Tag Archive - facebook

Do You Have A Social Media “Mirror”?

December 1, 2010 in Technology-Social Media, Therapy-Psychology with 4 Comments

I do that with satire, which is a tremendous vehicle for truth. It’s like a big mirror: You take an issue and you blow it up so it’s big enough and obvious enough for everyone to see. Then you stand next to it and ask: “Is that us? Are we OK with that?

I love that quote from Jon Acuff in his Relevant Magazine article, Three Rules of Christian Satire. Jon happens to be speaking about Christians and the Church primarily in this article, but the reality is, satire is a great article for communicating truth in all facets of life.

One of those areas for me happens to be social media. Our online behavior, social media profiles, and tangling up of our identity with them are often that mirror that makes things obvious…most often to those around us, but unfortunately not very clearly to us. Unfortunately, we often live with many blind spots.

I came across this video (HT: Marc Payan) and it was the mirror that makes things obvious to everyone, if they are already not.

I’m on my own journey here with social media, and the mirror for me came in the form of a few different things:

  1. As a therapist, watching the havoc that a lack of social media boundaries played in my client’s relationships.
  2. As a husband, seeing how a lack of social media boundaries became a barrier to interpersonal relationality with my wife.
  3. As a father, seeing my daughter emulate my lack of social media boundaries.  Scary.
  4. As a Christian, seeing my lack of social media boundaries dominate my activity, rather than spend time in prayer, reflection, worship, etc.

These have been some of my mirrors.

What have your mirrors been in the area of social media?

After watching the video above, how did you answer these questions: “Is that us? Are we OK with that?

Me: Yes…No.

The Influence of Technology in Our Lives

October 22, 2010 in Marriage-Family, Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media, Therapy-Psychology with 3 Comments

“The technology is rewiring our brains,” said Nora Volkow, director of the National Institute of Drug Abuse and one of the world’s leading brain scientists. She and other researchers compare the lure of digital stimulation less to that of drugs and alcohol than to food and sex, which are essential but counterproductive in excess. New York Times: Hooked on Gadgets and Paying a Mental Price

It seems that almost everyday a new article or study comes out that clues us in to how pervasive the effects of technology and social media are on our lives. Whether the effects are personal or relational, technology and social media are transforming our lives. Some of the ways that it transforms our lives can be expected (feeling connected, up to date information, organization, etc.), but other times the effects are ones we don’t expect (anxiety, affairs, jealousy, anger, porn addiction, lack of intimacy, etc.).

John Dyer and I are speaking at Woodcreek Church in Plano on Sunday night, and this is like the fourth or fifth time in the last year or so that we have been able to collaborate in person on the intersection of technology, theology, and relationships. In this post I would just like to point you towards some resources that you may find helpful as you begin to think more critically on how technology and social media are influencing your life. And I would like to suggest a few tips that you may find helpful in navigating through this issue.

Technology Transforms Us
I have written about this topic numerous times on my blog at rhettsmith.com, and hopefully you will find something helpful there for you to read. I also recommend that you regularly read John Dyer’s blog at Don’t Eat the Fruit. John does some of the best writing at the intersections of technology/theology and technology/relational-practical psychology. Check out one of John’s talks below on how technology is not neutral.

Technology Is Not Neutral: How Bible Technology Shapes Our Faith

View more webinars from John Dyer.

One of the more succinct articles on the topic of the transforming effects of technology on our lives is from New York Times Op-Ed Columnist Charles M. Blow, who has a great round-up of some of the articles and studies of interest, Friends, Neighbors and Facebook.

