Tag Archive - Tony Steward

Being Present, Observing, and Removing Distractions (aka Sherlock Holmes)

January 5, 2010 in Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media, Therapy-Psychology with 8 Comments

One of the things that I have been telling myself the last few months is that I want to do a better job of “being present” with others in 2010. 2009 was an awesome year, but I felt overwhelmed, and overextended throughout much of the year. There were lots of reasons for that. Lack of boundaries primarily, but I also realized that I didn’t do a good job of being present (to people, to my surroundings, to my relationships, to God) because I found myself constantly online (on my desktop, or my phone) when I didn’t have something to fill my time. God forbid I actually sit still and do nothing…that I actually observe, watch, pay attention, reflect, pray, etc.

So I turned off my Facebook, blog, Twitter, and barely got online except for a couple of times from December 23–January 4th. Not a real long time. But long enough to feel the pains of having to withdraw (Should refraining from technology for a short period of time feel like a stint in detox? Yikes).

And a curious thing happened. Eventually it got easier not to be online that I almost dreaded coming back online yesterday. And I’m someone who loves being online. But I noticed some things while I was away offline. The key word is noticed.

I noticed that lots of things don’t get my attention when I’m constantly looking at my phone, surfing the web, watching TV, etc. I miss out on the little things. The quirks in our relationships. The hurting person on the street who needs my attention. The change of tone in a conversation that lets you know that something is off. The small, still, quiet voice of God.

But being away from the deluge of media on my phone, computer and TV just brought a new sense of awareness and attention to my life that I haven’t had for a while, and I noticed that those around me felt different about the change as well. They noticed that they were of primary importance to me, rather than some dude on the East coast twittering about something. They noticed that I was more into the details. That I was more present with them.

During this break my wife and I went to see Sherlock Holmes and I kept telling my wife “I want to observe the details like Sherlock Holmes.” I said that over and over. But I know that that is just not a skill or a gift that is given, but one that is cared for and fostered by the person. To be someone who has that skill of observation requires that other things that detract from us paying attention be put aside, or have boundaries placed around it.

The skill of observation and intuition is a huge blessing not only for the bearer of it, but for those who are on the benefiting end of it.

Imagine if I as a therapist had as much skill of observation in session with clients as Sherlock Holmes did in his cases.

Imagine if we as pastors/ministers had as much skill of observation with those that we serve.

Imagine if we as family members (wives, husbands, children, parents) had as much skill of observation with those we are in relationship with.

That would be transforming. Continue Reading…

Some Observations on Social Media and the Emerging World of Therapy and Pastoral Counseling

November 30, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media, Therapy-Psychology with 3 Comments

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[image by Ben Zvan]

I’ve been thinking a lot about the topic of social media and the role of therapists (pastoral counselors) in the midst of it. There is a large percentage of therapists who thinks being online should be super limited, if online at all. And there is an emerging demographic of therapists who are making a splash online and venturing forth to help people in some unprecedented ways. As I work through these things myself, I just wanted to share 3 areas that I have some observations about.

Online Social Media As Catalyst for Face to Face Therapy
Back in July of 2009 I was invited by Tony Steward to come to LifeChurch.tv and film four short videos on depression that correlated with their At the Movies series. It was a great opportunity to work with Tony and the team at LifeChurch.tv; to experiment with online technology/social media around the topic of depression; and to see how online accessibility affected my work as a therapist and a counselor.

Several things came out of our time together that are continuing to blossom, and I’m learning a great deal about combining my work as a therapist in an online medium. One of the real beautiful stories that emerged out of that experience was that I was contacted on Twitter by someone who had come across my video and said “I felt like you were speaking directly to me…yet, you didn’t know me.” That video, led to a Tweet, to an email conversation, to face to face therapy. That’s an amazing story I think.

I continue to receive emails from those videos I shot, and I also continue to follow up on people’s progress who emailed me on Facebook about things they were going through.

We will continue to see social media as a catalyst to help get people into therapy–either face to face in person, or face to face online.

Being Accessible to Help
One of the things about being online, present on Twitter, Facebook or a blog is that you present the image of being accessible. I say present the image of being accessible because not everyone online is accessible. Continue Reading…

So You Have a Lot of “Friends” Online…Now What?

October 23, 2009 in Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media, Therapy-Psychology with 9 Comments

Cultivate logo_Oct 27-1Tony Steward and I are super excited to be facilitating a conversation at the Cultivate Conference this upcoming Tuesday in Chicago.

