Tag Archive - hope

Haiti: 4 Ways to Help Now & 6 Stories of Hope and Connection

March 26, 2010 in Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media with 2 Comments

Wednesday night I had the awesome opportunity to share about my trip to Haiti with a couple of hundred students at Epic Student Ministries of Hope Fellowship. It was an amazing experience. Not only did I get to share about the hope that I witnessed in Haiti, I got to witness students perform 7 original songs that they wrote. Each of the songs was inspired by a photo they looked at from the Haiti earthquake. It was an amazing night.

Four Unique Ways You Can Support the Work in Haiti
I want to recommend 4 ways that you can support the work in Haiti:

  1. You can go to Epic Songs for Haiti by the Epic Songwriters Guild and download the 7 songs for free at Noise Trade. But as you download this original work of art for free…why not donate some money to their cause at the same time. Every dollar will go to various organizations that the church, and the youth ministry has decided to support to continue the good work in Haiti.


  2. You can go to Adventures in Missions and give to their work in Haiti; or sign up for a trip so that you can personally go down and serve in Haiti.  This is the organization that I went down with in February as a part of the YMATH Team.  I like the work they are doing.


  3. You can go to A Home in Haiti and immediately provide a tent shelter for those in Haiti.  This is urgent as the rainy season is upon them.  Shaun King and this organization is doing great work.


  4. You can go to Water Missions and donate to help support the work they are doing in Haiti.



These are four ways that you can easily do…and you can do it right now while sitting down at the computer.  They are organizations that I trust, and I have either been a part of, or witnessed the work they have been doing in Haiti.

Connect With A Story
Some of you may have already seen some of these six videos. If you haven’t, then you need to check them out. Each tells an unique story of what is going on in Haiti, from the perspective of those who experienced the tragedy and are sharing their stories of hope.

Connect with the wonderful people of Haiti and then get involved in some creative way.

YMATH: The Displaced

YMATH: Prayer Meetings

YMATH: Meeting Michelle

Connecting Haitian Churches and American Churches

Drive Through Port-au-Prince

Redemption Song

Chad and Sarah Markley Interview #1: Their Story

March 2, 2010 in Marriage-Family, Ministry-Theology, Therapy-Psychology with 6 Comments

There are people online that I have never met in person, but that I feel like I know them. And those people I one day look forward to meeting in person. Just two of those people are Chad and Sarah Markley.

I randomly came across Chad online one day because we were following each other on Twitter and we shared some mutual friends that I have actually met in person (one of those being Rich Kirkpatrick). And then separately, I came across Sarah’s writing because of a tweet by Anne Jackson mentioning her. I’ve been a fan of Sarah’s blog ever since. In fact, my wife and I have often talked about Sarah’s writings, and things we have learned about marriage and relationships from them.

One of the things that has drawn me to Chad and Sarah Markley is their story–and not only their story–but their authenticity and vulnerability in which it is told. Sarah sums it up in these three short sentences on her blog:

I cheated on my husband nine years ago. I was lost and without hope. But God rescued me, my husband forgave me, and I am living a new life.

It’s an amazing story full of pain, sadness, forgiveness, hope and redemption. A story of two remarkable people that were held together and strengthened by a loving God.

It is because of their story that I wanted to interview them. It’s a story that I hear over and over again in my work as a marriage and family therapist and pastor. And in talking with them, I hope that their story can enlighten your own, and possibly help bring about hope and healing where it is needed. As well as helping couples read the warning signs in their own marriage.

This is Part 1 of 3.

How did you come to the decision that you wanted your story to be more visible and available for others to read and hear about?

Sarah: I knew that I’d be sharing my story eventually by writing a book and initially I thought I owed it to my blog readers to share with them first what God had done in my life before I become ultra-public by trying to get a book published. I had no idea that this story would attract so many new readers to my blog and reach out to a generation of women (and men) who have been hurt by infidelity.

Now we, as a couple, feel as if it is a calling to share our story with others

What were some of the lack of boundaries in your own marriage? Have you changed any boundaries in that setting? Can you give us any examples?

