Tag Archive - burnout

Establish Your Boundaries in Youth Ministry…Early!

October 20, 2010 in Ministry-Theology, Therapy-Psychology with 0 Comments

I wouldn’t have known what to call it then, what questions to ask, nor what to say since it wasn’t even a topic on my radar. But looking back at that ministry I would have framed it around the topic of boundaries and self-care. The only pastoral advice I had been given at the time were “Take a day off if you come back from a retreat or mission trip” (self care), and “Be careful as a single college director working with female college students” (boundaries). That was it, and unfortunately I think that too often that is the extent of what most youth pastors will be taught in this area.

The topic of boundaries, self-care and burnout has been a very important topic to me in the last couple of years (as you can probably tell by my posts in the last few weeks) — and especially in the area of youth ministry, since how you establish those things at that stage of ministry often sets you up for failure or success in later years.

So check out the rest of the above post that I wrote for Youth Specialties, Setting Up for the Long Haul: Establishing Boundaries and Self-Care.

The Roundup: Youth Ministry, Family Dinners and “Messy Canvas”

October 6, 2010 in Marriage-Family, Ministry-Theology, Therapy-Psychology with 1 Comment

Youth Ministry
Youth ministry is an important topic to me because of not only my time in youth ministry as a kid, but all the time I have invested in it as a youth pastor and volunteer. Combine that with my other passion on the topic of boundaries and self-care…and avoiding burnout — well you get five posts that I wrote over the last couple of weeks on the topic, Youth Ministry, Boundaries, and Burnout. I hope you check these posts out and that you find them helpful. Let me know if you have any questions or additional thoughts that you want to add to them.

Youth Ministry, Boundaries, and Burnout — Part 1: Youth Ministry as a Stepping Stone (Fail)

Youth Ministry, Boundaries, and Burnout — Part 2: Looking at the Population You Serve

Youth Ministry, Boundaries, and Burnout — Part 3: Have a Schedule

Youth Ministry, Boundaries, and Burnout — Part 4: Where’s Your Identity?

Youth Ministry, Boundaries, and Burnout Part 5: Model the Change You Want to See

Family Dinners

“On the tenth anniversary of Family Day, newly released statistics from the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University show that teens who have infrequent family dinners — less than three per week — are more than twice as likely as teens who eat with their families at least five times each week to say they expect to try drugs in the future. Those same teens are twice as likely to have used tobacco and alcohol and 1.5 times as likely to have used marijuana.”

I thought this was an interesting article, Simple Fix: Family Dinners Help Teens Avoid Drinking and Using Drugs, and as a therapist, pastor and father, I hear a lot of anecdotal evidence, as well as some research based evidence on the importance of family meals together. I consistently hear that somewhere in the neighborhood of 4-5 dinners a night drastically reduces the risks of your kids engaging in “high risk behavior” (i.e. drugs, alcohol, sex, etc.).

Obviously, having dinner together is not the key. It’s what happens when we spend time together. When you make eating dinner together a priority, you signal to your kids and everyone else, that our time together is valuable. It’s a time to connect and engage one another. It’s not good enough to just have a meal time together, but there is no engagement, the tv is on, and there are other distractions.

Some tips for family meal times:

  1. Make it a participatory event.  Let everyone have a role in the preparation of the meal and in the cleanup. Regardless of a kids age, find something appropriate that they can do to participate.  I often let my 3 year old daughter stir things for me, or with my supervision, cut some of the veggies or fruit up.  She also helps in putting her dishes in the dishwasher.  I have noticed that when she participates she is more engaged in the mealtime.


  2. Cut out distractions. Turn off TV.  Turn off radio.  Put away video games.  Put away cell phones.


  3. Be present.  By that, let everyone know by your words and actions that this is one of the most important times of the week for you.  And in being present, you are able to engage and connect with everyone better.


  4. Play a “game” that may facilitate conversation and engagement for kids (I don’t mean a video or board game), but play a “game” where everyone has to tell about the best part of the day.  Or worst part of the day.  Maybe at the end of the meal read a story, or ask a trivia question.  Be creative.


  5. Model to your kids what connecting looks like.  If you are single or married demonstrate to them by your conversation and engagement the expectations for the meal time together.