Last, I want to recommend just a few books with varying themes on the influence of technology in our lives:

The Shallows: What the Internet is Doing to Our Brains by Nicholas Carr

Born Digital: Understanding the First Generation of Digital Natives by John Palfrey and Urs Gasser

Better Off: Flipping the Switch on Technology by Eric Brende

Facebook and Your Marriage by K. Jason Krafsky and Kelli Krafsky

Set Some Technological Boundaries
Most people adopt a technology into their lives without really asking, “How is this technology going to shape me? How is this technology going to change my relationships, or impact my family dynamics? So one of the first boundaries that I think is helpful for individuals and families is to begin with some questions. For example:

Seeking Boundaries Through Questioning

  1. If we give this iPhone to our son and daughter, how may this technology impact how we communicate with them in the future? And are we okay with how it transforms the communication process?
  2. Is the device age appropriate? For example, does my 8 year old really need an cell phone?
  3. If I’m on the computer instead of interacting with my friends, wife, kids, etc., what kind of message is that sending to them? Am I okay with that message, or the their perception of the message that is being sent?
  4. How will my use of social media (Facebook, Twitter, blogs, etc.) impact how I communicate with others?

There are lots and lots of questions that you can ask yourself, or those that you are in relationship with (partner, spouse, family, co-worker, etc.). So begin there. Be creative and explore how the adoption of a technology into your life will transform it. Once you have asked some questions, setting some physical boundaries is helpful. For example:

Setting Physical Boundaries

  1. Set time limits on when a technology can be used. For example, many individuals and families that I know set time boundaries on their use of cell phones and computers, often leaving them off from the time they get home till after the kids are in bed. Some choose to leave them off all night. You don’t have to be legalistic about it, but play around with some ideas. I find it helpful to leave my cell phone off when I come home from work so that I’m focused on my family, especially my daughter who goes to be within an hour or two after I get home. I may decide to check it after she goes to sleep to make sure there is nothing urgent, but I often choose to leave it off till morning so that my wife feels that I’m fully present with her.
  2. Create a physical place where you can put aside your technological devices as a way of saying to one another, “I am present. What matters most is what is happening in front of me, and not what is happening out there.” Some families have been creative in creating spaces such as baskets where every member in the family puts their devices from night until morning. Check out John Dyer’s article, Why You Need a Technology Basket at Home.
  3. Set aside at least one day a week where you strive to be as technology free as possible (I know technology can mean a lot of things, but I’m primarily thinking of computing devices, cell phones, etc, etc.). Do you have a day where you leave your phone off, or don’t check your email? If not, think about setting aside a day to do this. It accomplishes at least two purposes: 1) Signals to yourself, to your family, and to others that you won’t let technology dictate your life (at least one day a week); lets those people know that for at least one day a week you are setting aside time to be fully present with them. 2) Helps one lower technological anxiety (something that many people don’t realize they have until they start to unplug).

These are just a few suggestions to help you begin the process of thinking through this topic. What suggestions do you have?

The influence of technology is a huge topic, and with each passing day more and more information and studies are coming out as we begin to see some of the effects that our new technologies are having on our lives. So now is the time to begin asking questions and setting boundaries–not only in your own life, but helping your friends and family think through this issue.

Mr. Nass at Stanford thinks the ultimate risk of heavy technology use is that it diminishes empathy by limiting how much people engage with one another, even in the same room.

“The way we become more human is by paying attention to each other,” he said. “It shows how much you care.”

That empathy, Mr. Nass said, is essential to the human condition. “We are at an inflection point,” he said. “A significant fraction of people’s experiences are now fragmented.” New York Times: Hooked on Gadgets, and Paying a Mental Price

Are We Fooling Ourselves To Think Intimacy Can Be Created Online Through Social Media?

May 19, 2010 in Marriage-Family, Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media with 23 Comments


[image by Jesse Millan]


In the last year I have blogged on the topics of ambient intimacy/ambient awareness, as well as some of the discussion involving the use of technology in fostering intimacy. I was a big fan of this topic, and a believer in the use of technology in fostering intimacy. Especially how the sharing of minor details in our life online can create a sense of belonging and togetherness.

I have experienced in my own life how the sharing of myself online via Twitter, Facebook, my blog, etc. have brought me closer to those I am contact with online. Numerous are the times that I have been able to sit down at coffee with someone I met online, and it felt like we had been friends for a long time because we knew so much about each other through our online sharing.

But can technology and social media create intimacy? That I am no longer sure of.