Sarah: We used to meet members of the opposite sex for lunch or at the gym. In fact, we used to do things alone with opposite gendered friends all the time: long phone conversations and emails. We didn’t really see anything wrong with it because we used each other for our measures of morality. If what I was doing wasn’t bothering my husband than it was okay for me to do. I wasn’t using God to determine if what I was doing was right or wrong. Our boundaries have changed immensely since my confession 6 years ago. (Sarah has written more on this topic here).

Chad: We make it a point to remind each other we are the others “number one”, especially in public. I need Sarah to know she is my only girl, but I also need others to understand she is my “number one” and vice versa.

What are some early warning signs of an emotional affair that you think many people overlook?

Sarah: Simply giving away too much of yourself. Sharing intimate thoughts, dreams or concerns in the name of “friendship” with someone of the opposite sex who is not your spouse is treading on dangerous ground. When you find yourself thinking about someone else, watching for them, dressing for them, finding excuses to talk to them – those are also bad signs.

Chad: I agree with Sarah. Things begin to get sideways when we get tired of working through things with our spouse and begin to look for “easier” outlets for our emotional, and eventually, and physical needs

What role, if any, do you think pornography played in your decision to have an affair?

Sarah: Pornography created an unattainable and unrealistic view of sex in my mind. I began to desire things that were outside of the realm of what intimacy in marriage should be. It became something that I needed (whether actually viewing it or thinking about it) to become aroused. So when I found myself in an inappropriate emotional relationship with another man, the sexual aspect of it just seemed less “sinful” because I was already fantasizing regularly in my mind.

Chad: I pulled Porn into our marriage to try and “liven” it up. It had been part of my personal sexual journey since 2nd grade and had poisoned my view and expectation of sex to a significant degree. When I introduced it into our marriage I subsequently brought that same level of unrealistic expectation into the marriage bed. The outcome was tragic and I believe was instrumental in opening doors that may have never been opened otherwise.

Stay tuned for Part 2…

Haiti Day #3: Stripped of Everything But God

February 14, 2010 in Uncategorized with 0 Comments

I have always been pretty good about being self-reliant. It’s an inheritenly deep American, Westernized trait that we forge our own paths, and pick ourselves up by our own bootstraps. And if you don’t, then often you are left behind, or looked down upon as if you have some sort of deficiency. And so that’s what I do…I rely on my skills and my gift sets. I use those things to help people. And to a degree, those are the tools that I brought to Haiti with me.

But what does one do when those things are stripped away?

When your ability to continually depend on you…yourself…are stripped away?

You break down and cry.

Okay, maybe not you, but that’s what I found myself doing today in front of a couple hundred Haitians underneath a dirty, makeshift church that was protected by the scorching sun by torn tarps.

It took me about a minute or so to gather myself on stage before I was able to bring forth the words that they had invited me to speak to them. And what’s a minute anyways when I had been asked to speak in the prior thirty seconds. That minute or so seemed uncomfortably long for my translator who was encouragining me to go on. If it was uncomfortable for him (as was the slow painful march to the front of the church) it felt both humiliating and freeing for me. And when I looked in the faces of the Haitians staring up at me, I knew we had connected on a much deeper and personal level than any of the words I could have spoken to them anyway.

In the quiet silence of the church, where only my sobbing could be heard, I was able to identify with their pain in a way that I didn’t think possible…and I believe they were thankful that I could mourn the loss of life with them…and then celebrate the living of life with them.

And now that all my self-reliant gifts and skills had instantly crumbled in front of me, there was only one thing that I could be dependent upon. And that one thing was the person who has always been there, and who I could always depend upon…if I only took the time to lay down my stuff and realize that the things he had given me (the gifts and skills) were to be subservient to him…not to be used in place of him. That one person is…

GOD.

He’s all I had left when I was standing there, when I had nothing to say to a people who have been devastated by one of the worst human tragedies in history.

I have preached in Brazil, India, Mexico, and several other countries. But I have never preached in the midst of such destruction. Never been in a situation where there is almost nothing to say. Up to this point everything I have preached almost seems like lip service (I know it’s not, but that’s how it felt). All one can do is pray, and hope, and love, and be a presence in the midst of people’s pain.

“The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ.”

