Tag Archive - transition

Blog Focus 2011: Pastors, Marriages, & Adolescent to Young Adult Transition

January 3, 2011 in Uncategorized with 12 Comments


Image by Mykl Roventine

Since December of 2004 I have posted 1,298 times. There were periods where I posted 30 plus times a month, sometimes posting a couple of times a day. Some months I only posted a few times. And I have covered a variety of topics: focusing early on on ministry and theological issues, while more recently I have focused on issues related to relationships and technology.

One thing that has become more clear to me though this last year is that I want to be more focused on some very specific areas, and I want to plumb the depths more than I have been. I figure that God has created me with a certain variety of gifts, and that my work as a therapist and pastor, as well as my graduate training in marriage and family therapy, as well as theology, have equipped me to speak into certain areas of life.

For a long time I have found myself wanting to be like other bloggers that I admire, but ultimately we have to write out of what we know, experience, and who God has created us to be. It is only when we do that that I think we really enjoy blogging/writing, and then it is also possible to have the longevity to sustain not only the writing, but the passion over a long period of time. I think that’s one of the reasons I have blogged for the last six years…because I continue to find things that interest me and move on from them when they no longer do.

And now I have come to a new phase of life personally, relationally, and vocationally…and I want to focus my writing more on those things that interest me…and that I think can benefit others.

So my goal for 2011 is to focus on these three areas, and that whenever I write on an issue, it will funnel itself into one of these categories.

Pastoral Counseling/Pastoral Identity
I was raised in the home of a pastor. I have been a part of church community my entire life. I have been pastoring for the last 13 years vocationally, and more years “unvocationally” (probably not a word). In a sense, it is in my blood. The life and identity of a pastor is something that very much intrigues me, and now that I am a therapist and work with pastors, I am more and more convinced that this is an area that I must focus on. Pastors carry out unique functions in community and Church, and with those functions come demands and expectations that can create all kinds of havoc on their identities, marriages, relationships, etc. And I’m concerned at the number of pastors who recommend counseling to others, but rarely feel that they need it themselves. So I hope to explore issues related to being a pastor this coming year, covering topics such as marriage, family, power, identity, etc.

Marriage
I know, there are lots of people who write on marriage, but it’s something I have a passion for as most of my therapy work is with couples, and I continue to do more research in that area. It’s very powerful to be part of a process that helps couple’s in their marriage, and I want to share some of those things with you during this next year. As I talk about marriage I will cover topics such as sex, attachment, kids, vocation, spirituality, etc.

Adolescence to Young Adult Transition
I have always been fascinated with the transitions that take place in life, but especially during this stage of life. Different theorists will have different ages listed for this transition, but I’m primarily interested in somewhere between the ages of 16-36, and the major shifts in identity that take place during this time period. It is a very important stage in life, in that how one navigates the tasks during this time can set forth the trajectory for how they move through life itself. I will focus on topics such as identity making, vocation, relationships, anxiety, etc.

I know I have written a lot about technology these last couple of years, and it will continue to play a role, but only in as much as it makes sense to talk about in these areas of focus.

I’m not putting out a schedule of how often I post, but look for me to post more frequently this new year than I have this last year. But when I do post, I want to make sure I’m not just writing to write…just to post something…but that I’m writing something that has something worthwhile to be said.

If you have any ideas, thoughts, or input for any of these areas of focus, please let me know. I would love to hear from you.

A Book Resource for Steering Through Chaos

March 17, 2010 in Ministry-Theology with 3 Comments

No, the irony is not lost on me that my last post was called ENOUGH: Put Down Those Ministry and Self-Help Books and Pick Up A Novel.

But remember my caveat:

So you don’t have to give up on your ministry and self-help books, but put them down for a season, and pick up a novel.

I have put them down since November and have ploughed my way through novels ever since. So I decided now was the time to pick up a ministry book that intrigued me, and it just so happened that Steering Through Chaos: Mapping a Clear Direction for Your Church in the Midst of Transition and Change, was the book I picked up. The book is written by Scott Wilson who is the Senior Pastor of The Oaks here in Dallas.

Honestly, one of the things that intrigued me about the book was the title, specifically the word “transition.” If you haven’t noticed before, my blog title is “Transitioning Life’s Journey” because I think that we are always in a state of transition, and that effective leaders know how to guide their churches, organizations, et cetera, through these times of transition.

In the book Scott does a great job of mapping out a direction for church ministry, and yet he does it in a very personal narrative style based on his own experiences, while not saying this is the way to do ministry, but rather, here are some principles that can be effective for each and every ministry. That is just one of the things that I found refreshing in this book.

There are numerous topics in the book that will attract varying readers, but the one chapter that resonated with me the most was Chapter 8: The Leadership Gap. I have been in ministry for 15 years, and I’m also a full-time marriage and family therapist now. And one of the things that I think has been missing in many ministries is the willingness, or humility, to bring other key leaders along for the journey. As ministry leaders we often take a Lone Ranger approach and go out alone, rather than seeking counsel and help. I like Scott’s take on finding someone to help you map out your direction, and at the end of the chapter he lays out some great suggestions for getting started.

Steering Through Chaos is a fun and informative read, and there are lots of companions in it for the journey as Scott takes time out to listen to the wisdom from various pastors around the country. I highly recommend it to those of you who are looking for some more ministry clarity as you guide your church through the next transition.

The Necessity of Ascent and Descent in the Male Spiritual Life (Pay Attention Spiritual Leaders!)

January 13, 2010 in Ministry-Theology, Therapy-Psychology with 5 Comments


[image by iwona kellie]

I’ve recently been reading a really phenomenal book by Richard Rohr and Joseph Martos, The Wild Man’s Journey: Reflections on Male Spirituality. One of the things that I have continually be thinking about is the distinction the authors make between ascent (which is common in the early stages of a man’s life and dangerous in the later stages), and descent (which is required in the later stages of a man’s life). We live in a culture where ascent is favored and applauded, and descent is looked down upon with disdain often seen as weakness. When this desire for ascent seeps into our church culture (and it has), we fail to live the counterculture message of descent offered to us through scripture. I fear that we too often live in a Christian culture of egos and desires to attain (large crowds, fame, wealth, etc.), rather than in a culture that strives to walk humbly (in order that Christ may be raised up) and lay down it’s life for others.

Because I think this is such an important topic, especially for male leadership within the Church and in society, I’m going to quote at great length from the book.

They write:

The language of the first half of the male life-journey is the language of ascent, the earnest and necessary idealism that characterizes all healthy young men. It is a heroic language of winning, succeeding, triumphing over ego and obstacles. Without such vision and effort, men remain cowering in a small and selfish world. No wonder that they set out to be ‘wounded’ — either intentionally or unintentionally, either wisely or foolishly. No wonder that almost all primal cultures see the need for male initiation rites, mentors and elders. Someone has to oversee the first-stage journey and also teach them that it is only the first stage. Talk about wisdom! We suffer today a lack of knowledge of both initiation and transition to maturity. Without these, we will continue to have more ‘religion,’ without spirituality or real transformation of person. I have no doubt this is the basis of disillusionment with Western institutional religion. People no longer trust new belief systems that merely surround old egos.

The language of the ascent becomes dangerous in the second half of a man’s life. It becomes disguised egocentricity, climbing at all costs, misusing power, using ideology and principles to avoid relationship–what Saint Paul calls law instead of Spirit in his Letter to the Galatians. Continue Reading…