  6. Change the scenery.  Go out to dinner.  Have a picnic at the house – inside or outside.  Pretend like you are camping and have your food be around that theme.  Be Creative.

What else have you found helpful?

Blog Alert
I like checking out and reading a lot of different blogs, but one that I have enjoyed a lot recently is Messy Canvas.  I love her writing style (authentic, beautiful prose), and I like the material that she chooses to engage.  As a father and husband I find myself resonating a lot with her stories of family life.  She also just published a book, Angry Homemade Noodles: Imperfect Motherhood.  Check it out.

Youth Ministry, Boundaries, and Burnout — Part 5: Model The Change You Want to See

October 4, 2010 in Ministry-Theology, Therapy-Psychology with 1 Comment

This is the final post in a five-part series on Youth Ministry, Boundaries, and Burnout. Be sure to check out the four previous posts, Youth Ministry as a Stepping Stone (Fail), Looking at the Population You Serve, Have a Schedule, and Where’s Your Identity.

If you are waiting around for someone to model to you healthy boundaries in ministry there is a good chance you might be waiting a long time for that to happen…if it ever happens. Pastors at all positions in the church are notorious for lacking healthy boundaries. I wish that weren’t so, but it seems to be the case. Though there are pastors who do manage to have healthy boundaries, you shouldn’t be waiting around for them to model them to you. You need to be more intentional about it.

It’s super easy to be a youth worker and to blame all problems on those “at the top.” In youth ministry we often feel like we have all the authority with no power, or vice-versa, so we wait around waiting for things to happen. It’s easier to be passive and blame it on your supervisors than it is to be intentional about making the changes you want to see in regards to your boundaries.

So it starts with you. You need to begin to take responsibility for your own choices…for your own actions. Don’t blame it on others, and pretend that you are just a victim of a boundaryless church and ministerial staff. That gets you no where, and we don’t model healthy behavior to our students when we can’t be mature and take responsibility for our lives.

Where to Start

I’ve mentioned in the previous posts some places you can begin and some books you can read, but let’s break it down real simple here.

  1. Have a conversation with your supervisor, your staff, etc., and inform them that you are wanting to make some changes not only for yourself personally, but possibly the youth ministry staff in general.  You want to begin the process of setting healthier boundaries.  Explain to them why.  Educate them on how healthy boundaries can help them in many facets of their lives (spiritually, relationally, emotionally, physically, etc.) and how it is setting them up to have longevity in youth ministry and not burn out early and become just another statistic.  Why is conversation important?  Because change isn’t usually accepted real quickly in ministry if there isn’t some reasoning behind it.  So explain that you are wanting to do this, and that it will take some time.  That informs them that they might start seeing some new changes; it informs them that they will need to start making some changes themselves; and it sets up a system of accountability.  Practically, you can’ t be a 6-7 day youth worker and then one day just start only working 5 days.  Why?  Because more than likely you’ve created the expectation that you work 6-7 days a week, and you need to inform your supervisors, and co-workers when and why they will begin to see the changes.


  2. Change the expectations.  Sort of like the first step, but in modeling healthy boundaries you are in the process of beginning to change the expectations of what your role looks like in youth ministry.  This is a long process.  We created the expectations, so only we can begin to change the expectations.


  3. Come up with a practical plan (like the schedule, etc.) and talk it through with your supervisor and staff.  Get buy in from those you report to and from those who report to you.


  4. Give yourself some grace.  Plan on practicing this for at least six months to a year before it starts to take hold.  You probably have spent anywhere from like 2-20 years in youth ministry not modeling healthy boundaries, so you aren’t going to be good at it over night.  It’s a life long discipline.


  5. If your church doesn’t see healthy boundaries as a priority, and you feel that you can’t last long in that environment, then you have to really start thinking on whether or not it’s a healthy place for you to work.  I know that sounds crazy to some of you, but I can tell you stories about youth workers who burned out quickly because it wasn’t a priority to the church, and the church didn’t support the youth worker’s attempts at living out healthy boundaries.  Some of those youth workers got out in time and were able to find churches that valued this.  It’s not just a job that is possibly at stake, but more serious issues like depression, anxiety, anger, loss of relationships, divorce, etc, etc.

