Tag Archive - twitter

Your Kids Online: What Are You Doing to Them?

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[image by Zieak]

Something I have been torn over for a while is the question of “How much of my daughter’s life do I share online?”

With blogs, Facebook, Twitter, Flickr and other services it’s more convenient than ever to post photos, share little blurbs about their day, and our reactions as parents to certain things. And as an excited parent of a 2 year old girl I find lots of stuff I want to share with others. Even though I’ve been hesitant to blog about her, and I rarely do, people could probably find out information about her pretty quickly online. Between my wife, our families and I, there is more than enough out there. Actually, there is more online than I want there to be at this point.

But I think this is a discussion worth having because I think too many people quickly excuse it and say that “it doesn’t matter”, or if “people really want to find them, then they will.” Or some say, well the future is the internet, so we are just helping them jump online early. But maybe that is more about you than your kids.

I have seen some of the discussions going around, but one that caught my eye was Wess Daniels‘ recent post, Limiting Access: Flickr and Archiving Our Children’s Lives. Wess states:

Now, I am no alarmist and I am not about to get all privacy this and that on you, but I appreciated the question my friend Fernando put to me on twitter: “it’s about giving people control over their “digital destiny.” How will the stuff we post hit our kids future relationships?” And this is really it for me. Not only do we not know what it’s like to have our entire lives archived online, we are the ones choosing what to post and what not to post for the public.

Wess concludes with:

I’ll leave the archiving up to my daughters when they’re ready to do it themselves (Lord knows Google’s got a nice archive on me).

One of the articles that seems to have really challenged Wess’ thinking on this topic was the New York Times article Guardians of their Smiles
from a couple of weeks ago.

This article focuses on the safety of putting so much of our kid’s lives online, but I think Wess hits on something important when he writes, “How will the stuff we post hit our kids future relationships?” As parents we are usually constantly thinking about our kid’s safety, but I do think we fail to realize what affect the online profile we are building them right now could do to them relationally.

I’m currently working with quite a few kids in therapy as well as ministry, and one of the growing conversations that kids are engaging me in is their embarrassment of what their parents are posting about them online, whether it be a picture or some random comment on Twitter. As parents we might think it’s funny to say something like, “my husband just had the birds and the bees talk with our son”, or “sometimes being a parent is exhausting.” As parents we see it as no more than an opportunity to share a piece of our life with others, or to connect with other parents online. But to your kids, it’s more than that. Continue Reading…

Founder of NetSuccess Lori Barber: On Her Company, Social Media and Her Battle With Cancer

NetsuccessBack in August I sent out a tweet about cancer in our family and how my wife and I created a team (The Shade Runners) for the Susan G. Komen, Race for the Cure. And later that day I received an @ reply on Twitter from Lori Barber that said the following:

@rhetter I should join…..I’m a survivor!

I had already been following the work of Lori Barber and her company NetSuccess, but it was that tweet that bridged the connection and allowed me the privilege this last week to sit down with her and ask her some questions about her work, social media and her battle with cancer. Lori is the founder of NetSuccess and was recently just featured in a great article in the Dallas Business Journal, “Weathering the Storms.”

Check out the interview below:

How long have you lived in Dallas?

Since ’93…I grew up in Missouri.  I lived there until I met the man who later became my husband.  So my move was inspired from a guy.  And then I started NetSuccess in 1995.

If someone where to ask you what NetSuccess does, how would you respond?

We are an interactive agency. We specialize in helping our clients use internet technologies.  So anything that is done online and that is interactive…that kind of falls within our specialty.  Design a website, developing a website…to make sure it has the right technology that is scalable, that will accomplish the goal…marketing, and that’s the whole science of how we drive traffic to the site.  That could be social media, it could be pay per click advertising, it could be search engine optimization, it could be mobile application.  And then maintenance.  Maintaining a site over many, many years.

Do you have an ideal client you like working with?

Yeah, we kind of exist in the middle sector of the marketplace.  We are a great agency for mid-size business.  We aren’t the guy in the garage.  But we are also not the behemoth layer upon layer upon layer interactive agency. We can service anyone with a mid-range website application.  We probably aren’t going to launch the next Amazon.com, but we also aren’t going to do a kind of one-off.

What’s your favorite aspect of your job?

