y, and Their Implications-Part 1
[image by jblyberg] As I mentioned yesterday, I thought it might be a good idea to explore more thoroughly the "online characteristics" that come out of Gary Hamel's article, The Facebook Generation vs. the Fortune 500. Now, anytime we try to generalize things about...
Exploring the Online Characteristics of Generation F/Y, and Their Implications for Ministry
This world of social networking is a world of little to no hierarchy, and the leadership that exists is one that is centered within the groups in the online communities, and encourages a leadership style that is horizontally structured, striving to give equal voice to...
Clay Shirky: How cellphones, Twitter, Facebook can make history
Great TED video interview with Clay Shirky at the TED@State event. Clay has been super influential in my thinking, especially after I read his book Here Comes Everybody last year. I highly, highly recommend this book. It is a must read for anyone in a leadership...
The Values of Generation Y/Millenials That Will Help Transform Work and Church
I saw a tweet yesterday by Joel Black in reference to a blog post by Alan Hirsch regarding Leading Gen-F. Alan's post was in reference to this great article, The Facebook Generation vs. the Fortune 500 by Gary Hamel. In the article, Hamel says this: The experience of...
Do Ministers Talk Too Much?
[image source] In the great book, The Way of the Heart: Connecting with God Through Prayer, Wisdom, and Silence by Henri Nouwen, he talks quite a bit about one's "inner fire." Last week I posted You Must Protect Your Inner Fire if You Live Online. I want to pick up on...
Wanting Your Help for My Therapy Private Practice
[image by D'Arcy Norman] I don't know if I have shared much of my journey over the last year or so with many of you, so I thought I would take just a couple of minutes to do so. Most of you know me from either this blog, or from the ministry world where I was a...
You Must Protect Your Inner Fire if You Live Online
[image by Capture Queen] I have been thinking a lot...a lot about Anne Jackson's recent decision, Saying Goodbye to Facebook. And then yesterday she followed it up with an article at Purpose Driven, Why I Kissed Facebook Goodbye. Something that Anne said in the...
Suburban Spirituality: Guidance from a Liberation Theology Hermeneutic
[image source] I'm going to begin this post by saying, I'm not an expert in liberation theology. I've been drawn to it ever since I lived and served in Guatemala for 3 months in 2001, and I am continually learning from it as I have spent time studying it on various...
Jack of All Trades: Interview with Ryan Burns
I've recently come to know Ryan Burns (through Twitter of course). Ryan is a great guy, and really hooked me up with Logos which is whom he works for. As I've gotten to know him a little more online, I've come to realize just how gifted he is, and how many things he...
Suburban Spirituality: Don’t Knock the Suburbs
I've been reading the blogs of Joe Thorn and Steve McCoy for several years now...but in the midst of so many blogs, I just never kept up with all that they have going on. So just this week John Dyer pointed me toward their collaborative site subtext. And yeah, I know,...
Suburban Spirituality: Church Shopping
[image from wearitdotcom] When someone says it better than I can, then my philosophy is...let them say it. So the following is a long quote from the article Suburban Spirituality: The land of SUV's and soccer leagues tends to weather the soul in peculiar ways, but it...
Parenting: And Do You See Your Kid As A Problem To Be Fixed
I'm currently writing up outlines for a parenting class I will be doing over the summer at Highland Park Presbyterian Church. The class will meet once a month through the summer and will be focused on the book by Chap and Dee Clark, Disconnected: Parenting Teens in a...
Suburban Spirituality: What Is Your Mission?
[image by e453753] Over the last couple of posts I have looked at the primacy of finances and family as to reasons why people often move to the suburbs. Those are two of the reasons we consider very important as well. And let me remind my readers that suburban life is...
Loving the Questions
The below quote has always been one of my favorites since I first read this amazing book in 1999. It has been a wise guide in my life, and my former classmate and friend, Bernie Newton, reminded me of it's importance in our work as therapists. The stance that Rilke...
Suburban Spirituality: Church Before Family
[image by Pink Sherbert] I mentioned earlier last week that my wife and I are thinking through where we want to move in the Dallas/Ft. Worth Metroplex when our lease is up in August. And I stated that as we contemplate this move all sorts of questions have arisen in...
Suburban Spirituality: Being a Good Steward of Your Finances
After college and their roaring 20s, many Americans find themselves in a subdivision with a lawn and a mortgage and a couple kids. Hip twentysomethings may mock the suburbs and its bourgeois values, but when their first child arrives the nesting instinct sets in. A...
Suburban Spirituality: Contemplating Through a Move
[image by jdnx] Transitions I decided I wanted to write something a little more personal over the next few weeks...something that has been on my heart, raised questions, and has me awake at night...sometimes. For those of you who don't know, my wife, baby daughter and...
