Tag Archive - ministry

Depression: Discernment in Pastoral Caregiving

Discernment
As we talk and think about the issue of depression in ministry one of the most important factors that we have in helping us determine what exactly we are dealing with is discernment.

the quality of being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure

Discerning what type of help a person needs can be tricky. Should they see a therapist? A psychiatrist? Both? Is a recommendation for meds necessary? Are we dealing with depression, melancholy, burning out, etc? Maybe it’s all, maybe it’s some, maybe it’s none. But the act of discernment is a process and often involves multiple people helping one through their difficult journey.

In the book Depression and Hope: New Insights for Pastoral Counseling (which I mention quite a bit, is a great resource, and which I will reference and quote from heavily in this post), Howard W. Stone says:

Depression disturbs one’s most important relationships; for melancholics this may mean family members or close friends. For the mystic or hermit monk, and indeed for all faithful Christians, that most important relationship is with God. When people feel the absence of God, when they doubt, when religious ritual and service lose meaning, their experiences are very similar to the symptoms of depression.

Pastoral caregivers listen in a certain way to the words of those who are disconsolate, a way that is distinct from other helping professionals. To clergy and other professionals in ministry, despair, suffering, struggle, and adversity are laden with spiritual import, because reflection on the experience of melancholy and spiritual desolation can bring depth and meaning to those who are trying to be faithful to the call of Christ (Stone, 21).

When dealing with issues of such vital importance, you can see why discernment is key.  In fact, I would say that it’s quite rare for most people entering into ministry to have a decent understanding of mental health issues and the role of the pastor in pastoral caregiving.

In his book Stone talks about four experiences that “compare strongly to depression: the dark night of the soul, ‘accidie’, desolations, and Martin Luther’s understanding of ‘Anfechtungen’”. Fascinating stuff! Let me just mention them briefly here:

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Depression: Christians and Medication

“you may have questions about whether Christians should take this or that. You get in that state, I assure you, you will take rat dung.” Pastor Tommy Nelson on his depression

Why the Stigma?
Let me start this post by saying this. When it comes to the issue of taking medication for depression…there are some Christians who believe in it, and those that do not.

I believe in them. And I’m not trying to convince you otherwise. That will require circumstances, experiences convincing beyond my control.

I have worked long enough in the ministry and therapeutic setting to see the amazing and beneficial results that they have had in the lives of the co-workers, students and clients that I have journeyed through life with.

I believe God has given scientists/doctors/researchers amazing minds to create some medications that can help.

As one friend says, “If someone is diabetic, they are going to take insulin…aren’t they?”

Or I tell my friends, “If you have a heart condition, you are going to the cardiologist, right?”

So what’s the stigma around mental health and medications in the Christian life? I’m not completely sure. There is some disconnect it seems. Or rather than disconnect, there is some inconsistency in how we pick and choose what areas of our lives we seek help on, and what areas we think we should be able to pick ourselves up by our own bootstraps.

Continue Reading…

Depression: Hope Through Hospitality

The fourth and final video I shot for LifeChurch.tv on depression aired today and is titled Finding Hope. Monday’s video was An Anchor in the Journey-Exodus 17:1. Tuesday’s video was Depression-At the Movies continued. Wednesday’s video was Walking Through Depression.

As we end this week looking at depression I wanted to focus on the idea of hope, because without hope in our lives, it is very difficult to move forward, especially out of things like depression and anxiety. The theologian Jurgen Moltmann says:

Hope is a power in this life to begin life again, to be reborn in an affirmation of life from deep depression. At the same time, hope is a comfort in the world to come beyond death. These are not contradictions. The more hope gives strength in this life, the more comfort it gives in the life to come.

The great writer Parker Palmer (who I referenced in a couple of videos) says this about his own depression. In fact, I recommend his book Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation where he talks at length about the role of depression in his life.

I got tremendous help from a therapist at one point — in one of my depressions — who said to me, “Parker, you seem to keep treating this experience as if depression were the hand of an enemy trying to crush you. Would it be possible to re-image depression as the hand of a friend trying to press you down to ground on which it’s safe to stand?” Well, those words didn’t mean much to me immediately because when you’re there, you can’t hear that kind of counsel. But they grew on me, those words did.

