Tag Archive - TX

Founder of NetSuccess Lori Barber: On Her Company, Social Media and Her Battle With Cancer

October 8, 2009 in Technology-Social Media with 1 Comment

NetsuccessBack in August I sent out a tweet about cancer in our family and how my wife and I created a team (The Shade Runners) for the Susan G. Komen, Race for the Cure. And later that day I received an @ reply on Twitter from Lori Barber that said the following:

@rhetter I should join…..I’m a survivor!

I had already been following the work of Lori Barber and her company NetSuccess, but it was that tweet that bridged the connection and allowed me the privilege this last week to sit down with her and ask her some questions about her work, social media and her battle with cancer. Lori is the founder of NetSuccess and was recently just featured in a great article in the Dallas Business Journal, “Weathering the Storms.”

Check out the interview below:

How long have you lived in Dallas?

Since ’93…I grew up in Missouri.  I lived there until I met the man who later became my husband.  So my move was inspired from a guy.  And then I started NetSuccess in 1995.

If someone where to ask you what NetSuccess does, how would you respond?

We are an interactive agency. We specialize in helping our clients use internet technologies.  So anything that is done online and that is interactive…that kind of falls within our specialty.  Design a website, developing a website…to make sure it has the right technology that is scalable, that will accomplish the goal…marketing, and that’s the whole science of how we drive traffic to the site.  That could be social media, it could be pay per click advertising, it could be search engine optimization, it could be mobile application.  And then maintenance.  Maintaining a site over many, many years.

Do you have an ideal client you like working with?

Yeah, we kind of exist in the middle sector of the marketplace.  We are a great agency for mid-size business.  We aren’t the guy in the garage.  But we are also not the behemoth layer upon layer upon layer interactive agency. We can service anyone with a mid-range website application.  We probably aren’t going to launch the next Amazon.com, but we also aren’t going to do a kind of one-off.

What’s your favorite aspect of your job?

I think it’s serving my clients and really helping them.  The web touches so many aspects of their business, and if you can get the website right, and really use the technology, it can literally change the course of a business.  I mean if you can leverage…if you can use the right technology, and implement a design that will speak to a target audience, that can drive the right kind of traffic to a site, and then convert that traffic.  That process, doing it correctly, can change the fate of a business and their lives.

Continue Reading…

When Kids Hurt Conference…And It’s Free!

October 1, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Ministry-Theology with 0 Comments

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Here is an amazing opportunity that our church, HPPC, along with some other churches are putting on for people this weekend in Dallas. I hope to see you there.

“For youth pastors, volunteer leaders, and parents, When Kids Hurt challenges caring adults to help self-protective teenagers who are struggling to make the transition to adulthood in the midst of fractured families, an increasingly competitive and fast-paced society, and ambiguous moral guidelines.

When Kids Hurt challenges and empowers adults to understand kids and move toward them in ways that can help them grow and become the kinds of adults our world needs to survive and thrive. “It is our hope and prayer that When Kids Hurt can help leaders and pastors understand what adolescents are going through and be more loving and helpful in the ways they relate to the young men and women in the world,” say Clark and Rabey.”

Chap Clark “When Kids Hurt Conference”
Saturday, October 3rd, 9:00am-3:30am
Fellowship Bible Church, Dallas, TX

The Conference is Now Free!!!
Due to the overwhelming support of several church ministries in the DFW metroplex the cost of the conference has been completely underwritten.

www.whenkidshurt.com

“Cancer Affects Everyone”–And Breast Cancer Has Affected Us

September 11, 2009 in Marriage-Family with 2 Comments

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[photo of my mom Melodee and my aunt Judie]


I have heard that phrase time and time again and I know it to be true, at least in my life and the many lives around me. The cancer I am speaking of is breast cancer, and it has affected our family in every possible way. I lost my mother Melodee to breast cancer in 1986 when I was 11 years old. She was just one month past the age of 39 when breast cancer ultimately took her life after a five year battle. My mom was just one of several women in our family who have been affected by breast cancer–my aunt Judie (my mom’s sister) passing in 2001–and their mother Jenny, my grandmother, passing before both of them in the early 80′s. In fact, Jenny lost both her mother and mother-in-law to breast cancer as well…an entire generation of women wiped out from the disease.

It is a disease that affects millions of lives and October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I have spent a good number of years of my life in and of hospitals with the people I have loved as they fought through chemotherapy and radiation treatments, mastectomys, and many, many more things. Sometimes I have felt helpless in the fight, and most of the time I think I was except for the prayers and presence that I and others could offer them.

