Affirmation: One of Technology’s Negative Effects on Your Marriage and Family

jleMcLuhan and Twitter via John Dyer
This is a post I have had in the making for a while, but when I read John Dyer’s post Tools for Tech Thinking: McLuhan on Twitter, and well, he unknowingly gave me some inspiration to post some of my thoughts on this issue.

Read John’s post for some context, but essentially Marshall McLuhan in his seminal work The Medium is the Message poses four questions about media/technology:

  1. What does it (the medium or technology extend)?
  2. What does it make obsolete?
  3. What is retrieved?
  4. “What does the technology reverse into if it is over-extended?

John does a great job of summarizing what these four things are, but for this post I’m concerned about question four, “What does the technology reverse into if it is over-extended?” John explicates the question in this way:

What does Twitter reverse into if it is over-extended?

This is McLuhan’s “negative” question where he gives examples like the ability to project one’s voice is lost if the microphone is overused and the ability to walk long distances is lost when one relies on vehicles.

  • Twitter can connect physically distant individuals, but when overused it can also isolate a person from those who are physically near (like spouses) reversing into a state of more disconnectedness.
  • Twitter can also reverse into a level of shallowness, because communication is limited to 140 characters.
  • Twitter can also reverse into a mess of noise and distraction since so many voices are speaking  at the same time.

Technology and Affirmation
Most of us may not realize it, but technology is often a major source of affirmation for us in our lives. John is speaking of Twitter, but Twitter is not the only culprit. Name it: Facebook, blogs, mommy forums, fantasy leagues, chat, MySpace, email, Blackberry’s i-Phones, etc, etc.

We go to these sites and belong to these online communities because in some shape, form or fashion we are affirmed in them. People accept us, care for us, are there for us. It soon becomes an instant source of affirmation.

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Depression, Burnout & Ministry: Discernment in Pastoral Caregiving

Discernment
As we talk and think about the issue of depression in ministry one of the most important factors that we have in helping us determine what exactly we are dealing with is discernment.

the quality of being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure

Discerning what type of help a person needs can be tricky. Should they see a therapist? A psychiatrist? Both? Is a recommendation for meds necessary? Are we dealing with depression, melancholy, burning out, etc? Maybe it’s all, maybe it’s some, maybe it’s none. But the act of discernment is a process and often involves multiple people helping one through their difficult journey.

In the book Depression and Hope: New Insights for Pastoral Counseling (which I mention quite a bit, is a great resource, and which I will reference and quote from heavily in this post), Howard W. Stone says:

Depression disturbs one’s most important relationships; for melancholics this may mean family members or close friends. For the mystic or hermit monk, and indeed for all faithful Christians, that most important relationship is with God. When people feel the absence of God, when they doubt, when religious ritual and service lose meaning, their experiences are very similar to the symptoms of depression.

Pastoral caregivers listen in a certain way to the words of those who are disconsolate, a way that is distinct from other helping professionals. To clergy and other professionals in ministry, despair, suffering, struggle, and adversity are laden with spiritual import, because reflection on the experience of melancholy and spiritual desolation can bring depth and meaning to those who are trying to be faithful to the call of Christ (Stone, 21).

When dealing with issues of such vital importance, you can see why discernment is key. One of the reasons I went back to graduate school again for my MFT (Master of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy) was because after 10 years in ministry, I was well aware of the fact that my Master of Divinity had not prepared me adequately enough to deal with such issues…In fact, I would say that it’s quite rare for most people entering into ministry to have a decent understanding of mental health issues and the role of the pastor in pastoral caregiving.

In his book Stone talks about four experiences that “compare strongly to depression: the dark night of the soul, ‘accidie’, desolations, and Martin Luther’s understanding of ‘Anfechtungen’”. Fascinating stuff! Let me just mention them briefly here:

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Depression, Burnout & Ministry: Christians and Medications

Credit: depressionofspirits.com

“you may have questions about whether Christians should take this or that. You get in that state, I assure you, you will take rat dung.” Pastor Tommy Nelson

Why the Stigma?
Let me start this post by saying this. When it comes to the issue of taking medication for depression…there are some Christians who believe in it, and those that do not.

