“Relationships are like a mirror. They show us who we are, how our behavior is perceived, and where we fit. We see a little of who we need to become, where our behavior is inappropriate, and how we must change to fit better in relationships, and this is especially true of the marital relationship.
In order to have a sincere relationship with my spouse, however, I cannot teach my spouse where he or she needs to change. Sincerity in the relationship means that I must learn about myself. I look at what the relationship reveals in me and then I see to do the work on myself, not on my spouse.” The Essential Humility of Marriage: Honoring the Third Identity in Couple Therapy by Terry Hargrave