So as we go out into the world, let me encourage you in how you might play a vital role in helping others through depression…through the dark times in their lives. There are many ways to do this, but let me leave you with one idea: HOSPITALITY.

“One way to build upon people’s strengths is to show them hospitality. The counseling session needs to be a place where counselees are welcomed, encouraged, and complimented for what they are doing well, not where their past wrongs or present pathology is dredged up….Showing hospitality has for centuries been one of the vital tasks of pastoral care (Depression and Hope: New Insights for Pastoral Counseling, 61).

Just as a therapist welcomes, as well as provides an encouraging environment where one’s strengths and possibilities for the future are opened up, those in the Church need to do the same.

My hope is that one day those suffering from depression will not just seek the safety within the therapist’s walls, but will find a safety within the walls of the Church.

Questions:

  1. Do you know anyone right now who is suffering from depression?
  2. What can you do to come alongside of them and show hospitality?
  3. What might hospitality look like for someone in the context of depression?

Disclaimer: This blog post is not to be a substitute for professional help or advice. Please consider seeking out professional help if you consider yourself to be at risk for depression.

Depression: Soren Kierkegaard on Actuality, Freedom and Possibility

Today, LifeChurch.tv posted the third of four videos that I shot with them on depression. Monday’s video was An Anchor in the Journey-Exodus 17:1. Tuesday’s video was Depression-At the Movies continued. Today’s video is Walking Through Depression. In today’s video I share about the prophet Elijah wanting to die, and actually asking God to take his life away.

Sometimes our depression becomes so severe that we just can’t even function. It evolves into an anguish that is difficult to cope with at times, and sometimes we wonder if we can move on. That is a difficult place to be, and it is not uncommon among humanity.

One of the things I have been reading a lot about recently is the issue of anxiety, and how anxiety lies between our knowledge of possibilities, and actuality. This is something that Kierkegaard talks a lot about, and I think he has some good things to say on the topic of depression.

kierkegaardKierkegaard is one of my favorite writers, thinkers, philosophers, theologians, and psychologists. Ever since reading Fear and Trembling when I was 22 he has continued to profoundly shape my life and thinking.

So it is not surprising that in the book Depression and Hope by Howard W. Stone, that it is Kierkegaard that has something to say to us on this issue. Let me quote at length the following passage from the book:

Soren Kierkegaard’s understanding of persons–for our purposes depressed persons–also helps us understand hope. In The Sickness Unto Death, he describes persons as possessors of actuality, freedom, and possibility. All three are a part of the authentic self, and a good relationship of all three is necessary for authentic existence. Actuality refers primarily to the past; it includes our context, our psychological predispositions, and choices we have previously made.

Freedom is what we have in the present. It is a finite freedom, exercised within the limits of our situation and abilities, our givens and past choices. Because of our actualities we cannot simply become whatever we want to be ‘if we try hard enough for it.’ We make choices, and act, from the range of options available to us.

Possibility addresses the future. It is what we can become as we use our freedom. In that respect our possibilities are not predetermined. We are not automatons. We can imagine, and within the givens of life we can become something new. Living as an authentic self, according to Kierkegaard, means looking beyond our immediate necessities or past liabilities. We anticipate the future with the awareness that we are free–however limited–to actualize whom we ought to become as faithful Christians and to take responsibility for shaping that future. Continue Reading…

Depression: Getting Honest With Our Journey

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[image by Church Online]

This week I have had the opportunity to share some thoughts around depression with LifeChurch.tv. You can watch the 4:34 minute video, An Anchor in the Journey-Exodus 17:1 as I talk about the importance of seeing our lives as a journey, and the experiences we will come up across during the journey…such as depression.

Whether you are struggling with depression yourself, or just know someone who is, I hope that you can resonate with the video and the post below.

I remember where I was at the exact moment I read the words below by Rob Bell in his book Velvet Elvis: Repainting the Christian Faith. I was sitting on our couch in Pasadena, CA and as I read each word the resonance grew deeper and deeper within me until I finally felt like I was hit by a ton of breaks…but at least understood. At least there was some pastor out there I thought, this one in Michigan, who put words to my feelings and thoughts in ways that I was not able to at the time. Bell says,

Once again I am going to give you some numbers, and I hesitate to do so, but it is part of the story and it helps to explain the rest. Two years into it, there were around 10,000 people coming to the three gatherings on Sundays.