Remember. You are responsible for yourself. You are responsible for your choices and actions. You are responsible on whether or not you live by healthy boundaries. Don’t blame the Church. Don’t blame your church. Don’t blame your supervisor. Don’t blame the parents. It begins with you. Make the change.

Youth Ministry, Boundaries, and Burnout — Part 4: Where’s Your Identity

October 1, 2010 in Ministry-Theology, Therapy-Psychology with 1 Comment

This is the fourth post in a five-part series on Youth Ministry, Boundaries, and Burnout. Be sure to check out the previous posts, Youth Ministry as a Stepping Stone (Fail), Looking at the Population You Serve, and Have a Schedule.

The reality is that our identity is shaped by those around us. There is just no getting around that. Henri Nouwen in his many writings makes the point that Jesus in Mark 1:9-11 had an identity that was shaped by his relationship to his Father. His identity was affirmed in the words of his Father, “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.” Before Jesus did any ministry that we know of…before he performed any miracles…before he healed any people…he was secure in his relationship with his Father. A security based on relationship, not on performance. That formed his identity. That’s what enabled him to be cast into the desert and resist temptation. That’s what enabled him to go out into the country and into towns and do the work of his Father.

Imagine what would have happened if his identity had been shaped by his work and performance, rather than his relationship to his Father.

Unimaginable I know.

In youth ministry we too often place too much value…too much self-worth…too much of our identity in the work we do and the needs we meet in our students we serve. We are often propelled by the affirmation that the need to be needed gives us.

In your work in youth ministry, is your identity based on the relationship you have with God, or is it based on the affirmation you get from students and the job performance you do?

This is an important question to answer because it will determine not only the trajectory of the work you do, but the boundaries you set.

Youth Ministry, Boundaries, and Burnout — Part 3: Have a Schedule

September 29, 2010 in Ministry-Theology, Therapy-Psychology with 1 Comment

This is the third post in five part series on Youth Ministry, Boundaries, and Burnout. Be sure to check out the previous posts, Youth Ministry as a Stepping Stone (Fail), and Looking at the Population You Serve.

One of the great benefits of ministry in general, but especially youth ministry…can also be it’s greatest downfall, and risk to whether or not you set healthy boundaries and are able to survive the awesome and chaotic world of youth ministry without burning out.

One word — SCHEDULE!

In most churches that I know, youth ministers have all the freedom in the world to create, minister, and live by their own schedules. Except for some set things (i.e. staff meetings, services, etc.) they can create their own schedule. That is truly one of the great things about working in that world…and I can honestly say, it’s not truly appreciated…not even closely appreciated, until you have a job that doesn’t allow you that freedom. Trust me, I know from experience.

But this freedom to create one’s schedule in youth ministry also puts the youth worker at the greatest risk for burnout and unhealthy boundaries as well. WHY? Because if one is not careful, their ministry, life and schedule is soon dictated by everyone else…and will often be dictated by the slightest whim or impulse. And remember, we are already working in an environment, and with a population who hasn’t really really figured out yet how to set healthy boundaries, and who most likely doesn’t care if you are on the path to major flame out…until of course you are gone because you no longer can function.

Why is having a schedule important in youth ministry?

Because without a schedule you soon let really important things slip by. It doesn’t happen all at once, but is rather a slow slide away from essential things that are needed in your life and role as a youth worker.

You soon don’t make time for solitude and silence. Listening to God takes a back seat and the still, silent voice becomes muffled.

You soon don’t make time for a Sabbath. You work seven days a week, making justifications like “well, I take off a couple of half days here and there, or go in to work late.”

You soon don’t make time for pray. God soon seems distant and you feel disconnected.

You soon don’t make time for study and preparation. The teaching time is thrown together the day of or the hour before.

You soon don’t make time for students. The pastoral care that was once important to you slides away.

You soon don’t make time for your important relationships away from ministry. Your friends, spouse or children begin to feel like you are always working, always on call, or willing to drop their needs to meet the needs of the students you minister to.

And on and on and on…until one day you feel like you barely have the energy or motivation to serve in the ministry that once brought you so much life.

It won’t happen over night, but slow, subtle loss of your schedule, just makes it easier to justify some unhealthy boundary the next time…it may take months, it may take years..but it will happen if you aren’t careful.