What has me thinking about this recently is this excerpt from David Schnarch’s Passionate Marriage where he talks about the pitfalls of other-validated intimacy in marriages (versus self-validation which is central to one achieving a healthy level of differentiation). Here is what Schnarch says:

3. Other-validated intimacy is inherently limiting because it leads to self-presentation rather than self-disclosure. When you need a reflected sense of yourself and acceptance/validation from your partner, your most important priority becomes getting the response you want. To accomplish this less than virtuous goal, you start misrepresenting, omitting, and shading information about who you really are (self-presentation), rather than disclosing the full range of yourself (intimacy). Self-presentation is the opposite of intimacy; it is a charade rather than an unmasking.

Self-presentation is one way we adapt to our partner’s differences in order to reduce our anxiety. Unfortunately, it never provides the security and acceptance we crave, because we know our partner never really knows us. Attempts to cajole someone into making us feel secure only make us insecure, the same way trying to protect ourselves through other-validated intimacy offers no real protection at all. Self-presentation creates an inherent paradox that sets the typical marital squirrel cage spinning. And as you’ll see in a few minutes, self-presentation brings us one step closer to emotional gridlock.
–Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love & Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships (David Schnarch)

Social media is a great tool for other-validation intimacy, or why else would people obsessively track their blog stats, Twitter follower numbers and number of Facebook fans? It’s a form of other-validating intimacy. It’s a way that one seeks affirmation and validation. And have you ever seen more low-level anxiety in people than when they begin to worry about their online persona and statistics? I’ve noticed it in myself.

But is it intimacy, or is it really self-presentation? How much do we omit things about us when we create our online persona for others to see?

I would argue that even the people that present themselves, and come across to others as humble, authentic and “real” are still using a form of self-presentation since it’s something they have created on their own. It’s what they want others to see of them. But it may really not be what others truly see. We are rarely completely honest with ourselves, because we are often unaware and blind to our own shortcomings and issues. That’s why true intimacy in a relationship involves the unmasking of ourselves, often by the other we are in relationship with. True intimacy involves conflict and pushing through anxiety. It involves being able to stand on our own two feet, rather than constantly needing the propping up of ourselves by our partner.

Social media allows us to create a reflected sense of ourselves through the mirroring of online affirmation we receive from others. True intimacy in a relationship doesn’t allow us to create a reflected sense of ourselves, but requires us to see and been seen for who we truly are. Blemishes and all.

I think even those that attempt to be real online can/are still masquerading behind a created sense of self that is fueled by online other validation. I sometimes wonder about those who are constantly talking about the need to be real, or authentic. That can be as much a distorted sense of self as those they castigate.

When this makes sense, you will slowly begin to see the powerful drive that allows technology to fuel so many online affairs and inappropriate relationships.

Perhaps I’m writing this post because I first noticed it in myself. Becoming aware is the first step. It is only when we are aware, that then can we take action to live more healthy lives online.

Accidental Discovery: Technology Can Sometimes Be Like Junk Food

April 5, 2010 in Technology-Social Media with 13 Comments


[image by sass_face]


Let me start this post with an example.  I’m the type of person who if I’m going to try and be disciplined about not eating junk food, then it’s much better I tell my wife if we just don’t buy and have junk food in the house, rather than me trying to monitor my intake on sheer discipline.  My failure rate increases exponentially when I know the junk food is accessible.

Sometimes it’s just better if something isn’t around.

That’s how I feel about technology sometimes.  When I lived in Guatemala for 3 months I didn’t have a phone/nor make a phone call in three months.  I didn’t watch TV.  I did send out a weekly email from a cybercafe.  Having limited access and forced boundaries helped me to experience life differently and experience freedom from technological bondage at that period in my life. It’s probably no surprise then that I see that period in my life as one of the most fruitful for me.  I really felt free to be alone with my thoughts, and to explore God’s direction for my life and vocation.  There were few distractions.

So why am I pondering this stuff right now?

