Tag Archive - Wayne Cordeiro

Self-Care Is Not Just About Doing, But About Being–And Some Books for the Journey

October 13, 2009 in Ministry-Theology, Therapy-Psychology with 7 Comments

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[image by Tamara Areshian]

In my last post, When You Refuse To Take Care Of Yourself, You Are Refusing To Take Care Of Those Around You, I just briefly reflected on some comments by Rob Bell at the Catalyst Conference 2009 and how I felt they played into self-care.

Self-care is a large topic. For example, what does it mean? I know there are lots of different definitions, but I tend to think of it in terms of how one cares for themselves physically, spiritually, emotionally (psychologically). Anne Jackson adds a fourth one talking about relational health. These things involve some basic things that are sometimes difficult to integrate into our daily lives. Things like getting enough good sleep. Eating well. Setting personal boundaries. Exercising. Spiritual devotion and exercises. Etc.

A couple of observations.

Self-care just isn’t about doing the right things–it’s really a way of thinking that is connected to our identity and who we are as people. So it doesn’t matter too much if you do all the right exercises, but deep down inside you have a distorted view of who you are. Going through the motions is not the same thing as caring for one’s self.

You might say that self-care is as much about being as doing.

Also, the amount of literature on this topic is glaringly absent in many Protestant, Evangelical circles. Please tell me I’m wrong and point me towards it, and then I will stand corrected. I’m not saying there isn’t any period–I’m just saying that Protestant, especially Evangelical theology tends to leave out the topic of self-care.  It’s often the Catholic literature that one must turn towards to find any help on this issue. And many have as I have.

Again, we tend to want to go do something…to fix something. That is the wrong view to take on self-care. Ultimately there are some things that we do do…but it’s as much about who we are and about being, rather than doing.  That’s a difficult concept for many people who equate doing and busyness with godliness, spirituality, success in ministry, etc.

So what I want to do is recommend some books that I think do a good job of blending two things together: 1) Getting at the root of self-care, and issues around identity, and how they play out in our behavior. So don’t go in expecting just to find a to do list. These are books that get at the roof of the matter, and often that will take you to an uncomfortable, but necessary place. 2) Providing some practical steps for self-care and things that you can practice and hopefully integrate into your daily life.

There are lots and lots of books that I can recommend, but let me start with some basic, very accessible books that I think are MUST READS. Yes, I did say MUST READS. But then again–I’m biased. So I will start with a list of 11 (10 books and a novel series) for you. Every one of them is great and has deeply influenced my life in some profound ways around the issues of how one’s identity and being shapes their view of self-care.

  1. In the Name of Jesus: Reflections on Christian Leadership by Henri Nouwen.
  2. The Way of the Heart by Henri Nouwen.
  3. The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom by Henri Nouwen.
  4. Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation by Parker Palmer.
  5. A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward an Undivided Life by Parker Palmer.
  6. Mad Church Disease: Overcoming the Burnout Epidemic by Anne Jackson.
  7. Leading on Empty: Refilling Your Tank and Renewing Your Passion by Wayne Cordeiro.
  8. Purity of Heart Is To Will One Thing by Soren Kierkegaard.
  9. The New Man by Thomas Merton.
  10. The Critical Journey: Stages in the Life of Faith by Janet O. Hagberg and Robert A. Guelich
  11. The Starbridge Series by Susan Howatch (6 novels in that series–this series gives you a close up look of those involved in ministry and what happens when issues around self-care, identity, boundaries, etc. are ignored–fascinating reading).

So please add to my list and tell me what books have helped you out in this area of self-care.

Leading on Empty

July 29, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Therapy-Psychology with 0 Comments

Recently I have been very intrigued by the topic of burnout and depression in ministry, and I have been writing on the topic mainly because it seems to not only be so prevalent, but it’s rarely talked about.  In fact, I would say that the symptoms (burnout and depression) are often a result of a lack of boundaries, and a mentality that says do more and more in ministry…as if that equates to godliness.

There are lots of great resources out there, and some pastors are beginning to approach the subject and write about how burnout and depression has affected not only the ministries they are involved in, but everyone around them. In fact…

I think openly discussing and seeking help for burnout and depression is innovative…

because so few are doing it, that to broach the subject puts you ahead of the curve in this area of thinking and praxis.

Recently I read the book Leading on Empty: Refilling Your Tank and Renewing Your Passion by Wayne Cordeiro, who is the Senior Pastor of New Hope Christian Fellowship in Honolulu, Hawaii. Wayne’s book is a great read, and it’s not only very authentic, vulnerable and insightful, but he provides some great steps and resources for those who may be suffering through burnout and depression. Wayne says:

We don’t forget that we are Christians. We forget that we are human, and that one oversight alone can debilitate the potential of our future.

It arrived without warning, like an uninvited guest. Decisions that were once simple now refused solution, and I found myself dodging anything that asked for my emotional input. My once stalwart faith was left fragile; I avoided whatever required my action.

It was a balmy California evening. I had gone for a jog before I was to speak at a leadership conference. I still can’t recall how I got there, but I found myself sitting on a curb, weeping uncontrollably. I couldn’t tell if it took place suddenly or gradually, but I knew something had broken inside. I remember lifting my trembling hands and asking out loud, ‘What in the world is happening to me?’

I had been leading on empty.

This is such an important topic, and I think one that needs to be talked about more in church ministry, especially among leaders. But it must not only be talked about, but action must be taken to move leaders to a more healthy place of leadership.

If Christian leaders do not model a healthy life, then what exactly are they modeling?

Wayne helps leaders assess what burnout and failure looks like, but he also provides a roadmap for how they can get back on track. His seven hard lessons seem obvious, but unfortunately they don’t become obvious except in hindsight for many of us.

Wayne also does a great job of talking about some actions that one can take such as sabbaticals, and he provides some important resources (counseling centers, camps, retreats, books, etc.) for leaders to access.

I think if more leaders would read this book, and learn some important lessons ahead of time, as well as possibly finding a partner in their own burnout (such as Wayne), then they will find themselves in a much more healthy leadership position than before.