If you don’t schedule things that are important to you, it won’t become long before you won’t have the time to do them at all.

What can you do?

  1. Sit down with a blank piece of paper and write down the most important things that you want to accomplish.  For you youth ministry work, your family life, friendships, personal life (goals, hobbies, etc.)  Just list them out


  2. Sit down with your youth ministry calendar and look at your work requirements (i.e. staff meetings, retreats, services, campus visits, pastoral care, preparation, pray, etc, etc.).


  3. Sit down with a blank calendar and begin to insert your work responsibilities and the additional things that are important to you.  Like a puzzle, see how they can fit, or not fit together in a schedule.


  4. Be thoughtful of things that can help reduce the risk of burnout and add them as well.  Things like exercise, rest, Sabbath, time with friends, etc.  Don’t forget to put those in there.


  5. Play around with the schedule.  See what maybe isn’t working.  Maybe you discover some things aren’t necessary, and other things are.  Maybe you realize that you are doing way too much and need to cut back on some things.  Maybe you realize you aren’t doing enough, and need more structure to your schedule.


  6. Continue to come to this exercise every few days and make adjustments. Like a budget that sometimes takes months to refine so it becomes a healthy working budget, this will take some time.  Don’t get frustrated.


  7. Include others in this process.  Co-workers, spouses, friends, etc.  They can often see our blind spots and give us good feedback.

Ultimately we often have to schedule things that are important to us.  Like prayer, exercise, and other habits that require discipline, so does living by a schedule.

Of course our schedule should never be so rigid that we can’t make exceptions and do what we need to do to be in the moment and be with others or meet their needs.  But trust me…no schedule means that you will rarely say no to things, and that you will eventually let go of the things that are important to you, and that will bring forth the life you need to minister long term in a healthy youth ministry.

Let me close with perhaps my favorite story about scheduling.  One of my favorite authors is Eugene Peterson (if you haven’t read him, or you don’t regularly return to his work–you are missing out…big time). In his book Under the Unpredictable Plant: An Exploration in Vocational Holiness, he says this:

“But here I was [like Jonah] on a religious ship on which God was peripheral to the bottom line, in the background of an enterprise that was mostly informed by psychology, sociology, and management-by-objective… Then, I found Fyodor Dostoyevsky… I took my appointments calendar and wrote in two-hour meetings with ‘FD’ three afternoons a week. Over the next seven months I read through the entire corpus, some of it twice. From three to five o’ clock on Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday I met with FD in my study and had leisurely conversations through Crime and Punishment, Letters from the Underworld, The Idiot, A Raw Youth, The Devils, and The Brothers Karamazov. I spent those afternoons with a man from whom God and passion were integral–and integrated. All winter long, through the spring, and a month or two into the summer, I hid away in my study reading Penguin paperbacks… And then the crisis was over. Thanks to Dostoyevsky, God and passion would never again be at risk, at least vocationally.”

I love that. We must make time for things that are important to us. Making time each week to read a novel; to spend in silence; to prepare for a talk; to spend in conversation with a friend; to care for a student — those aren’t moments just in and of themselves, but you are intentionally setting aside time that will have a greater and lasting impact on your ministry and longevity in it, then you can possibly imagine at the time.

Youth Ministry, Boundaries and Burnout — Part 1: Youth Ministry as a Stepping Stone (Fail)

September 24, 2010 in Ministry-Theology, Therapy-Psychology with 9 Comments

On Monday I had the awesome opportunity to hang out with about 100 youth pastors in the Dallas-Ft. Worth area. We were all attending a Youth Specialties luncheon, checking out their upcoming events, hearing about some of their ventures, and just having a good time networking with other youth pastors.

Hanging out with youth pastors is one of my favorite things to do. It’s just a fun, lively bunch of people to hang out with, and I have found over the years, that there is more rich theological thinking and praxis in youth ministry than in most other areas of the church (that’s why it’s a shame when pastors poke fun at youth ministry so much from the pulpit). I’ve never been a full-time youth pastor (i.e. middle school, jr. high, high school), but I’ve volunteered in them for years. I’ve held interim positions, been a college pastor for almost eight years, and I’m currently working part-time in the youth department at Highland Park Presbyterian Church working with families (thanks to my good friend Lars Rood who has given me the opportunity to do some cool stuff in this area).

