Tag Archive - email

Two Relational Caveats on the Use of Technology in Creating Intimacy

December 3, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Technology-Social Media, Therapy-Psychology with 2 Comments

I wanted to share this Ted talk with you (HT: Marc Payan), How the Internet enables intimacy by Stefana Broadbent. The description of her talk is:

We worry that IM, texting, Facebook are spoiling human intimacy, but Stefana Broadbent’s research shows how communication tech is capable of cultivating deeper relationships, bringing love across barriers like distance and workplace rules

In light of my post yesterday, Can You Be “Fully Present” Relationally If You Are Tweeting In Your Wedding, Church Service and Marital Intereactions, I wanted to present this side of the coin.

I do believe that technology can enable relational intimacy (you can read my thoughts on “ambient intimacy” and “ambient awareness”.

CAVEAT #1: I think the distinction that she is making and what others are saying is that technology can enable intimacy when people are not physically present, but harm/prohibit intimacy when people are physically present. There are exceptions for sure.

In my own experience, the reading of my wife’s tweets throughout the day when I’m not able to be physically present with her or talk to her on the phone can create a relational intimacy. But when I get home to her, and continue to tweet when she is actually there in my presence, it can create a barrier. It may seem subtle at first, but can have lasting ramifications on how we interact relationally with one another–or more important, how the other person perceives the interaction. Does that mean we never tweet around each other…no. But it does mean we have set boundaries around our technological use in order that our relationship has primacy over it.

CAVEAT #2: It does not matter what you think/how you perceive the use of technology relationally, but more importantly how your partner perceives it. For example: a husband may think twittering is fine while out at dinner with his wife, but if his wife does not feel the same way, then it is a violation of their relational interactions. Out of respect and submission to one another, we must seek not just what we want, but what our partner in our relationship desires as well.

Check out the video:

What are your thoughts on the use of technology to enable intimacy? How can technology benefit intimacy? How can it inhibit intimacy?

Affirmation: One of Technology’s Negative Effects on Your Marriage and Family

February 10, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Technology-Social Media, Therapy-Psychology with 21 Comments

jleMcLuhan and Twitter via John Dyer
This is a post I have had in the making for a while, but when I read John Dyer’s post Tools for Tech Thinking: McLuhan on Twitter, and well, he unknowingly gave me some inspiration to post some of my thoughts on this issue.

Read John’s post for some context, but essentially Marshall McLuhan in his seminal work The Medium is the Message poses four questions about media/technology:

  1. What does it (the medium or technology extend)?
  2. What does it make obsolete?
  3. What is retrieved?
  4. “What does the technology reverse into if it is over-extended?

John does a great job of summarizing what these four things are, but for this post I’m concerned about question four, “What does the technology reverse into if it is over-extended?” John explicates the question in this way:

What does Twitter reverse into if it is over-extended?

This is McLuhan’s “negative” question where he gives examples like the ability to project one’s voice is lost if the microphone is overused and the ability to walk long distances is lost when one relies on vehicles.

  • Twitter can connect physically distant individuals, but when overused it can also isolate a person from those who are physically near (like spouses) reversing into a state of more disconnectedness.
  • Twitter can also reverse into a level of shallowness, because communication is limited to 140 characters.
  • Twitter can also reverse into a mess of noise and distraction since so many voices are speaking  at the same time.

Technology and Affirmation
Most of us may not realize it, but technology is often a major source of affirmation for us in our lives. John is speaking of Twitter, but Twitter is not the only culprit. Name it: Facebook, blogs, mommy forums, fantasy leagues, chat, MySpace, email, Blackberry’s i-Phones, etc, etc.

We go to these sites and belong to these online communities because in some shape, form or fashion we are affirmed in them. People accept us, care for us, are there for us. It soon becomes an instant source of affirmation.

Continue Reading…

Text Messaging & the Church’s Need to Re-Evaluate Effective Means of Communication

December 12, 2008 in Ministry-Theology with 5 Comments

Text Messaging: Best Way to Communicate?
I came across the article Gmail Preferred By Students, But Nothing Beats Texting, this morning via Twitter (HT: Terry Storch & Matt Knisely).

Lots of interesting things in this article but a couple stood out to me in particular.

The article begins:

Today’s high-school and college students got their first email account at an average age of 13. Most students have had one of their email addresses for 8 years and have an average of about 2.4 addresses each. But if you really want to reach these students, you should forget email. Send a text message instead.

And ends:

In the end, the survey finds that students do use email – perhaps even more than we realized – but if you really want to reach them, you should do it via text or IM. For marketers, this means that the easy method of sending out newsletters and coupons to mass email lists may become a thing of the past – only 16% of students read marketing email. Companies will have to come up with new ways to to advertise to this demographic. May we suggest social media?

Why is this interesting to me? Because I have long wondered, especially as it relates to ministry if we are communicating, or trying to communicate to an audience in a non-effective mean, or in a way that is less effective in not only communicating the gospel, but just basic information such as times, dates, events, details, etc.?

