As you have noticed I have been blogging a little bit on sexual addiction and pornography. And one of the reasons I have been doing this is because I just finished up a week long intensive class on Addictions. And to say the least, the class was both amazing and shocking. And as we talked about sexual addiction and pornography I could sense that there was sort of a disconnect between the 8-9 guys in the class and the 50 plus women. I could sense that the men really grasped, or had personal experience with the powerful force of pornography, while some women, not all of them, quite didn’t grasp it. That’s not anyone’s fault, but that women it seems in general have less contact with the online world of pornography, or at least of it’s addictive and powerful force. I don’t know if this is a true statement overall, but just one that seems true from my personal experiences and conversations with men and women in class. Or maybe it’s more fair to say that women know that pornography is addictive, but they have been less likely than men to struggle with it, so that’s where the disconnect, or different experiences color the perspective.
But I know underneath all of this is the whisperings I hear of an online growing porn addiction with women. Then I read this great article in Relevant Magazine Dirty Girls: The New Porn Addicts, by Anne Jackson.
Anne who blogs at Flowerdust, writes a gripping personal account of her own addiction to online pornography. Go to Relevant to read her entire article, but I especially found this quote powerful.
At least for me, viewing these outwardly flawless women fed a huge emotional need. I was able to put myself in the role of what I was seeing, and by doing that, it made me feel beautiful and accepted.
I was transformed into a perfect, sexy body, and I was desired and wanted. I was able to escape my own flawed physical appearance and be transformed, in my mind, to this perfect woman.
My online activities also played out in my daily life. I was engaged for about a year and cheated on my fiancee. After that, I “dated” several new guys a month, getting physically involved with them in some regard.
According to everything I had seen, to be accepted and loved meant a sexual relationship, and what girl doesn’t need to be accepted and loved? I gave so many pieces of my body and my heart away during those years.