Those are the words I spoke when they finally broke free from my mouth. Except it was more of a rambling mess…but they must have gotten the idea because they were cheering and clapping and uttering all kinds of praises. These things were not directed at me of course, but to the reality that layed beyond…that I(we), and the Haitians are only parts of the larger body of Christ. And that when we as the members of the body, work together, it is God who brings about the restoration. Not me. Not we. Not us. GOD.

As I walked back to my chair after I finished speaking I sat there looking at all the hopeful Haitian faces in the audience, and I realized that it was THEY who had taught me an important lesson.

That it is GOD who we are dependent upon, and not ourselves. Their jubliant praying and worshipping in churches and streets all over Haiti the last three days taught me that.

And for them I am thankful.

I only hope that in my short time with them, I have been able to transform their lives as much as they have mine. And that GOD will continue to transform us both.

Thank you to my preaching partnersLars Rood, Anne Jackson and Jeremy Zach. Thank you for adding to the work of the body of Christ.

(Re)Birth in the Chaos of Haiti

February 13, 2010 in Uncategorized with 2 Comments






Today has been almost indescribable. After each experience I found myself trying to process what was taking place, and just when I thought I had a good enough grasp on how to try and convey it into words — the scene switched and a completely new experience — a completely new paradigm had been opened up to me. And then words failed.

As we were driving into Port au Prince, our ten passenger van, which was in a three car caravan felt like a slow moving tank into a war zone. Because that’s what it looked like. If you sometimes wonder what you see on the news is as bad as it looks — it is. But it’s even worse in person, because at home I’m without the context, but today I was in the midst of it. I saw the look of despair in their eyes, heard the songs of hope in worship, shook hands, played with kids and even held a baby born five days after the earthquake. As we slowly wound through the streets of Port au Prince, the thought that kept coming to my mind was the way the character in Joseph Conrad’s novel the Heart of Darkness slowly winded his way down the river, edging ever and ever closer to the darkness and despair that laid before him. But instead of finding darkness, we ran into hope. Thousands and thousands of people gathered all over the city in one group after another crying out to God in prayer, worshipping in song and dancing in the streets.

I stood on top of one house, watching a group of about ten-thousand Haitians worshipping anywhere they could in close proximity to the church. I almost expected some people to lower a friend through the roof of the church so that they could be healed. I saw a man standing in a tall tree, just hoping that he could get a glimpse of the prayer service. And I was mobbed by tons of people in a refugee camp, as they frantically asked the translator if I could take their names, write down their needs and bring them help.

I think if I could sum up the day, I don’t think I could adequately do it in my own words, but I think that I can’t do it with an expression of an image that I experienced today. When words fail, sometimes we have to point to symbols, or images, something to express that which transcends our speech. Our churches are full of symbols to help point us to something beyond ourselves –things we can’t get a handle on with our finite minds. Things like communion, baptism, crucifixion and resurrection.

In our very last stop I came across a 40 year old man who was very friendly, and ultimately asked us if he could take us to show us where he lived. As he got out of his chair and began to walk with us I heard a cry from a little girl. It was his little one year old daughter who was worried that her father was going to leave her sitting there with her grandma. So he picked her up to go with us and it very much reminded me of my little daughter at home who is always so eager to go places with me. As we (Anne Jackson, our translator Augustave and myself) walked with them he commented how thankful he was that we were there and that we were always welcome. We turned down a side street full or rubble and walked up to his house that had pretty much collapsed in the earthquake. And it was there in the rubble he told us that the baby his wife was holding was born. Five days after the earthquake a new life was born in the midst of chaos and destruction. Five days after the earthquake, a new life brought hope to a family that was in despair. And now this little baby, barely a month old, for me was a symbol of life resurrected in the middle of all the death.

That’s what I will remember about today.

Even though it was a hard day.

Even though there was crumbled buildings.

I will remember the life and hope that was present in the people we came across.

When I asked the father if he was scared, or if he was overwhelmed by the experience of having a baby in the aftermath of a national and personal tragedy — he looked at me and said that it was in God’s timing. God brought his baby into this world at the right time.