I think it’s serving my clients and really helping them.  The web touches so many aspects of their business, and if you can get the website right, and really use the technology, it can literally change the course of a business.  I mean if you can leverage…if you can use the right technology, and implement a design that will speak to a target audience, that can drive the right kind of traffic to a site, and then convert that traffic.  That process, doing it correctly, can change the fate of a business and their lives.

Continue Reading…

Are You Able To Be FULLY Present To Others?

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[image by mikebaird]

One of the unique things about being a therapist is that it requires me to be able to be fully present to those who sit across from me in my office. No cell phone. No computer. No interruptions. No distractions. For45-50 minutes they get my full, undivided attention.  In fact, one of the comments that I hear most frequently from those who come to therapy is that this is the only time in their week when they feel like they have someone’s full attention.  Nowhere else does someone seem to be fully present to them.

In a culture that has become increasingly noisy it is not surprising that the correlative affect is that many people are simply drowned out by the noise. And therefore, in the process, this drowning out has a transforming affect on our relationships with one another.  This issue has been an ongoing topic of conversation at conferences I have been attending, blog posts I’m reading, and I had a great conversation with my father about it over the weekend, and with John Dyer last night.

My father, who is not anti-technology at all, simply said to me, “I’m afraid we are losing our ability to be fully present to one another.”

We all want to believe that we are fully present to one another, especially to those of us we consider most important such as spouses, children, friends and family, but more than likely, if we are completely honest with ourselves…we simply are not.

Recently I’ve noticed some of these things I see around me, and I cringed, realizing that I do this quite a bit as well: Continue Reading…

Is Your Addiction to Technology Transforming Your Life

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[image by David R. Carroll]

Do you remember what life was like before your cell phone, or before you had an internet connection in your house? It seems like such a long time ago. We even wonder at times how we could have lived life without them. The scary thing is that it wasn’t that long ago, yet in several short years these technological tools have rewired the way we interact, communicate and relate.

I sent my first email message in college, probably around January of 1994. It was so slow going through at the time that it didn’t even really seem worth sending another. I bought my first cell phone in 1998. I think it had only like 150 minutes per month on it which was enough because there were very few people I could call at that time who had a cell phone. In 2005 I put internet in our new house after we got married, which was really the first time I had had internet in my home before. Now I wonder how I got anything done. These personal discoveries encompass a time of around the last 4—15 years, yet at 34 I sometimes wonder how I lived without them.

What at one point were things that I felt like I could not live without, I’ve been contemplating if they are worth living with? Or if I even tried to live without them, would that even be possible. You see, I’m starting to wonder if I’m addicted to my technology. I’m not the first to wonder this question but I have been thinking about it a lot more this week as news on the opening of reSTART Internet Addiction Recovery Program near Seattle, WA has been widely discussed online. Ben Parr wrote an article on Mashable where he stated:

“It’s getting tougher and tougher to argue that there is no such thing as Internet Addiction Disorder, especially if you watched the CNN video above. The sad truth is that it’s possible to become addicted to just about anything, and that the web (and World of Warcraft) has sucked many people in so deep that they ignore social interactions and forget real-world obligations.

Does a rehab center for extreme cases make sense? Yes, especially if reSTART can provide scientific proof of success in breaking the addictions of its patients. Still, rehab doesn’t work for all drug addicts, and it probably won’t work for all Internet addicts. And unlike drug addiction, you can’t simply avoid and abstain from using the web; it’s too central to our economy, our work, our education, and our lives to be ignored.”

In case you were curious, here are the “signs and symptoms” of technology addiction:
Here is what to look for (3-4 yes responses suggest abuse; 5 or more suggest addiction)
Increasing amounts of time spent on computer and internet activities

  • Failed attempts to control behavior
  • Heightened sense of euphoria while involved in computer and internet activities
  • Craving more time on the computer and internet
  • Neglecting friends and family
  • Feeling restless when not engaged in the activity
  • Being dishonest with others
  • Computer use interfering with job/school performance
  • Feeling guilty, ashamed, anxious, or depressed as a result of behavior
  • Changes in sleep patterns
  • Physical changes such as weight gain or loss, backaches, headaches, carpal tunnel syndrome
  • Withdrawing from other pleasurable activities

And if you still aren’t sure, you can take the Are you addicted? survey.