But this year I have decided to get more involved in the fight for breast cancer and my wife Heather and I are running the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure in Dallas and raising money to bring awareness and education, as well as support the research and treatment in the fight against breast cancer. My wife and I have formed the team The Shaderunners (in honor of all the Shade women who battled against breast cancer), and we hope that you check our team page out.

How Can You Help

  1. Join our team.  You don’t even have to run.  But join in support.


  2. Prayers.  For the many people and families affected by cancer and for our team as we train, raise money and run the race.


  3. Donate money.  We hope that we can get a bunch of you to donate even a little to the cause….$20 perhaps.  You can donate to me, or you can donate to Heather…whatever you do it all goes to the team.  I will also continue running after The Race for the Cure, and will continue raising money as I run the Dallas White Rock Marathon.


  4. Donate your talents/gifts.  What do I mean?  Michael Trent of Third Place Consulting was so moved by the story of breast cancer in our family that he sent me an email offering this: He states:

    “Any church (or person I guess) that donates $1000 or more, I will donate Two Days of Free On-Site Consultation for either an: a) Initial Consult – for new projects (vision and ministry alignment / concept development), b) Or Café Rehab – for existing café environments (a full evaluation, review, and recommendation on site).” 

    Amazing, I was totally blown away by that.  Michael told me that he wish he had tons of money to donate, but since he didn’t, he felt like offering his services was the right thing to do.  Michael is a super talented guy and I’m very thankful for his friendship.  You can contact Michael here about the details of his offer (i.e. the person would need to cover travel expenses, but his services are free).

Stay Tuned
As we progress through the month of October, National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I plan on bringing you updates about our team and training, as well as personal stories and interviews with those who have been affected by breast cancer. If you have a story to share, please contact me via this blog so that we can set up an interview, or place for you to share your story online.

Is Your Addiction to Technology Transforming Your Life

August 25, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Technology-Social Media, Therapy-Psychology with 18 Comments

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[image by David R. Carroll]

Do you remember what life was like before your cell phone, or before you had an internet connection in your house? It seems like such a long time ago. We even wonder at times how we could have lived life without them. The scary thing is that it wasn’t that long ago, yet in several short years these technological tools have rewired the way we interact, communicate and relate.

I sent my first email message in college, probably around January of 1994. It was so slow going through at the time that it didn’t even really seem worth sending another. I bought my first cell phone in 1998. I think it had only like 150 minutes per month on it which was enough because there were very few people I could call at that time who had a cell phone. In 2005 I put internet in our new house after we got married, which was really the first time I had had internet in my home before. Now I wonder how I got anything done. These personal discoveries encompass a time of around the last 4—15 years, yet at 34 I sometimes wonder how I lived without them.

What at one point were things that I felt like I could not live without, I’ve been contemplating if they are worth living with? Or if I even tried to live without them, would that even be possible. You see, I’m starting to wonder if I’m addicted to my technology. I’m not the first to wonder this question but I have been thinking about it a lot more this week as news on the opening of reSTART Internet Addiction Recovery Program near Seattle, WA has been widely discussed online. Ben Parr wrote an article on Mashable where he stated:

“It’s getting tougher and tougher to argue that there is no such thing as Internet Addiction Disorder, especially if you watched the CNN video above. The sad truth is that it’s possible to become addicted to just about anything, and that the web (and World of Warcraft) has sucked many people in so deep that they ignore social interactions and forget real-world obligations.

Does a rehab center for extreme cases make sense? Yes, especially if reSTART can provide scientific proof of success in breaking the addictions of its patients. Still, rehab doesn’t work for all drug addicts, and it probably won’t work for all Internet addicts. And unlike drug addiction, you can’t simply avoid and abstain from using the web; it’s too central to our economy, our work, our education, and our lives to be ignored.”

In case you were curious, here are the “signs and symptoms” of technology addiction:
Here is what to look for (3-4 yes responses suggest abuse; 5 or more suggest addiction)
Increasing amounts of time spent on computer and internet activities

  • Failed attempts to control behavior
  • Heightened sense of euphoria while involved in computer and internet activities
  • Craving more time on the computer and internet
  • Neglecting friends and family
  • Feeling restless when not engaged in the activity
  • Being dishonest with others
  • Computer use interfering with job/school performance
  • Feeling guilty, ashamed, anxious, or depressed as a result of behavior
  • Changes in sleep patterns
  • Physical changes such as weight gain or loss, backaches, headaches, carpal tunnel syndrome
  • Withdrawing from other pleasurable activities

And if you still aren’t sure, you can take the Are you addicted? survey.

