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Tag Archive - vocation

Note to Men: It’s About Being Intentional

January 17, 2011 in Marriage-Family, Ministry-Theology with 8 Comments

I’m not sure why I wanted to write about this topic now. Because in reality, I have been thinking about it for a long time.

Maybe it’s because I work with a lot of men. And maybe because a lot of the men I work with (both in counseling and in ministry) struggle between two opposites. They often wrestle with being passive or being aggressive (angry).

It’s hard to not notice that there has been lots of talk about passive men over the last two decades. I’m not sure where it all began. But in the early 90′s up till now there have been movements and cultural icons of what being a man is about.

Perhaps the more recent images of manliness began with the Promise Keepers’ Movement and Robert Bly’s book, Iron John: A Book about Men –both appearing in 1990.

It really seemed to pick up steam in 2001 with the publication of Wild at Heart.

One thing I do know for sure, lots of men were left with the idea that they needed to head out into the wilderness, brandish their swords, and go to battle. Anything but living out the image of Braveheart (1996) or Gladiator (2000) resulted in not being a man.

I’m obviously overstating the case, but if you attended any Christian conferences, retreats, speaking engagements in the 1990′s and 2000′s it was hard to avoid references to both of those iconic images of men portrayed in those movies. I probably made some of the references myself.

It often felt like pastors, writers, bloggers, and just about everyone else piled on the topic, encouraging men to be more, well, more like men.

And honestly, there is lots of analysis, and lots of direction I could go, but I want to keep it simple.

I have found that being a man is about being intentional (characterized by conscious design or purpose). Too many think that the opposite of being a “passive” or “nice” guy means becoming aggressive or angry.

It’s not. It’s about living a life with intention.

Being intentional in your marriage.

Being intentional with your kids.

Being intentional in your vocation.

Being intentional with your friendships.

Being intentional about your faith.

Men who are intentional seem to be men in other people’s eyes. In the eyes of their wives, kids, friends, c0-workers, etc.

By the way. I have been to two Promise Keepers. I have read Wild at Heart. I love both Braveheart and Gladiator. And they have all been super influential and helpful in my life. But thankfully I don’t have to brandish a sword to be a man, but instead can be a man by living a life of intentionality.

Holy Vocation: Encountering the Other in Front of You

May 12, 2010 in Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media, Therapy-Psychology with 3 Comments

I recently just finished a really great book by Ronald Rolheiser, The Restless Heart: Finding Our Spiritual Home in Times of Loneliness. In one section of the book Rolheiser writes about a conversation he had with a nun. In that conversation the nun said the following:

“my vocation is, at each moment, to make the person in front of me the most important person in my life!”

I’ve been thinking a lot about what the nun said to Rolheiser, and wondering if I do that myself with those I encounter. We have all experienced (at least I hope so) what it feels like when someone is really paying attention to us…free of distraction. We have that feeling as if everything else has fallen away (all the noises, background conversations, etc.), and we become, if only for a moment, the most important thing to that person.

It sounds easy, but this is not easy to do. We live in a culture that finds it very hard to focus on the people directly in front of us. We are always wondering about who is texting/calling us as our phone vibrates in our pocket. We are wondering what latest news has come across the wire. We stare past people in church, wondering if someone more exciting is available to talk to during greeting time.

There is no secret formula to making the person in front of us the most important person at that moment. But I think it involves several things (that I know of), and probably lots of other things (that I’m unaware of). Here are some things/reminders that I try to keep in mind:

Cutting out distractions. When I’m with people, I try to limit, or eliminate the distractions so that that person in front of me becomes the most important person to me. For me that means turning off my phone/closing my laptop/turning off the TV or radio during conversations with others. This was/is a difficult practice.

Reminding myself that my encounters with others are a gift–it is a divine encounter, not experienced elsewhere. I love Martin Buber’s I-Thou relationship, and how Aubrey Hodes summarizes some of it here: When a human being turns to another as another, as a particular and specific person to be addressed, and tries to communicate with him through language or silence, something takes place between them which is not found elsewhere in nature. Buber called this meeting between men the sphere of the between.

We have a better sense of self, and who we “truly” are when it is reflected back through another person, rather than through a self-construct we have built ourselves. We often spend countless hours constructing another self (via technology, superficial relationships, lies, degrees, awards, money, fame, etc.), but someone we truly devote our energy, focus and time to (as if they are the most important person) can truly liberate us in many ways. I think we often avoid doing this practice for out of fear that we may be exposed.

