Tag Archive - social networking

Revisiting Facebook’s Effect on Marriage and Relationships

November 17, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media, Therapy-Psychology with 3 Comments

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[image by soundlessfall]

Earlier this summer I was contacted by Irving Bible Church in Las Colinas, TX to write an article on technology for their monthly magazine. After talking with the editor at length we eventually agreed upon a topic that we thought would be of importance to the readers — We came up with Is Facebook Making Your Marriage Vulnerable for the October 2009 issue of Chattermag.

I thought/think is a very important topic, and will only continue to grow, but I have been amazed at how this topic has been at the heart of many conversations that I have been a part of (unbeknownst to them that I even wrote this article). I have had several more friends convey stories to me about how their friends actions on Facebook were the cause of the demise of a marriage.

I even received a call from a local TV producer who is working on a story about this topic. In our conversation we talked about the growing concern over this topic, but the difficulty in pinning down what the real issue is. And with these incidents being so early in a new trend (i.e. social networking’s effect on marriage/relationships) it is hard, if not impossible to get people to step forward and discuss the situation.

So I figured that over the course of the next week I’m going to post several times on this issue, looking at what is going on, and what lies behind this issue.

But for today, I wanted to repost my article and get any feedback from you on the issue.

Is Facebook Making Your Marriage Vulnerable?
In the spring of 2005, I found myself in an endless battle with my college students (whom I was pastoring) over the issue of MySpace. Should our college ministry have, or not have a MySpace group? I had questioned the wisdom of it for a long time since I was not happy with much of the salacious content on the site, and I knew I would have little control over it. I finally gave in and was quite pleased that a week later new students showed up to our Wednesday night worship because they had found us on MySpace. But I soon realized how much I had to learn when the fall semester rolled around and my college leaders had gone ahead and created a Facebook group without my knowledge. It was then I decided that the best position for a pastor to take was to be involved with his/her online community. At least then I might have some influence.

That was my big concern 5 years ago. But like most of you, I have since adopted online social media—so much so that it has just become a way of life. I spend time daily writing on my blog, communicating with others on Twitter, updating my resume on LinkedIn, as well as checking out the latest photos and stories from old and new friends on Facebook. And that’s just a few of the hundreds of social media sites vying for my daily attention. But as time passes, I have fewer questions about whether I should or should not be active in these online spaces, but rather, questions about the boundaries I need to establish for them.

Recently, a couple of friends and I were lamenting about two of our friends’ marriages that had ended in divorce. One partner in each of the marriages fostered online connections on Facebook, which eventually led to full-blown affairs. One affair began when a partner reconnected with an old high school friend; the other affair began when one spouse initiated an online connection after meeting a person earlier that week at an event. What had begun as a simple hello on Facebook left in its wake two shattered marriages—devastated spouses and angry children. If you think this is out of the ordinary, just Google the words “Facebook” and “affairs” to find the growing amount of literature on this topic (for instance: here). Maybe this shouldn’t come as a surprise since most of the Facebook rumors tout that it was created to make it easier for college students to “hook up.” I buy into the theory that technology in our lives is not neutral (as my good friend and technologist John Dyer has helped me better understand). Rather, when we use technology, it will affect us in some way. And as married couples, we have to ask ourselves how the current social media is influencing us. Continue Reading…

Text Messaging & the Church’s Need to Re-Evaluate Effective Means of Communication

December 12, 2008 in Ministry-Theology with 5 Comments

Text Messaging: Best Way to Communicate?
I came across the article Gmail Preferred By Students, But Nothing Beats Texting, this morning via Twitter (HT: Terry Storch & Matt Knisely).

Lots of interesting things in this article but a couple stood out to me in particular.

The article begins:

Today’s high-school and college students got their first email account at an average age of 13. Most students have had one of their email addresses for 8 years and have an average of about 2.4 addresses each. But if you really want to reach these students, you should forget email. Send a text message instead.

