Tag Archive - expectations

The Making of the Postmodern Family

My great friend and former co-worker RO Smith always “complements” me for being a co-nurterer of my daughter along with my wife. RO will make comments about us as a typical “postmodern family”, defying traditional and stereotypical role playing of the sexes in our marriage and family structure. I take all that with a great complement as RO intends it to be. Traditional or non-traditional, we have had to adjust to each other’s vaules, roles and expectations, as well as what it is like to live in the high cost of living state of California. Which makes life interesting in a dual-income, one baby family.

As I enter my second week as a full-time stay at home dad I want to post a couple of blog entries that RO wrote a while back at Collection of Crumbs on The State of the Postmodern Family.

The two posts are, The State of the Postmodern Family (Part 1), and (Part 2).

A lot of RO’s thoughts and research are derived from the Family Ministry Class at Fuller taught by Dr. Chap Clark. Check out the post and see what you think about the values, roles and expectations that RO talks about.

I’m curious to hear what you think.

Unrealistic Expectations?

My co-worker RO Smith and I have been talking a lot recently about expectations in the Church.

RO has been concerned with what are some unrealistic expectations placed upon pastors which he wrote about in the post, We Are All Pastors.

After reading the post and talking with him more about the topic I have become concerned with what I think are sometimes unrealistic expectations of those employed in the Church (i.e. pastors, directors, etc.), upon the rest of the congregation.

As a pastor, director, church employee or whatever, it is basically our job to do things in service of Church (really in service of Jesus Christ, but we know how that can become clouded). Without diving into debates over what that “service” means, and what a vocational position in the Church entails, or whether or not we should even be called “professionals” (John Piper deals with this topic extensively in Brothers, We Are Not Professionals: A Plea to Pastors for Radical Ministry).

The reality is this: In ministry we have very flexible schedules, and can cater our schedule however we want to make meetings, meet with people, plan events, make time for events, etc, etc. But I’m starting to wonder about whether or not we take the average church attender into consideration when we plan things or expect them to serve with the same passion, effort and time that we do on an event.

Example: My full-time job is as college director at Bel Air Presbyterian Church. My vocation revolves around thinking about that ministry. But a college student in the ministry for example (and this may be a bad example since college students tend to have the most leisure time of any when you compare them amongst other demographics) has school, work, homework, family, friends, etc. Their schedule does not revolve around the college ministry, and yet sometimes I have expectations of them that it should. We as pastors and directors don’t fully think about the family with two income parents, driving across town in traffic running errands, shuttling kids, and all the demands that revolve around that family. And yet we have expectations of how much time they should volunteer, and how many events they should be at.

So the expectations head in both directions–clergy to congregation, and congregation to clergy–and it seems to create a vicious cycle of stress, burnout and an overprogrammed church and ministries.

So please read RO’s post Stress and the Unrealistic Expectations of the Church at our collaborative youth ministry site (though I have not collaborated to the site very much lately).

After reading RO’s post, I’m looking even more forward to Anne Jackson’s upcoming book, Mad Church Disease: The Church-Wide Burnout Epidemic.