What’s the difference with church, and the bar scene above? Apparently nothing. But maybe that’s because I’m pretty cynical at times…..read on.
This is very disturbing as well, but not at all surprising. About a month and a half ago I was sitting in the jury waiting room of a court in downtown LA, waiting for selection to a jury. And I brought nothing to read. Stupid move. So as I was browsing over people’s shoulders around me to see what they were reading, I came across the article below in Maxim magazine, whom the guy across the isle was reading. All I saw was the title, “How To: Score in Church” and at that point I needed to know nothing else. I had pretty much forgotten about it, until a college pastor friend of mine, Chris Gonzalez, pastor of Vital Impact College ministry in Tempe, AZ sent it to me today, saying it might make for good blogging material.
And he is right. Let’s just say that when I Googled the article myself at church, my church filtered it out, so I am pasting the article in its entirety here; and I don’t need to send you to the site anyways of Maxim magazine.
Read the article for yourself below. And if you are wondering why I am posting on this topic, well, consider it more of a public service announcement to the girls in my college group, so that they can be on the lookout for this. I already know that this is a huge issue in many churches, and it has continued to be an issue in our church, as well as the college group at various times.
You are not even safe in church it appears…..So read this at your own discretion, and I apologize for some of the context of the article. But I think people need to be aware that this happens a lot in church, and I think women need to especially take some pre-cautions.
How To: Score in Church
The pews are packed with heavenly bodies. God bless you.
Maxim, September 2005
1. Find Your Faith
Macking in a holy place is easier than almost anywhere else-the good girls never see it coming. Plus, “every girl wants to tell her father she met her boyfriend at church and not at a bar,” says God-fearing cutie Erin Howard, 25. Look for progressive sanctuaries that offer “contemporary” services (to attract a younger, hipper crowd) and coffee hours (so you can actually talk, as opposed to just ogling from afar).
2. Enter the Kingdom
Scope out the finest churchgoer, then snag the pew in front of her. You won’t appear too eager, yet you can make eye contact easily-and shake her hand if there’s a “sharing of the peace.” Avoid making moves mid-service. “You’re in a place of bloody worship; you have to be respectful,” notes Tracey Cox, author of Superdate. Instead, listen to the sermon, which’ll give you plenty to talk about later.
3. Get Religion
Despite the communion wine, forget your sloppy bar tactics. After the service, just introduce yourself and act genuinely curious about the church. Say, “I’m new here. Are you a regular?” This’ll transition to the coffee hour, where you can quiz her about the service and how she ended up there. If all else fails, say something about looking for a higher meaning in life. She may make it her goal to “convert” you.
4. Reach the Promised Land
At this point patience is key. “A lot of repressed religious girls are damn hot in bed,” notes Cox. “But you’re not getting a quick shag here.” Provided she’s sending positive signals (e.g., laughing, smiling, not making the sign of the cross), simply tell her you’d love to meet up, outside of church, and ask for her digits. And no matter where it goes from there, try to think like the Browns do: There’s always next Sunday
