Tag Archive - MFT

Feeling the Freedom to "Shop" for a Therapist

July 2, 2009 in Marriage-Family with 1 Comment

There are lots of reasons that people don’t go to see a therapist (stigma, cost, location, time, etc), but I am convinced that one of the largest fears about looking for a therapist is that people are afraid that they will get stuck with a therapist they don’t like or connect with. I mean, nothing is worse then spending your hard earned money and time to sit across from a therapist that you would rather not be in session with. I get that.

But here’s the good news. YOU DON”T HAVE TO. You are free to look for a therapist until you find one that you like. I know that may seem like a lot of hard work, but it’s worth it to find the right one.

I usually tell new clients that in our first session we are just getting to know each other (intake), and that I want them to know that they should feel the freedom to leave whenever they feel like it’s not a good fit. I tell them that they will know within the first few sessions, whether or not it’s the right fit, and that seems about right. And if it doesn’t work out, I will help them find a new therapist.

Is this a fear of yours, or am I way off base?

Have you ever been “stuck” with a therapist you didn’t like or connect with? What did you do?

When Should I Go See a Therapist?

July 1, 2009 in Marriage-Family with 6 Comments

2621455898_311c5a8839
[image by Ted Percival]


This is a great question and was actually brought to my attention by a comments thread over on Facebook. In fact, one can Google this question and you will find a variety of answers, ranging from very specific things, to a more broad and general feeling of “feeling down” or “depressed.”

There is a not a right or wrong answer here, so let me just suggest a few reasons why you might want to go see a therapist.

  1. A general feeling of needing to talk with someone about some various things going on in your life.  These things can be serious (“I feel like taking my own life.” To more general, “I have just been feeling off…not sleeping…and wanted to talk with someone about this.”).


  2. You are looking for an unbiased, non-judging, caring person to listen to you.  In therapy speak, we might refer to this as unconditional positive regard. A lot of people feel like they can’t find this acceptance with friends, family, or their church, so therapy is often a good place to start. Now I’m not saying that all therapist will practice this, but I think really good ones do.


  3. Someone in your circle of influence (friends, family, co-workers) notices that there are some things in your life that are concerning to them, or that they feel like you might need someone to talk to about them.  So often people end up in therapy due to the suggestion and encouragement of others.


  4. Because you want to grow.  Therapy is not all about working on issues of depression, anxiety, fear, etc., but can be a great environment for personal growth (spiritual, emotional, physical, psychological).  There aren’t many places in your life where you can be in an environment that helps you grow , but a therapist is able to get a different perspective and help foster this growth with their experience, knowledge and tools.


  5. You are experiencing some minor or major life transitions.  Divorce.  Marriage.  Pregnancy.  Death.  College.  Career.  Etc.  These transitions and others often bring out new feelings, challenges, fears, etc. in a person, and it’s helpful to have a guide along that journey.


  6. You have no one else to talk to.  This could literally mean you can’t think of anyone to talk to, or there isn’t anyone who would really understand what it is you are going through.


  7. You are wanting anonymity as you seek help and work through the issue.  Therapy operates under very specific ethical guidelines regarding confidentiality, etc., and this may be important to you as you seek help, rather than going to your pastor, family member or friend.


  8. You are more specifically able to identify what it is you are struggling with, and you want a professional to help you.  This could be depression, anxiety, bi-polar, ADHD, fear, adultery, abuse of any kind, etc.


  9. Many of us don’t take the opportunity to explore the deeper meanings in our own life, or to wrestle with key issues of identity.  We often live on the surface, and never get beyond the things in life that just make us feel good and comfortable.  Seeing a therapist is a great opportunity to really find out who you are, and to be known.


  10. You have seen the positive benefits of therapy in the lives of those around you.  So you want to give it a try yourself.


  11. You might not have any reason, but simply the curiousity of the positive ways it could benefit your life are appealing to you.


  12. You are looking for some hope in your life.

Okay, those are just 12 reasons for when I think it would be beneficial for someone to go see a therapist. I’m sure there are more, but this is where you help me out.

What reasons are there for going to see a therapist?

Did any of the above reasons resonate with you?

What to Look for in a Therapist

June 30, 2009 in Marriage-Family with 1 Comment

2706508296_31cbe6c1d9

[image by Matti Mattila]

Now that we have talked about how to go about finding a good therapist in the previous post, let’s talk about some things you should be looking for. Now, this is going to differ based on a lot of factors, but I think most often, it will differ based on your history of how you have chosen therapists before, or how the community you are most active in goes about doing the process. So the criteria varies depending on who you are talking to.

But here are some things that I think are important.

