Tag Archive - ministry

“The Power of Vulnerability”: Implications for Our Identity, Relationships, and Vocation

January 27, 2011 in Marriage-Family, Therapy-Psychology with 2 Comments

Brene Brown: The power of vulnerability

This is just a great, great TED talk by Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW, who is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work.

She has spent the past ten years studying vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame. Brené spent the first five years of her decade-long study focusing on shame and empathy, and is now using that work to explore a concept that she calls Wholeheartedness. She poses the questions:

How do we learn to embrace our vulnerabilities and imperfections so that we can engage in our lives from a place of authenticity and worthiness? How do we cultivate the courage, compassion, and connection that we need to recognize that we are enough – that we are worthy of love, belonging, and joy?

[HT: Michael Chapman]

Sabbath Keeping versus Margin Keeping: Practices We Must Foster

December 15, 2010 in Ministry-Theology, Therapy-Psychology with 4 Comments

Exchanges between friends on Twitter often raise some great questions.

On November 24 Tyler Braun posted the following:

Challenging post from @MarkBatterson on maintaining margin: http://bit.ly/gMJmjP // I lose it far too often.

My reply to Tyler was:

@tylerbraun almost everyone who ends up in therapy with me has no margin…it’s a consistent theme and issue that affects EVERYTHING!

And my good friend from the church I grew up in Phoenix with, Anna Broadway, replied with:

@tylerbraun @rhetter How would ya’ll say margin in his/your use compares to rest/sabbath? Is sabbath practice a means of protecting margin?

So how does margin compare to Sabbath? And is keeping a Sabbath a way of protecting margin? Those are great questions.

I talk quite frequently in my work with families in both the counseling and church ministry setting about the topic of margin in their lives. I talk about creating “white space” on the calendar, where there is nothing scheduled. It is protected time for families and members of the family to just be…to rest…or to participate in something that hasn’t already been planned. It’s a time to be free of “should”, “have to”, “tasks”, and to simply rest. It’s a great time of connection in families, as they are free to be creative, and do things that aren’t demanded of them.

Margin, “white space”, boundaries…whatever term you use, it is essentially the same. It’s the act of creating space that is free of busyness and activities.

I see this task of creating space and margin as being very different from Sabbath.

Genesis 2:3: Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.

Sabbath keeping is something that I believe we as Christians should want to do. It is a day where we rest in the work that God has already done. It is a laying down of our wants, abilities and demands, and to be content in what God has already accomplished in our lives. It’s a discipline of saying I don’t have to produce, or do something in order to be right before God. It’s an act of being versus doing. This is reflected in the New Testament, especially at Jesus’ baptism in Mark 1:9-11, where Jesus identity is in his being in relationship with his Father, and not in his doing.

Creating margin, “white space”, boundaries, I view as something that we do on top of Sabbath keeping. It is built in times that are focused on rest, and allowing the creativity in a family/ourselves to come to fruition. Many families/individuals over-schedule their lives with busyness and activities like sports and hobbies because they have somewhere lost the ability to just be with one another outside of having to always do things with one another. There is a distinction there, though subtle, can have huge impacts on our relationships with one another.

I believe we protect the Sabbath because that is something we do to foster our relationship with God, and to state that we are dependent upon him, rather than ourselves.

I believe we protect margin, “white space”, and boundaries in our lives because that is something we do to foster our relationship not only with ourselves, but with those we live, work, and play with.

When an individual, or family loses the ability to foster a Sabbath, or create margin in their lives, I know that there are usually deeper things at work. Often individuals and families are afraid to just be by themselves, or with another, without something planned to do. That fear and hesitation points to the very need to create that space and practice a Sabbath.

Any thoughts that you all have on Sabbath, margin, creating “white space”, etc.? I would love to hear them.

Youth Ministry, Boundaries, and Burnout — Part 5: Model The Change You Want to See

October 4, 2010 in Ministry-Theology, Therapy-Psychology with 1 Comment

This is the final post in a five-part series on Youth Ministry, Boundaries, and Burnout. Be sure to check out the four previous posts, Youth Ministry as a Stepping Stone (Fail), Looking at the Population You Serve, Have a Schedule, and Where’s Your Identity.

If you are waiting around for someone to model to you healthy boundaries in ministry there is a good chance you might be waiting a long time for that to happen…if it ever happens. Pastors at all positions in the church are notorious for lacking healthy boundaries. I wish that weren’t so, but it seems to be the case. Though there are pastors who do manage to have healthy boundaries, you shouldn’t be waiting around for them to model them to you. You need to be more intentional about it.