Working With Addicts
For about a year in 2006 and 2007 I spent time working with addicts at a community mental health clinic in Los Angeles. The addictions were primarily related to substance abuse (drugs and alcohol) and I did everything that I could do to better understand the world of addictions. I took classes, I went to some Alcoholics Anonymous and Overeaters Anonymous groups, and I co-facilitated a 12 Steps group for 9 months a group that was mandatory for individuals if they wanted to stay out of jail. From that time a few of observations have really stuck out to me in regards to addiction:

  1. Compulsions
  2. Rationalizing behavior/choices
  3. Re-arranges, transforms relationships Continue Reading…

Social Media and the Running of the Salmon

The Running of the Salmon
When I was in high school my family and I went on an Alaskan cruise, and along the way we stopped at one of the islands to get a tour of where the salmon swim upstream during the spawning season. I don’t remember a lot of details about what I learned on that day, but I do remember some of the images. They can best be described as sea of confusion and chaos, where the salmon swam furiously upstream, looking nothing like themselves in the process.

Sometimes I feel that way when it comes to my social media/technological life. It can be confusing, chaotic, and I often feel like I’m swimming upstream in a sea of confusion. Ultimately that leaves me feeling “other” than myself, and my identity looking nothing like I hope or want. I feel like in the process I become less of who I am in order to keep up with who everyone else is…or projects themselves to be.

How Does Social Media/Technology Fit Into My Life
I have been thinking about how social media/technology fits into my life for a long time, and it wasn’t really until I attended John Dyer’s workshop, Using Technology, Without Technology Using You at the ECHO Conference, that I really got a better sense of what I want out of it.

One: I don’t want to feel a sense of obligation to post blogs I don’t want to write, or use tools that I don’t want to use. This obligation comes from me, inwardly, not cause someone is holding me to it. And that’s a much deeper issue than I can begin to explore in this post.

Two: I don’t want just a breadth of content, but a depth of content. I don’t want content that is just cursory. I have concluded that I would rather post one very meaningful blog every week or two, then a short, cursory post every day. I’m starting to realize personally, how attracted I am to the sites that plumb the depths, rather than skim the surface.

Three: I don’t want social media/technology to overrun the boundaries I’m trying to set. If it’s getting in the way of spending time with family, going to bed at a decent time at night, or keeping me from hobbies like running and reading, then I need to put it back within its proper boundaries.

Four: I don’t want my identity to be based on the projection of external images I put out online, and the affirmation I receive back from them. I want it to come within, from a strong, core sense of identity. An identity that is placed in Christ, and not the number of Twitter followers or retweets I have, or the amount of traffic my blog has, or the supposed sphere of influence I have online. At the end of the day, those things just fade away.

This is what I want…for me. I’m not telling anyone else what they should do, or that this is the way everyone should do it. Some people work online all day, and social media is even more a part of their lives than mine. But even they tell me they have to set boundaries away from that work as well. One of the things I really appreciate about Tony Steward is how he continually experiments with social media to figure out how it can best serve him, not how he can serve it. Tony knows what’s in his “wheelhouse” (@mediapeople pointed this out to me in a conversation at ECHO), and doesn’t seem concerned about his stats, and whether or not he has a new post out every day. This is nowhere better exemplified than Tony ditching his personal WordPress blog, and going with Posterous because it better fit his life/work/time, etc.

What Will Change For Me
One: I hate to do it, but I’m no longer going to feel rushed to post my 100 blogs in 100 days on my therapy site. I could do it. But I started looking at my posts and realizing that it was more about surface content, than it was about really writing something of value for people. That’s not what you want as/for a therapist. Or pastor…or anyone really.

Two: I’m going to really strive to only post stuff on both rhettsmith.com and rhettsmith.com/therapy when I feel like it brings value to the readers, rather than just posting to post. Not give in to the pressure of traffic, stats, etc.

Three: I’m not going to sacrifice my family or hobbies in order to pick up the computer to post that obligatory post, or tweet that random tweet. Just isn’t worth it for me.

Four: I’m going to focus more on what is in my “wheelhouse.” It’s too easy to get caught up in random discussion, or arguments and debates online, and really lose focus of the specific skills or purpose I need to be about.