Some Poets on Boundaries and Differentiation
Two of my favorite poets are the German poet Rainer Maria Rilke and the Lebanese American poet Kahlil Girban. One of the things that has drawn me to these two poets, especially when they write on love and marriage is the way in which they speak of relational...
Last Word (from me for now) on Bivocational Pastors/Ministry
The last couple of weeks I had several posts on the issue of bivocational pastors/ministry. Two written by me, and one by Jon Sampson. It was a topic that has been on my mind for a while and you can read them below. And to everyone who commented, I'm still getting...
Four Areas Church Employees Need to Rethink: Part 4–People Aren’t Always Thinking About Church…or Your Ministry.
As I mentioned previously, I was compelled to write a few posts on some areas that I have been rethinking in regards to my perspective as a church employee...and I'm hoping that it wasn't just me who needed to do some rethinking. So I have chosen four areas of...
Relational Tension: Connectedness vs. Separateness
"Stewart and Shannon were dealing with one of the most pervasive problems of intimate partnership, the drawing of personal boundaries. Boundaries exist on two levels: behavioral and emotional. Behavioral boundaries refer to the preferred amount of togetherness in a...
What Happens When You Set Boundaries in a Relationship
I've been talking briefly this last week about boundaries, especially since it is such a popular topic not only among those who go see a therapist, but it is popularized in self-help books, magazines, talk shows and about everywhere you look. Unfortunately, boundaries...
Four Areas Church Employees Need to Rethink: Part 3–Modeling Boundary Setting
So I have been writing a few posts (will be 4 in all) on some areas that I think church employees need to rethink, or at best, at least address. Now I'm not writing these posts cause I have done all these things right, rather I am writing them because I have failed in...
Four Areas Church Employees Need to Rethink: Part 2–Volunteer Expectations
Let me say that the reason that I am bringing these four areas to your attention is not because I've done well as a church employee in these areas...but rather, these are areas that I've failed in, struggled with, and have had to crash and burn a lot to come to this...
Two Great Therapy Blogs
There are some great therapists out there who have a blog which I enjoy reading...and which I think you will too. Luckily for me, the two I'm highlighting today are in the Dallas-Ft.Worth Metroplex, which means I have had the opportunity to connect with them and pick...
Four Areas Church Employees Need to Rethink: Part 1–Meetings
MEETINGS Oh yes, the bane of a lot of our existence. Meetings, meetings, meetings. Most of my full-time church experience has been in the PCUSA, and we have meetings to plan meetings, that will hopefully lead to a meeting where the agenda item will be discussed. A...
Differentiation as Boundaries
Well known psychologist David Schnarch has a wonderful book called the Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships. When Schnarch speaks about boundaries he speaks about differentiation. What is differentiation? In short, according...
Why Bivocational? 6 Reasons Why
This is a guest post by John Sampson. John is a Residence Director who supports discipleship and missional work for Oasis Church in Pasadena, CA. He blogs on church mission, leadership, and life at Jon Sampson. Jon also Twitters at @jonsampson. Rhett's recent post...
Speaking of Boundaries…
[image by Simon Doggett] I thought this was an interesting piece out of USA Today, especially when I'm beginning a series of blog posts on the issue of boundaries in a variety of contexts. Read The Popularity of Twitter has Some Relationships in a Twist, and tell me...
What Are Boundaries?
[image by The Wandering Angel] Boundaries. It's a topic that comes up quite a bit, and it comes up in a variety of contexts. The context I most often hear it in regards to relationships. Boundaries is a subject that I talk with many people about, and it's a subject...
Relational Tweeting
For those of you that read my other writings online, you know that I love Twitter. I think it's an absolutely amazing tool that I think has the ability to help us connect with others in some meaningful ways. And Twitter is not just about connecting online, but it's...
Bivocational Pastors Continued: Two Statements
I don't even know where to start. There were such great comments on my post from Monday. When I wrote the post I knew that I wasn't the only one thinking about this topic, but it was amazing to read some great insights that I had not thought about. A couple of things...
Taking the Stigma Out of Mental Health with the Help of Social Media
The other day I received an @reply from Mikey Ames on Twitter with the message, @rhetter SM mental health, Vancouver- http://tinyurl.com/dhd2y4 When I opened up the link I read this, Mental Health Camp - a Conference about Mental Health and Social Media with the...
Bivocational Pastors: Are You One?
Recently I have been thinking a lot about the topic of bivocational pastors. When I say bivocational, I mean you are a pastor, but you are not a full-time employed pastor. Being a pastor is not your full-time vocation. There are lots of reasons I have been thinking...