It’s super easy to be a youth worker and to blame all problems on those “at the top.” In youth ministry we often feel like we have all the authority with no power, or vice-versa, so we wait around waiting for things to happen. It’s easier to be passive and blame it on your supervisors than it is to be intentional about making the changes you want to see in regards to your boundaries.

So it starts with you. You need to begin to take responsibility for your own choices…for your own actions. Don’t blame it on others, and pretend that you are just a victim of a boundaryless church and ministerial staff. That gets you no where, and we don’t model healthy behavior to our students when we can’t be mature and take responsibility for our lives.

Where to Start

I’ve mentioned in the previous posts some places you can begin and some books you can read, but let’s break it down real simple here.

  1. Have a conversation with your supervisor, your staff, etc., and inform them that you are wanting to make some changes not only for yourself personally, but possibly the youth ministry staff in general.  You want to begin the process of setting healthier boundaries.  Explain to them why.  Educate them on how healthy boundaries can help them in many facets of their lives (spiritually, relationally, emotionally, physically, etc.) and how it is setting them up to have longevity in youth ministry and not burn out early and become just another statistic.  Why is conversation important?  Because change isn’t usually accepted real quickly in ministry if there isn’t some reasoning behind it.  So explain that you are wanting to do this, and that it will take some time.  That informs them that they might start seeing some new changes; it informs them that they will need to start making some changes themselves; and it sets up a system of accountability.  Practically, you can’ t be a 6-7 day youth worker and then one day just start only working 5 days.  Why?  Because more than likely you’ve created the expectation that you work 6-7 days a week, and you need to inform your supervisors, and co-workers when and why they will begin to see the changes.


  2. Change the expectations.  Sort of like the first step, but in modeling healthy boundaries you are in the process of beginning to change the expectations of what your role looks like in youth ministry.  This is a long process.  We created the expectations, so only we can begin to change the expectations.


  3. Come up with a practical plan (like the schedule, etc.) and talk it through with your supervisor and staff.  Get buy in from those you report to and from those who report to you.


  4. Give yourself some grace.  Plan on practicing this for at least six months to a year before it starts to take hold.  You probably have spent anywhere from like 2-20 years in youth ministry not modeling healthy boundaries, so you aren’t going to be good at it over night.  It’s a life long discipline.


  5. If your church doesn’t see healthy boundaries as a priority, and you feel that you can’t last long in that environment, then you have to really start thinking on whether or not it’s a healthy place for you to work.  I know that sounds crazy to some of you, but I can tell you stories about youth workers who burned out quickly because it wasn’t a priority to the church, and the church didn’t support the youth worker’s attempts at living out healthy boundaries.  Some of those youth workers got out in time and were able to find churches that valued this.  It’s not just a job that is possibly at stake, but more serious issues like depression, anxiety, anger, loss of relationships, divorce, etc, etc.

Remember. You are responsible for yourself. You are responsible for your choices and actions. You are responsible on whether or not you live by healthy boundaries. Don’t blame the Church. Don’t blame your church. Don’t blame your supervisor. Don’t blame the parents. It begins with you. Make the change.

Youth Ministry, Boundaries, and Burnout — Part 4: Where’s Your Identity

October 1, 2010 in Ministry-Theology, Therapy-Psychology with 1 Comment

This is the fourth post in a five-part series on Youth Ministry, Boundaries, and Burnout. Be sure to check out the previous posts, Youth Ministry as a Stepping Stone (Fail), Looking at the Population You Serve, and Have a Schedule.

The reality is that our identity is shaped by those around us. There is just no getting around that. Henri Nouwen in his many writings makes the point that Jesus in Mark 1:9-11 had an identity that was shaped by his relationship to his Father. His identity was affirmed in the words of his Father, “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.” Before Jesus did any ministry that we know of…before he performed any miracles…before he healed any people…he was secure in his relationship with his Father. A security based on relationship, not on performance. That formed his identity. That’s what enabled him to be cast into the desert and resist temptation. That’s what enabled him to go out into the country and into towns and do the work of his Father.

Imagine what would have happened if his identity had been shaped by his work and performance, rather than his relationship to his Father.

Unimaginable I know.

