Tag Archive - Sabbath

Sabbath Keeping versus Margin Keeping: Practices We Must Foster

December 15, 2010 in Ministry-Theology, Therapy-Psychology with 4 Comments

Exchanges between friends on Twitter often raise some great questions.

On November 24 Tyler Braun posted the following:

Challenging post from @MarkBatterson on maintaining margin: http://bit.ly/gMJmjP // I lose it far too often.

My reply to Tyler was:

@tylerbraun almost everyone who ends up in therapy with me has no margin…it’s a consistent theme and issue that affects EVERYTHING!

And my good friend from the church I grew up in Phoenix with, Anna Broadway, replied with:

@tylerbraun @rhetter How would ya’ll say margin in his/your use compares to rest/sabbath? Is sabbath practice a means of protecting margin?

So how does margin compare to Sabbath? And is keeping a Sabbath a way of protecting margin? Those are great questions.

I talk quite frequently in my work with families in both the counseling and church ministry setting about the topic of margin in their lives. I talk about creating “white space” on the calendar, where there is nothing scheduled. It is protected time for families and members of the family to just be…to rest…or to participate in something that hasn’t already been planned. It’s a time to be free of “should”, “have to”, “tasks”, and to simply rest. It’s a great time of connection in families, as they are free to be creative, and do things that aren’t demanded of them.

Margin, “white space”, boundaries…whatever term you use, it is essentially the same. It’s the act of creating space that is free of busyness and activities.

I see this task of creating space and margin as being very different from Sabbath.

Genesis 2:3: Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.

Sabbath keeping is something that I believe we as Christians should want to do. It is a day where we rest in the work that God has already done. It is a laying down of our wants, abilities and demands, and to be content in what God has already accomplished in our lives. It’s a discipline of saying I don’t have to produce, or do something in order to be right before God. It’s an act of being versus doing. This is reflected in the New Testament, especially at Jesus’ baptism in Mark 1:9-11, where Jesus identity is in his being in relationship with his Father, and not in his doing.

Creating margin, “white space”, boundaries, I view as something that we do on top of Sabbath keeping. It is built in times that are focused on rest, and allowing the creativity in a family/ourselves to come to fruition. Many families/individuals over-schedule their lives with busyness and activities like sports and hobbies because they have somewhere lost the ability to just be with one another outside of having to always do things with one another. There is a distinction there, though subtle, can have huge impacts on our relationships with one another.

I believe we protect the Sabbath because that is something we do to foster our relationship with God, and to state that we are dependent upon him, rather than ourselves.

I believe we protect margin, “white space”, and boundaries in our lives because that is something we do to foster our relationship not only with ourselves, but with those we live, work, and play with.

When an individual, or family loses the ability to foster a Sabbath, or create margin in their lives, I know that there are usually deeper things at work. Often individuals and families are afraid to just be by themselves, or with another, without something planned to do. That fear and hesitation points to the very need to create that space and practice a Sabbath.

Any thoughts that you all have on Sabbath, margin, creating “white space”, etc.? I would love to hear them.

Setting Boundaries With Technology Can Help You Maintain Your Sense of Self and Identity

August 11, 2010 in Marriage-Family, Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media, Therapy-Psychology with 4 Comments

Last week I shared with you some of my thoughts from my talk at the ECHO Conference. In the post, Is Your True Sense of Self And Identity At Risk As You Navigate An Online World I explored more in depth some of the technological hindrances to self and identity in an online world…so today I want to discuss some basic boundaries you can set with the technology in your life that can help you better maintain your sense of self.

Boundaries
Boundaries are important in all areas of our lives, and they are often not easy things to put into place. Anytime we put a boundary into place with someone (spouse, friend, family, boss) it is more than likely that we will receive some resistance from them. Boundaries are healthy markers that help us understand where we begin and end in relationship with people and things, and without them, we can slowly lose our sense of self in those people and things who prefer to live without boundaries. Boundaries can keep us from being suffocated, swallowed up, or absorbed by other personalities. They help us maintain our identity.

But boundaries don’t begin and end with people, but can and should be applied to things that we use, such as technological tools. If we don’t, we can be suffocated by them as well.