Conclusion
At this point, this blog is all talk unless I really start to practice what I am preaching. But I hope with some new focus, and some accountability from my wife and friends like you, I can achieve these things.

Can you relate to this struggle with social media/technology in your own life?

Is there anything you want to change about your social media/technology use?

Does social media/technology serve you, or do you serve it?

By the way, did you know salmon only spawn once in their lifetime and then they die? Don’t be a salmon when it comes to your social media use.

Using Your Twitter Leverage for Good

Before I continue on with my current series that I started here and here, I want to post an article I just wrote for Inspiren, which is the publication for the Christian Web Conference which I will be speaking at in September. I would love any feedback that you might have.

I have shared this story with many before, but my very first tweet from Twitter was on December 9, 2007, and it read something like this:

“working on my blog”

Not exactly life changing, is it? In fact, I must have thought about what to write for about 10 minutes. Using Twitter is an interesting experience and I have come to find that there are usually a few steps that one follows before they eventually come to their “sweet spot” in regards to getting the most benefit out of it. First, there is adoption of the tool itself. Convincing one to use Twitter was much more difficult in 2006-2008 before everyone jumped on board this last Spring. Before that time, Twitter was a small, but thriving online community that’s tipping point came in 2007 at SXSW in Austin, TX. I even wrote an article in March/April of this year for Collide Magazine, Why Tweet? Shaping Your Narrative One Tweet at a Time, telling pastors why they should be on Twitter. Second, there is the issue of popularity. This may not be the same for everyone, but once someone adopts the tool, well, they would like to have some followers and to know that others are reading what they write. But popularity and number of followers is only a temporary chasing, before one hopes to get to the third step (which actually may involve less, or more followers). Third, I like to use the term narrative leverage, which refers to the leverage one has to do good, implement action, create community and more through the use of their Twitter profile.

So once you have adopted, found an audience, the hope soon becomes how can I take this tool and use it to the benefit of others, and I think there are several ways that one goes about doing that through the use of narrative leverage.

In the article in Collide Magazine, I wrote:

We all have the privilege to sit with people on a daily basis as they share various snapshots of their life with us. In fact, some of my fondest memories of being a college ministry director involve sitting across from a student at a coffee shop as we engaged one another over a cup of coffee and conversation. Those were memorable times, but one coffee talk chat was hardly enough time to even begin to get a sense of who that student was. Instead, I needed multiple trips to the coffee shop with them. One standalone conversation was just a short chapter in the larger narrative of that student’s life. But when compiled, all the conversations began to paint a beautiful portrait of who they were and what kind of story they were living…

I have never understood how and why some people view Twitter as only an online tool without real world offline implications. Every time I tweet I am inviting others to see my life, to engage me, and to participate fully with me. In fact, I will argue that because of Twitter we often come to know people more fully than we sometimes do in our day-to-day, week-to-week encounters at work, school, and church. Twitter is a 24/7 engagement in the lives of others that affords us the opportunity to observe people in a unique way. We may see aspects of people’s lives and personalities through Twitter that we have not seen in person.

This is what Leisa Reichelt refers to as “ambient intimacy”, and what Clive Thompson refers to as “ambient awareness”. It’s this idea of being aware to all the sharing and talking from our friends and others that continually surrounds us. This is no more evident than on Twitter. Some may think that sharing what you ate for breakfast is trivial, but it’s not. Instead it’s just another brushstroke in the larger portrait that makes up someone’s identity.

To best use narrative leverage on Twitter involves a couple of simple steps. First, It involves you sharing your life online. A Twitter profile that is only links, quotes, agenda pushing, helps little in the way of sharing one’s personal narrative, and doesn’t invite others into your story. So add variety to your tweets, both personal and informal that can help others identify with you. In doing this, you are adding to the “ambient intimacy/awareness”. Second, listening is crucial to this concept of narrative leverage. Not only are you sharing your narrative, but so are others, and your job is to step into that “twitter stream” and listen to what others are saying. Where do you identify? What needs are out there? How can you help? What are you passionate about? When you combine these two things, the sharing of your narrative online, and the ability to listen to what others are saying, then you better leverage yourself to enter into Twitter and help make positive change in the communities and lives around you.