In youth ministry we too often place too much value…too much self-worth…too much of our identity in the work we do and the needs we meet in our students we serve. We are often propelled by the affirmation that the need to be needed gives us.

In your work in youth ministry, is your identity based on the relationship you have with God, or is it based on the affirmation you get from students and the job performance you do?

This is an important question to answer because it will determine not only the trajectory of the work you do, but the boundaries you set.

Youth Ministry, Boundaries, and Burnout — Part 3: Have a Schedule

September 29, 2010 in Ministry-Theology, Therapy-Psychology with 1 Comment

This is the third post in five part series on Youth Ministry, Boundaries, and Burnout. Be sure to check out the previous posts, Youth Ministry as a Stepping Stone (Fail), and Looking at the Population You Serve.

One of the great benefits of ministry in general, but especially youth ministry…can also be it’s greatest downfall, and risk to whether or not you set healthy boundaries and are able to survive the awesome and chaotic world of youth ministry without burning out.

One word — SCHEDULE!

In most churches that I know, youth ministers have all the freedom in the world to create, minister, and live by their own schedules. Except for some set things (i.e. staff meetings, services, etc.) they can create their own schedule. That is truly one of the great things about working in that world…and I can honestly say, it’s not truly appreciated…not even closely appreciated, until you have a job that doesn’t allow you that freedom. Trust me, I know from experience.

But this freedom to create one’s schedule in youth ministry also puts the youth worker at the greatest risk for burnout and unhealthy boundaries as well. WHY? Because if one is not careful, their ministry, life and schedule is soon dictated by everyone else…and will often be dictated by the slightest whim or impulse. And remember, we are already working in an environment, and with a population who hasn’t really really figured out yet how to set healthy boundaries, and who most likely doesn’t care if you are on the path to major flame out…until of course you are gone because you no longer can function.

Why is having a schedule important in youth ministry?

Because without a schedule you soon let really important things slip by. It doesn’t happen all at once, but is rather a slow slide away from essential things that are needed in your life and role as a youth worker.

You soon don’t make time for solitude and silence. Listening to God takes a back seat and the still, silent voice becomes muffled.

You soon don’t make time for a Sabbath. You work seven days a week, making justifications like “well, I take off a couple of half days here and there, or go in to work late.”

You soon don’t make time for pray. God soon seems distant and you feel disconnected.

You soon don’t make time for study and preparation. The teaching time is thrown together the day of or the hour before.

You soon don’t make time for students. The pastoral care that was once important to you slides away.

You soon don’t make time for your important relationships away from ministry. Your friends, spouse or children begin to feel like you are always working, always on call, or willing to drop their needs to meet the needs of the students you minister to.

And on and on and on…until one day you feel like you barely have the energy or motivation to serve in the ministry that once brought you so much life.

It won’t happen over night, but slow, subtle loss of your schedule, just makes it easier to justify some unhealthy boundary the next time…it may take months, it may take years..but it will happen if you aren’t careful.

If you don’t schedule things that are important to you, it won’t become long before you won’t have the time to do them at all.

What can you do?

  1. Sit down with a blank piece of paper and write down the most important things that you want to accomplish.  For you youth ministry work, your family life, friendships, personal life (goals, hobbies, etc.)  Just list them out


  2. Sit down with your youth ministry calendar and look at your work requirements (i.e. staff meetings, retreats, services, campus visits, pastoral care, preparation, pray, etc, etc.).


  3. Sit down with a blank calendar and begin to insert your work responsibilities and the additional things that are important to you.  Like a puzzle, see how they can fit, or not fit together in a schedule.


  4. Be thoughtful of things that can help reduce the risk of burnout and add them as well.  Things like exercise, rest, Sabbath, time with friends, etc.  Don’t forget to put those in there.


  5. Play around with the schedule.  See what maybe isn’t working.  Maybe you discover some things aren’t necessary, and other things are.  Maybe you realize that you are doing way too much and need to cut back on some things.  Maybe you realize you aren’t doing enough, and need more structure to your schedule.


  6. Continue to come to this exercise every few days and make adjustments. Like a budget that sometimes takes months to refine so it becomes a healthy working budget, this will take some time.  Don’t get frustrated.


  7. Include others in this process.  Co-workers, spouses, friends, etc.  They can often see our blind spots and give us good feedback.

Ultimately we often have to schedule things that are important to us.  Like prayer, exercise, and other habits that require discipline, so does living by a schedule.