Looking Back
In June I posted this short blog, Classic: Email and the Phone are Slow and Backward. The article, Big Blue Embraces Social Media was about how IBM was adapting to social networking and new avenues of communication, especially among its younger and newer employees. They said,

Adapting these tools, according to IBM, is also important for recruiting. Hotshots coming out of universities are accustomed to working across these new networks—and are likely to look at a company that still relies on the standard ’90s fare of e-mail and the phone as slow and backward.

My entire post was:

I still use email and the phone, but I understand what they are saying. 9 out of 10 communications with my college students was via text messaging and Facebook.

And at least 5 out of 10 of my communications with staff was via text, Twitter and Facebook as well.

I know some churches have done away with work email and are now communicating and collaborating on inter-office wikis.

What is your pervasive form of communication with friends, family and co-workers?

Looking Forward
As I think about that post from June, it’s become more increasingly clear the need to re-evaluate how I communicate, and the tools that I use.

I have the 1,500 a month text plan…and I pretty much use all of them. In fact, my wife and I are looking to get an unlimited text messaging family plan. That being said, that should be an indicator of the importance of text messaging in my context (former college pastor, social media/ministry author, social circle of many 22-35 year olds). You may be in a different context, and text messaging is not that primary.

That means on average I sent out 50 texts, or Twitters a day. That’s low compared to some of my friends, and high compared to others. But it has become the primary means of much communication.

Why? Because I think it’s short, concise, and to the point. That’s why Twitter is gaining popularity and more businesses, churches and organizations are getting on Yammer. In a busy world people are looking for more effective and efficient means of communication. When text does not suffice, then email or phone is better. Obviously, being in the presence of the person and talking in person is the best.

But in a busy world, we can’t always meet face to face, and we always can’t get on a long phone conversation….and we don’t have time to look through hundreds of emails a day.

I think that’s one reason text messaging is so popular. I also think it’s fun.

All that being said, it’s important for us as people to think more critically about what is not only the most effective and efficient means of communication, but in what ways can we maintain our humanity in a tech driven world that aims for shorter and shorter discourse and sound bites? How does this effect/alter our opportunities to communicate the Gospel in this context?

Have you evaluated your context? What forms of communication is the most effective? Why?

Formulating an Online Strategy for College Ministry: Part 8–Ministry Collaboration Using Wikis

August 9, 2008 in Ministry-Theology with 6 Comments

What is a wiki? Well, if you don’t know, let’s look at what the most famous wiki, Wikipedia, has to say.

A wiki is a collection of web pages designed to enable anyone who accesses it to contribute or modify content, using a simplified markup language.[1][2] Wikis are often used to create collaborative websites and to power community websites. The collaborative encyclopedia, Wikipedia, is one of the best-known wikis.[2] Wikis are used in business to provide intranets and Knowledge Management systems. Ward Cunningham, developer of the first wiki software, WikiWikiWeb, originally described it as “the simplest online database that could possibly work”.[3]

“Wiki” (/wiːkiː/) is originally a Hawaiian word for “fast”. It has been suggested that “wiki” means “What I Know Is”.[citation needed] However, this is a backronym. “Wiki Wiki” is a reduplication of the same word.

Seem simple enough? If not, here is one more great visual explanation:

It’s part of the Plain English Series:

Wikis in Plain English

If they are not already, wikis are the wave of the future in many settings because of their collaborative ability. While most organiziations (i.e. businesses, churches, etc.) are still only using email, many others have embraced the power of the wiki and are really harnessing it’s power in creative ways.

As I’m still fairly new to wikis (I have 2 that I have created, 1 that I’m a part of, and I joined Wikipedia as a user–though still too nervous to create content yet, or correct).

But let me give you just one example of where I didn’t use it, and how I wish I did and why.

Continue Reading…

Wikis in Plain English (aka email is old school)

June 28, 2008 in Marriage-Family, Technology-Social Media with 3 Comments

I thought this video is appropriate in light of a couple of posts back..

It’s part of the Plain English Series:

Wikis in Plain English




I used email in the coordination of our Student Sunday service at Bel Air this last June. Big mistake. Email is terrible as they state in coordinating stuff. I’ve been playing around with Wet Paint, Wikispaces, and I’m also registered with Wikipedia to edit, etc., but I don’t have a handle on that site yet.

Do you use a wiki? Which one? Do you like it?

I know Neal Locke is a “wiki evangelist” so maybe he has some thoughts or suggestions. Neal?

Classic: Email and the Phone are Slow and Backward

June 26, 2008 in Marriage-Family, Technology-Social Media with 2 Comments

Big Blue Embraces Social Media

Adapting these tools, according to IBM, is also important for recruiting. Hotshots coming out of universities are accustomed to working across these new networks—and are likely to look at a company that still relies on the standard ’90s fare of e-mail and the phone as slow and backward.


I still use email and the phone, but I understand what they are saying. 9 out of 10 communications with my college students was via text messaging and Facebook.

And at least 5 out of 10 of my communications with staff was via text, Twitter and Facebook as well.

I know some churches have done away with work email and are now communicating and collaborating on inter-office wikis.

What is your pervasive form of communication with friends, family and co-workers?