“I want to think more about what connecting is and why I believe it is at the center of powerful relationships.
If connecting is at the center of healing, then disconnecting must be at the core of what needs healing. In our therapeutic way of thinking, we’re more inclined to regard emotional forces, often unconscious, as the culprit behind the problems we face. Psychological dynamics active deep within our personalities become the object of study, interpretation, and treatment.
But maybe our real problem has more to do with the absence or the quenching of spiritual dynamics. ‘The Greek word that is used most frequently with reference to the power of the Holy Spirit is dunamis, power.’ The word means not only dynamite but also dynamic, that which is lively and active. When the Spirit of God is dynamic in our lives, his central job is connecting us with God, convincing us of our need for a Savior, drawing us to Christ, whispering to us that God is our father, making clear to us the truth of God from Scripture, coming alongside of us to console us when we’re wounded, to equip and strengthen us for the work we’re called to do, and to empower us to relate to others with the energy of Christ.
No problem is deeper or more significant than the absence or minimization of this connecting force. Christians have long believed that the central difficulty in human existence is separation from God (we’re under his judgment), from ourselves (we can’t face what true about us, either the extent of our sin or the depth of our pain), and from others (we demand from others rather than give to them).
That separation is what I mean by disconnection. In less theological terms, disconnection can be regarded as a state of being, a condition of existence where the deepest part of who we are is vibrantly attached to no one, where we are profoundly unknown and therefore experience neither the thrill of being believed in nor the joy of loving or being loved. Disconnected people may often be unaware of the empty recesses in their souls that long to be filled. They often mistake lesser longings for greater ones and settle for the satisfaction of popularity, influence, success, and intense but shallow relationships. Disconnected people are unaware of what God has placed within them that if poured into others could change their lives. They feel either inadequate for questionable reasons or powerful for wrong reasons. (Larry Crabb, Connecting: Healing Ourselves and Our Relationships, pp. 44-45)