Of course our schedule should never be so rigid that we can’t make exceptions and do what we need to do to be in the moment and be with others or meet their needs.  But trust me…no schedule means that you will rarely say no to things, and that you will eventually let go of the things that are important to you, and that will bring forth the life you need to minister long term in a healthy youth ministry.

Let me close with perhaps my favorite story about scheduling.  One of my favorite authors is Eugene Peterson (if you haven’t read him, or you don’t regularly return to his work–you are missing out…big time). In his book Under the Unpredictable Plant: An Exploration in Vocational Holiness, he says this:

“But here I was [like Jonah] on a religious ship on which God was peripheral to the bottom line, in the background of an enterprise that was mostly informed by psychology, sociology, and management-by-objective… Then, I found Fyodor Dostoyevsky… I took my appointments calendar and wrote in two-hour meetings with ‘FD’ three afternoons a week. Over the next seven months I read through the entire corpus, some of it twice. From three to five o’ clock on Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday I met with FD in my study and had leisurely conversations through Crime and Punishment, Letters from the Underworld, The Idiot, A Raw Youth, The Devils, and The Brothers Karamazov. I spent those afternoons with a man from whom God and passion were integral–and integrated. All winter long, through the spring, and a month or two into the summer, I hid away in my study reading Penguin paperbacks… And then the crisis was over. Thanks to Dostoyevsky, God and passion would never again be at risk, at least vocationally.”

I love that. We must make time for things that are important to us. Making time each week to read a novel; to spend in silence; to prepare for a talk; to spend in conversation with a friend; to care for a student — those aren’t moments just in and of themselves, but you are intentionally setting aside time that will have a greater and lasting impact on your ministry and longevity in it, then you can possibly imagine at the time.

Leaders Are Only As “Successful” As Their Level of Differentiation

May 26, 2010 in Marriage-Family, Ministry-Theology, Therapy-Psychology with 4 Comments

One of the topics that has been of great interest to me as of late is the idea of self-differentiation (differentiation of self). It has great interest to me in interpersonal relationships, and it has been really intriguing to me in terms of church leadership. There are lots of ways to talk about differentiation, but ultimately it is one’s ability to “stand on one’s own two feet”, rather than be emotionally fused, or enmeshed with others (i.e. relationships, families, congregations, church staffs, etc.).

We are all susceptible to being fused with others, but pastoral leadership can have the inherent danger where pastors often get their sense-of-self from others (i.e. congregants, staff, etc.). rather than being differentiated. Pastors receive much validation from activities such as sermons, late night visits, crisis intervention, counseling, etc., and if one isn’t careful, they can soon find themselves dependent upon these activities, and the affirmation they receive from them. How many pastors have preached a sermon, and at the end of the sermon they receive lots of praise, but they spend all day thinking about that one person who was critical of it?

I’m a pastor’s kid, and I have worked in the church for the last 15 years as well, so this is a topic that I am beginning to look more seriously at. Unfortunately, it wasn’t until I began my work as a therapist that I have begun to see more clearly the toxic situation that is set up in many church leadership structures.

A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix by Edwin Friedman is a book that I think all pastors and ministry leaders should read. He talks extensively about differentiation in leaders and I found this one excerpt particularly insightful:

I wrote above that one outstanding characteristic with families that endure and perhaps even grow from crisis is the presence of a well-differentiated leader. Now I want to add that the factor which is almost always present in relationship systems that are deeply disturbed, if not disintegrating, is a conflict of will.

For example, one will find in almost every family experiencing the severest emotional symptoms (such as suicide, schizophrenia, psychosis, anorexia, abuse) and sometimes the most debilitating physical symptoms (such as multiple sclerosis, coronary conditions, persistent gastrointestinal problems, even cancer) a deep, abiding conflict of will within the family–sometimes blatantly contentious and sometimes subtly masked by charm or passive obstinacy. Similarly, such conflict is always present in the failure of teachers, counselors, clergy, and consultants to make headway against the riptide of resistance that run counter to their intent. It goes without saying that when continued efforts by CEO’s, managers, and administrators are producing little or no progress, they are probably swimming against a tide.