Working With Addicts
For about a year in 2006 and 2007 I spent time working with addicts at a community mental health clinic in Los Angeles. The addictions were primarily related to substance abuse (drugs and alcohol) and I did everything that I could do to better understand the world of addictions. I took classes, I went to some Alcoholics Anonymous and Overeaters Anonymous groups, and I co-facilitated a 12 Steps group for 9 months a group that was mandatory for individuals if they wanted to stay out of jail. From that time a few of observations have really stuck out to me in regards to addiction:

  1. Compulsions
  2. Rationalizing behavior/choices
  3. Re-arranges, transforms relationships Continue Reading…

Some Practical Tips for Dealing with Depression

July 30, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Therapy-Psychology with 1 Comment

If you haven’t noticed yet, I have been covering the topic of depression quite a bit the last couple of weeks. This is going to be the last post on this topic for a while, but I wanted to leave you with an article that I thought had some great practical tips, and coping skills for dealing with depression.

Check out the article here, and if you have any questions, please feel free to contact me.

Leading on Empty

July 29, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Therapy-Psychology with 0 Comments

Recently I have been very intrigued by the topic of burnout and depression in ministry, and I have been writing on the topic mainly because it seems to not only be so prevalent, but it’s rarely talked about.  In fact, I would say that the symptoms (burnout and depression) are often a result of a lack of boundaries, and a mentality that says do more and more in ministry…as if that equates to godliness.

There are lots of great resources out there, and some pastors are beginning to approach the subject and write about how burnout and depression has affected not only the ministries they are involved in, but everyone around them. In fact…

I think openly discussing and seeking help for burnout and depression is innovative…

because so few are doing it, that to broach the subject puts you ahead of the curve in this area of thinking and praxis.

Recently I read the book Leading on Empty: Refilling Your Tank and Renewing Your Passion by Wayne Cordeiro, who is the Senior Pastor of New Hope Christian Fellowship in Honolulu, Hawaii. Wayne’s book is a great read, and it’s not only very authentic, vulnerable and insightful, but he provides some great steps and resources for those who may be suffering through burnout and depression. Wayne says:

We don’t forget that we are Christians. We forget that we are human, and that one oversight alone can debilitate the potential of our future.

It arrived without warning, like an uninvited guest. Decisions that were once simple now refused solution, and I found myself dodging anything that asked for my emotional input. My once stalwart faith was left fragile; I avoided whatever required my action.

It was a balmy California evening. I had gone for a jog before I was to speak at a leadership conference. I still can’t recall how I got there, but I found myself sitting on a curb, weeping uncontrollably. I couldn’t tell if it took place suddenly or gradually, but I knew something had broken inside. I remember lifting my trembling hands and asking out loud, ‘What in the world is happening to me?’

I had been leading on empty.

This is such an important topic, and I think one that needs to be talked about more in church ministry, especially among leaders. But it must not only be talked about, but action must be taken to move leaders to a more healthy place of leadership.

If Christian leaders do not model a healthy life, then what exactly are they modeling?

Wayne helps leaders assess what burnout and failure looks like, but he also provides a roadmap for how they can get back on track. His seven hard lessons seem obvious, but unfortunately they don’t become obvious except in hindsight for many of us.

Wayne also does a great job of talking about some actions that one can take such as sabbaticals, and he provides some important resources (counseling centers, camps, retreats, books, etc.) for leaders to access.

I think if more leaders would read this book, and learn some important lessons ahead of time, as well as possibly finding a partner in their own burnout (such as Wayne), then they will find themselves in a much more healthy leadership position than before.

Depression and Burnout: Anne Jackson Interview, Part 2

July 28, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Therapy-Psychology with 0 Comments

Yesterday I posted the first of two interviews I did with Anne Jackson back in January of 2009. Check out part of the interview below, and read the rest of it here.

From your own perspective, what is at the root behind the stigma of counseling and therapy in the Church? What would you say to Christians who think that we should not take medications for depression and anxiety?

It has always been difficult for me to say I needed to be in counseling to the extent I was, or to say that I have been on a myriad of anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medicine because I’ve heard countless times people question my salvation or my authority to work out God’s calling in my life. Most people think that something is wrong with my spiritual walk if I have to use these “crutches.” I think that the people who are judgmental about these things live in a bubble that desperately needs to be popped. That means they have stayed safe and comfortable their whole life…and there is nothing about Christianity or redemption that is safe or comfortable.