Youth ministry is a great area of the church to work in.

But one of the things that I have noticed over the years is that we aren’t very good at setting healthy boundaries. Of course, there are a lack of boundaries in other areas and life stages of ministry, but I think youth ministry has it’s own challenges. And the more I work as a full-time marriage and family therapist, I have had more of a burning desire to help those in ministry, especially youth ministry, set healthy boundaries — and if you can establish those boundaries early on in life, they will reward you greatly.

So beginning with today’s post, I’m going to spend the next five posts talking about some specific things that often prevent us from establishing these healthy boundaries, and what you can do about it.

Youth Ministry as a Stepping Stone
I consider it a huge blessing that most of my friends in youth ministry, and those who have had, and continue to have the most impact on me are those who consider themselves youth ministry “lifers” — translation: they love youth ministry…their heart is in youth ministry…they aren’t in youth ministry in order to use it as a stepping stone to positions that are considered more elevated in the Church (i.e. associate pastor, head pastor, etc.) It’s hard to explain, but you can tell the difference between those who don’t see youth ministry as a stepping stone, and those who do. That doesn’t mean of course that you can’t leave that position later — nothing wrong with that — but it’s all about the current mindset of the youth worker.

Here’s then what I often see happening. When we place ourselves in positions where we are always looking to “move up”, we are less likely to set healthy boundaries. Why? Because there is always someone to impress (i.e. head pastor, elder board, etc.). That often translates in to working harder (in an unhealthy way), working more, and creating unhealthy boundaries — all which can eventually lead to burnout.

I recall a time early on in my college ministry career where I was asked at the last minute to do back to back international mission trips with about a two day turn around period. I said I would step in and lead those two trips (trips in which the leaders fell through at the last minute). But my motives were mixed. I wanted to do it to be helpful (and we all have to step in and fill the gap when others need help), but I also wanted to signal to my boss that he could always count on me to step in and be available. And that by doing that, hopefully they would realize I’m a great asset to the church, and they might one day consider me for a more “elevated” position in the church. I’m not saying I consciously thought all of this — and at the time I was super happy with college ministry, and not wanting any other position. But my desire to impress my boss, knowing that this moment may be a memory for him later on if he could count on me was something I thought about. So in order to impress him I sacrificed some relational commitments, school commitments, and it ended up being a real unhealthy time for me in regards to setting boundaries, and feeling burned out.

As I look back at this time I am able to identify it as a situation in which my inability to set clear, healthy boundaries, led me down a path of not being able to establish them for sometime down the road. In fact, it took me another 4-5 years to get to a healthier place, and I continue to work on those boundaries.

If as a youth pastor you are always looking at the next position in the Church, and not planted in the context you are currently serving, then it is that much more easy for you to say yes to things, rather than say no. Being planted in your ministry and not looking on to the next step allows you to have a clearer sense of identity and worth, rather than always looking for it in the next position.

Establish Clear Expectations
One of the things you can do as a youth pastor is to establish early on some clear expectations of your role. This sounds simple enough doesn’t it. But it’s not. I know too many youth ministers who are just so happy to get hired they lend themselves out to be almost a ministry “clean-up” person — always available to do anything that is asked — always willing to say yes — even if it’s not the healthy thing to do. Unfortunately, there are some pastors who know this, and who use their authority and power differential to call upon the youth pastor to pretty much do anything and everything out of their job description.

So if you haven’t established clear expectations yet, it’s never too late. I recommend for a youth pastor at some point (maybe an annual review) to bring forward a discussion of what some clear expectations of what their job description is. You can frame that conversation around self-care, stating that you are wanting to take better care of yourself in order not to burn out, and therefore, better serve, God, the ministry, and the students and families you work with. Establish some clear guidelines/expectations about days off, working overtime, being on call, your ability to serve in other ministries in the Church. Establish the expectation that you too want to be a part of the church as an attendee, and not just a youth pastor who can’t find a place to worship, pray, and be a part of a community as well.

One of the things we have to ask ourselves as youth pastor as well is this: “Am I in this job only as a step to the next church job?” Or “Am I doing this job cause I love it. Because I want to be here and nowhere else?” Knowing your answer to that question is an important step in understand who you are, and what some healthy boundaries in ministry may look like.