How, then, does one go with the flow and still take the lead? Answer: by positioning oneself in such a way that the natural forces of emotional life carry one in the right direction. They key to that positioning is the leader’s own self-differentiation, by which I mean his or her capacity to be a non-anxious presence, a challenging presence, a well-defined presence, and a paradoxical presence. Differentiation is not about being coercive, manipulative, reactive, pursuing or invasive, but being rooted in the leader’s own sense of self rather than focused on that of his or her followers. It is in no way autocratic, narcissistic, or selfish, even though it may be perceived that way by those who are not taking responsibility for their own being. Self-differentiation is not ‘selfish.’  Furthermore, the power inherent in a leader’s presence does not reside in physical or economic strength but in the nature of his or her own being, so that even when leaders are entitled to great power by dint of their office, it is ultimately the nature of their presence that is the source of their real strength. Leaders function as the immune systems of the institutions they lead–not because they ward off enemies, but because they supply the ingredients for the system’s integrity.

Much of what I have said about leadership can be summarized in the following chart:

POORLY DIFFERENTIATED LEADERSHIP

  • focuses on pathology
  • is obsessed with technique
  • works with symptomatic people
  • betters the condition
  • seeks symptomatic relief
  • is concerned to give insight
  • is stuck on treadmill of trying harder
  • diagnoses others
  • is quick to quit difficult situations
  • is made anxious by reactivity
  • has a reductionist perspective
  • sees problems as the cause of anxiety
  • adapts toward the weak
  • focuses empathically on helpless victims
  • is more likely to create dependent relationships

WELL DIFFERENTIATED LEADERSHIP

  • focuses on strength
  • is concerned for one’s own growth
  • works with motivated people
  • matures the system
  • seeks enduring change
  • is concerned to define self (take stands)
  • is fed up with the treadmill
  • looks at one’s own stuckness
  • is challenged by difficult situations
  • recognizes that reactivity and sabotage are evidence of one’s effectiveness
  • has a universal perspective
  • sees problems as the focus of preexisting anxiety
  • adapts toward strength
  • has a challenging attitude that encourages responsibility
  • is more likely to create intimate relationships

….Leadership that is rooted in a sense of presence can also be misconstrued as a justification for passivity–for avoiding getting your feet wet, for just being, ‘nice so everyone will love or respect you.’  It can also lead to mistaken notions that data and method are unimportant, that the bottom line does not matter, or that outcome is irrelevant and the approach, therefore, impractical.  Leadership through self-differentiation is not easy; learning techniques and imbibing data are far easier.  Nor is striving or achieving success as a leader without pain: there is the pain in isolation, the pain of loneliness, the pain of personal attacks, the pain of losing friends.  That’s what leadership is all about. (pp. 230-233)

Overlooking People in Ministry (for number’s sake)

April 19, 2010 in Ministry-Theology, Therapy-Psychology with 11 Comments

Unfortunately, one of the ministry lessons that has been drilled into my head over the years is that numbers matter. Specifically large numbers.

I was rarely asked by my supervisors how an event went, or what stories I could tell about the ministry. It always seemed to be about metrics…things that can be measured in numbers. And I get the need for metrics in ministry, (accountability, direction, etc.), but when did that dictate everything we do?

Usually the question was, “How many people showed up?”

Though I don’t believe numbers to be a great marker of life transformation, it’s hard to move beyond intellectually knowing that. So I would find myself questioning things that didn’t attract a significant number of people.

Fast forward…

Now that I’m a practicing therapist I never get questions about numbers.

First, therapy isn’t measured by numbers, but by change.

Second, there is the assumption in therapy that one person can change and have great affect on an entire system. One partner in a marriage can transform the marriage. One kid in a family can transform the family.

I’m being taught the transforming value of one person upon a system.

I wonder what ministry would look like if we approached the people we serve in the same way? That one person can transform a ministry. One person can transform a city. One person can transform the world.

Instead, I think too often in ministry we are taught the value of numbers at the cost of missing out on opportunities to minister to and disciple that one person.

Don’t Play Life Safey by Simply Being a Visitor in This World

March 31, 2010 in Ministry-Theology, Therapy-Psychology with 3 Comments


[image by epSos.de]

God is Not Safe, So Why Do We Play So Safely
There are lots of books, stories and examples displaying how we tend to play life too safely at times, and the need for us to overcome this complacency. One of the examples that is always in my mind is this exchange in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis:

“Aslan a man!” said Mr. Beaver sternly. “Certainly not. I tell you he is the King of the wood and the son of the great Emperor-beyond-the-Sea. Don’t you know who is the King of Beasts? Aslan is a lion – the Lion, the great Lion.”

“Ooh!” said Susan, “I’d thought he was a man. Is he – quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion.”