And ends:

In the end, the survey finds that students do use email – perhaps even more than we realized – but if you really want to reach them, you should do it via text or IM. For marketers, this means that the easy method of sending out newsletters and coupons to mass email lists may become a thing of the past – only 16% of students read marketing email. Companies will have to come up with new ways to to advertise to this demographic. May we suggest social media?

Why is this interesting to me? Because I have long wondered, especially as it relates to ministry if we are communicating, or trying to communicate to an audience in a non-effective mean, or in a way that is less effective in not only communicating the gospel, but just basic information such as times, dates, events, details, etc.?

Looking Back
In June I posted this short blog, Classic: Email and the Phone are Slow and Backward. The article, Big Blue Embraces Social Media was about how IBM was adapting to social networking and new avenues of communication, especially among its younger and newer employees. They said,

Adapting these tools, according to IBM, is also important for recruiting. Hotshots coming out of universities are accustomed to working across these new networks—and are likely to look at a company that still relies on the standard ’90s fare of e-mail and the phone as slow and backward.

My entire post was:

I still use email and the phone, but I understand what they are saying. 9 out of 10 communications with my college students was via text messaging and Facebook.

And at least 5 out of 10 of my communications with staff was via text, Twitter and Facebook as well.

I know some churches have done away with work email and are now communicating and collaborating on inter-office wikis.

What is your pervasive form of communication with friends, family and co-workers?

Looking Forward
As I think about that post from June, it’s become more increasingly clear the need to re-evaluate how I communicate, and the tools that I use.

I have the 1,500 a month text plan…and I pretty much use all of them. In fact, my wife and I are looking to get an unlimited text messaging family plan. That being said, that should be an indicator of the importance of text messaging in my context (former college pastor, social media/ministry author, social circle of many 22-35 year olds). You may be in a different context, and text messaging is not that primary.

That means on average I sent out 50 texts, or Twitters a day. That’s low compared to some of my friends, and high compared to others. But it has become the primary means of much communication.

Why? Because I think it’s short, concise, and to the point. That’s why Twitter is gaining popularity and more businesses, churches and organizations are getting on Yammer. In a busy world people are looking for more effective and efficient means of communication. When text does not suffice, then email or phone is better. Obviously, being in the presence of the person and talking in person is the best.

But in a busy world, we can’t always meet face to face, and we always can’t get on a long phone conversation….and we don’t have time to look through hundreds of emails a day.

I think that’s one reason text messaging is so popular. I also think it’s fun.

All that being said, it’s important for us as people to think more critically about what is not only the most effective and efficient means of communication, but in what ways can we maintain our humanity in a tech driven world that aims for shorter and shorter discourse and sound bites? How does this effect/alter our opportunities to communicate the Gospel in this context?

Have you evaluated your context? What forms of communication is the most effective? Why?

Where Do You Fall on the Graph?

October 23, 2008 in Ministry-Theology with 1 Comment


HT: Marcus Hackler

Changing Role of the Pastor and Church: From Geography Based to Online Community, and from Top-Down Leader to Facilitator

October 1, 2008 in Ministry-Theology with 9 Comments

Mark Brown had an interesting post over at Facebook and on his blog, Ministry in the not too distant future.

Here is what he says:

Seeing this visitor diversity reminded me of the huge shift presently happening in society: moving from relating geographically to relating through networks or interests. This is being driven by the massive growth of the internet. In the not too distant future where you live will mean very little to whom you relate to and the context of your work.

Your workplace may well be wherever you want it to be, your ministry field perhaps on the other side of the world. The most obvious positive is that we potentially can reach huge numbers of people for a fraction of the cost (no travel expenses, venue set up costs etc..) And the negative is that we won’t have as much face to face contact. And for most of us this is the biggest struggle : the idea that we relate without meeting face to face. To quote Hugh Mackay, no longer do we need to be physically present to be in community.

The massive challenge facing us in the church and church organisations is that we are all deeply invested in the geographic model. Parishes are located in suburbs, with autonomous Christian organisations, one to each country. So as this shift away from geography builds momentum we are in for quite a shock.

It is essential that leaders start to wrestle with this otherwise we may well be left wondering where all the people went.. wait isn’t that happening already?