Ever since we were asked to facilitate jointly at the conference we have been discussing what would be the most beneficial conversation we could be a part of. What experience and skills could we both bring to the table?

In the end, this is what we have landed on…

Title
Finding Our End // Communicating in the social web brings relationships with it. How do we care for those relationships in our limitations while continuing to effectively communicate?

Description
As we work online, where do our social/pastoral responsibilities begin
and end, while caring for ourselves and our families?

Tony is obviously an important voice in this area as he brings his expertise from his role as the online campus pastor for LifeChurch.tv. And I hope to bring my experience as a pastor and therapist to the discussion, and how actually some of the online volunteer work I have done for LifeChurch.tv has generated new ways of thinking about our roles and responsibilities online.

We hope to see you there…

Social Media and the Running of the Salmon

August 3, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media, Therapy-Psychology with 9 Comments

The Running of the Salmon
When I was in high school my family and I went on an Alaskan cruise, and along the way we stopped at one of the islands to get a tour of where the salmon swim upstream during the spawning season. I don’t remember a lot of details about what I learned on that day, but I do remember some of the images. They can best be described as sea of confusion and chaos, where the salmon swam furiously upstream, looking nothing like themselves in the process.

Sometimes I feel that way when it comes to my social media/technological life. It can be confusing, chaotic, and I often feel like I’m swimming upstream in a sea of confusion. Ultimately that leaves me feeling “other” than myself, and my identity looking nothing like I hope or want. I feel like in the process I become less of who I am in order to keep up with who everyone else is…or projects themselves to be.

How Does Social Media/Technology Fit Into My Life
I have been thinking about how social media/technology fits into my life for a long time, and it wasn’t really until I attended John Dyer’s workshop, Using Technology, Without Technology Using You at the ECHO Conference, that I really got a better sense of what I want out of it.

One: I don’t want to feel a sense of obligation to post blogs I don’t want to write, or use tools that I don’t want to use. This obligation comes from me, inwardly, not cause someone is holding me to it. And that’s a much deeper issue than I can begin to explore in this post.

Two: I don’t want just a breadth of content, but a depth of content. I don’t want content that is just cursory. I have concluded that I would rather post one very meaningful blog every week or two, then a short, cursory post every day. I’m starting to realize personally, how attracted I am to the sites that plumb the depths, rather than skim the surface.

Three: I don’t want social media/technology to overrun the boundaries I’m trying to set. If it’s getting in the way of spending time with family, going to bed at a decent time at night, or keeping me from hobbies like running and reading, then I need to put it back within its proper boundaries.

Four: I don’t want my identity to be based on the projection of external images I put out online, and the affirmation I receive back from them. I want it to come within, from a strong, core sense of identity. An identity that is placed in Christ, and not the number of Twitter followers or retweets I have, or the amount of traffic my blog has, or the supposed sphere of influence I have online. At the end of the day, those things just fade away.

This is what I want…for me. I’m not telling anyone else what they should do, or that this is the way everyone should do it. Some people work online all day, and social media is even more a part of their lives than mine. But even they tell me they have to set boundaries away from that work as well. One of the things I really appreciate about Tony Steward is how he continually experiments with social media to figure out how it can best serve him, not how he can serve it. Tony knows what’s in his “wheelhouse” (@mediapeople pointed this out to me in a conversation at ECHO), and doesn’t seem concerned about his stats, and whether or not he has a new post out every day. This is nowhere better exemplified than Tony ditching his personal WordPress blog, and going with Posterous because it better fit his life/work/time, etc.

What Will Change For Me
One: I hate to do it, but I’m no longer going to feel rushed to post my 100 blogs in 100 days on my therapy site. I could do it. But I started looking at my posts and realizing that it was more about surface content, than it was about really writing something of value for people. That’s not what you want as/for a therapist. Or pastor…or anyone really.

Two: I’m going to really strive to only post stuff on both rhettsmith.com and rhettsmith.com/therapy when I feel like it brings value to the readers, rather than just posting to post. Not give in to the pressure of traffic, stats, etc.

Three: I’m not going to sacrifice my family or hobbies in order to pick up the computer to post that obligatory post, or tweet that random tweet. Just isn’t worth it for me.

Four: I’m going to focus more on what is in my “wheelhouse.” It’s too easy to get caught up in random discussion, or arguments and debates online, and really lose focus of the specific skills or purpose I need to be about.