Well, my Blackberry Pearl’s operating system finally died last Wednesday, giving me a JUM Error 102 that mockingly glared back at me from my screen.  My phone no longer worked and I felt my world slowly falling apart (okay, I’m being dramatic–but people feel this way when they forget their phone at home accidentally), but what was I going to do?  I couldn’t Twitter from my phone.  What if I needed to make that emergency phone call to my wife somewhere between the 6 miles from my work to our home?  Was I going to survive?  I took my phone immediately to the ATT store and decided that I would just use an old phone that I used to have for my private practice, rather than get a new phone.

Lest you think I’m being disciplined and brave, I actually have an upgrade on a new phone and I’m going to wait for the release of the new iPhone sometime this summer.  So my motives aren’t all pure.

But something happened over the last 5 days.  My trusty Pantech Slate phone and I didn’t really miss my Blackberry. And since I didn’t push any of my emails to my phone, we didn’t miss all the email distractions all day either.  And since I don’t find my new temporary phone that great online, I didn’t log onto Twitter of Facebook or any of the other online distractions that I used to use to keep me company.

I simply used my phone for phone calls and texts.  And wow, let me tell you, the noise was greatly reduced in my life.  And I discovered several things.

  1. I was definitely more present with family and friends.  I wasn’t looking at my phone as each email message came through.  Because there were none.
  2. I felt more focused at work and at home.  I was able to see tasks through, rather than being distracted all the time.
  3. I was able to reflect more thoughtfully on my life, and engage life more in depth.
  4. I found that people didn’t need me as much as I had assumed they did.  No one was out there saying, “Dang, I wish Rhett was tweeting more today.  We really miss him on Twitter.  What a loss for us!”
  5. I found that I had trained the distractions in my life.  They existed because I had allowed for them and created an environment for them. I trained people to expect an email message from me within like 5 minutes of sending it.  Crazy.
  6. I found I was as satisfied checking into Twitter, FB and email about two times a day.

We are all going to have excuses of why this isn’t realistic (my boss expects me to check email every minute–really, he/she does?), or why this is good for me, and not you.

And as I stated early on, I still want the new iPhone coming out this summer.  But if I go that route, I know that I’m going to have to take more drastic measures to reduce the noise in my life, so I can increase the connection with people.  The real, I’m here with you…present with you connection.  Not the we are Twitter and FB friends connection.

Because, honestly–I don’t trust myself with all the technological distractions around.  I need more strict boundaries.

Maybe I don’t push email to my phone anymore?  I don’t know.

I just know that a lot of technology is like junk food.  It feels good at the moment, but at the end of the day I don’t feel great and I slowly find myself more out of shape physically, spiritually, emotionally, etc.

You Are Texting Who? A Conversation You Need to Have With Your Spouse

March 22, 2010 in Marriage-Family, Technology-Social Media, Therapy-Psychology with 11 Comments


[image by globevisions]


One of the things that seems to be a common trend among couples I work with in therapy is that there is an assumption about the relational boundaries that each of them will/are keeping. There is an assumption, but rarely something they have ever actually discussed.

I think they are rarely discussed because: 1) there is a fear that when discussed they will realize they aren’t on the same page, therefore leading to conflict. 2) since they assume they are on the same page, they feel no need to talk about them.

So here are some examples of common assumptions.

We assume that our partner will never cheat on us…but we don’t talk about some healthy relational boundaries to help us from being in vulnerable positions.

We assume our partner won’t go to an intimate lunch alone with someone of the opposite sex…but we don’t actually talk about that boundary.

We assume our partner won’t be texting people of the opposite sex late into the night about personal things..but we don’t talk about that boundary.

We assume that our partner won’t befriend their ex on Facebook and strike up a renewed friendship…but we don’t talk about that boundary.

Etc. Etc. Etc. Fill in your own assumption here.

I give these examples because they are some of the most common ones I come across.

Though there are several areas of boundaries I mentioned, one of the reasons that I mention text messaging is because it is constantly being cited by partners as a source of marital conflict. And with the privacy of cell phones, and the ease of texting, couples are able to hide things from each other, or avoid any type of accountability.

So what are you waiting for? Start having some conversations with your partner about what you assume are relational boundaries you both share, but you have never ever talked about. And I promise you that it will be both eye opening and helpful in you relationship growth.

