Though Anne Lamott is speaking on writing–I think it can also be used as one of the best explanations for what a therapist does. I inserted the word therapist for writer and it best explains some of what goes on in therapy–things that are hard to put into words.
“We write to expose the unexposed. If there is one door in the castle you have been told not to go through, you must. Otherwise, you’ll just be rearranging furniture in rooms you’ve already been in. Most human beings are dedicated to keeping that one door shut. But the writer’s job is to see what’s behind it, to see the bleak unspeakable stuff, and to turn the unspeakable into words– not just into any words but if we can, into rhythm and blues.” (Bird by Bird: Some Insructions on Writing and Life, by Anne Lamott, pp. 198)
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Whether you are a writer, or a therapist, what do you think of this piece from Anne?
The world of online therapy is emerging quickly and there are a lot of tools out there to make this easier, and most importantly, secure. The AAMFT which I am a member of recently sent us out emails about a service they endorse, Therapy Hosting. This is just one of many, and even I at one point last year was in conversation with a technology company about creating an online tool for therapy that I had outlined.
One thing that stood out to me was this exchange of Q & A:
TO: How do you get therapists to participate?
A: We have a log of providers who are interested.
TO: How do you qualify them?
A: We only get licenses medical therapists and make sure to authenticate all professionals.
In the emerging online world of counseling and therapy it can be quite difficult to authenticate people’s credentials, while many are just plain practicing without credentials. So it will be interesting to see how this does.
I’m going to test out this tool for a little bit and blog about it some more.
The Running of the Salmon
When I was in high school my family and I went on an Alaskan cruise, and along the way we stopped at one of the islands to get a tour of where the salmon swim upstream during the spawning season. I don’t remember a lot of details about what I learned on that day, but I do remember some of the images. They can best be described as sea of confusion and chaos, where the salmon swam furiously upstream, looking nothing like themselves in the process.
Sometimes I feel that way when it comes to my social media/technological life. It can be confusing, chaotic, and I often feel like I’m swimming upstream in a sea of confusion. Ultimately that leaves me feeling “other” than myself, and my identity looking nothing like I hope or want. I feel like in the process I become less of who I am in order to keep up with who everyone else is…or projects themselves to be.
How Does Social Media/Technology Fit Into My Life
I have been thinking about how social media/technology fits into my life for a long time, and it wasn’t really until I attended John Dyer’s workshop, Using Technology, Without Technology Using You at the ECHO Conference, that I really got a better sense of what I want out of it.
One:I don’t want to feel a sense of obligation to post blogs I don’t want to write, or use tools that I don’t want to use. This obligation comes from me, inwardly, not cause someone is holding me to it. And that’s a much deeper issue than I can begin to explore in this post.
Two:I don’t want just a breadth of content, but a depth of content. I don’t want content that is just cursory. I have concluded that I would rather post one very meaningful blog every week or two, then a short, cursory post every day. I’m starting to realize personally, how attracted I am to the sites that plumb the depths, rather than skim the surface.
Three: I don’t want social media/technology to overrun the boundaries I’m trying to set. If it’s getting in the way of spending time with family, going to bed at a decent time at night, or keeping me from hobbies like running and reading, then I need to put it back within its proper boundaries.
Four:I don’t want my identity to be based on the projection of external images I put out online, and the affirmation I receive back from them. I want it to come within, from a strong, core sense of identity. An identity that is placed in Christ, and not the number of Twitter followers or retweets I have, or the amount of traffic my blog has, or the supposed sphere of influence I have online. At the end of the day, those things just fade away.
This is what I want…for me. I’m not telling anyone else what they should do, or that this is the way everyone should do it. Some people work online all day, and social media is even more a part of their lives than mine. But even they tell me they have to set boundaries away from that work as well. One of the things I really appreciate about Tony Steward is how he continually experiments with social media to figure out how it can best serve him, not how he can serve it. Tony knows what’s in his “wheelhouse” (@mediapeople pointed this out to me in a conversation at ECHO), and doesn’t seem concerned about his stats, and whether or not he has a new post out every day. This is nowhere better exemplified than Tony ditching his personal WordPress blog, and going with Posterous because it better fit his life/work/time, etc.
What Will Change For Me One:I hate to do it, but I’m no longer going to feel rushed to post my 100 blogs in 100 days on my therapy site. I could do it. But I started looking at my posts and realizing that it was more about surface content, than it was about really writing something of value for people. That’s not what you want as/for a therapist. Or pastor…or anyone really.
Two:I’m going to really strive to only post stuff on both rhettsmith.com and rhettsmith.com/therapy when I feel like it brings value to the readers, rather than just posting to post. Not give in to the pressure of traffic, stats, etc.
Three:I’m not going to sacrifice my family or hobbies in order to pick up the computer to post that obligatory post, or tweet that random tweet. Just isn’t worth it for me.