To be truly present to another person I think requires the practice of “simply noticing.” I’m currently in a course/coaching program that trains therapists, executives and other professionals to be better at their craft, and one of the things that has resonated with me is this concept. “To simply notice is to be aware–to pay attention. Simply noticing has nothing to do with asking yourself why you are the way you are, although these answers may become obvious to you as you learn to simply notice your being you. (Taming Your Gremlin by Rick Carson, pp. 26). The more I “simply notice” and pay attention to what is going on around me, the more I able to focus myself on those that I encounter. I think we spend a lot of time unaware of our behavior, and not noticing how we interact. I’m trying to change that in my own life.

These are some things/reminders that I keep in mind as I try to practice the vocation of making the person in front of me the most important person.

Have you found anything helpful to you as you try to do this in your own life?

Suburban Spirituality: Contemplating Through a Move

May 13, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Ministry-Theology with 8 Comments

[image by jdnx]

Transitions
I decided I wanted to write something a little more personal over the next few weeks…something that has been on my heart, raised questions, and has me awake at night…sometimes.

For those of you who don’t know, my wife, baby daughter and I have been living in Dallas since August of 2008. We moved here from Los Angeles, and have been excited about this phase of our journey. But there are lots of adjustments as one would expect.

Where to live? Career changes? New friends? New church? Etc? It all becomes pretty tiresome and weary. My wife and I talked the other day about how we haven’t had much constants in our marriage life. It’s been crazy busy with graduate school early on, new baby, moving, new jobs, etc.

Where to Live in DFW Metroplex?
And now we are in the midst of a new decision. Where to live in the Dallas/Ft. Worth Metroplex?

That may not seem like a big deal, but it is. Because where we plant down roots can/will have strong influence about what our life looks like in some way. The friends we make. What my new private practice will look like. Settling down in a church. Whether my wife needs to continue working or not. Spirituality.

The Article That I Keep Thinking About
And as we contemplate this decision I can not but keep hearkening back to an article written by David Goetz for Christianity Today…way back in July of 2003. The article is Suburban Spirituality: “The land of SUVs and soccer leagues tends to weather the soul in peculiar ways, but it doesn’t have to”.

If you have not read this article…you must!

I’m going to be playing off this article for the next few weeks, and focusing on various topics and questions that have been raised for me:

What does it mean to be a good steward financially?
What does it mean to be content with where you live?
How do we faithfully live out where God has placed us?
What does it mean to be planted in a church community and not shop around?
What does it mean to not be judgmental towards suburbanites or urbanites?
What happens in our thinking from being single, to marriage, to having kids, as far as influencing where and how we want to live?
What can we live modestly/frugally, wherever we live?
How can we be creative with our finances in helping support others?

I have other questions, but let me just stop there for now. These questions will in fact take on new life and new forms as I write, but I just wanted to give you some food for thought. And I’m lining up some guest bloggers who have written passionately on some of these things.

There are many factors and life experiences that have shaped me into who I am, and as I wrestle through this move, my desire is that I continually strive to be more faithful to who God desires me to be and how he wants me to live.

The Funnel: Making Decisions Among All The Choices

April 16, 2009 in Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media, Therapy-Psychology with 4 Comments

So how do you make decisions when there are so many choices out there?

This is the question I have been wondering a lot about. When you are presented with various opportunities, how do you determine if your choice is the right one?

I’ve been thinking about this primarily in a vocational context because I am someone who has a lot of varied interests, like many of you that I know. I love ministry, theology, leadership issues, social media, new technologies, therapy, writing, etc.

So for me, for example, I’ve been viewing my choices as if through a funnel….follow me for a minute.

If I put this option down the funnel, when it gets to the bottom, after being siffed through the ever thinning funnel, will it bring me closer to what my end goal is, or does it take away?

So if my goal is to be a therapist, but I keep attending conferences on ministry, it seems that I’m missing the mark…or vice-versa.

So recently, I have been deciding to say no to opportunities that don’t align with three major passions:

To be a great therapist
To develop great leadership skills in the church/ministry
To learn and utilize new technologies/social media in the theory and practice of therapy and ministry.

Those are three areas that I’m passionate about, and have to ask the question if my decision leads me to those.

How are you making wise decisions that help you align with your vocational goals among all the choices and opportunities presented to you?