As I conclude this post, let me give you an example. My mother, grandmother and aunt have all died of breast cancer, so that is something that I have twittered about online. What I soon realized was that other cancer survivors, as well as those who have lost loved ones to cancer were now following me and corresponding. Through my sharing (narrative) and my listening (ambient awareness), I saw the opportunity to leverage my profile for social good. I contacted the local Susan G. Komen affiliate in Dallas about ways that I could raise money online through running two races (The Race for the Cure in October and the White Rock/Dallas Marathon in December). So now, because of my narrative, and because of listening, I will be raising money online through Twitter, Facebook and my blog to help the lives of those people around me who have been affected by breast cancer. This is the growth of my Twitter profile…from adoption, to popularity, to ultimately narrative leverage.

What can, or have you been sharing that impacts others? And are you listening in return? There is a world of good you can do with Twitter. I hope to see you at the Christian Web Conference, and I hope you can join me for my presentation and discussion, Twitter: Collaborate, Connect, and Resource via Your Story.

imarriage brings you "real-time" updates on marriage

For the last week I have been talking a little about marriage, whether it be a quote from a good book, to some thoughts on some benefits for couple’s therapy.

Today I want to introduce you to a great tool on Twitter. It’s called imarriage and it’s the brainchild of Marc Payan.

What does imarriage do? imarriage is:

“Aggregation of real-time updates on relationship and marriage news, research, and global trends.”

I have been following imarriage for quite a while and have gotten to know Marc Payan online, and hopefully in person one day soon. In fact, as I get closer and closer to talking about the influence of technology and social media on marriage and family therapy, I’m sure you will be hearing more from Marc on this site.

If you aren’t on Twitter, but you are a marriage and family therapist, work with couples, etc., this alone should be worth your time. With almost 4,000 people following the updates it has become quite an influential site for what is going on in the world of marriage, family and relationships.

But if you aren’t going to get on Twitter, then check out the website Marriage Tweets, which is one and the same.

Creating Relational Intimacy Through the Sharing of Minor Details in Life

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[image by Tom Purves]


One of the things about Twitter that I have not quite been able to explain that well is why I think the little details in life that one tweets about (eating cereal, going for a walk, crying after that movie, hanging with friends, etc.) are so fascinating. I can’t tell you how many times various relationships in my life have been enhanced through what sometimes seem like trivial knowledge shared through Twitter. It’s quite extraordinary. So I love coming across this idea of “ambient intimacy” which I think explains it well.

I find this post by Leisa on “ambient intimacy” so right on. Check out her thoughts below from her post on this subject.

I find myself talking about Twitter quite a lot. I’m not the only one. The behaviours that Twitter has made more visible are tremendously interesting.

I’ve been using a term to describe my experience of Twitter (and also Flickr and reading blog posts and Upcoming). I call it Ambient Intimacy.

Ambient intimacy is about being able to keep in touch with people with a level of regularity and intimacy that you wouldn’t usually have access to, because time and space conspire to make it impossible. Flickr lets me see what friends are eating for lunch, how they’ve redecorated their bedroom, their latest haircut. Twitter tells me when they’re hungry, what technology is currently frustrating them, who they’re having drinks with tonight.

Who cares? Who wants this level of detail? Isn’t this all just annoying noise? There are certainly many people who think this, but they tend to be not so noisy themselves. It seems to me that there are lots of people for who being social is very much a ‘real life’ activity and technology is about getting stuff done.

There are a lot of us, though, who find great value in this ongoing noise. It helps us get to know people who would otherwise be just acquaintances. It makes us feel closer to people we care for but in whose lives we’re not able to participate as closely as we’d like.

Knowing these details creates intimacy. (It also saves a lot of time when you finally do get to catchup with these people in real life!) It’s not so much about meaning, it’s just about being in touch.

Have you found that “ambient intimacy” has enhanced your relationships? How?

The Beautiful and Intriguing Simplicity of Twitter

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[image by Robyn Twomey]


The thing about Twitter is that it is beautiful in its simplicity, and powerful in its capability. Not everyone gets it at first…or second…or third time. But if you stick with it, it will pay off for you.

I was struck the other day with some of the common themes around the uncertainty of those who first tweet (What’s it all about?), as well as some of the subtleties that attract people to it.

Couple of things:

One, Twitter is sort of weird the first time you try it. I mean, when have you ever before sent out something in 140 characters or less to lots of friends. Okay, maybe text messages and Facebook status updates. But there is something unique about Twitter. Here is a sample from my article in Collide Magazine from March/April, and from Time Magazine’s latest cover story on Twitter.