Four:I’m going to focus more on what is in my “wheelhouse.” It’s too easy to get caught up in random discussion, or arguments and debates online, and really lose focus of the specific skills or purpose I need to be about.
Conclusion
At this point, this blog is all talk unless I really start to practice what I am preaching. But I hope with some new focus, and some accountability from my wife and friends like you, I can achieve these things.
Can you relate to this struggle with social media/technology in your own life?
Is there anything you want to change about your social media/technology use?
Does social media/technology serve you, or do you serve it?
By the way, did you know salmon only spawn once in their lifetime and then they die? Don’t be a salmon when it comes to your social media use.
If you haven’t noticed yet, I have been covering the topic of depression quite a bit the last couple of weeks. This is going to be the last post on this topic for a while, but I wanted to leave you with an article that I thought had some great practical tips, and coping skills for dealing with depression.
Check out the article here, and if you have any questions, please feel free to contact me.
Recently I have been very intrigued by the topic of burnout and depression in ministry, and I have been writing on the topic mainly because it seems to not only be so prevalent, but it’s rarely talked about. In fact, I would say that the symptoms (burnout and depression) are often a result of a lack of boundaries, and a mentality that says do more and more in ministry…as if that equates to godliness.
There are lots of great resources out there, and some pastors are beginning to approach the subject and write about how burnout and depression has affected not only the ministries they are involved in, but everyone around them. In fact…
I think openly discussing and seeking help for burnout and depression is innovative…
because so few are doing it, that to broach the subject puts you ahead of the curve in this area of thinking and praxis.
We don’t forget that we are Christians. We forget that we are human, and that one oversight alone can debilitate the potential of our future.
It arrived without warning, like an uninvited guest. Decisions that were once simple now refused solution, and I found myself dodging anything that asked for my emotional input. My once stalwart faith was left fragile; I avoided whatever required my action.
It was a balmy California evening. I had gone for a jog before I was to speak at a leadership conference. I still can’t recall how I got there, but I found myself sitting on a curb, weeping uncontrollably. I couldn’t tell if it took place suddenly or gradually, but I knew something had broken inside. I remember lifting my trembling hands and asking out loud, ‘What in the world is happening to me?’
I had been leading on empty.
This is such an important topic, and I think one that needs to be talked about more in church ministry, especially among leaders. But it must not only be talked about, but action must be taken to move leaders to a more healthy place of leadership.
If Christian leaders do not model a healthy life, then what exactly are they modeling?
Wayne helps leaders assess what burnout and failure looks like, but he also provides a roadmap for how they can get back on track. His seven hard lessons seem obvious, but unfortunately they don’t become obvious except in hindsight for many of us.
Wayne also does a great job of talking about some actions that one can take such as sabbaticals, and he provides some important resources (counseling centers, camps, retreats, books, etc.) for leaders to access.
I think if more leaders would read this book, and learn some important lessons ahead of time, as well as possibly finding a partner in their own burnout (such as Wayne), then they will find themselves in a much more healthy leadership position than before.
Yesterday I posted the first of two interviews I did with Anne Jackson back in January of 2009. Check out part of the interview below, and read the rest of it here.
From your own perspective, what is at the root behind the stigma of counseling and therapy in the Church? What would you say to Christians who think that we should not take medications for depression and anxiety?
It has always been difficult for me to say I needed to be in counseling to the extent I was, or to say that I have been on a myriad of anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medicine because I’ve heard countless times people question my salvation or my authority to work out God’s calling in my life. Most people think that something is wrong with my spiritual walk if I have to use these “crutches.” I think that the people who are judgmental about these things live in a bubble that desperately needs to be popped. That means they have stayed safe and comfortable their whole life…and there is nothing about Christianity or redemption that is safe or comfortable.
I had the privilege of interviewing Anne Jackson back in January 2009 on the topic of depression and burnout, especially as it relates to ministry and the church. Since I have been writing about depression over the last week I wanted to link again to her interview. Here is a piece of the interview below, but check out the full post here.
One of the reasons I wanted to interview you as you know, is that not many Christians are forthright on the topic of depression, anxiety and what I would describe as adjustment disorders….so why did you decide to be more vulnerable about this issue in such a public forum such as your blog and book?
I remember feeling so alone as I struggled with anxiety and depression…especially in the church world. I would go to services at my church or even as I would hang out with other staff members, it seemed like everyone was so happy and put together.
Those issues became so bad, I had to take a three week leave of absence from work where I started some medication and went to see a counselor. Talking about it with her made me feel so free. Go figure…the truth will set you free…that sounds familiar, doesn’t it?
As I began to share what was really going on with my friends and coworkers, many times those same people would share with me their own struggles with anxiety, depression or other issues.
I realize when other people share their struggles with me, it builds an instant bridge of trust. I know I can talk with them because they’ve walked in my shoes. It also makes a “me too” moment. I think it was Rob Bell who said the words “me too” are the two most comforting words in the English language.