“That you will, dearie, and no mistake,” said Mrs. Beaver; “if there’s anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they’re either braver than most or else just silly.”

“Then he isn’t safe?” said Lucy.

“Safe?” said Mr. Beaver; “don’t you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King I tell you.”

It’s a reminder to me that we worship a God who is not safe (but good), yet we tend to want to live within the boundaries of safety. If we are honest with ourselves I think we find ourselves most often identifying with Susan, seeking safety, and being comfortable, rather than stepping out into faith and into new and unknown territory.

Or what about Donald Miller who reminds us in A Million Miles in a Thousand Years that not all of us are living a good story…and that to live a good story requires some risk on our part to go after something bigger than us…something that isn’t safe and secure (my paraphrase). Miller puts it in another way that many of us can relate to:

“I think this is when most people give up on their stories. They come out of college wanting to change the world, wanting to get married, wanting to have kids and change the way people buy office supplies. But they get into the middle and discover if was harder than they thought. They can’t see the distant shore anymore, and they wonder if their paddling is moving them forward. None of the trees behind them are getting smaller and none of the trees ahead are getting better. They take it out on their spouses, and they go looking for an easier story.” (pp. 179)

These are good reminders…welcome wake up calls to me when I find myself living a complacent, yet very safe life that limits risk, while at the same time limiting all that God is calling me into.

Two of My Traveling Partners
Two writers have been great companions in this journey, and I want to mention them to you. They are probably not unknown to you, but maybe these ideas are.

First, Walter Brueggemann, and his concept of orientation, disorientation and new orientation have been playing in my mind ever since I read his book Message of the Psalms during my first year of seminary in 1998. Here is what Brueggemann says:

“Poems of orientation, poems of disorientation, and poems of new orientation. It is suggested that the Psalms can be roughly grouped this way, and the flow of human life characteristically is located either in the actual experience of one of these settings or is in movement from one to another.

a) Human life consists in satisfied seasons of well-being that evoke gratitude for the constancy of blessing. (ex. Psalm 1, 8, etc.)

b) Human life consists in anguished seasons of hurt, alienation, suffering, and death. These evoke rage, resentment, self-pity, and hatred. (ex. Psalm 13, 86, etc.)

c) Human life consists in turns of surprise when we are overwhelmed with the new gifts of God, when joy breaks through the despair. (ex. Psalm 30, 40, etc.)

….

But human life is not simply an articulation of a place in which we find ourselves. It is also a movement from one circumstance to another, changing and being changed, finding ourselves surprised by a new circumstance we did not expect, resistant to a new place, clinging desperately to the old circumstance.

The dominant ideology of our culture is committed to continuity and success and to the avoidance of pain, hurt, and loss. The dominant culture is also resistant to genuine newness and real surprise. It is curious but true, that surprise is as unwelcome as is loss. And our culture is organized to prevent the experience of both…

This means that when we practice either move—into disorientation or into new orientation—we engage in a countercultural activity, which by some will be perceived as subversive…Such a practice of the Psalms cannot be taken for granted in our culture, but will be done only if there is resolved intentionality to live life in a more excellent way.” (The Message of the Psalms, Walter Brueggemann, pp. 19-20, 22-23)

Second, Henri Nouwen and his concept of “voluntary displacement” was what led me to quit my job in 2001 and move for three months down to Guatemala to study Spanish and serve in a children’s hospital. And since then, this concept has been one of my guiding principles in how I try to live my life. Nouwen says this:

“The Gospels confront us with this persistent voice inviting us to move from where it is comfortable, from where we want to stay, from where we feel at home (Lk: 14:26, 9:60, 62; 18:22).

Why is this so central? It is central because in voluntary displacement , we cast off the illusion of ‘having it together’ and thus begin to experience our true condition, which is that we, like everyone else, are pilgrims on the way, sinners in need of grace. Through voluntary displacement, we counteract the tendency to become settled in a false comfort and to forget the fundamentally unsettled position that we share with all people. Voluntary displacement leads us to a deeper solidarity with the brokenness of our fellow human beings. Community, as the place of compassion, therefore always requires displacement.” (pp. 63-64).