Conclusion
At this point, this blog is all talk unless I really start to practice what I am preaching. But I hope with some new focus, and some accountability from my wife and friends like you, I can achieve these things.

Can you relate to this struggle with social media/technology in your own life?

Is there anything you want to change about your social media/technology use?

Does social media/technology serve you, or do you serve it?

By the way, did you know salmon only spawn once in their lifetime and then they die? Don’t be a salmon when it comes to your social media use.

Fun with the Online Church crew at LifeChurch.tv

July 13, 2009 in Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media with 2 Comments

Today I drove the 3 hours from Dallas, TX to Edmonds, OK to film 4 video vignettes at LifeChurch.tv with the Online Church crew. The videos will most likely air sometime next week. But for now, here’s a little iPhone video Tony Steward shot with me.

If You Use Social Media, Then You Have to Be Willing to Give Up Some Control

July 3, 2009 in Technology-Social Media with 8 Comments

So I wrote this post back in November of 2008, Community Organizer+Grasp of Web 2.0/Social Media=President Elect Obama.

And then I saw this on July 1, 2009.

And then this tweet by Tony Steward on July 2, 2009.

#churchonline political campaigns found leveraging online community wildly effective in finding and making “disciples” = Obama is president.

President Obama and his campaign did leverage social media technology like no other politician ever has…and I think that’s a huge part of their success, and eventual winning of the White House.

But I’m wondering if it will turn on him. And I don’t mean social media itself, but the people wielding it. People tend to come to social media loving the freedom and openness that it provides, along with the ability to empower everyone and to feel like you are giving them a voice. But sometimes eventually that freedom and openness is seen as a liability and threat, and eventually turns to control. I don’t know if this is happening in the Obama administration or not.

But I think it’s a lesson for all of us. When you invite social media to play a large role in your organization, you have to be willing to let go of some of the control as well. This is why I think many churches and leaders are skeptical…because they don’t want to give over control.

What do you think?

Michael Trent: What Are You Passionate About?

April 17, 2009 in Ministry-Theology with 3 Comments

mt_blue-shirt-1It was approximately three years ago that I had a phone conversation with Michael Trent. He is the “Founder and Idea Engineer” of Third Place Consulting and my church at the time had asked me if I could work with Michael on the concept for our new church coffee shop/cafe. I was super intrigued to be working with Michael as I was just then beginning to study more about the idea of third place. I had a great time hanging with him those few days, and I introduced him to his now favorite local restaurant in Los Angeles, Beverly Glen Deli. (Tip: In my 7 years at Bel Air we would go there for breakfast a lot and to the next door Starbucks–cause it was close to church–and I never saw more stars then there each week. Great breakfast and fun, low key, off the map people watching).

Anyways, Mike and I have stayed in touch over these last few years and have been having ever increasingly phone conversations about ways that we can work together more on some projects.

Mike is a great guy (total connector) and you can follow him on Twitter and read his blog.

In His Own Words

What are you really passionate about?

Rhett, I’ve come to realize in the last few years, clearly what I am called to do: Connect People, Develop Leaders, and Fund Causes. As I look back over my life, both personally and professionally, I see how my heart, mind, and actions drive me toward one of those three no matter what. I want to see people connect to one another because ‘iron still sharpens iron’; relationships are still an essential part of human existence and God’s plan for us. On my tombstone – I want pepperoni and for it to read “Michael unlocked the potential of every person and organization he came into contact with”. That often comes at a price when you are used to push someone to another level in order to unlock their potential, but the ROI is so worth it. And as an entrepreneur I’ve become solid and comfortable with the fact that God wants to use me to generate resources that will be leveraged to fund ministries and causes that please Him.

Continue Reading…

Jesse Phillips: What Are You Passionate About?

April 9, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media with 3 Comments

(Usually this series posts on Friday, but because of Easter weekend, I have posted early for tomorrow’s reflection)

jesse_colorsI first had the opportunity to meet Jesse Phillips this last January when he was in town for the Innovation3 Gathering in Dallas. He, Scott McClellan and I went to White Rock Coffee to chat, and it was one of those great conversations about the Church, ministry, culture, etc, that we all finally had to decide it was time to get back to the office for work. In fact, Scott sent out this tweet shortly after..haaaa.

I’ve had a great day hanging out with @jessephillips from Catalyst and @rhetter. Over a cup of coffee we fixed the church. Patent pending.

Jesse works for Catalyst where he is their “Special Projects Ninja and editor of Catalyst Monthly.”