I agree with Mark regarding the essence of his comments here. I think we are seeing a shift away from a geographical based model of church. That is not to say that people will stop gathering at church, but how that looks I think will be very different than the model we see now. I think more and more people will be connected through online networks and gather more locally then drive to church.

I think we will see more and more people connected physically to various networks of ministry, instead of attendance at one church where they participate in everything such as worship, small groups, prayer, etc. It will be more of a modular model that Andrew Jones talked about at GodblogCon.

Two things I think pastors, church leaders need to start wrestling with if they haven’t already:

1) Shift from geographical based ministry to online community/networking based. This does not mean people still won’t gather, but how, where and when they gather will change.

2) Technology is allowing the people/congregants to self-organize, collaborate and participate without having to go through traditional means and hierarchies of the church. I think this will change the role of the pastor drastically from the top-down leader, to more of a facilitator. I think that means we will see less and less traditional roles of pastors, and maybe even less full-time positions, etc.

Thinking out loud. What do you think? Where do you see this already happening?

From 6 Degrees to 3 Degrees of Separation

October 1, 2008 in Uncategorized with 1 Comment

I’m late to this article, but about a month ago TechCrunch had a great post, Six Degrees of Separation is Now Three.

Couple of things stuck out to me in the article:

According to the study, the average person is now connected by just three degrees within a shared “interest” or social group instead of six. In fact, it found that people are usually a part of three main networks: family, friendship, and work.

and

According to Jeff Rodrigues, a social networking specialist that carried out the study, 97 percent of the participants said they felt more connected to people today than they ever have in the past and for older respondents, email and mobile phones were the key factors in reducing the degrees of separation. But for those in the younger generation, Facebook was the main factor. Text messaging was also mentioned as an important component in reducing degrees of separation.

This is such a fascinating study to me. I have usually found myself to be a pretty good networker and resourceful when it came to connecting with people. But now with my presence on Facebook and Twitter I have found it very easy to bypass the number of connections I used to have to make, and can usually go straight to the source. This has been very helpful in many, many ways, and I love the accessibility that social networking has allowed to many people.

Who knows, maybe 3 Degrees will eventually be outdated.

Wondering how this is changing ministry as well? Have some ideas, but not sure. More of a global village, not separated by geography.

Thoughts?

Classic: Email and the Phone are Slow and Backward

June 26, 2008 in Marriage-Family, Technology-Social Media with 2 Comments

Big Blue Embraces Social Media

Adapting these tools, according to IBM, is also important for recruiting. Hotshots coming out of universities are accustomed to working across these new networks—and are likely to look at a company that still relies on the standard ’90s fare of e-mail and the phone as slow and backward.


I still use email and the phone, but I understand what they are saying. 9 out of 10 communications with my college students was via text messaging and Facebook.

And at least 5 out of 10 of my communications with staff was via text, Twitter and Facebook as well.

I know some churches have done away with work email and are now communicating and collaborating on inter-office wikis.

What is your pervasive form of communication with friends, family and co-workers?

ROOV: Gathering Christians Around Their Passions, and Moving Towards Action

June 19, 2008 in Uncategorized with 3 Comments

On Tuesday afternoon I went to coffee with Chris Capehart, one of the co-founders of ROOV. I told Chris when we met that I wasn’t quite sure what to think of ROOV when I heard about it. 1) One more social networking site seems like one too many right now. 2) I don’t like Christians removing themselves into “all Christian” environments to live life there , unless it’s for gathering around very specific or niche causes, etc.

But once I created an account and scoured the site I became more and more impressed with it. And one thing that stood out to me is the statement on their site:

ROOV is an online community that connects like-minded individuals around their shared experiences and passions within their church and city.

It’s one thing as Christians to go into our own bubble and live there, and it’s another thing to gather around our beliefs and causes so we can live them out in the world. ROOV is the best of this idea. I was really impressed with Chris and the other founder’s vision behind it. I’m excited to see where it goes. And I’m excited to see Christians gather around their passions, but not to keep them to themselves, but to move them towards action out in the world.