I believe in them. And I’m not trying to convince you otherwise. That will require circumstances, experiences convincing beyond my control.

I have worked long enough in the ministry and therapeutic setting to see the amazing and beneficial results that they have had in the lives of the co-workers, students and clients that I have journeyed through life with.

I believe God has given scientists/doctors/researchers amazing minds to create some medications that can help.

As one friend says, “If someone is diabetic, they are going to take insulin…aren’t they?”

Or I tell my friends, “If you have a heart condition, you are going to the cardiologist, right?”

So what’s the stigma around mental health and medications in the Christian life? I’m not completely sure. There is some disconnect it seems. Or rather than disconnect, there is some inconsistency in how we pick and choose what areas of our lives we seek help on, and what areas we think we should be able to pick ourselves up by our own bootstraps.

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Innovation3 Gathering: Incarnational Reality

incarnation: the act of embodying or state of being embodied in human form

I have been thinking about that word quite a bit in recent months as I have come “face to face” with more and more of my online friends on Facebook, Twitter and blog. In fact, if you have read my blog recently, you know that one of my 2009 goals is to “take online community offline.”

But I’ve really been thinking about this idea after Innovation3 Gathering last week where I participated as a live blogger. In fact, I’m not the only person thinking about this concept. Cynthia Ware wrote the post Face to Face at Innovation3 Gathering, and Rick W. Smith wrote the post Innovation3 aka Nationwide Tweet Up (see Rick’s video below).

I remember just a few years ago when I used to attend a conference and the only people I knew were a) people I had met at that conference the year before; b) someone whom I “ran” in the same ministry circles with; c) someone famous (aka author/pastor/speaker). But most of the conference was spent getting to know people at the most basic level…exchanging of information and informalities.

But that has all seemed to change here in the last year or so. With the large number of people on Twitter, it’s almost as if these conferences are becoming a reunion, rather than a first time meeting. And the reason I mention Twitter is because it’s different than Facebook, in that the daily conversation creates a relationship that other technologies do not (look for my upcoming post in Collide Magazine on this topic). My first experience of this was at ECHO in August of 2008. Then at ChurchTechCamp:.Dallas in January of 2009. Then at Innovation3 Gathering this last week.

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Depression, Burnout & Ministry: Assessment

Assessing Depression
This is the 4th post in my series on Depression, Burnout & Ministry, and it is the one where I hope to provide some critieria of symptoms that might help us out if we are wondering about this issue.

There are a variety of factors and tools that one may use in assessing if someone has depression.  In ministry, there were usually a few questions I may have asked a student to better assess what was going on.  I still ask those questions of people in ministry, as well as in my clinical work.  In my work as a Marriage and Family Therapist one of the main tools that we use is the DSM-IV (i.e. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders).  Whether or not one believes in diagnosing individuals, some of the criteria they provide is very helpful in getting a sense of the symptoms that one is exhibiting.

51yeqm7b52l_bo2204203200_pisitb-sticker-arrow-clicktopright35-76_aa240_sh20_ou01_As a pastor, leader, or volunteer in the Church you most likely will not look at the criteria in the DSM-IV, but it’s important to have a baseline of criteria that one’s symptoms can be measured against.  A book that I have found really helpful is Depression and Hope: New Insights for Pastoral Counseling by Howard W. Stone.  In this great book Stone says the following:

Criteria for Depression

Depression, or melancholia, is known in psychiatric terminology as major depression to distniguish it from the normal low periods that many people go through.  The psychiatric diagnostic criteria for major depression lists nine symptoms, as follows:

  1. Depressed mood, sadeness, irritability part of each day, nearly every day
  2. Diminished pleasure or interest in daily activities
  3. Considerable weight loss or gain, change in appetite
  4. Significant change in sleeping patterns (The most common result is early waking.)
  5. Marked increase or decrease in movement (Most commonly the person physically slows down.)
  6. Fatigue and loss of energy
  7. Feelings of worthlessness or guilt (The feelings are beyond the scope of how people would usually feel.)
  8. Difficulty in concentration
  9. Ideas of suicide or death