Boundaries are also hard work. You just don’t place a boundary and then sit back and watch it work. Boundaries take constant vigilance, maintenance and perseverance. So don’t expect to begin these boundaries with the technology in your life and expect miracles. They will take hard, daily work to keep them in place. But I promise, once you maintain them, you will see the results in your life.

Boundary Suggestions
Let me now suggest to you some boundaries that I think are helpful. These are boundaries that I have experimented with myself and continue to use. And they are ones that others have found beneficial in their own lives.

  1. Time Limits: Bottom line…you should have a time limit with the amount of time you spend online on your computer, the amount of time you play with your phone, etc.  If you don’t have time limits in place, you can easily get consumed by the technology.  Placing time limits on technology allows you to be in control, and not the other way around.  If you can’t place time limits, then I would say, you probably have some form of addiction to technology.  There are various tools (web apps) that can help you do this, as well as you have the ability to control time limits from your computer server.  Some people say to me, “I work with computers all day, I can’t be offline?”  My response is usually, “Really?  You can’t ever be offline at all?  If that’s the case, then there are other problems.”  You should still be able to set time limits.

  2. Physical (Basket, Car, Closet, etc.): Find some physical thing such as a basket, your car, or a closet to put all of your technological items in at some point in the day.  The physical place is a reminder to set your stuff aside.  It not only reminds you, but it reminds your family as well.  It also serves as a symbol to you, your family, etc, that they are more important than the technology that so often gets in the way of relationships.  They can look over at the basket and be reminded of a family’s priorities.  You can do this various ways, but what works well for me is that we have a tray that I put my phone and computer and other tech items in every night when I walk in the door.  Those items remain in that tray unless I may need them for some reason, but it has to be a good reason…not just browsing or killing time.  One family I know has everyone put their laptops and phones in their basket every night at 9pm, and no one can access the basket till 8am the next morning.  John Dyer has a good post about this, Why You Need A Technology Basket At Home.

  3. Tech Sabbath (Various Rhythms): I am always reminded that God created the earth in six days and then rested on the seventh day.  There was a rhythm of work and rest in his life, yet we seldom feel the need to model this example, instead working or being plugged in all seven days.  I think that an important boundary people can set in relation to their technology is a sabbath.  One day a week…Five to six days a month…Two to three weeks a year…where you are unplugged.  A sabbath is a reminder to us that our life is not dictated by work or technology, but that it is a life given unto God, rather than the tools we use.  I believe everyone should have at least one day a week where they don’t get online, check email, Twitter, FB, blog, etc, etc.  Most people can do this.  It’s rare that you have to/must check email everyday.  Often the inability to unplug from email one day a week says something more about your inability to create healthy boundaries, than it does about the reality of people not really needing you immediately, and as badly as you think.  Experiment with different rhythms, but setting time aside to be unplugged is not only restorative for you, but a great model to your family.  It reminds them of who is the most important…them, not the technology.

  4. Ask Others (Galatians 5:22-23): My favorite professor in seminary said to our class one day, “If you really want to know if I’m someone who lives out the fruit of the spirit that Paul talks about in Galatians, then ask my family who lives with me everyday…don’t take my word for it.”  We often have a false sense of reality.  I may think that I’m good with establishing boundaries with my technology, but that may not really be the case.  The people who would really know would be my wife, my friends, my children, my co-workers, etc.  Go to your spouse, friend, etc. and ask them, “Give me an honest assessment about my use of technology.  Do I have healthy boundaries?  Am I on my phone too much?  Does my use of technology get in the way of our relationship?”  Don’t take your word for it.  Ask others.

  5. Strive for Face to Face: When at all possible, strive to meet with people face to face.  If you can talk face to face, rather than text…do that.  If you can sit down over coffee, rather than email, then do that.  Anytime we have the opportunity to meet face to face, take the opportunity.  You can read about my attempts in 2009 to take my online community offline, and in person.

  6. Experiment/Be Creative: You know your life, and your use of technology better than me.  So be creative and experiment with some different boundaries you can establish.