Here is a quick video about ROOV, and then just a couple of closing thoughts:



ROOV.com Stories from ROOV.com on Vimeo.



I first heard about ROOV from Cynthia Ware, and she thinks highly of it, and so I was immediately interested.

Then Matt Singley talked about it in his highway vlog, episode 4, Media That Rocks My World.

One of my former students compared it so 43 Things, but a site that gathers Christians around their passions and interests towards change.

And last, my friend Chum had a few good thoughts on ROOV that he shard on his blog. Chum said:

• It Connects People – The idea of connecting like-minded Christians based on what they are passionate about has a lot of potential.

• Forced Interaction – Since you have to add a comment or question to add the Roov to your profile, it keeps the discussion going. And it keeps people who are “add” happy from just build up their profile.

• Good Design – The site is easy to use and it works. And since it borrows elements from Facebook, Bloger, and LinkedIn, is already familiar to me.



So check it out. Get an account. Play around with it a while. And let me know what you think.

Formulating an Online Strategy for College Ministry: Part 5–How Twitter Can Catalyze Your Ministry

June 16, 2008 in Ministry-Theology with 11 Comments

Despite some of the bad press recently regarding Twitter, I still must say that I absolutely love it. Sure there are days when things take way too long to load, or they don’t load at all. But despite all that, Twitter is still the first site that I log onto when I get on the internet in the morning. What other site is going to instantly bring me up to date with what everyone in my network (friends, family, co-workers, etc) is doing?

For a great step by step primer on Twitter, check out Matt Singley’s post.

Check out Twitter in Plain English series below:

Those are some great resources on Twitter. And in fact, lots of people are writing about Twitter so it’s not hard to find online some effective ways to use it. So what I want to focus on in this post is just a few ways how you can effectively use Twitter in your ministry…or as I say above, how it can catalyze your ministry.

Three Reasons to Use Twitter in Your Ministry Continue Reading…

Formulating an Online Strategy for College Ministry: Part 4–Using Facebook Effectively

June 4, 2008 in Ministry-Theology with 13 Comments

When it comes to Facebook I’m definitely an evangelist, but it wasn’t always that way. I was one of those pastors who was somewhat fearful of online social technology. I was an early adopter in some ways, but when it came to working with college students I was definitely a late adopter to MySpace (my students had been on for more than a year), and I was also a late adopter to Facebook (my students had been on it for over a year as well).

By the time I got the nerve up to put us on MySpace, my students had already left it and were living online on Facebook. I still remember the Wednesday night in the Spring of 2006 when one of my student leaders got up to make an announcement at the end of the night. He announced how he had created our Quest Bel Air Global Facebook page, and I was thinking to myself, “What does that all mean?”, while I could hear the cheers from the audience as if saying, “Finally!”

Ever since then I have been a big fan and it has revolutionized communication in our ministry. And yet, there is more we could be doing with it, I just haven’t had the time and figured out the best ways yet.

So I have some thoughts, but I would also like to hear from you, and see if we can find out some even more effective ways.
Continue Reading…

Social Networking Pet Peeves and Annoyances

June 3, 2008 in Technology-Social Media with 1 Comment

I know we all have our pet peeves when it comes to social networking sites and technology, so I thought you would enjoy this article, The Top 10 Social Networking Annoyances.

Here are the 10 they talk about:

  • MySpace kitsch
  • The worms crawl in
  • LinkedIn is up tight
  • Mobile social networking still kinda weak
  • Ning: Too much porn
  • Do I know you?
  • Thanks for the ad! Here’s some spam
  • Breaking up is hard to do (too hard)
  • Zombies, pirates and other pointless Facebook applications
  • Multiple social network syndrome

Definitely they are spot on with MySpace and it’s impossible to read profile pages with everyone’s crazy designs.  That’s one of the main reasons I moved to Facebook.  But now Facebook profiles are getting a little impossible to read with everyone’s applications that they are putting on them.

And it’s a bummer that the social networking site that I built Collective Muse on, Ning, is known for too much porn.  Great.

Do you have any pet peeves?
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