Moving in the Right Direction
Visually I’ve tried to keep in mind these concepts this way:

Safety/Orientation–>Voluntary Displacement–>Disorientation–>New Orientation (Reorientation)

It’s a reminder to me to not simply walk through life, but to really live it. To step out and embrace the unknown, and in that process grow as a human being. I love the poem by Mary Oliver, When Death Comes (thanks to Anne Jackson for turning me on to Mary Oliver’s works) — but I particularly love the last couple of paragraphs:

When it’s over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it is over, I don’t want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.

I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.

So what do you do to deal with not becoming too complacent in your own life?

Who are your traveling partners on this journey?

Haiti: 4 Ways to Help Now & 6 Stories of Hope and Connection

March 26, 2010 in Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media with 2 Comments

Wednesday night I had the awesome opportunity to share about my trip to Haiti with a couple of hundred students at Epic Student Ministries of Hope Fellowship. It was an amazing experience. Not only did I get to share about the hope that I witnessed in Haiti, I got to witness students perform 7 original songs that they wrote. Each of the songs was inspired by a photo they looked at from the Haiti earthquake. It was an amazing night.

Four Unique Ways You Can Support the Work in Haiti
I want to recommend 4 ways that you can support the work in Haiti:

  1. You can go to Epic Songs for Haiti by the Epic Songwriters Guild and download the 7 songs for free at Noise Trade. But as you download this original work of art for free…why not donate some money to their cause at the same time. Every dollar will go to various organizations that the church, and the youth ministry has decided to support to continue the good work in Haiti.


  2. You can go to Adventures in Missions and give to their work in Haiti; or sign up for a trip so that you can personally go down and serve in Haiti.  This is the organization that I went down with in February as a part of the YMATH Team.  I like the work they are doing.


  3. You can go to A Home in Haiti and immediately provide a tent shelter for those in Haiti.  This is urgent as the rainy season is upon them.  Shaun King and this organization is doing great work.


  4. You can go to Water Missions and donate to help support the work they are doing in Haiti.



These are four ways that you can easily do…and you can do it right now while sitting down at the computer.  They are organizations that I trust, and I have either been a part of, or witnessed the work they have been doing in Haiti.

Connect With A Story
Some of you may have already seen some of these six videos. If you haven’t, then you need to check them out. Each tells an unique story of what is going on in Haiti, from the perspective of those who experienced the tragedy and are sharing their stories of hope.

Connect with the wonderful people of Haiti and then get involved in some creative way.

YMATH: The Displaced

YMATH: Prayer Meetings

YMATH: Meeting Michelle

Connecting Haitian Churches and American Churches

Drive Through Port-au-Prince

Redemption Song

A Book Resource for Steering Through Chaos

March 17, 2010 in Ministry-Theology with 3 Comments

No, the irony is not lost on me that my last post was called ENOUGH: Put Down Those Ministry and Self-Help Books and Pick Up A Novel.

But remember my caveat:

So you don’t have to give up on your ministry and self-help books, but put them down for a season, and pick up a novel.

I have put them down since November and have ploughed my way through novels ever since. So I decided now was the time to pick up a ministry book that intrigued me, and it just so happened that Steering Through Chaos: Mapping a Clear Direction for Your Church in the Midst of Transition and Change, was the book I picked up. The book is written by Scott Wilson who is the Senior Pastor of The Oaks here in Dallas.

Honestly, one of the things that intrigued me about the book was the title, specifically the word “transition.” If you haven’t noticed before, my blog title is “Transitioning Life’s Journey” because I think that we are always in a state of transition, and that effective leaders know how to guide their churches, organizations, et cetera, through these times of transition.

In the book Scott does a great job of mapping out a direction for church ministry, and yet he does it in a very personal narrative style based on his own experiences, while not saying this is the way to do ministry, but rather, here are some principles that can be effective for each and every ministry. That is just one of the things that I found refreshing in this book.

There are numerous topics in the book that will attract varying readers, but the one chapter that resonated with me the most was Chapter 8: The Leadership Gap. I have been in ministry for 15 years, and I’m also a full-time marriage and family therapist now. And one of the things that I think has been missing in many ministries is the willingness, or humility, to bring other key leaders along for the journey. As ministry leaders we often take a Lone Ranger approach and go out alone, rather than seeking counsel and help. I like Scott’s take on finding someone to help you map out your direction, and at the end of the chapter he lays out some great suggestions for getting started.

Steering Through Chaos is a fun and informative read, and there are lots of companions in it for the journey as Scott takes time out to listen to the wisdom from various pastors around the country. I highly recommend it to those of you who are looking for some more ministry clarity as you guide your church through the next transition.
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