Jesse is an awesome dude who is very passionate about serving God…that is obvious and comes across in the way that he serves, and in the way he interacts and warmly engages those around him. I love what Catalyst is about and I’m excited that they have someone on board like Jesse.

In His Own Words

What are you really passionate about?

I’m passionate about reforming the Church. Through my experiences in
discipleship programs, interning at a couple churches, and doing street
evangelism – I’ve met lots of outsiders who totally miss the message of
the gospel because they have a hard time looking past the terrible
reputation of Christians.

I desire so strongly that the Church would be known for our love, for
serving, for helping the poor, for self-sacrifice and generosity. I
believe if we were more like Christ, if we lived the Gospel, outsiders
would take the time to truly listen to the message of the Gospel and our
outreach efforts would improve 1 Million Percent.

Continue Reading…

LifeChurch.tv: Sharing Stories & Impacting the Kingdom

April 6, 2009 in Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media with 2 Comments

lifechurch-logo
I’m pretty much stating the obvious when I talk about the amazing ministry impact that LifeChurch.tv is having all around the world. So go ahead and say “Duh, Rhett!” But the reason I bring them up is not specifically the impact that they are having, but their ability to share the stories of life change with others on the web.

I see this as a huge encouragement not only to Christians who try and walk daily with Christ, but I also see it as a huge encouragement to those who are seeking. I think that the Church, and we as Christians have to do a better job of sharing our stories of what God has been doing in our lives and the communities we are a part of.

I also see this as a huge encouragement to those in ministry, whether on staff or in a volunteer position. I have found that ministry, and the job we perform is often based around metrics, usually numbers (i.e. attendance, tithe, retreat numbers, etc.), and I think there is a larger metric that is more difficult to measure, but more valuable…and that is the stories that are told about the work of redemption, grace, salvation, etc. in our lives. Often these stories go untold because there is no outlet…which is a shame.

I remember that the question I most often got on a Thursday morning in my 7 years as a college pastor (college group was Wednesday night) was, “How many college kids were there last night?” THAT’S IT! I kept thinking how about the question, “Tell me a story of how a kid’s life was changed last night?” Or “How is God working in the lives of the students in the college ministry?” Those can not be quantified in easy to grasp metrics and numbers.

I appreciate the online ministry team there at LifeChurch.tv. I count it as a blessing to be able to call Tony Steward a great friend, and I’m looking forward to getting to know Brandon Donaldson better, and still looking forward to meeting Terry Storch and the rest of the crew soon.

So check out some of the great stories that they have been sharing the last two weeks….

This is one of my favorites. Tony is getting interviewed by social media guru Chris Brogan at SXSW. Chris writes this in his blog,

Originally, I thought of LifeChurch.tv as a place to cater to those who couldn’t make it to church, like shut-ins and others who are physically infirm. Tony explained that it went far beyond that. Quite interesting, to say the least.

Tony didn’t miss a beat when Chris made cracks about people getting into church so their money could be taken, and by the end of the interview Chris is quite blown away. Way to represent Tony. And way to make Kingdom impact at SXSW.

Continue Reading…

Dawn Nicole Baldwin: What Are You Passionate About?

April 3, 2009 in Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media with 9 Comments

bxw_mexico2Who is Dawn Nicole Baldwin?
Dawn is the Founder and Lead Strategist of Aspire One
, which is a firm that works with churches and nonprofits on their creative and strategic branding. You can read more about their approach and background.

I had heard a lot about Dawn through various circles, and I think the first time I remember having a conversation about her and the work she does was with Cynthia Ware. I then had the opportunity to meet Dawn briefly at Innovation3 Gathering in Dallas this last January. Though it was a brief introduction, I since then I have had the opportunity to find out more about the work that Dawn does with Aspire One, and I’m excited to see all that she does to help churches and nonprofits become more effective in their messaging.

One of the things that I tend to note about people is the company they keep and what is said about them. And Dawn keeps great company, and she is thought very highly of by her peers.  Those are good things to have.

You can find Dawn blogging here, twittering here, and her company here.

In Her Own Words

What are you really passionate about?

The thought of helping churches reach people more effectively is something that makes my heart beat fast. I grew up in a family where the Church is seen as irrelevant, legalistic and unnecessary. As a teenager, I tried going back to the little church we had attended occasionally but felt like a complete outsider. So helping churches who have a passion for reaching people who aren’t connected to God is something I’m trying to pour all of my energies into.

Continue Reading…
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