Why Twitter? Shaping Your Narrative One Tweet at a Time

“working on my blog,” was the first tweet (Twitter slang for an update) I typed out on the mircoblogging tool Twitter on December 9, 2007. In fact, I remember clearly where I sat in our home at that moment and what thoughts of curiosity, hesitancy, and narcissism ran through my head as I posted those simple little words. It doesn’t seem like much does it? In fact, I used only 18 of the allotted 140 characters, unsure if anything I had to say was worthwhile at all. I had two questions for myself: Who is going to read this? Who cares? In and of itself, one tweet is just that: one tweet. But in the context of all the tweets that compose my growing Twitter profile, a more complex portrait of my life began to emerge, forming a narrative that is the beginning to a relational connectivity with others online, (and most likely in person) that is easier to achieve than it was before.

How Twitter Will Change the Way We Live

The one thing you can say for certain about Twitter is that it makes a terrible first impression. You hear about this new service that lets you send 140-character updates to your “followers,” and you think, Why does the world need this, exactly? It’s not as if we were all sitting around four years ago scratching our heads and saying, “If only there were a technology that would allow me to send a message to my 50 friends, alerting them in real time about my choice of breakfast cereal.”

Second, I think that if you think of Twitter as only isolated, short, 140 character messages at a time, then you are missing out on it’s beauty. In my opinion, it’s about the totality of your narrative you are creating. The more you tweet, the more there is to shape that story. Again, here is a sample from my Collide Magazine article below, and one from the Time Magazine cover story…I love the phrase “ambient awareness.”

Why Twitter? Shaping Your Narrative One Tweet at a Time

We all have the privilege to sit with people on a daily basis as they share various snapshots of their life with us. In fact, some of my fondest memories of being a college ministry director involve sitting across from a student at a coffee shop as we engaged one another over a cup of coffee and conversation. Those were memorable times, but one coffee talk chat was hardly enough time to even begin to get a sense of who that student was. Instead, I needed multiple trips to the coffee shop with them. One standalone conversation was just a short chapter in the larger narrative of that student’s life. But when compiled, all the conversations began to paint a beautiful portrait of who they were and what kind of story they were living.

How Twitter Will Change the Way We Live

And yet as millions of devotees have discovered, Twitter turns out to have unsuspected depth. In part this is because hearing about what your friends had for breakfast is actually more interesting than it sounds. The technology writer Clive Thompson calls this “ambient awareness”: by following these quick, abbreviated status reports from members of your extended social network, you get a strangely satisfying glimpse of their daily routines. We don’t think it at all moronic to start a phone call with a friend by asking how her day is going. Twitter gives you the same information without your even having to ask.

In your opinion, what makes Twitter so amazing?

And if you happen to be in Los Angeles September 11-12, come out and hear me speak on Twitter at the Christian Web Conference.

Clay Shirky: How cellphones, Twitter, Facebook can make history

Great TED video interview with Clay Shirky at the TED@State event. Clay has been super influential in my thinking, especially after I read his book Here Comes Everybody last year. I highly, highly recommend this book. It is a must read for anyone in a leadership position. I wish more church leaders would read it. What he says is what is happening in leadership and organizations all over the world.

Check out the video.

I have been reflecting on his writings for a long time, and I have been especially interested in two specific topics he talks about in the book. Architecture of participation and communities of practice. I have more thoughts on a theology of these for the Church (but that’s for another post).

I wrote Clay an email last year to tell him about his influence on my thinking, and he promptly responded with a nice email in return.

When asked about what has had the biggest impact with what is going on right now in Iran–blog, Facebook, Twitter)–this was Clay’s response:

It’s Twitter. One thing that Evan (Williams) and Biz (Stone) did absolutely right is that they made Twitter so simple and so open that it’s easier to integrate and harder to control than any other tool. At the time, I’m sure it wasn’t conceived as anything other than a smart engineering choice. But it’s had global consequences. Twitter is shareable and open and participatory in a way that Facebook’s model prevents. So far, despite a massive effort, the authorities have found no way to shut it down, and now there are literally thousands of people around the world who’ve made it their business to help keep it open.

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