The better able we are to establish healthy boundaries with our technology, the better able we are to be ourselves, and maintain our identities in a world that is asking us to surrender it to all the latest technology.

What are some boundaries you have established with your technology?  What area are you struggling in the most when it comes to setting healthy boundaries with your technology?

Diagnosing Our Online Busyness So That We Can Live More Holistically

July 9, 2009 in Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media with 5 Comments

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[image by Winstonavich]


Earlier this week I wrote a post on our identity in our engagement in social media and technology. I believe that at the heart of our online engagement are large questions of identity. And unless these questions of identity are addressed, we don’t fully live into what God has called us to be, but instead move into other identities that we, or others have created for us online. It’s hard to be alone…computer off–no Facebook, no Twitter, no blog–alone with our thoughts. Alone with who we really are.

In order to combat this tension I think we have to live a more rhythmic life when it comes to our use of social media and technology. And by rhythmic, I mean a pattern of living that is modeled after the Creation account–God creates for 6 days, and rests on the 7th.

Genesis 1:31-2:2
31 God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.
1 Thus the heavens and the earth were completed in all their vast array.
2 By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested [a] from all his work.

Most of us don’t have a sabbath when it comes to social media/technology engagement.

How many of us have at least one day of solitude from online technology–from the computer? From our cellphones?

How many of us have built in periods of solitude, not just weekly, but daily?

Diagnosing the Problem
So why don’t we have sabbath patterns built into our routines? What is it about being engaged in social media and technology that keeps us from setting the proper boundaries? As I have said before, there is no need to re-invent the wheel, but instead I’m going to be looking at Henri Nouwen’s book, The Way of the Heart, as I write during this series.

And here is what Nouwen has to say about our busyness, and how it is connected with our identity. I think we can apply this to social media and technology. Constantly being online gives us a sense of being busy, of being needed and wanted. It gives us a sense of identity based on blogging traffic, and the number of retweets on Twitter. All this busyness does something to us. And we have to look at the problem first, if we are then going to change our patterns, and live a more holistic life that includes sabbath times daily, weekly, yearly.

“Just look for a moment at our daily routine. In general we are very busy people. We have many meetings to attend, many visits to make, many services to lead. Our calendars are filled with appointments, our days and weeks filled with engagements, and our years filled with plans and projects. There is seldom a period in which we do not know what to do, and we move through life in such a distracted way that we do not even take the time and rest to wonder if any of the things we think, say, or do are worth thinking, saying, or doing. We simply go along with the many ‘musts’ and ‘oughts’ that have been handed on to us, and we live with them as if they were authentic translations of the Gospel of our Lord (boldness added). People must be motivated to come to church, youth must be entertained, money must be raised, and above all everyone must be happy. Moreover, we ought to be on good terms with the church and civil authorities; we out to be liked or at least respected by a fair majority of our parishoners; we ought to move up in the ranks according to schedule; and we ought to have enough vacation and salary to live a comfortable life. Thus we are busy people just like all other busy people, rewarded with the rewards which are rewarded to busy people!

All this is simply to suggest how horrendously secular our ministerial lives tend to be. Why is this so? Why do we children of the light so easily become conspirators with the darkness? The answer is quite simple. Our identity, our sense of self, is at stake. Secularity is a way of being dependent on the responses of our milieu. The secular or false self is the self which is fabricated, as Thomas Merton says, by social compulsions. ‘Compulsive’ is indeed the best adjective for the false self. It points to the need for ongoing and increasing affirmation. Who am I? I am the one who is liked, praised, admired, disliked, hated, or despised. Whether I am a pianist, a businessman, or a minister, what matters is how I am perceived by my world. If being busy is a good thing, then I must be busy. If having money is sign of real freedom, then I must claim my money. If knowing many people proves my importance, I will have to make the necessary contacts. The compulsion manifests itself in the lurking fear of failing and the steady urge to prevent this by gathering more of the same–more work, more money, more friends.” (The Way of the Heart: Connecting with God Through Prayer, Wisdom, and Silence, pp. 12-13).