  1. Education: Have they gone to school (undergraduate/graduate) to receive training for this profession? Or have they been through some sort of recognizable and approved training program?
  2. Credentials: Besides education, what other credentials do they carry that enhance their work in this profession?
  3. License: Are they licensed by the state they practice in?  This could vary, as some great therapists don’t carry a state license, but are sometimes certified by an organization (the AAPC is an example), and then they are usually monitored by some governing body such as a church or non-profit organization.  When looking online, look for a therapist’s license number which is supposed to be displayed in most cases. You will see things like LMFT, LMFT-A, LSW, LPC, etc., usually with some numbers following it.
  4. Accountability: This goes a little back to the previous item.  If they are not licensed through the state, or are not recommended or vouched for by a governing body, then be careful.  I have heard horror stories of people who have gone to therapy with someone who was not practicing under proper guidelines.

    5. Continue Reading…

How to Find a Good Therapist

June 29, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Technology-Social Media with 2 Comments

I have found that there are a lot of people that are wanting to go to therapy, or at least try it out, but they are really unsure of how to go about finding a good therapist. There are several ways to go about this that I want to share with you, and then I’m curious of your own methods in doing this.

Reputation
This is a really good way to find a therapist. And by reputation, I mean those therapist’s names that you have heard before, or recommended by others before, or that keep seeming to come up for good reasons. Anytime you are situated in a community (church, social, work, family) there are certain names, in certain professions or services that one tends to hear over and over again. That’s what I mean by reputation. There is a therapist in Phoenix, AZ and a couple in Pasadena, CA that I continually refer people to over and over again because of reputation.

Personal Referral
This is a really strong indicator of finding a good therapist, and even stronger motivator for often taking that extra step needed to get people in the door. This is the recommendation that comes from a personal friend or family member. More often than not, the person who makes this recommendation has been to see this person in therapy themselves, or is connected with others who have. I think a lot of therapists build strong referral bases primarily on this source of recommendation.

Authority Figure
It is pretty well known that pastors, doctors, psychiatrists, et cetera can be great sources for referrals for people who are looking for a therapist. These professions, and ones like them have had a strong history of providing names of good therapists for people. I know many church attenders who wouldn’t think of asking anyone but their pastor, or some person on their church staff about where to find a good therapist.

Social Media Crowdsourcing
This is probably not as well known, but I think will slowly begin to replace the more traditional methods of therapy recommendations. By crowdsourcing I am referring to the practice of going online and asking people’s opinions via Twitter, Facebook, blogs, etc. I think this practice will gain strength very quickly. A form of this has been the popular chat groups and sites on Yahoo, forums populated by “mommy bloggers”, etc. This is the most common way that people ask my recommendation about finding a therapist, especially in other states. Continue Reading…

So What is Marriage and Family Therapy?

June 28, 2009 in Marriage-Family with 1 Comment

2964088658_a16b0b2e17
[image by mescon]


Sometimes I get the question, “So what does a marriage and family therapist do?” It’s a legit question, especially amongst some of the confusion over the differences between a psychologist, counselor, social worker, etc. There are a lot of ways I can answer that question, but I most often talk about marriage and family focusing on the entire system that one lives in (family, school, work, social) and how that affects the person in therapy, rather than seeing them as an individual, isolated from the impact of others upon their lives and the choices they make.

I like the very brief and succinct way the American Association for Marriage and FamilyTherapy puts it. They write:

What is Marriage and Family Therapy?
A family’s patterns of behavior influences the individual and therefore may need to be a part of the treatment plan. In marriage and family therapy, the unit of treatment isn’t just the person – even if only a single person is interviewed – it is the set of relationships in which the person is imbedded.

Marriage and family therapy is:

* brief
* solution-focused
* specific, with attainable therapeutic goals
* designed with the “end in mind.”

Marriage and family therapists treat a wide range of serious clinical problems including: depression, marital problems, anxiety, individual psychological problems, and child-parent problems.

Research indicates that marriage and family therapy is as effective, and in some cases more effective than standard and/or individual treatments for many mental health problems such as: adult schizophrenia, affective (mood) disorders, adult alcoholism and drug abuse, children’s conduct disorders, adolescent drug abuse, anorexia in young adult women, childhood autism, chronic physical illness in adults and children, and marital distress and conflict.

Marriage and family therapists regularly practice short-term therapy; 12 sessions on average. Nearly 65.6% of the cases are completed within 20 sessions, 87.9% within 50 sessions. Marital/couples therapy (11.5 sessions) and family therapy (9 sessions) both require less time than the average individuated treatment (13 sessions). About half of the treatment provided by marriage and family therapists is one-on-one with the other half divided between marital/couple and family therapy, or a combination of treatments.