Next Steps
Here are some things you could do in the next few weeks/month to begin to establish some healthy boundaries in this area:

  1. Write up a new job description, inserting clear expectations about days off, hours you work, and what areas fall under your responsibility.  Discuss this with your supervisor, and if at all possible, have them help you do these things.


  2. Assemble an accountability groups consisting of some members of the church, and those who have no ties to the church.  Talk with them about your job and expectations, and use them as a barometer in how well you are doing.  Give them permission to step in and say something if you aren’t setting healthy boundaries.


  3. Take some time for self-reflection and determine the reasons for why you are in youth ministry.  Are you happy in youth ministry?  Is that where you feel God wants you?


  4. Practice saying no.  If asked to do something that you feel is a violation of some healthy boundaries…say no.  See what happens.  You have to start somewhere.


  5. If you are in a church setting where youth ministry isn’t valued that much, or where those in pastoral positions see it simply as a stepping stone — then take some time to re-evaluate if that is really the place for you.  How a church views youth ministry and your role, will say a lot in their ability to allow you to set healthy boundaries — or if they will actually be the perpetrator in violating those.

Have you ever found yourself violating healthy boundaries because you wanted to impress a pastor, a parent, an elder board, etc.?

Leading on Empty

July 29, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Therapy-Psychology with 0 Comments

Recently I have been very intrigued by the topic of burnout and depression in ministry, and I have been writing on the topic mainly because it seems to not only be so prevalent, but it’s rarely talked about.  In fact, I would say that the symptoms (burnout and depression) are often a result of a lack of boundaries, and a mentality that says do more and more in ministry…as if that equates to godliness.

There are lots of great resources out there, and some pastors are beginning to approach the subject and write about how burnout and depression has affected not only the ministries they are involved in, but everyone around them. In fact…

I think openly discussing and seeking help for burnout and depression is innovative…

because so few are doing it, that to broach the subject puts you ahead of the curve in this area of thinking and praxis.

Recently I read the book Leading on Empty: Refilling Your Tank and Renewing Your Passion by Wayne Cordeiro, who is the Senior Pastor of New Hope Christian Fellowship in Honolulu, Hawaii. Wayne’s book is a great read, and it’s not only very authentic, vulnerable and insightful, but he provides some great steps and resources for those who may be suffering through burnout and depression. Wayne says:

We don’t forget that we are Christians. We forget that we are human, and that one oversight alone can debilitate the potential of our future.

It arrived without warning, like an uninvited guest. Decisions that were once simple now refused solution, and I found myself dodging anything that asked for my emotional input. My once stalwart faith was left fragile; I avoided whatever required my action.

It was a balmy California evening. I had gone for a jog before I was to speak at a leadership conference. I still can’t recall how I got there, but I found myself sitting on a curb, weeping uncontrollably. I couldn’t tell if it took place suddenly or gradually, but I knew something had broken inside. I remember lifting my trembling hands and asking out loud, ‘What in the world is happening to me?’

I had been leading on empty.

This is such an important topic, and I think one that needs to be talked about more in church ministry, especially among leaders. But it must not only be talked about, but action must be taken to move leaders to a more healthy place of leadership.

If Christian leaders do not model a healthy life, then what exactly are they modeling?

Wayne helps leaders assess what burnout and failure looks like, but he also provides a roadmap for how they can get back on track. His seven hard lessons seem obvious, but unfortunately they don’t become obvious except in hindsight for many of us.

Wayne also does a great job of talking about some actions that one can take such as sabbaticals, and he provides some important resources (counseling centers, camps, retreats, books, etc.) for leaders to access.

I think if more leaders would read this book, and learn some important lessons ahead of time, as well as possibly finding a partner in their own burnout (such as Wayne), then they will find themselves in a much more healthy leadership position than before.

Depression and Burnout: Anne Jackson Interview, Part 2

July 28, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Therapy-Psychology with 0 Comments

Yesterday I posted the first of two interviews I did with Anne Jackson back in January of 2009. Check out part of the interview below, and read the rest of it here.

From your own perspective, what is at the root behind the stigma of counseling and therapy in the Church? What would you say to Christians who think that we should not take medications for depression and anxiety?