Identity & Relationality

March 23, 2009 in Ministry-Theology, Therapy-Psychology with 4 Comments

“The Quaker teacher Douglas Steere was fond of saying that the ancient human question ‘Who am I?’ leads inevitably to the equally important question, ‘Whose am I?’–for there is no selfhood outside of relationship. We must ask the question of selfhood and answer it as honestly as we can, no matter where it takes us. Only as we do so can we discover the community of our lives.

As I learn more about the seed of true self that was planted when I was born, I also learn more about the ecosystem in which I was planted–the network of communal relationships in which I am called to live responsively, accountably and joyfully with beings of every sort. Only when I know both seed and system, self and community, can I embody the great commandment to love both my neighbor and myself.” (pp. 17-Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation by Parker Palmer)

I love that excerpt from the book. It really expands the whole concept of identity and vocation as being simply about “me”, “I”, et cetera and expands it to the community and the relationships that we have. It is one thing to ask questions about and wrestle with what I should do, but it’s a completely different thing to ponder about whom I’m to live out my vocation before, and from whom am I to gain a sense of identity from. For Palmer and others, any sense of identity comes from the relationships that we are a part of, and outside of those relationship, we do not get a clear picture of our own identity.

Let’s play this out:

As Christians we gain our sense of identity in our relationship with Jesus Christ. Outside of this relationship with Jesus Christ our lives bear no meaning and our sense of calling, vocation and work is lost. Think about who you would be without your relationship with Jesus Christ? Is it Christ that helps give shape to your identity and meaning to your vocation and calling? Continue Reading…

Identity in Weakness

March 19, 2009 in Ministry-Theology, Therapy-Psychology with 5 Comments

This post is an ongoing reflection on the book Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation by Parker Palmer.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

In the previous post I discussed the issue of our limitations. That we live within the tension of facing both our potential and possibilities when it comes to career, calling, vocation, as well as facing our limitations and how that may shape, form or guide our direction.

We sometimes are trapped in language games and when we don’t use the right word we can sometimes fail to really understand or grasp what we are talking about or the issue at hand.

Reclaimining Our “Birthright Gifts”

March 11, 2009 in Ministry-Theology, Therapy-Psychology with 4 Comments

“We arrive in this world with birthright gifts–then we spend the first half of our lives abandoning them or letting other disabuse us of them. As young people, we are surrounded by expectations that may have little to do with who we really are, expectations held by people who are not trying to discern our selfhood but to fit us into slots. In families, schools, workplaces, and religious communities, we are trained away from true self toward images of acceptability; under social pressures like racism and sexism our original shape is deformed beyond recognition; and we ourselves, driven by fear, too many often betray true self to gain the approval of others.” (Let Your Life Speak by Parker Palmer, pp. 12)

As I continue to revisit Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation by Parker Palmer, I was really struck by this quote of his. At the age of 34 I’m just now beginning to realize how much of what I do and have done is driven by the pressure to fit in. By the pressure to please others. By the pressure to perform. By the pressure to climb to the top. A lot of those expectations drove me to do some really great things, but as I reflect more on my life, those great things have not always been congruent with who I am, or what Parker would refer to as one’s true self.

As the son of a pastor I was slotted early on to continue the vocation of ministry. Those were not the expectations of my father or probably most of my family, but those were some of the expectations from those around me, and the unsconscious expectations from myself to veer toward a vocation that would be praised and revered. I think that is what drove me early on to enter into ministry, but that is hopefully what no longer keeps me there.

Confession: It is only after some extensive self-searching, prayer, working with my therapist, spiritual mentors, etc. have I come to embrace my “birthright gifts” and become less concerned with the expectations of others.

What “birthright gifts” do you have that you felt like you have abandoned early on in your life? How did others “disabuse” you of them?

Have you, or are you returning to them? Why? How?

In Violation of our True Self

March 9, 2009 in Ministry-Theology, Therapy-Psychology with 5 Comments

I have been returning time and time again to one of my favorite books on the topic of identity and vocation, Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation by Parker Palmer. I first read the book in 2002 when I was finishing up my M. Div. at Fuller Theological Seminary at it greatly impacted me and some of my friends. I have since read it over a couple of times and I’m about to finish it again. It is very powerful. It is a paradigm shifting book.