Lest you think I don’t practice what I preach, just last week I sat down with my wife over coffee and initiated a conversation about the women that I send text messages to on occasion, what is said, and the purpose of the text. Did I feel that my texts were out of line? No. Does my wife trust me? Yes. But I realized that maybe I had some assumptions about those boundaries around texting. I wanted to make sure we talked them over. That we both had the same boundaries. That there wasn’t/isn’t any inappropriateness, etc. That she was comfortable with who I was texting and why. And that simple conversation led to one great conversation after another, and to some great relational connecting time between us.

Boundaries vary for everyone. Some people would say you should “never” (with some exceptions) text someone of the opposite sex when married. Others disagree. But if you haven’t talked about it, how do you know where you both stand on that issue in your relationship?

If you are afraid to have these conversations with your partner, then I would say that’s all the more reason to have them. What are you hiding?

Social Media in Haiti: Seeing Beyond the Messengers to the Message

February 24, 2010 in Technology-Social Media with 1 Comment


[image by Adam McLane]

When I was called and asked to be a part of the Adventures in Missions YMATH Team, I was told that one of the reasons I was being asked to go was to communicate through my blog, Twitter and Facebook during my time there. In an earlier post Why Haiti? And What You Can Do I talked more at length of the purposes for us being there.

This topic was something I wrestled with greatly as I was making my decision, and during my whole time in Haiti. And I know our team wrestled with this issue as well. Every place we visited we talked about whether or not to take photos, shoot video, tweet, etc. It filled a lot of our discussion time.

I think if I had gone to Haiti and had blogged, tweeted and Facebooked (is that a word) about the trip…and didn’t see any fruit from the social media push…then I may have come back feeling less sure about that decision.

We didn’t want to exploit anyone.

We didn’t want to stroke our own egos, or pat ourselves on the back.

We wanted to tell the stories of the Haitian people.

We wanted to encourage people back at home through the Haitian stories.

We wanted to encourage others to come to Haiti and serve or give.

We wanted to use social media to help resource the Haitian people and all the future teams.

And whatever the impression was of our team back at home I can say this confidently. The Haitian people were so glad that we had come to listen to their stories. They were thankful that they could look into a camera and share their plight with others around the world.  Aid and relief often can provide for one’s basic needs which are foremost, but it doesn’t often allow you to speak, to share of yourself, your stories and what you have been through.  People were ready to share.

The rest of the team has stories similar to mine, but personally I can say that I have been greatly encouraged by the connections that the use of social media in Haiti has brought forth here at home and around the world. I have had meetings with other pastors who are wanting to take teams to serve in Haiti. I have received messages from individuals who feel God is calling them to quit their jobs so that they can move to Haiti full-time and serve. I have had people donate money to Haiti because of some story I shared. I have had people express that they felt like they were actually there on the trip…that social media helped connect their head to their heart and have compassion in a way that they couldn’t have previously experienced unless they had gone in person. The whole outpouring of others is quite remarkable and beyond anything we could have done on our own.

Using social media helped connect various parts of the body of Christ, and though God was clearly in command, I believed he used technology to bring various organizations, ministries and people together.

One of the really amazing things about using social media in Haiti, is that Jeremy Zach and I were able to shoot a thank you video of all the water that our team was able to buy for one village because of the money given to Jeremy and I from some friends as we headed out to Haiti. They gave us cash. We bought water. And we showed them in real time (sending out tweets and FB messages of the video) how their money was being used. Wow! The people who donated were moved. A connection was made and Haiti was no longer a country on the news that had faced destruction. Instead it was a country, filled with real people, who were now drinking water that our friends had played a part in helping provide. Real flesh and bones.

Thank You from Adventures In Missions on Vimeo.

And maybe one of the best examples of the good social media did was this tweet by Anne Jackson:

RT @flowerdust PLS RT: Pls @andersoncooper Meet us 9a @tentcity http://flic.kr/p/7CYFZe 5k+ ppl w/o food/meds HELP THEM http://bit.ly/clQkFP

You all retweeted that message thousands of times. So maybe Anderson Cooper didn’t show up. But many of you did. Not in person, but through your generous financial contributions. Through your connections. People gave money. People made calls. And because of you…because of a story and a people you connected with through the use of social media…these people dwelling in tents were able to receive food and water. When all the NGO’s were unable to provide for these people because of red tape and politics, you were able to step in and help. And that was only the beginning of the story. People are continuing to give to these people dwelling in tents. People are continuing to advocate for them in Haiti from 1000′s of miles away.