It has always been difficult for me to say I needed to be in counseling to the extent I was, or to say that I have been on a myriad of anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medicine because I’ve heard countless times people question my salvation or my authority to work out God’s calling in my life. Most people think that something is wrong with my spiritual walk if I have to use these “crutches.” I think that the people who are judgmental about these things live in a bubble that desperately needs to be popped. That means they have stayed safe and comfortable their whole life…and there is nothing about Christianity or redemption that is safe or comfortable.

Depression and Burnout: Anne Jackson Interview, Part 1

July 27, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Therapy-Psychology with 1 Comment

I had the privilege of interviewing Anne Jackson back in January 2009 on the topic of depression and burnout, especially as it relates to ministry and the church. Since I have been writing about depression over the last week I wanted to link again to her interview. Here is a piece of the interview below, but check out the full post here.

One of the reasons I wanted to interview you as you know, is that not many Christians are forthright on the topic of depression, anxiety and what I would describe as adjustment disorders….so why did you decide to be more vulnerable about this issue in such a public forum such as your blog and book?

I remember feeling so alone as I struggled with anxiety and depression…especially in the church world. I would go to services at my church or even as I would hang out with other staff members, it seemed like everyone was so happy and put together.

Those issues became so bad, I had to take a three week leave of absence from work where I started some medication and went to see a counselor. Talking about it with her made me feel so free. Go figure…the truth will set you free…that sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

As I began to share what was really going on with my friends and coworkers, many times those same people would share with me their own struggles with anxiety, depression or other issues.

I realize when other people share their struggles with me, it builds an instant bridge of trust. I know I can talk with them because they’ve walked in my shoes. It also makes a “me too” moment. I think it was Rob Bell who said the words “me too” are the two most comforting words in the English language.

Again, just starting that conversation and allowing others the permission to share knowing they will be welcomed with grace and trust and love – unconditionally, is why I am so passionate about talking about these things.

Depression, Burnout & Ministry: Showing Hospitality

February 13, 2009 in Ministry-Theology, Therapy-Psychology with 0 Comments

This is my 8th and final post in my series on Depression, Burnout & Ministry. There are lots of things I wish I would have written about in this series, and lots more that has been left unsaid. Hopefully this will be an ongoing topic because it is an issue that is so prevalent among us, but often ignored.

What I hope that these 8 posts accomplish is bringing to light the reality that depression is all around us, and it knows no boundaries. It does not matter if you are a Christian or non-Christian. It doesn’t matter if your spiritual life is going well, or not so well. It doesn’t matter if you are male or female, young or old. Depression is real and affects many, many people.

That being said, one of my hopes is that we interact with those suffering from depression in loving, compassionate and non-judgmental ways.

There are many ways to do this, but let me leave you with one idea: HOSPITALITY.

“One way to build upon people’s strengths is to show them hospitality. The counseling session needs to be a place where counselees are welcomed, encouraged, and complimented for what they are doing well, not where their past wrongs or present pathology is dredged up….Showing hospitality has for centuries been one of the vital tasks of pastoral care (Depression and Hope: New Insights for Pastoral Counseling, 61).

Just as a therapist welcomes, as well as provides an encouraging environment where one’s strengths and possibilities for the future are opened up, those in the Church need to do the same.

My hope is that one day those suffering from depression will not just seek the safety within the therapist’s walls, but will find a safety within the walls of the Church.

Questions:

  1. Do you know anyone right now who is suffering from depression?
  2. What can you do to come alongside of them and show hospitality?
  3. What might hospitality look like for someone in the context of depression?

Previous Posts in the Depression, Burnout & Ministry Series
Depression, Burnout & Ministry: Deciding to Get Honest About Our Journeys
Depression, Burnout & Ministry: Anne Jackson Interview, Part 1
Depression, Burnout & Ministry: Anne Jackson Interview, Part2
Depression, Burnout & Ministry: Assessment
Depression, Burnout & Ministry: Christians and Medications
Depression, Burnout & Ministry: Discernment in Pastoral Caregiving
Depression, Burnout & Ministry: Soren Kierkegaard on Actuality, Freedom and Possibility

Disclaimer: This blog post is not to be a substitute for professional help or advice. Please consider seeking out professional help if you consider yourself to be at risk for depression.
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