Parker Palmer makes the insightful comment that:

“True self (this is what Parker also refers to as the “imago dei” in us), when violated, will always resist us, sometimes at great cost, holding our lives in check until we honor its truth.” (pp. 4)

As we find ourselves in very different places in life (graduating from college, looking for jobs, looking for second careers, stuck in a career, struggling in a marriage, trying to overcome an addiction, trying to raise kids, etc.) we may find that our identity is being violated.

Palmer says:

“The deepest vocational question is not ‘What ought I to do with my life?’ It is the more elemental and demanding ‘Who am I? What is my nature?’”

This is something I have been thinking about, wondering if all of my indecisivness in life, especially around career and passion, is really the ‘imago dei’ God placed within me being violated. Bumping up against it…stumbling, until I finally find my way.

How do we know when we are in the right vocation? When do we know we have found our calling? How have you known when you violated your ‘true self’ or the ‘imago dei’ in you?

Tony Steward: What Are You Passionate About?

February 27, 2009 in Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media with 7 Comments

What Are You Passionate About?
I like all the creative things that different bloggers are doing online to help us connect and get to know others in the online community. I love Rick Smith’s “double popped” interviews and John Saddington’s chats or Friday 5′s, as well as the other creative things bloggers are doing.

One of the questions I’m constantly curious of is, “What are you passionate about?” It doesn’t matter if it’s in a therapeutic setting, church setting, or in a casual conversation with a friend, or someone I hardly know.

Locating your passion in life is of utmost value, especially when it correlates with what you do in life, whether that be your vocation, hobbies, service work, etc.

So I’m starting a new series where I plan on asking a different person online “What are you passionate about?” It’s my hope that it’s a great opportunity to get to know others better and see what drives them, and what things we can learn from them.

Who is Tony Steward
Tony is the Online Community Organiser at LifeChurch.tv and someone who I have really come to know well over the last 6 months. And according to Scott McClellan at Collide Magazine he is the first person to hold the title of online community pastor. He is a great guy who I have learned a lot from and you can find his blog here, and his Twitter here.

Let’s begin…

What are you really passionate about?

I am passionate about what happens when the power of the Gospel touches someone and they are able to step into God’s call on their life – the results of that are so exciting. And what is incredible is how the emergence of online tools have allowed us to bring the gospel to people who are gathering online. There is also a tremendous opportunity in how online tools can be used in discipleship, leadership and extending the ministry of the church to the world.

How does what you are doing vocationally or volunteer wise serve that passion?

I am the Online Community Organiser with LifeChurch.tv on the team that brings church online. This both applies to preparing and bringing the gospel online through our experiences at http://live.lifechurch.tv as well as leadership and discipleship development for the people that are a part of our community.

How can those around you (friends, online community, etc.) best support you?

Ideas, Feedback and Prayer. Nobody has ministry online “figured out” and we are in a constant state of measurement, analysis and refinement. We love to partner with other churches and individuals who are passionate about the opportunities online – so getting connected and working together is always a big help and thrill.

But more than anything, prayer.

Anything else we should know about this passion?

Well, there is a lot to know – lol. I think the biggest learning for me right now is that the web is socially very awkward, like a junior high kid at their first dance. We are all still working through a lot of questions, we keep stepping on each others feet, and things are growing and we aren’t always sure what it means. But the dance is where everyone is at, and not being there just means nobody knows you. That and the internet isn’t going away, it isn’t a surprise to God, and we need to learn how be there appropriately to reach all the people that are gathering online.

Leave any comments, questions, thoughts or words of encouragement for Tony below….

Berdyaev on Vocation and Creativeness

January 31, 2008 in Uncategorized with 0 Comments

The Gospel constantly speaks of the fruit which the seed must bring forth if it falls on good soil and of talents given to man which must be returned with profit. Under cover of parable Christ refers in these words to man’s creative activity, to his creative vocation. Burying one’s talents in the ground, i.e. absence of creativeness, is condemned by Christ. The whole of St. Paul’s teaching about various gifts is concerned with man’s creative vocation. The gifts are from God and they indicate that man is intended to do creative work. These gifts are various, and everyone is called to creative service in accordance with the special gift bestowed upon him. It is therefore a mistake to assert, as people often do, that the Holy Writ contains no reference to creativeness. It does–but we must be able to read it, we must guess what God wants and expects of man. Creativeness is always a growth, an addition, the making of something new that had not existed in the world before. The problem of creativeness is the problem as to whether something completely new is really possible. Creativeness from it’s very meaning is bringing forth out of nothing. Nothing becomes something, non-being becomes being….