The story continues to be told over and over again through the use of social media.

As messengers we may get in the way of the message. But the beautiful thing about God is that he can take our messages in whatever shape we deliver them…and he can redeem them and bring good out of it.

So is it possible that we as the storytellers can cloud the story?

YES.

Is it possible that our egos and agendas may get in the way?

YES.

I hope that we can tell better stories one day where people can see beyond the messenger or the distorted means by which we deliver them. That as messengers of God we act more in humility than we often do or come across. But until then, continue to tell stories. And use whatever means you have available. And in this process I know that God is continuing to transform our lives and the lives of those we come into contact with. I know that he uses us even though we are broken and cracked vessels.

God does and can use social media for the greater good.

Can Social Media Use Be a Hindrance to Effectively Transitioning to Next Stages of Life?

February 1, 2010 in Marriage-Family, Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media, Therapy-Psychology with 20 Comments


[image by Hawthorne Ave]


Can social media use be a hindrance to effectively transitioning to next stages of life?

I don’t know, but it’s something I’m exploring.

This question was rooted in a conversation I was having a few weeks back with Lars Rood and the parents of seniors who will be heading off to college next year. What we have noticed is that some college students fail to effectively transition into college, and that one possible considerations is that social media use has hindered them from effectively being present, setting down roots in their physical community. Instead, social media tools like Facebook keep them engaged with high school friends in different states in different schools. And that’s a really good thing of course. I wish I had Facebook when I was in college. So though I don’t want to draw a conclusion that failure to transition is a direct causal of social media use (it’s not), I think it does affect our relational and social interactions.

So sometimes, instead of investing in the person in the dorm room next door, they are more concerned with what their friend from high school is doing on Facebook.

Can social media use keep us tied to, or concerned about other things, that instead of not only helping us build relationships with those not physically near us…..it can also have the unintended affect of not allowing us to fully invest in the next stages of our lives? Stages that involve the participation and support of the community around us.

This question I have is not limited to the high school to college transition either. It could be singlehood to marriage? It’s possible to get married, but with Facebook keep up with all the happenings of our single friends, and very subtly, and subconsciously we can be holding onto that previous stage of our life, not fully embracing the present one. There are other transitions as well, but these two come to mind the quickest.

Transition in its very essence involves a process of transformation, and often transformation requires a leaving of something, and a cleaving onto something else.

Can I properly leave something and transition into something new, if I’m still cleaving to the old?

And social media not only allows great things, and fosters friendships with those we can’t be near, but I wonder if it keeps us cleaving to things, hindering us from fully living in our physical surroundings.

I’m seeking some some clarity…

Remember, I think social media is awesome, but I’m thinking about it’s very nuanced and subtle unintended outcomes it can have on our relational, social interactions.

Thoughts?

Examples of where you agree or disagree with me?

Two Relational Caveats on the Use of Technology in Creating Intimacy

December 3, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Technology-Social Media, Therapy-Psychology with 2 Comments

I wanted to share this Ted talk with you (HT: Marc Payan), How the Internet enables intimacy by Stefana Broadbent. The description of her talk is:

We worry that IM, texting, Facebook are spoiling human intimacy, but Stefana Broadbent’s research shows how communication tech is capable of cultivating deeper relationships, bringing love across barriers like distance and workplace rules

In light of my post yesterday, Can You Be “Fully Present” Relationally If You Are Tweeting In Your Wedding, Church Service and Marital Intereactions, I wanted to present this side of the coin.

I do believe that technology can enable relational intimacy (you can read my thoughts on “ambient intimacy” and “ambient awareness”.

CAVEAT #1: I think the distinction that she is making and what others are saying is that technology can enable intimacy when people are not physically present, but harm/prohibit intimacy when people are physically present. There are exceptions for sure.