There’s a Blog Post in Here Somewhere…

July 2, 2009 in Technology-Social Media with 1 Comment


Morse Code-Leno – The funniest movie is here. Find it

I was watching this video (which is a few years old), and a couple of thoughts came to mind:

  1. I was thinking about how quickly we are to announce the arrival of the latest, and the best new technology. Whether it be the iPhone, Twitter…whatever-you name it.
  2. We automatically assume that the latest is the greatest.
  3. And…who really cares which is faster.  Does it matter?

This all leads me to thinking about the tagline on John Dyer’s blog, Don’t Eat the Fruit. 

Technology is Fast, but Redemption is Slow.

Why? Because after the 4th of July weekend I will be heading into a new blogging series, which will basically be a re-evaluation of our engagement in social media/technology, and some of the necessary habits that I think must developed if we are going to find a balance between our use and non-use of technology.  Lots of people are asking questions around this topic, the latest being John Dyer’s post, Using Technology without Technology Using You: Got Any Tips?  Stop by John’s post and lend him your thoughts for a workshop he will be teaching.

And starting next week, look for a series of posts on the topic of fostering a social media/technology rhythm.

My Social Media Addiction Update!

October 28, 2008 in Ministry-Theology with 4 Comments

Curbing My Addiction
About two weeks ago I wrote the post, You Might Be A Social Media Addict If……Setting Boundaries On Social Media. In that post I proposed the 10 things that I was going to try to help curb my addiction. Two weeks is hardly an experiment, but I figured if I can’t be disciplined for two weeks, well then, maybe I’m in trouble. Below are the 10 things.

So here is what I am proposing I do:

  1. Blog no more than 3 posts a week.
  2. Stop email coming to my phone.
  3. Stop checking Twitter on my phone. Only online.
  4. Check Facebook only 1 time a day.
  5. 10pm Internet Rule: Once 10 hits I can’t be online anymore.
  6. Family Time: Focus on being present. No thinking about being online, or wanting to Twitter about something if it takes me away from being present (this is more subjective)
  7. Visit no more than 25 blogs a day.
  8. Saturday Sabbath: No internet (I’m not talking about checking a phone number or address) surfing.
  9. No Twittering on Sunday
  10. When I am with family (dinner with wife, playing with daughter)…no Twittering. This is subjective sometimes, because my wife and I might want to Twitter about something we are doing so the family can see. But you get the point.

So How Did I Do

  1. Blog no more than 3 posts a week: SUCCEED. So far so good. I limited by posts pretty much, but did post one extra little blurb one day. I really felt a lot of great freedom in setting that criteria, rather than living under the pressure to always post. But I have decided to change this rule to 3 days of blogging rather than 3 posts. I just found that sometimes I wanted to write more. So it gives me the freedom to most more than once on one of those three days, or to write up some drafts ahead of time that can be released on certain days. I will probably settle on some 3 day rhythm Monday–Friday.
  2. Stop email coming to my phone. FAIL, FAIL, FAIL. Attempted to disconnect it, and after not finding the command easily, abandoned the idea and failed miserably. Date package might be coming to an end on my phone though.
  3. Stop checking Twitter on my phone. Only online. FAIL, FAIL, FAIL. This started out good, but by the 3rd day I was all over Twitter on my phone.
  4. Check Facebook only 1 time a day. SUCCEED. I have continued to keep this up only getting on about once a day. There might have been a two day in there, but for the most part, one time a day has been suffice.
  5. 10pm Internet Rule: Once 10 hits I can’t be online anymore. SUCCEED. I did send one email one time at about 11pm, but I was always off before 10 on all the other days. This has been a good rule. Shutting it down early and not taking online work with me in my mind so close to bed is really helpful.
  6. Family Time: Focus on being present. No thinking about being online, or wanting to Twitter about something if it takes me away from being present (this is more subjective). SUCCEED. I made a huge effort to not be online when my wife and daughter were with me. If my wife had to work late one night and my daughter was asleep I would hop online. But chose not to surf the web while we were together, and limited Twitter to times where we both wanted to send a message out about what we were doing together.
  7. Visit no more than 25 blogs a day. SUCCEED. I have stopped going to my Google Reader, and I search/read no more than 25 blogs a day, trying to switch up who I read, and the variety of content that I read throughout the week.
  8. Saturday Sabbath: No internet (I’m not talking about checking a phone number or address) surfing. SUCCEED. Have not hopped online at all on a Saturday. Love having that be totally unplugged.
  9. No Twittering on Sunday. SEMI-FAIL. Instead of not Twittering on Sunday, I chose not to Twitter on Saturday and succeeded, being unplugged from computer and Twitter all day. I did end up Twittering 1-2 times on those Sundays though instead.
  10. When I am with family (dinner with wife, playing with daughter)…no Twittering. This is subjective sometimes, because my wife and I might want to Twitter about something we are doing so the family can see. But you get the point. SUCCEED. Didn’t Twitter unless my wife and I wanted a message to go out.