In the middle of all this growth and chaos was me, superpastor. I was doing weddings and funerals and giving spiritual direction and going to meetings and teaching and dealing with crises and visiting people in prison and at the hospital–the pace and the workload were unreal.

I can’t begin to describe what it was like because it was happening so fast. One minute you have these ideas about how it could be and the next minute you are leading this exploding church/event/monster. All of a sudden there are all of these people who know who you are and want something from you and think you’re a big deal, and you are the same person you’ve always been. Everything has changed and yet it hasn’t. It’s hard to explain, but I found myself asking, “Where is the training manual?”

Continue Reading…

Dealing with issues around depression, anxiety, etc…

This last week I had the opportunity to drive up to LifeChurch.tv to film 4 video vignettes on the movie Henry Poole is Here. Without sharing too much in this post, the movie does a great job of really capturing some of the more human experiences we go through during difficult times in our lives. So I shot 4 videos, each about 3-5 minutes long dealing with different thoughts on topics such as depression, anxiety/angst, etc.

If you haven’t seen the movie, I really recommend it. Even better yet, check out LifeChurch.tv’s new sermon series, “At the Movies”, with plenty of opportunities this week for you to view online.

So each day this week (Monday-Thursday) you will see a new video vignette from me over at LifeChurch.tv Facebook page, and you will have the opportunity to interact, comment, ask questions, etc. I hope that what I have to share will be of encouragement to you, and I hope that I can point you towards some great resources as well.

Church Online at LifeChurch.tv is a great ministry, and I really appreciate the opportunity they have given me to talk about such important life issues, especially in such a great online venue where the interaction among people is so authentic and real.

So please let me know if I can be of any help this week as I post videos, interact with content, and point you towards resources on the topics of depression, anxiety, fear, anger, etc.

Using Your Twitter Leverage for Good

Before I continue on with my current series that I started here and here, I want to post an article I just wrote for Inspiren, which is the publication for the Christian Web Conference which I will be speaking at in September. I would love any feedback that you might have.

I have shared this story with many before, but my very first tweet from Twitter was on December 9, 2007, and it read something like this:

“working on my blog”

Not exactly life changing, is it? In fact, I must have thought about what to write for about 10 minutes. Using Twitter is an interesting experience and I have come to find that there are usually a few steps that one follows before they eventually come to their “sweet spot” in regards to getting the most benefit out of it. First, there is adoption of the tool itself. Convincing one to use Twitter was much more difficult in 2006-2008 before everyone jumped on board this last Spring. Before that time, Twitter was a small, but thriving online community that’s tipping point came in 2007 at SXSW in Austin, TX. I even wrote an article in March/April of this year for Collide Magazine, Why Tweet? Shaping Your Narrative One Tweet at a Time, telling pastors why they should be on Twitter. Second, there is the issue of popularity. This may not be the same for everyone, but once someone adopts the tool, well, they would like to have some followers and to know that others are reading what they write. But popularity and number of followers is only a temporary chasing, before one hopes to get to the third step (which actually may involve less, or more followers). Third, I like to use the term narrative leverage, which refers to the leverage one has to do good, implement action, create community and more through the use of their Twitter profile.

So once you have adopted, found an audience, the hope soon becomes how can I take this tool and use it to the benefit of others, and I think there are several ways that one goes about doing that through the use of narrative leverage.

In the article in Collide Magazine, I wrote:

We all have the privilege to sit with people on a daily basis as they share various snapshots of their life with us. In fact, some of my fondest memories of being a college ministry director involve sitting across from a student at a coffee shop as we engaged one another over a cup of coffee and conversation. Those were memorable times, but one coffee talk chat was hardly enough time to even begin to get a sense of who that student was. Instead, I needed multiple trips to the coffee shop with them. One standalone conversation was just a short chapter in the larger narrative of that student’s life. But when compiled, all the conversations began to paint a beautiful portrait of who they were and what kind of story they were living…

I have never understood how and why some people view Twitter as only an online tool without real world offline implications. Every time I tweet I am inviting others to see my life, to engage me, and to participate fully with me. In fact, I will argue that because of Twitter we often come to know people more fully than we sometimes do in our day-to-day, week-to-week encounters at work, school, and church. Twitter is a 24/7 engagement in the lives of others that affords us the opportunity to observe people in a unique way. We may see aspects of people’s lives and personalities through Twitter that we have not seen in person.