In my own experience, the reading of my wife’s tweets throughout the day when I’m not able to be physically present with her or talk to her on the phone can create a relational intimacy. But when I get home to her, and continue to tweet when she is actually there in my presence, it can create a barrier. It may seem subtle at first, but can have lasting ramifications on how we interact relationally with one another–or more important, how the other person perceives the interaction. Does that mean we never tweet around each other…no. But it does mean we have set boundaries around our technological use in order that our relationship has primacy over it.

CAVEAT #2: It does not matter what you think/how you perceive the use of technology relationally, but more importantly how your partner perceives it. For example: a husband may think twittering is fine while out at dinner with his wife, but if his wife does not feel the same way, then it is a violation of their relational interactions. Out of respect and submission to one another, we must seek not just what we want, but what our partner in our relationship desires as well.

Check out the video:

What are your thoughts on the use of technology to enable intimacy? How can technology benefit intimacy? How can it inhibit intimacy?

Can You Be “Fully Present” Relationally If You Are Tweeting In Your Wedding, Church Service and Marital Interactions…

December 2, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media, Therapy-Psychology with 9 Comments

At the Cultivate Conference in October I was really impressed with John Acuff’s thoughts on satire. He basically said (loosely paraphrased) that for him satire was blowing something up so big (larger than life), so that we can sort of step back and see ourselves in it. For John, it’s blowing up and satarizing Christian culture. It’s like a mirror reflecting back on what we do, and who we are.

Though this is not satire, watching the video below gave me an opportunity to step back and gain a new perspective on our use of technology and how it is permeating our lives. If you haven’t seen the video yet, check it out below. The groom was basically updating his facebook and twitter status at the altar (mind you, without his bride in on this).

Twittering in Church and Weddings
I have been thinking a lot about the use of technology in our lives and how it affects our relationships, but it took seeing this video to give me some more clarity on the subject, and help me think beyond the use of technology just in this specific situation.

Let me be up front and say that each person can decide what they want to do in their wedding. Everyone has their own ideas, from traditional to more casual. I tend to come from a more traditional camp, holding basically the idea that our wedding ceremony is a worship service where others participate in our union of becoming one before Christ. That is pretty sacred, so I tend to be more traditional. So as I watched the video it tended to rub me the wrong way. But here is why…..

Continue Reading…

Some Observations on Social Media and the Emerging World of Therapy and Pastoral Counseling

November 30, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media, Therapy-Psychology with 3 Comments

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[image by Ben Zvan]

I’ve been thinking a lot about the topic of social media and the role of therapists (pastoral counselors) in the midst of it. There is a large percentage of therapists who thinks being online should be super limited, if online at all. And there is an emerging demographic of therapists who are making a splash online and venturing forth to help people in some unprecedented ways. As I work through these things myself, I just wanted to share 3 areas that I have some observations about.

Online Social Media As Catalyst for Face to Face Therapy
Back in July of 2009 I was invited by Tony Steward to come to LifeChurch.tv and film four short videos on depression that correlated with their At the Movies series. It was a great opportunity to work with Tony and the team at LifeChurch.tv; to experiment with online technology/social media around the topic of depression; and to see how online accessibility affected my work as a therapist and a counselor.

Several things came out of our time together that are continuing to blossom, and I’m learning a great deal about combining my work as a therapist in an online medium. One of the real beautiful stories that emerged out of that experience was that I was contacted on Twitter by someone who had come across my video and said “I felt like you were speaking directly to me…yet, you didn’t know me.” That video, led to a Tweet, to an email conversation, to face to face therapy. That’s an amazing story I think.

I continue to receive emails from those videos I shot, and I also continue to follow up on people’s progress who emailed me on Facebook about things they were going through.

We will continue to see social media as a catalyst to help get people into therapy–either face to face in person, or face to face online.

Being Accessible to Help
One of the things about being online, present on Twitter, Facebook or a blog is that you present the image of being accessible. I say present the image of being accessible because not everyone online is accessible. Continue Reading…
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