You can also find out more information by reading the Wikipedia entry on family therapy which is pretty good.

Marriage and Family Therapists (MFT’s) work with a wide range of clinical issues, whether it be family, couple or individual. But I think one of the strengths of them is their focus on the entire system.

I’m curious. When you look for a therapist, psychologist, counselor, etc., do you see any distinguishing characteristics in their training or credentials, or do you usually lump them all into one group?

Nope, You Are Definitely Not Crazy…Nor Alone!

June 27, 2009 in Marriage-Family with 2 Comments

Often when people come to therapy there are a couple of things that I notice.

One, some people joke with me about how they must be crazy to come to therapy. Or they are quite curious to find out if I think they are crazy. Trust me, you are not crazy. I tell them that everyone else who chooses not to seek help for issues are the crazy ones…not the people sitting in my office.

Two, people think they are alone in their experiences, troubles, life transitions. They think that they are the first to sometimes enter my office with those issues. But they are most definitely not. They are not the first, and they are most definitely not alone.

I want to share with you a quote from the article by Dana Gionta, The Stigma of Therapy: I Don’t Need a Psychologist, I’m Not Crazy.

Over the years, I’ve heard many creative names for therapy, quite reflective of the various stigmas. Some of my favorites are hocus pocus, mental brainwashing, and headshrinking. Now hocus pocus sounds kind of fun, perhaps because of its magical association. Unfortunately, to this day, the realm of therapy or counseling still remains quite mysterious to most people, somewhat like a magic trick. What really happens in that room? What do they do? Will I still be myself when I leave. If I go to a therapist, does that mean I’m crazy, weak or a failure? What will others think? What if I’m seen coming out of that kind of office? Such concerns are quite natural given our socio-cultural conditioning. Unfortunately, as a result, many people decide not to pursue counseling despite experiencing significant emotional, physical or mental distress.

Let’s clarify a few things. Most people who initiate counseling do not have a serious mental illness. They have serious life challenges or are going through difficult life-cycle transitions that may be taxing their current ability to cope. This, in turn, may be adversely affecting their well-being and ability to function as well as they would like. Examples of serious life challenges can be dealing with chronic work-related stressors; career issues; financial problems; health issues or a recent health diagnosis; family or parent/child conflict; cultural assimilation; and academic issues. Examples of difficult life-cycle related transitions can be the death of a family member or friend; the ending of a romantic relationship or close friendship; family/couple changes related to the addition of a child; getting married or divorced; caregiving for loved ones due to illness or disability; and decision-making challenges related to these life choices.

These are just some of the reasons why people decide to go to counseling. So, if you are going through one or more of these challenges at the same time, you’re not alone. The effects are often cumulative, which is generally referred to as a ‘pile-up’ of stressors. Counseling during these times can be quite helpful in providing both the support and skills to better address these life challenges. Ultimately, it is an invaluable investment in your emotional, physical and mental health, an act of courage not weakness, and a gift to those whose lives you touch.

Do you have the perception that therapy must be for “crazy people?” Or do you see therapy as the author does…for people who are going through life transitions?

Can Community and Openness De-Stigmatize Therapy?

June 26, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Technology-Social Media with 7 Comments

This is Post 2/100 in my 100 posts in 100 days series.

2221841522_54f6359cf1
[image by tboard]


Yesterday I asked the question, Is There a Therapy Stigma? If you haven’t had a chance to answer that question…please take a moment to do so, as I’m interested in your opinion on this important subject.

One of the things that has been on my mind for the last couple of years is the question: Can the stigma be taken out of therapy if there was more openness and transparency in the process, rather than anonymity and secretness?

I have received various feedback on this subject…usually about 50/50. There are many who hold to the more traditional methods of anonymity and secretiveness in the therapy process (note: I’m not talking about client confidentiality here–obviously that is super important and must be upheld). While many, especially those raised in the internet age, are more prone to see the necessity of a more open therapeutic process. Wherever you fall on this question, I think the reality is that many things are changing in the field of therapy…and so it’s something we should be thinking about.

Two months ago I came across an interesting conference that I blogged about, Taking the Stigma Out of Mental Health with the Help of Social Media. I won’t spend this post talking about social media (because I will devote plenty of time to that soon), but I do want to mention some of the questions they were asking at the Mental Health Camp–a Conference about Mental Health and Social Media. The specific interest of the camp was “Erasing Stigma and Exploring Possibilities with Social Media.” And some of the questions they were asking were as follows:

* How can blogging help decrease the stigma of mental health?
* How does someone with a mental illness navigate the waters of anonymity in the transparent world of social media?
* How is the journaling that happens in blogging similar to or different from journaling for healing?
* How can social media participants with mental health issues help each other?