“One of the most powerful experiences in a life of compassion is the expansion of our hearts into a world-embracing space of healing from which no one is excluded. When, through discipline, we have overcome the power of our impatient impulses to flee or to fight, to become fearful or angry, we discover a limitless space into which we can welcome all the people of the world.” (Compassion: A Reflection on the Christian Life: Nouwen, McNeill & Morrsion, pp. 109)

Depression: Discernment in Pastoral Caregiving

July 25, 2009 in Ministry-Theology, Therapy-Psychology with 4 Comments

Discernment
As we talk and think about the issue of depression in ministry one of the most important factors that we have in helping us determine what exactly we are dealing with is discernment.

the quality of being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure

Discerning what type of help a person needs can be tricky. Should they see a therapist? A psychiatrist? Both? Is a recommendation for meds necessary? Are we dealing with depression, melancholy, burning out, etc? Maybe it’s all, maybe it’s some, maybe it’s none. But the act of discernment is a process and often involves multiple people helping one through their difficult journey.

In the book Depression and Hope: New Insights for Pastoral Counseling (which I mention quite a bit, is a great resource, and which I will reference and quote from heavily in this post), Howard W. Stone says:

Depression disturbs one’s most important relationships; for melancholics this may mean family members or close friends. For the mystic or hermit monk, and indeed for all faithful Christians, that most important relationship is with God. When people feel the absence of God, when they doubt, when religious ritual and service lose meaning, their experiences are very similar to the symptoms of depression.

Pastoral caregivers listen in a certain way to the words of those who are disconsolate, a way that is distinct from other helping professionals. To clergy and other professionals in ministry, despair, suffering, struggle, and adversity are laden with spiritual import, because reflection on the experience of melancholy and spiritual desolation can bring depth and meaning to those who are trying to be faithful to the call of Christ (Stone, 21).

When dealing with issues of such vital importance, you can see why discernment is key.  In fact, I would say that it’s quite rare for most people entering into ministry to have a decent understanding of mental health issues and the role of the pastor in pastoral caregiving.

In his book Stone talks about four experiences that “compare strongly to depression: the dark night of the soul, ‘accidie’, desolations, and Martin Luther’s understanding of ‘Anfechtungen’”. Fascinating stuff! Let me just mention them briefly here:

Continue Reading…

Depression: Hope Through Hospitality

July 23, 2009 in Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media, Therapy-Psychology with 4 Comments

The fourth and final video I shot for LifeChurch.tv on depression aired today and is titled Finding Hope. Monday’s video was An Anchor in the Journey-Exodus 17:1. Tuesday’s video was Depression-At the Movies continued. Wednesday’s video was Walking Through Depression.

As we end this week looking at depression I wanted to focus on the idea of hope, because without hope in our lives, it is very difficult to move forward, especially out of things like depression and anxiety. The theologian Jurgen Moltmann says:

Hope is a power in this life to begin life again, to be reborn in an affirmation of life from deep depression. At the same time, hope is a comfort in the world to come beyond death. These are not contradictions. The more hope gives strength in this life, the more comfort it gives in the life to come.

The great writer Parker Palmer (who I referenced in a couple of videos) says this about his own depression. In fact, I recommend his book Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation where he talks at length about the role of depression in his life.

I got tremendous help from a therapist at one point — in one of my depressions — who said to me, “Parker, you seem to keep treating this experience as if depression were the hand of an enemy trying to crush you. Would it be possible to re-image depression as the hand of a friend trying to press you down to ground on which it’s safe to stand?” Well, those words didn’t mean much to me immediately because when you’re there, you can’t hear that kind of counsel. But they grew on me, those words did.

So as we go out into the world, let me encourage you in how you might play a vital role in helping others through depression…through the dark times in their lives. There are many ways to do this, but let me leave you with one idea: HOSPITALITY.

“One way to build upon people’s strengths is to show them hospitality. The counseling session needs to be a place where counselees are welcomed, encouraged, and complimented for what they are doing well, not where their past wrongs or present pathology is dredged up….Showing hospitality has for centuries been one of the vital tasks of pastoral care (Depression and Hope: New Insights for Pastoral Counseling, 61).

