Tag Archive - self care

Jethro and Moses: A Story of Self-Care

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[image by marvin L]

17 Moses’ father-in-law said to him, “The thing that you are doing is not good. 18 “You will surely wear out, both yourself and these people who are with you, for the task is too heavy for you; you cannot do it alone. 19 “Now listen to me: I will give you counsel, and God be with you. You be the people’s representative before God, and you bring the disputes to God, 20 then teach them the statutes and the laws, and make known to them the way in which they are to walk and the work they are to do. 21 “Furthermore, you shall select out of all the people able men who fear God, men of truth, those who hate dishonest gain; and you shall place these over them as leaders of thousands, of hundreds, of fifties and of tens. 22 “Let them judge the people at all times; and let it be that every major dispute they will bring to you, but every minor dispute they themselves will judge So it will be easier for you, and they will bear the burden with you. 23 “If you do this thing and God so commands you, then you will be able to endure, and all these people also will go to their place in peace.”

I was reflecting on this passage from Exodus 18:17-22, and I was struck by how it is a story of self-care–Jethro teaching Moses how to better take care of himself. If Moses can’t take care of himself, then how can he lead the people his family, and others around him??

  1. When you push and push and push, you not only wear yourself out, but you wear out those around you as well.
  2. Some tasks are too heavy for us though and we need help….we can’t go it alone.
  3. Sometimes we need to listen to the counsel of others.
  4. You are to allow others to help you bear your burdens.

If we aren’t careful we can burn out those around us with our pace, and our inability to regulate our own self-care.  So what is keeping you from taking better care of yourself? Is there someone you need to listen to…perhaps someone who has been telling you to slow down, rest, etc?  Maybe it’s a spouse, co-worker or friend?

We need to listen to that counsel from others.  Maybe it’s time to let go and allow others to help you with something.  Maybe time for you to delegate and allow others to participate.  Maybe time for you to allow others to help bear your burdens.

One of the best things we can do for others, whether it’s at work as a leader, in church as a pastor, or at home as a parent and spouse is to take care of ourselves.  If we can’t take care of ourselves, then we also can’t model it for our family.

What kind of lifestyle of self-care does your children, spouse, friends, families see you model?  Would they want to emulate it?

Self-care is ultimately about letting go of the control in your life, and maybe the ego or pride that says only I can do this task.

How Do You Say No To Good Things?

I came across this Tweet from Anne Jackson today, and it resonated with me a lot.

Learning to say no to good things. It’s always hard, but it’s necessary. I’ve been losing focus lately.

I know we all have lots of good things on our plate.

We have lots of great opportunities to get involved in lots of good things.

I think that the online world has not only opened the door for us to get involved in lots of good causes, but it has created a certain angst (how can I not get involved with so many good opportunities) that leaves us confused with whether or not to say no to all these opportunities.

So How Do You Know When To Say No To Good Things
Here are just 10 suggestions, or rather avenues and elements that help us think through the process.

  1. Prayer
  2. Small Group/Community Discernment
  3. Gifting/Skills
  4. Time
  5. Benefits
  6. Goals/Objectives/Focus
  7. Calling/Career Path
  8. Relationships (Family, spouse, kids, etc.)
  9. Self Care/Health
  10. Passion

How I Am Trying To Say No
Most often I don’t, which is a major flaw of mine that I’m working on.  There are lots of criteria that are a part of my thought process, but here are a few of mine.

  1. Time with Family.  This is my single most important criteria. If what I take on, takes away from time with my family, then I say no.  If I really want to do it, then I need to find something else to say no to that allows me to do it without taking more time away from my family.  I see more and more people sacrifice family life, marriages, time with children because they simply have too much on their plate, don’t have proper boundaries, or just can’t say no.

  2. Passion.  I have to be pretty passionate about something these days to say yes to it.  If I’m not passionate, and don’t see me being able to put the time, energy and effort into it that is required, then I usually will say no.

  3. Self Care. If we do not take care of ourselves, then we can not adequately do the things we have to do.  If my body is run down all the time, and if I don’t exercise, or eat right, or get enough rest, then other things begin to suffer.

  4. Spiritual Discernment.  I think we would all like to say that discernment from the Holy Spirit is what helps us make the right decisions…and I think that is true.  But that’s what makes saying no to good things so hard…so tricky.  We wrestle with whether or not the opportunity is of God for us to pursue, or of God for us to say no to. Calling and vocation all get wrapped up in this part.

I’m curious. How do you say no to good things? What good thing(s) have you recently said no to? What was your thought process?

Identity–>Boundaries–>Self Care

I’ve had a lot on my mind recently, and during that time I’ve been pretty convicted about several issues that I see interrelated.

It originally arose because of my dismay at the real lack of boundaries in ministry and what affect that has on those caught up in that boundary-less zone.

Boundaries can mean many things and cross many areas of our lives from the physical, the emotional, the psychological and the spiritual. In the area of psychology the lack of boundaries can often lead to a lack of differentiation between people, or the total opposite, enmeshment.

And what I have discovered in some of my teaching and training is that boundaries are connected to many things.

For example:

  • I see boundaries connected to our identity.  How we see ourselves, or how we believe God sees us affect what kind of boundaries we set in our lives.

  • Our boundaries determine how we are then caring for ourselves.

  • And when we don’t care for ourselves, well, we often lack boundaries, and something is wrong at the root of our identity.

So you see, these things are interrelated and it’s important that we think and discuss them.

Over the next couple of weeks I want to explore these themes, and would also like your input and help.

  1. I want to discuss these things (identity, boundaries, self care) in the context of ministry.  I am finding that those of us involved in ministry are often the worst at setting healthy boundaries, caring for ourselves, and often more confused about who we are.

  2. I want to discuss these things (identity, boundaries, self care) in the context of technology. Mainly social media.  I think that those of us who are online a lot often don’t set proper boundaries, not caring for ourselves and those around us, and ultimately our identity is confused as we live in a state of flux between our online lives and those we live in person with our friends and families.



What do you think?  Does this make sense?  Am I way off target here, or do you see these things as issues as well?

What kind of boundaries do you see violated in ministry? What kind of boundaries do you see violated in regards to technology/social media?

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