So all in all, not too bad. But I still need to tinker and adjust some things. I will keep you updated.

Economics Is More Than Money–Re-Thinking How We Use Our Time

October 10, 2008 in Ministry-Theology with 2 Comments

Seth Godin has a killer post, Is effort a Myth.

He has me thinking about the economy…but not in terms of money…but rather the economy of time.

How we spend our time is as important as how we spend our money.

I like the practical advice he gives on just taking a 120 minutes, and re-thinking how you spend it.

You can see his thoughts below:

And that’s the key to the paradox of effort: While luck may be more appealing than effort, you don’t get to choose luck. Effort, on the other hand, is totally available, all the time.

This is a hard sell. Diet books that say, “eat less, exercise more,” may work, but they don’t sell many copies.

With that forewarning, here’s a bootstrapper’s/marketer’s/entrepreneur’s/fast-rising executive’s effort diet. Go through the list and decide whether or not it’s worth it. Or make up your own diet. Effort is a choice, at least make it on purpose:

1. Delete 120 minutes a day of ‘spare time’ from your life. This can include TV, reading the newspaper, commuting, wasting time in social networks and meetings. Up to you.

2. Spend the 120 minutes doing this instead:

* Exercise for thirty minutes.
* Read relevant non-fiction (trade magazines, journals, business books, blogs, etc.)
* Send three thank you notes.
* Learn new digital techniques (spreadsheet macros, Firefox shortcuts, productivity tools, graphic design, html coding)
* Volunteer.
* Blog for five minutes about something you learned.
* Give a speech once a month about something you don’t currently know a lot about.

3. Spend at least one weekend day doing absolutely nothing but being with people you love.

4. Only spend money, for one year, on things you absolutely need to get by. Save the rest, relentlessly.

If you somehow pulled this off, then six months from now, you would be the fittest, best rested, most intelligent, best funded and motivated person in your office or your field. You would know how to do things other people don’t, you’d have a wider network and you’d be more focused.

It’s entirely possible that this won’t be sufficient, and you will continue to need better luck. But it’s a lot more likely you’ll get lucky, I bet.

I was thinking about how much time I waste just surfing. And I don’t mean surfing in the ocean. But surfing on the web, the TV, through magazines that are pointless and candy/bubblegum for the brain (i.e. think sensational, gossip, celebrity, etc.)

Here are some ways that I would like to re-think, re-do my time.

  1. Check email only twice a day.  In the afternoon (around lunch) and then before work is over (around 5 or 6).


  2. Remove, or lower my data package on my Blackberry so that I can’t be online as much.  And turn off my email that comes to my phone.


  3. Reduce the amount of TV shows that I watch.  I like a lot, so that will be tough.  Replace that TV time with reading, relaxing, spending time with my wife.  And by time, not the time we spend watching TV, but real interactional, connecting time.


  4. Spend more time with my family when I’m with my family.  That means cut back on texting, Twittering, checking the web when I  am with them.  So really be present.


  5. Don’t spend my days off just running errands, especially the weekends.  But truly take a Sabbath.


  6. Ultimately, use the time I get back to do two things: 1) use that time to do important, life giving, learning stuff; 2) use that time to be present with my family…not just physically present, but emotionally present.

Give me your thoughts. How would you re-think your time, and what would you do with it?