Just as a therapist welcomes, as well as provides an encouraging environment where one’s strengths and possibilities for the future are opened up, those in the Church need to do the same.

My hope is that one day those suffering from depression will not just seek the safety within the therapist’s walls, but will find a safety within the walls of the Church.

Questions:

  1. Do you know anyone right now who is suffering from depression?
  2. What can you do to come alongside of them and show hospitality?
  3. What might hospitality look like for someone in the context of depression?

Disclaimer: This blog post is not to be a substitute for professional help or advice. Please consider seeking out professional help if you consider yourself to be at risk for depression.

Depression: Soren Kierkegaard on Actuality, Freedom and Possibility

July 22, 2009 in Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media, Therapy-Psychology with 1 Comment

Today, LifeChurch.tv posted the third of four videos that I shot with them on depression. Monday’s video was An Anchor in the Journey-Exodus 17:1. Tuesday’s video was Depression-At the Movies continued. Today’s video is Walking Through Depression. In today’s video I share about the prophet Elijah wanting to die, and actually asking God to take his life away.

Sometimes our depression becomes so severe that we just can’t even function. It evolves into an anguish that is difficult to cope with at times, and sometimes we wonder if we can move on. That is a difficult place to be, and it is not uncommon among humanity.

One of the things I have been reading a lot about recently is the issue of anxiety, and how anxiety lies between our knowledge of possibilities, and actuality. This is something that Kierkegaard talks a lot about, and I think he has some good things to say on the topic of depression.

kierkegaardKierkegaard is one of my favorite writers, thinkers, philosophers, theologians, and psychologists. Ever since reading Fear and Trembling when I was 22 he has continued to profoundly shape my life and thinking.

So it is not surprising that in the book Depression and Hope by Howard W. Stone, that it is Kierkegaard that has something to say to us on this issue. Let me quote at length the following passage from the book:

Soren Kierkegaard’s understanding of persons–for our purposes depressed persons–also helps us understand hope. In The Sickness Unto Death, he describes persons as possessors of actuality, freedom, and possibility. All three are a part of the authentic self, and a good relationship of all three is necessary for authentic existence. Actuality refers primarily to the past; it includes our context, our psychological predispositions, and choices we have previously made.

Freedom is what we have in the present. It is a finite freedom, exercised within the limits of our situation and abilities, our givens and past choices. Because of our actualities we cannot simply become whatever we want to be ‘if we try hard enough for it.’ We make choices, and act, from the range of options available to us.

Possibility addresses the future. It is what we can become as we use our freedom. In that respect our possibilities are not predetermined. We are not automatons. We can imagine, and within the givens of life we can become something new. Living as an authentic self, according to Kierkegaard, means looking beyond our immediate necessities or past liabilities. We anticipate the future with the awareness that we are free–however limited–to actualize whom we ought to become as faithful Christians and to take responsibility for shaping that future. Continue Reading…

Depression, Burnout & Ministry: Christians and Medications

February 4, 2009 in Ministry-Theology, Therapy-Psychology with 15 Comments

Credit: depressionofspirits.com

“you may have questions about whether Christians should take this or that. You get in that state, I assure you, you will take rat dung.” Pastor Tommy Nelson

Why the Stigma?
Let me start this post by saying this. When it comes to the issue of taking medication for depression…there are some Christians who believe in it, and those that do not.

I believe in them. And I’m not trying to convince you otherwise. That will require circumstances, experiences convincing beyond my control.

I have worked long enough in the ministry and therapeutic setting to see the amazing and beneficial results that they have had in the lives of the co-workers, students and clients that I have journeyed through life with.

I believe God has given scientists/doctors/researchers amazing minds to create some medications that can help.

As one friend says, “If someone is diabetic, they are going to take insulin…aren’t they?”

Or I tell my friends, “If you have a heart condition, you are going to the cardiologist, right?”

So what’s the stigma around mental health and medications in the Christian life? I’m not completely sure. There is some disconnect it seems. Or rather than disconnect, there is some inconsistency in how we pick and choose what areas of our lives we seek help on, and what areas we think we should be able to pick ourselves up by our own bootstraps.

Continue Reading…