RSP66In my time on staff at the Hideaway Experience doing marriage intensives, my co-therapists and I had a few rules that we would often write out for the 4 couples on the their first day of intensive work. We found that having some guiding principles (rules) made the process more safe for everyone involved. And one of the rules that always stuck out to me was “Be curious vs. being judgemental”. Pretty simple. We found that when spouses were curious about their partner, there were less likely to be in a posture of being critical or judgemental.

In fact, when someone is curious about you, it’s probably likely you feel loved, valued, known…just to name a few truths. And so that principle has always stuck with me. And the more I started to think about it, it reminded me that I learned that principle about 15 years ago in seminary by one of my favorite professors, Dr. Ray Anderson, who is now deceased. He told my class a beautiful story about he and his wife that I share in this podcast episode…a story which highlights the importance of curiosity in a relationship.

So in episode 66:

  • I talk about when I first learned about curiosity and relationships from my professor Dr. Ray Anderson.
  • I talk about the rule that we used to share with couples at the beginning of our marriage intensives that helped foster curiosity.
  • I share why curiosity is such an important factor in all relationships, whether it be marriage, parent-child, colleague, friends, etc.
  • I share some quotes on curiosity.
  • I share some ideas how you can begin to practice and experiment with curiosity in your relationships this week.


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Player FMLibsyn

Link to Episode 66

Resources and People Mentioned in this Episode

The Hideaway Experience Marriage Intensives

Dr. Ray Anderson

Marriage and Family Therapist Todd Sandel

Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke

Rilke’s quote on curiosity (i.e. questions)

Albert Einstein’s quote on curiosity

Dr. Harville Hendrix’s article on curiosity in marriage