Tag Archive - identity

Reclaimining Our “Birthright Gifts”

March 11, 2009 in Ministry-Theology, Therapy-Psychology with 4 Comments

hand_of_love“We arrive in this world with birthright gifts–then we spend the first half of our lives abandoning them or letting other disabuse us of them. As young people, we are surrounded by expectations that may have little to do with who we really are, expectations held by people who are not trying to discern our selfhood but to fit us into slots. In families, schools, workplaces, and religious communities, we are trained away from true self toward images of acceptability; under social pressures like racism and sexism our original shape is deformed beyond recognition; and we ourselves, driven by fear, too many often betray true self to gain the approval of others.” (Let Your Life Speak by Parker Palmer, pp. 12)

As I continue to revisit Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation by Parker Palmer, I was really struck by this quote of his. At the age of 34 I’m just now beginning to realize how much of what I do and have done is driven by the pressure to fit in. By the pressure to please others. By the pressure to perform. By the pressure to climb to the top. A lot of those expectations drove me to do some really great things, but as I reflect more on my life, those great things have not always been congruent with who I am, or what Parker would refer to as one’s true self.

As the son of a pastor I was slotted early on to continue the vocation of ministry. Those were not the expectations of my father or probably most of my family, but those were some of the expectations from those around me, and the unsconscious expectations from myself to veer toward a vocation that would be praised and revered. I think that is what drove me early on to enter into ministry, but that is hopefully what no longer keeps me there.

Confession: It is only after some extensive self-searching, prayer, working with my therapist, spiritual mentors, etc. have I come to embrace my “birthright gifts” and become less concerned with the expectations of others.

What “birthright gifts” do you have that you felt like you have abandoned early on in your life? How did others “disabuse” you of them?

Have you, or are you returning to them? Why? How?

In Violation of our True Self

March 9, 2009 in Ministry-Theology, Therapy-Psychology with 5 Comments

identityI have been returning time and time again to one of my favorite books on the topic of identity and vocation, Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation by Parker Palmer. I first read the book in 2002 when I was finishing up my M. Div. at Fuller Theological Seminary at it greatly impacted me and some of my friends. I have since read it over a couple of times and I’m about to finish it again. It is very powerful. It is a paradigm shifting book.

Parker Palmer makes the insightful comment that:

“True self (this is what Parker also refers to as the “imago dei” in us), when violated, will always resist us, sometimes at great cost, holding our lives in check until we honor its truth.” (pp. 4)

As we find ourselves in very different places in life (graduating from college, looking for jobs, looking for second careers, stuck in a career, struggling in a marriage, trying to overcome an addiction, trying to raise kids, etc.) we may find that our identity is being violated.

Palmer says:

“The deepest vocational question is not ‘What ought I to do with my life?’ It is the more elemental and demanding ‘Who am I? What is my nature?’”

This is something I have been thinking about, wondering if all of my indecisivness in life, especially around career and passion, is really the ‘imago dei’ God placed within me being violated. Bumping up against it…stumbling, until I finally find my way.

How do we know when we are in the right vocation? When do we know we have found our calling? How have you known when you violated your ‘true self’ or the ‘imago dei’ in you?

Identity–>Boundaries–>Self Care

September 18, 2008 in Uncategorized with 3 Comments

I’ve had a lot on my mind recently, and during that time I’ve been pretty convicted about several issues that I see interrelated.

It originally arose because of my dismay at the real lack of boundaries in ministry and what affect that has on those caught up in that boundary-less zone.

Boundaries can mean many things and cross many areas of our lives from the physical, the emotional, the psychological and the spiritual. In the area of psychology the lack of boundaries can often lead to a lack of differentiation between people, or the total opposite, enmeshment.

And what I have discovered in some of my teaching and training is that boundaries are connected to many things.

For example:

  • I see boundaries connected to our identity.  How we see ourselves, or how we believe God sees us affect what kind of boundaries we set in our lives.


  • Our boundaries determine how we are then caring for ourselves.


  • And when we don’t care for ourselves, well, we often lack boundaries, and something is wrong at the root of our identity.


So you see, these things are interrelated and it’s important that we think and discuss them.

Over the next couple of weeks I want to explore these themes, and would also like your input and help.

  1. I want to discuss these things (identity, boundaries, self care) in the context of ministry.  I am finding that those of us involved in ministry are often the worst at setting healthy boundaries, caring for ourselves, and often more confused about who we are.


  2. I want to discuss these things (identity, boundaries, self care) in the context of technology. Mainly social media.  I think that those of us who are online a lot often don’t set proper boundaries, not caring for ourselves and those around us, and ultimately our identity is confused as we live in a state of flux between our online lives and those we live in person with our friends and families.



What do you think?  Does this make sense?  Am I way off target here, or do you see these things as issues as well?

What kind of boundaries do you see violated in ministry? What kind of boundaries do you see violated in regards to technology/social media?
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