This is what Leisa Reichelt refers to as “ambient intimacy”, and what Clive Thompson refers to as “ambient awareness”. It’s this idea of being aware to all the sharing and talking from our friends and others that continually surrounds us. This is no more evident than on Twitter. Some may think that sharing what you ate for breakfast is trivial, but it’s not. Instead it’s just another brushstroke in the larger portrait that makes up someone’s identity.

To best use narrative leverage on Twitter involves a couple of simple steps. First, It involves you sharing your life online. A Twitter profile that is only links, quotes, agenda pushing, helps little in the way of sharing one’s personal narrative, and doesn’t invite others into your story. So add variety to your tweets, both personal and informal that can help others identify with you. In doing this, you are adding to the “ambient intimacy/awareness”. Second, listening is crucial to this concept of narrative leverage. Not only are you sharing your narrative, but so are others, and your job is to step into that “twitter stream” and listen to what others are saying. Where do you identify? What needs are out there? How can you help? What are you passionate about? When you combine these two things, the sharing of your narrative online, and the ability to listen to what others are saying, then you better leverage yourself to enter into Twitter and help make positive change in the communities and lives around you.

As I conclude this post, let me give you an example. My mother, grandmother and aunt have all died of breast cancer, so that is something that I have twittered about online. What I soon realized was that other cancer survivors, as well as those who have lost loved ones to cancer were now following me and corresponding. Through my sharing (narrative) and my listening (ambient awareness), I saw the opportunity to leverage my profile for social good. I contacted the local Susan G. Komen affiliate in Dallas about ways that I could raise money online through running two races (The Race for the Cure in October and the White Rock/Dallas Marathon in December). So now, because of my narrative, and because of listening, I will be raising money online through Twitter, Facebook and my blog to help the lives of those people around me who have been affected by breast cancer. This is the growth of my Twitter profile…from adoption, to popularity, to ultimately narrative leverage.

What can, or have you been sharing that impacts others? And are you listening in return? There is a world of good you can do with Twitter. I hope to see you at the Christian Web Conference, and I hope you can join me for my presentation and discussion, Twitter: Collaborate, Connect, and Resource via Your Story.

Fun with the Online Church crew at LifeChurch.tv

Today I drove the 3 hours from Dallas, TX to Edmonds, OK to film 4 video vignettes at LifeChurch.tv with the Online Church crew. The videos will most likely air sometime next week. But for now, here’s a little iPhone video Tony Steward shot with me.

Diagnosing Our Online Busyness So That We Can Live More Holistically

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[image by Winstonavich]


Earlier this week I wrote a post on our identity in our engagement in social media and technology. I believe that at the heart of our online engagement are large questions of identity. And unless these questions of identity are addressed, we don’t fully live into what God has called us to be, but instead move into other identities that we, or others have created for us online. It’s hard to be alone…computer off–no Facebook, no Twitter, no blog–alone with our thoughts. Alone with who we really are.

In order to combat this tension I think we have to live a more rhythmic life when it comes to our use of social media and technology. And by rhythmic, I mean a pattern of living that is modeled after the Creation account–God creates for 6 days, and rests on the 7th.

Genesis 1:31-2:2
31 God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.
1 Thus the heavens and the earth were completed in all their vast array.
2 By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested [a] from all his work.

Most of us don’t have a sabbath when it comes to social media/technology engagement.

How many of us have at least one day of solitude from online technology–from the computer? From our cellphones?

How many of us have built in periods of solitude, not just weekly, but daily?

Diagnosing the Problem
So why don’t we have sabbath patterns built into our routines? What is it about being engaged in social media and technology that keeps us from setting the proper boundaries? As I have said before, there is no need to re-invent the wheel, but instead I’m going to be looking at Henri Nouwen’s book, The Way of the Heart, as I write during this series.