Depression and Burnout: Anne Jackson Interview, Part 1

July 27, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Therapy-Psychology with 1 Comment

I had the privilege of interviewing Anne Jackson back in January 2009 on the topic of depression and burnout, especially as it relates to ministry and the church. Since I have been writing about depression over the last week I wanted to link again to her interview. Here is a piece of the interview below, but check out the full post here.

One of the reasons I wanted to interview you as you know, is that not many Christians are forthright on the topic of depression, anxiety and what I would describe as adjustment disorders….so why did you decide to be more vulnerable about this issue in such a public forum such as your blog and book?

I remember feeling so alone as I struggled with anxiety and depression…especially in the church world. I would go to services at my church or even as I would hang out with other staff members, it seemed like everyone was so happy and put together.

Those issues became so bad, I had to take a three week leave of absence from work where I started some medication and went to see a counselor. Talking about it with her made me feel so free. Go figure…the truth will set you free…that sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

As I began to share what was really going on with my friends and coworkers, many times those same people would share with me their own struggles with anxiety, depression or other issues.

I realize when other people share their struggles with me, it builds an instant bridge of trust. I know I can talk with them because they’ve walked in my shoes. It also makes a “me too” moment. I think it was Rob Bell who said the words “me too” are the two most comforting words in the English language.

Again, just starting that conversation and allowing others the permission to share knowing they will be welcomed with grace and trust and love – unconditionally, is why I am so passionate about talking about these things.

Depression: Discernment in Pastoral Caregiving

July 25, 2009 in Ministry-Theology, Therapy-Psychology with 4 Comments

Discernment
As we talk and think about the issue of depression in ministry one of the most important factors that we have in helping us determine what exactly we are dealing with is discernment.

the quality of being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure

Discerning what type of help a person needs can be tricky. Should they see a therapist? A psychiatrist? Both? Is a recommendation for meds necessary? Are we dealing with depression, melancholy, burning out, etc? Maybe it’s all, maybe it’s some, maybe it’s none. But the act of discernment is a process and often involves multiple people helping one through their difficult journey.

In the book Depression and Hope: New Insights for Pastoral Counseling (which I mention quite a bit, is a great resource, and which I will reference and quote from heavily in this post), Howard W. Stone says:

Depression disturbs one’s most important relationships; for melancholics this may mean family members or close friends. For the mystic or hermit monk, and indeed for all faithful Christians, that most important relationship is with God. When people feel the absence of God, when they doubt, when religious ritual and service lose meaning, their experiences are very similar to the symptoms of depression.

Pastoral caregivers listen in a certain way to the words of those who are disconsolate, a way that is distinct from other helping professionals. To clergy and other professionals in ministry, despair, suffering, struggle, and adversity are laden with spiritual import, because reflection on the experience of melancholy and spiritual desolation can bring depth and meaning to those who are trying to be faithful to the call of Christ (Stone, 21).

When dealing with issues of such vital importance, you can see why discernment is key.  In fact, I would say that it’s quite rare for most people entering into ministry to have a decent understanding of mental health issues and the role of the pastor in pastoral caregiving.

In his book Stone talks about four experiences that “compare strongly to depression: the dark night of the soul, ‘accidie’, desolations, and Martin Luther’s understanding of ‘Anfechtungen’”. Fascinating stuff! Let me just mention them briefly here:

Continue Reading…

Depression: Christians and Medication

July 24, 2009 in Ministry-Theology, Therapy-Psychology with 10 Comments

“you may have questions about whether Christians should take this or that. You get in that state, I assure you, you will take rat dung.” Pastor Tommy Nelson on his depression

Why the Stigma?
Let me start this post by saying this. When it comes to the issue of taking medication for depression…there are some Christians who believe in it, and those that do not.

I believe in them. And I’m not trying to convince you otherwise. That will require circumstances, experiences convincing beyond my control.

I have worked long enough in the ministry and therapeutic setting to see the amazing and beneficial results that they have had in the lives of the co-workers, students and clients that I have journeyed through life with.

I believe God has given scientists/doctors/researchers amazing minds to create some medications that can help.

As one friend says, “If someone is diabetic, they are going to take insulin…aren’t they?”

Or I tell my friends, “If you have a heart condition, you are going to the cardiologist, right?”

So what’s the stigma around mental health and medications in the Christian life? I’m not completely sure. There is some disconnect it seems. Or rather than disconnect, there is some inconsistency in how we pick and choose what areas of our lives we seek help on, and what areas we think we should be able to pick ourselves up by our own bootstraps.

Continue Reading…
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