Tag Archive - counselor

"People Growing Machines"

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[image by Todd Baker]


For the next couple of weeks I’m going to take a look at the topic of marriage and relationships in general. One of my favorite authors on the topic of relationships/marriage is David Schnarch, author of Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships. In the book Schnarch talks about marriage and:

“emotionally committed relationships” as being “people growing machines.”

With that in mind, I want to ask you a question.

What has been the biggest area of growth for you in your marriage, or in the committed relationship you are in?

When Should I Go See a Therapist?

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[image by Ted Percival]


This is a great question and was actually brought to my attention by a comments thread over on Facebook. In fact, one can Google this question and you will find a variety of answers, ranging from very specific things, to a more broad and general feeling of “feeling down” or “depressed.”

There is a not a right or wrong answer here, so let me just suggest a few reasons why you might want to go see a therapist.

  1. A general feeling of needing to talk with someone about some various things going on in your life.  These things can be serious (“I feel like taking my own life.” To more general, “I have just been feeling off…not sleeping…and wanted to talk with someone about this.”).

  2. You are looking for an unbiased, non-judging, caring person to listen to you.  In therapy speak, we might refer to this as unconditional positive regard. A lot of people feel like they can’t find this acceptance with friends, family, or their church, so therapy is often a good place to start. Now I’m not saying that all therapist will practice this, but I think really good ones do.

  3. Someone in your circle of influence (friends, family, co-workers) notices that there are some things in your life that are concerning to them, or that they feel like you might need someone to talk to about them.  So often people end up in therapy due to the suggestion and encouragement of others.

  4. Because you want to grow.  Therapy is not all about working on issues of depression, anxiety, fear, etc., but can be a great environment for personal growth (spiritual, emotional, physical, psychological).  There aren’t many places in your life where you can be in an environment that helps you grow , but a therapist is able to get a different perspective and help foster this growth with their experience, knowledge and tools.

  5. You are experiencing some minor or major life transitions.  Divorce.  Marriage.  Pregnancy.  Death.  College.  Career.  Etc.  These transitions and others often bring out new feelings, challenges, fears, etc. in a person, and it’s helpful to have a guide along that journey.

  6. You have no one else to talk to.  This could literally mean you can’t think of anyone to talk to, or there isn’t anyone who would really understand what it is you are going through.

  7. You are wanting anonymity as you seek help and work through the issue.  Therapy operates under very specific ethical guidelines regarding confidentiality, etc., and this may be important to you as you seek help, rather than going to your pastor, family member or friend.

  8. You are more specifically able to identify what it is you are struggling with, and you want a professional to help you.  This could be depression, anxiety, bi-polar, ADHD, fear, adultery, abuse of any kind, etc.

  9. Many of us don’t take the opportunity to explore the deeper meanings in our own life, or to wrestle with key issues of identity.  We often live on the surface, and never get beyond the things in life that just make us feel good and comfortable.  Seeing a therapist is a great opportunity to really find out who you are, and to be known.

  10. You have seen the positive benefits of therapy in the lives of those around you.  So you want to give it a try yourself.

  11. You might not have any reason, but simply the curiousity of the positive ways it could benefit your life are appealing to you.

  12. You are looking for some hope in your life.

Okay, those are just 12 reasons for when I think it would be beneficial for someone to go see a therapist. I’m sure there are more, but this is where you help me out.

What reasons are there for going to see a therapist?

Did any of the above reasons resonate with you?

How to Find a Good Therapist

I have found that there are a lot of people that are wanting to go to therapy, or at least try it out, but they are really unsure of how to go about finding a good therapist. There are several ways to go about this that I want to share with you, and then I’m curious of your own methods in doing this.

Reputation
This is a really good way to find a therapist. And by reputation, I mean those therapist’s names that you have heard before, or recommended by others before, or that keep seeming to come up for good reasons. Anytime you are situated in a community (church, social, work, family) there are certain names, in certain professions or services that one tends to hear over and over again. That’s what I mean by reputation. There is a therapist in Phoenix, AZ and a couple in Pasadena, CA that I continually refer people to over and over again because of reputation.

Personal Referral
This is a really strong indicator of finding a good therapist, and even stronger motivator for often taking that extra step needed to get people in the door. This is the recommendation that comes from a personal friend or family member. More often than not, the person who makes this recommendation has been to see this person in therapy themselves, or is connected with others who have. I think a lot of therapists build strong referral bases primarily on this source of recommendation.

Authority Figure
It is pretty well known that pastors, doctors, psychiatrists, et cetera can be great sources for referrals for people who are looking for a therapist. These professions, and ones like them have had a strong history of providing names of good therapists for people. I know many church attenders who wouldn’t think of asking anyone but their pastor, or some person on their church staff about where to find a good therapist.

Social Media Crowdsourcing
This is probably not as well known, but I think will slowly begin to replace the more traditional methods of therapy recommendations. By crowdsourcing I am referring to the practice of going online and asking people’s opinions via Twitter, Facebook, blogs, etc. I think this practice will gain strength very quickly. A form of this has been the popular chat groups and sites on Yahoo, forums populated by “mommy bloggers”, etc. This is the most common way that people ask my recommendation about finding a therapist, especially in other states. Continue Reading…

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