And here is what Nouwen has to say about our busyness, and how it is connected with our identity. I think we can apply this to social media and technology. Constantly being online gives us a sense of being busy, of being needed and wanted. It gives us a sense of identity based on blogging traffic, and the number of retweets on Twitter. All this busyness does something to us. And we have to look at the problem first, if we are then going to change our patterns, and live a more holistic life that includes sabbath times daily, weekly, yearly.

“Just look for a moment at our daily routine. In general we are very busy people. We have many meetings to attend, many visits to make, many services to lead. Our calendars are filled with appointments, our days and weeks filled with engagements, and our years filled with plans and projects. There is seldom a period in which we do not know what to do, and we move through life in such a distracted way that we do not even take the time and rest to wonder if any of the things we think, say, or do are worth thinking, saying, or doing. We simply go along with the many ‘musts’ and ‘oughts’ that have been handed on to us, and we live with them as if they were authentic translations of the Gospel of our Lord (boldness added). People must be motivated to come to church, youth must be entertained, money must be raised, and above all everyone must be happy. Moreover, we ought to be on good terms with the church and civil authorities; we out to be liked or at least respected by a fair majority of our parishoners; we ought to move up in the ranks according to schedule; and we ought to have enough vacation and salary to live a comfortable life. Thus we are busy people just like all other busy people, rewarded with the rewards which are rewarded to busy people!

All this is simply to suggest how horrendously secular our ministerial lives tend to be. Why is this so? Why do we children of the light so easily become conspirators with the darkness? The answer is quite simple. Our identity, our sense of self, is at stake. Secularity is a way of being dependent on the responses of our milieu. The secular or false self is the self which is fabricated, as Thomas Merton says, by social compulsions. ‘Compulsive’ is indeed the best adjective for the false self. It points to the need for ongoing and increasing affirmation. Who am I? I am the one who is liked, praised, admired, disliked, hated, or despised. Whether I am a pianist, a businessman, or a minister, what matters is how I am perceived by my world. If being busy is a good thing, then I must be busy. If having money is sign of real freedom, then I must claim my money. If knowing many people proves my importance, I will have to make the necessary contacts. The compulsion manifests itself in the lurking fear of failing and the steady urge to prevent this by gathering more of the same–more work, more money, more friends.” (The Way of the Heart: Connecting with God Through Prayer, Wisdom, and Silence, pp. 12-13).

Exploring the Online Characteristics of Generation F/Y, and Their Implications-Part 2

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[image by jakeoneil]


Last week I posted Exploring the Online Characteristics of Generation F/Y, and Their Implications-Part 1. This series was born out of my fascination with the great article, The Facebook Generation vs. the Fortune 500. And for the first post focused on the first “online characteristic” of this generation, All ideas compete on equal footing.

Today I want to take a look at another characteristic:

2. Contribution counts for more than credentials. When you post a video to YouTube, no one asks you if you went to film school. When you write a blog, no one cares whether you have a journalism degree. Position, title, and academic degrees—none of the usual status differentiators carry much weight online. On the Web, what counts is not your resume, but what you can contribute.

I’m really curious about this characteristic and whether you agree or not? I still think some credentials are important, and some even necessary to certain vocations. But I do think it’s becoming less important. I tell my wife quite a bit that I’m not even sure college will be relevant when my daughter turns 18. Training schools, apprentices, self-learning, etc. But who knows. I have some credentials that are relevant to my work. My M.Div. isn’t necessary in some church circles, but it was helpful, and pretty much required for the denomination I have been in the last 8 years. My MSMFT is necessary though if I want to practice as a marriage and family therapist in any state.

But with the explosion of online collaboration, contribution and socializing, this need to justify ourselves through credentials seems to be collapsing. This is an especially strong point of tension in many churches. Online is a place where the junior high kid who posts a funny video, or the college student who makes a film, or the young adult who writes a blog…has as much credentials, and quite possibly as big of a listening and watching audience as does the pastor preaching on Sunday morning.

I think where this tension will become more apparent is denominationally. Many denominations have huge barriers for ordination and participation in certain leadership structures. Not everyone is going to be willing to jump through those hoops, and I think those who will be willing to do so will continue to shrink. That’s why I think denominations like the PCUSA will continue to shrink up, losing more and more bright and future leaders to other forms of church structure and ecclesiology.

Are credentials important in your church?

Does the need for these credentials exclude leaders who could participate more fully in the life of church ministry?

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