Tag Archive - young adults

Blog Focus 2011: Pastors, Marriages, & Adolescent to Young Adult Transition

January 3, 2011 in Uncategorized with 12 Comments


Image by Mykl Roventine

Since December of 2004 I have posted 1,298 times. There were periods where I posted 30 plus times a month, sometimes posting a couple of times a day. Some months I only posted a few times. And I have covered a variety of topics: focusing early on on ministry and theological issues, while more recently I have focused on issues related to relationships and technology.

One thing that has become more clear to me though this last year is that I want to be more focused on some very specific areas, and I want to plumb the depths more than I have been. I figure that God has created me with a certain variety of gifts, and that my work as a therapist and pastor, as well as my graduate training in marriage and family therapy, as well as theology, have equipped me to speak into certain areas of life.

For a long time I have found myself wanting to be like other bloggers that I admire, but ultimately we have to write out of what we know, experience, and who God has created us to be. It is only when we do that that I think we really enjoy blogging/writing, and then it is also possible to have the longevity to sustain not only the writing, but the passion over a long period of time. I think that’s one of the reasons I have blogged for the last six years…because I continue to find things that interest me and move on from them when they no longer do.

And now I have come to a new phase of life personally, relationally, and vocationally…and I want to focus my writing more on those things that interest me…and that I think can benefit others.

So my goal for 2011 is to focus on these three areas, and that whenever I write on an issue, it will funnel itself into one of these categories.

Pastoral Counseling/Pastoral Identity
I was raised in the home of a pastor. I have been a part of church community my entire life. I have been pastoring for the last 13 years vocationally, and more years “unvocationally” (probably not a word). In a sense, it is in my blood. The life and identity of a pastor is something that very much intrigues me, and now that I am a therapist and work with pastors, I am more and more convinced that this is an area that I must focus on. Pastors carry out unique functions in community and Church, and with those functions come demands and expectations that can create all kinds of havoc on their identities, marriages, relationships, etc. And I’m concerned at the number of pastors who recommend counseling to others, but rarely feel that they need it themselves. So I hope to explore issues related to being a pastor this coming year, covering topics such as marriage, family, power, identity, etc.

Marriage
I know, there are lots of people who write on marriage, but it’s something I have a passion for as most of my therapy work is with couples, and I continue to do more research in that area. It’s very powerful to be part of a process that helps couple’s in their marriage, and I want to share some of those things with you during this next year. As I talk about marriage I will cover topics such as sex, attachment, kids, vocation, spirituality, etc.

Adolescence to Young Adult Transition
I have always been fascinated with the transitions that take place in life, but especially during this stage of life. Different theorists will have different ages listed for this transition, but I’m primarily interested in somewhere between the ages of 16-36, and the major shifts in identity that take place during this time period. It is a very important stage in life, in that how one navigates the tasks during this time can set forth the trajectory for how they move through life itself. I will focus on topics such as identity making, vocation, relationships, anxiety, etc.

I know I have written a lot about technology these last couple of years, and it will continue to play a role, but only in as much as it makes sense to talk about in these areas of focus.

I’m not putting out a schedule of how often I post, but look for me to post more frequently this new year than I have this last year. But when I do post, I want to make sure I’m not just writing to write…just to post something…but that I’m writing something that has something worthwhile to be said.

If you have any ideas, thoughts, or input for any of these areas of focus, please let me know. I would love to hear from you.

Emerging Into Our Identity

March 5, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Ministry-Theology, Therapy-Psychology with 9 Comments

windingroadEmerging Adulthood
I have always seemed to work with a lot of people in the midst of that life transition from college to young adult, or to what is often referred to as emerging adulthood.  So because of the extension of adolescence, and the pushing of adulthood and it’s responsibilities to later years (late 20′s to early and mid-30′s) people often find themselves wrestling with questions that have often been resolved, or at least grappled with in early developmental stages.

In my work as a college admission recruiter, college pastor and marriage and family therapist, I often work with people who come to me with questions that they can’t quite formulate themselves, but that touch at the core of who they are, and are very existential in nature in many ways.

They are questions of identity, or “Who am I”, “What am I to do”, “What do I believe.”

Fundamental Questions
Over the last 6 months my supervisor has helped me formulate some questions that touch at the heart of clients that I work with that are going through this life transition.

So I often tell my client that they are asking 3 very basic, very fundamental questions:

  1. Who am I?
  2. What am I to do with myself?
  3. How am I to be loved?

Questions that we have been asking for thousands of years, and in reality, each of the questions are components of one another, and sometimes one must be answered for the other to be answered as well.

Continue Reading…

If you think “hooking-up” isn’t a big deal…then you should start reading some of these books!

February 28, 2008 in Marriage-Family with 0 Comments

As more and more studies, surveys and research is being done on the “hook-up” culture, especially in college, there are a slew of books that are beginning to emerge.  One of the interesting things about the “hook-up” culture in college is that it is producing young adults who carry on the same behaviors, and are unable then to carry on any meaningful committed relationships. 

RO just blogged about it at our collaborative youth ministry blog Collection of Crumbs. In the book Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Lose at Both, she writes:

Young people have virtually abandoned dating and replaced it with group get-togethers and sexual behaviors that are detached from love or commitment–and sometimes even from liking. Relationships have been replaced by the casual sexual encounters known as hookups…Hooking up’s defining characteristic is the ability to unhook from a partner at any time.

Recently I blogged about the book Unprotected: A Campus Psychiatrist Reveals How Political Correctness in Her Profession Endangers Every Student. She states:

More relevant to my patients at this stage in their lives is that oxytocin is released during sexual activity. Could it be that the same chemical that flows through a woman’s veins as she nurses her infant, promoting a powerful and selfless devotion, is found in college women ‘hooking up’ with men whose last intention is to bond?

I then saw this today at Ivy Jungle’s Campus Ministry Update. It says:

A Textbook on Hooking Up: Kathleen Bogle has published her book, Hooking Up as an analysis of research into the dating and sexual behaviors of college students today. Conducting in depth interviews with students at two unnamed universities – one large public school and one smaller Roman Catholic school, she describes the casual hook up as the “center for college social life.” Her research shows that students overestimate the frequency of hook ups among their peers as well as “how far” those encounters go (kissing, intercourse, etc.). She is quick to point out that such behavior is not new to campus life, but technology and informality have turned it into what she calls “the dominant script for forming sexual and romantic relationships on campus.” She also points out the damage of a hook up culture on women. First, women are much more likely to receive a bad reputation for hooking up. Secondly, her research shows that women do not get what they want (i.e. a relationship) from the casual sex of a hook up – but believe it is the only way to meet men. The culture is also affecting young adults after graduation. When these young adults enter more formal dating environments, many say they do not know how to go on dates and establish relationships outside of “hanging out” and “hooking up.” A full interview with the author is available at www.insidehighered.com (Inside Higher Ed January 29, 2008)

Books:

There are plenty of more books out there on this topic, plus the books that are in favor of hooking up and how to go about having casual sexual relationships. I think that I am concerned more and more for the students I work with who really don’t think it’s a big deal, and fail to think about the long term ramifications of their actions. And usually in the process it is the woman who gets hurt the most as the research is showing.

I think Bogle’s statements are pretty telling:

“center for college social life.” Her research shows that students overestimate the frequency of hook ups among their peers as well as “how far” those encounters go (kissing, intercourse, etc.). She is quick to point out that such behavior is not new to campus life, but technology and informality have turned it into what she calls “the dominant script for forming sexual and romantic relationships on campus.”