What’s interesting to me is that they were not only asking these questions, but they were getting at the idea that openness in mental health can de-stigmatize it. And more importantly, as we live more and more in an open society, especially with our reliance upon the internet…will therapy head more in that direction?

So I have been pondering various ideas in regards to my practice. And just a few questions come to mind that you might have some thoughts on.

What would it look like to have an office in a more public, highly visible and busy area? Say for example, in an office above retail shopping, or next to a coffee shop. Would you be attracted to that, or is that to open for you?

Do you think therapy should remain more anonymous and secretive?

If you were to see a therapist, would you keep it confidential, or is it something you would share with some people?

Do you think that therapy can be more beneficial if the client has a community of supportive people that are aware of the therapeutic process, and are able to lend support in and out of the office?

Is There a Therapy Stigma?

June 25, 2009 in Marriage-Family with 14 Comments

This is Post 1/100 in my 100 posts in 100 days series.

3604856550_04e122eaa7
[image by Vali]


There is a lot to talk about in the next 100 days. Lots. So I thought it would be appropriate to start from the beginning. And by beginning I mean…the idea of going to therapy itself. If you haven’t noticed, there is often a stigma when it comes to one going to therapy. The stigma may be culturally…it could be religious…maybe it’s a social stigma.  Or it could be that the stigma is created and influenced by your friends and family. Whatever the case may be, many have talked with me about their fears of just walking out the door and going to therapy.  And I understand that.

Some of you may be reading this and saying, “Stigma, what stigma. I tell everyone about my therapist. He/She is so great!” Growing up in Arizona therapy was talked about openly. And having lived in California the last eight years, all I can say is that having a therapist was often a popular trend, as fashionable as the parties one attended or the private yoga instructor someone met with. It was not unusual to come across a group of people where all of them were seeing the same therapist and openly sharing stories with one another about their sessions.  But Texas is different, and it has its own stigmas about therapy, though I find that most people are pretty open about seeing a therapist.

So what is the stigma about?

  1. Feeling like you are not in control if it’s come to the point of needing/wanting to see a therapist.
  2. Fear of having to reach out to someone for help.
  3. Is the stigma created by being known by others that you see a therapist…or being seen in THAT office.
  4. Or maybe the stigma lies in the fact that things are better left untouch/unsaid…don’t stir up stuff.  Don’t rock the boat.
  5. Maybe the stigma is religious/church…says that all you need is God, not any help from a human.
  6. Or maybe the stigma is that people think only “crazy” people go to therapy.

These are just some thoughts.

I’m curious.  In your opinion, what is the stigma about?

Would you…or have you ever gone to a therapist/counselor?

Was it beneficial?  Why or why not?

What would it take you to walk through that door to see a therapist?

Launching My Private Practice

April 19, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Technology-Social Media with 5 Comments

open_sign_1For many of you that know me, and those of you that don’t, launching my own therapy private practice has been something that I have been wanting to do for quite a while. After a lot of years of work in university life, church ministry, pastoral care and non-profit community mental health agencies I felt that the time was ripe for this transition. I’m very excited about this new phase of my life and I know that all of my experience and training comes to its highest fruition in this type of setting. I’m not only excited about the therapy aspect of my work, but I’m excited about introducing more social media and newer technologies into the communication of my practice and the things that I’m working towards in the field of Marriage and Family Therapy.

You will notice several things on this site:

First, you can connect with me on Twitter and FriendFeed, unless you already have. I will be using Twitter and FriendFeed to not only give you some insight into my personal life, but to provide you with content in the area of marriage, family, relational issues, and generally anything having to do with the area of therapy. And of course you will continue to see my occasional tweets and links about social media and leadership.

Second, you will notice that I have launched a Facebook group dedicated to the field of marriage and family therapy. This will be a site that I hope many will find helpful, both clients and non-clients as I provide resources, as well as avenues for others to connect with me and ask ask therapy, or mental health related questions. Check it out.

Third, I have provided a bookstore with some recommended reading in certain areas of life, as well as a resources page. Both are incomplete so this is where you come in handy.

Fourth, you or anyone else can ask me a therapy/mental health related question, whether you are a client or not. I hope this will be a helpful resource for those in need, or those who are just curious. Participate and help me crowdsource this site, letting me know what you would to see as a potential client in a therapy practice, or what you would want to see as an outside observer looking for resources and information. I appreciate all of your help and encouragement in this endeavor.
Page 4 of 4«1234