Again, just starting that conversation and allowing others the permission to share knowing they will be welcomed with grace and trust and love – unconditionally, is why I am so passionate about talking about these things.
Discernment
As we talk and think about the issue of depression in ministry one of the most important factors that we have in helping us determine what exactly we are dealing with is discernment.
Discerning what type of help a person needs can be tricky. Should they see a therapist? A psychiatrist? Both? Is a recommendation for meds necessary? Are we dealing with depression, melancholy, burning out, etc? Maybe it’s all, maybe it’s some, maybe it’s none. But the act of discernment is a process and often involves multiple people helping one through their difficult journey.
Depression disturbs one’s most important relationships; for melancholics this may mean family members or close friends. For the mystic or hermit monk, and indeed for all faithful Christians, that most important relationship is with God. When people feel the absence of God, when they doubt, when religious ritual and service lose meaning, their experiences are very similar to the symptoms of depression.
Pastoral caregivers listen in a certain way to the words of those who are disconsolate, a way that is distinct from other helping professionals. To clergy and other professionals in ministry, despair, suffering, struggle, and adversity are laden with spiritual import, because reflection on the experience of melancholy and spiritual desolation can bring depth and meaning to those who are trying to be faithful to the call of Christ (Stone, 21).
When dealing with issues of such vital importance, you can see why discernment is key. In fact, I would say that it’s quite rare for most people entering into ministry to have a decent understanding of mental health issues and the role of the pastor in pastoral caregiving.
In his book Stone talks about four experiences that “compare strongly to depression: the dark night of the soul, ‘accidie’, desolations, and Martin Luther’s understanding of ‘Anfechtungen’”. Fascinating stuff! Let me just mention them briefly here:
“you may have questions about whether Christians should take this or that. You get in that state, I assure you, you will take rat dung.” Pastor Tommy Nelson on his depression
Why the Stigma?
Let me start this post by saying this. When it comes to the issue of taking medication for depression…there are some Christians who believe in it, and those that do not.
I believe in them. And I’m not trying to convince you otherwise. That will require circumstances, experiences convincing beyond my control.
I have worked long enough in the ministry and therapeutic setting to see the amazing and beneficial results that they have had in the lives of the co-workers, students and clients that I have journeyed through life with.
I believe God has given scientists/doctors/researchers amazing minds to create some medications that can help.
As one friend says, “If someone is diabetic, they are going to take insulin…aren’t they?”
Or I tell my friends, “If you have a heart condition, you are going to the cardiologist, right?”
So what’s the stigma around mental health and medications in the Christian life? I’m not completely sure. There is some disconnect it seems. Or rather than disconnect, there is some inconsistency in how we pick and choose what areas of our lives we seek help on, and what areas we think we should be able to pick ourselves up by our own bootstraps.
As we end this week looking at depression I wanted to focus on the idea of hope, because without hope in our lives, it is very difficult to move forward, especially out of things like depression and anxiety. The theologian Jurgen Moltmann says:
Hope is a power in this life to begin life again, to be reborn in an affirmation of life from deep depression. At the same time, hope is a comfort in the world to come beyond death. These are not contradictions. The more hope gives strength in this life, the more comfort it gives in the life to come.
The great writer Parker Palmer (who I referenced in a couple of videos) says this about his own depression. In fact, I recommend his book Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation where he talks at length about the role of depression in his life.
I got tremendous help from a therapist at one point — in one of my depressions — who said to me, “Parker, you seem to keep treating this experience as if depression were the hand of an enemy trying to crush you. Would it be possible to re-image depression as the hand of a friend trying to press you down to ground on which it’s safe to stand?” Well, those words didn’t mean much to me immediately because when you’re there, you can’t hear that kind of counsel. But they grew on me, those words did.
So as we go out into the world, let me encourage you in how you might play a vital role in helping others through depression…through the dark times in their lives. There are many ways to do this, but let me leave you with one idea: HOSPITALITY.
“One way to build upon people’s strengths is to show them hospitality. The counseling session needs to be a place where counselees are welcomed, encouraged, and complimented for what they are doing well, not where their past wrongs or present pathology is dredged up….Showing hospitality has for centuries been one of the vital tasks of pastoral care (Depression and Hope: New Insights for Pastoral Counseling, 61).
Just as a therapist welcomes, as well as provides an encouraging environment where one’s strengths and possibilities for the future are opened up, those in the Church need to do the same.
My hope is that one day those suffering from depression will not just seek the safety within the therapist’s walls, but will find a safety within the walls of the Church.
Questions:
Do you know anyone right now who is suffering from depression?
What can you do to come alongside of them and show hospitality?
What might hospitality look like for someone in the context of depression?
Disclaimer: This blog post is not to be a substitute for professional help or advice. Please consider seeking out professional help if you consider yourself to be at risk for depression.