To be diagnosed with major depression according to the American Psychiatric Assocation criteria, persons must exhibit at least five symptoms for a minimum of two weeks, and have either depressed mood or diminished pleasure or interest on most days for at least part of the day (APA 1994).  These criteria are a good basis for determining if someone really is depressed.  The certainly are not exhaustive but signal that a person’s story may be one of melancholia. (pp. 65-66)

How Does Depression Manifest in Ministry
I think there are many ways that depression manifests itself in ministry, but what I would like to do is mention how in a few different areas I think it has manifested for me on occasion, and I’m curious to hear from you.  The tricky thing with depression and burnout is that we can experience symptoms along the spectrum without being considered clinically depressed.  Here is how I experienced it at some levels, even though I have never been clinically diagnosed myself.

Emotionally:  Not being able to enter into, or handle anymore conversations, meetings, encounters with people in ministry.  My fuse was short and I was unable to pay attention at a certain level.  It’s an emotional exhaustion.  Often this mosts manifests itself at home with the people we love.  We give all we have at work, but have little energy for home.

Spiritually: Not being able to pray or read Scripture.  In fact, most of that was masked by ministry prayer (in meetings, services, etc.), but little of my own prayer life.  Also, most of my Scripture reading was for sermon preparation, but very little of my own prayer devotion and meditation.  I think this is very common in ministry, where pastors spend hours upon hours in sermon preparation and consider that to be part of their devotion and meditation.

Physically: Being so exhausted that you don’t have the energy for one more event or meeting.  In fact, when you are doing your yearly calendar, your relief comes from looking at the date about 9 months out when you can rest.  That is depressing.

I would love to hear from you.  How have you experienced depression in ministry?  Can you share some examples?

The next post in this series I will be taking a look at the history of depression in the Church and spiritual writings.  But for now, don’t forget to check out the three previous posts:

Depression, Burnout & Ministry: Deciding to Get Honest About Our Journeys

Depression, Burnout & Ministry: Anne Jackson Interview, Part 1

Depression, Burnout & Ministry: Anne Jackson Interview, Part 2

Disclaimer: This blog post is not to be a substitute for professional help or advice.  Please consider seeking out professional help if you consider yourself to be at risk for depression.

Depression, Burnout & Ministry: Anne Jackson Interview, Part 2

jacksona22This is Part 2 of my interview with author and blogger Anne Jackson.

Check out Part 1 here.

From your own perspective, what is at the root behind the stigma of counseling and therapy in the Church? What would you say to Christians who think that we should not take medications for depression and anxiety?

It has always been difficult for me to say I needed to be in counseling to the extent I was, or to say that I have been on a myriad of anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medicine because I’ve heard countless times people question my salvation or my authority to work out God’s calling in my life. Most people think that something is wrong with my spiritual walk if I have to use these “crutches.” I think that the people who are judgmental about these things live in a bubble that desperately needs to be popped. That means they have stayed safe and comfortable their whole life…and there is nothing about Christianity or redemption that is safe or comfortable.

What goes through your head when you hear Christians or church leaders tell people that they just need to pray more, or have more faith, or read their Bible more to overcome their depression and anxiety?

Honestly, I want to punch them. It makes me so angry (Yes, I have anger issues too!) ☺ There is a spiritual element to our emotional and mental health and we absolutely should practice those disciplines of our faith. But there is no magic pill to cure all. We are all uniquely designed and will each walk a different road for a different reason.

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Innovation3 Gathering: Missional Community

Stay tuned for the second part of my interview with Anne Jackson tomorrow.

Innovation3 Gathering: Day 1 Recap & Tomorrow’s Online Connect

img00350Today was a great day. As always, the highlight for me was meeting a lot of people–those that I know only online, and some that are new faces. By the end of the day I was super energized as well as exhausted. It was connecting on steroids.

There is lots of great content out there from the event online, so I’m not going to recap the entire event today, but just a few things that stood out for me.  Some of these are quirky, but they are things I have been thinking about today.

  1. I thought DJ Chuang and the Leadership Network team did an amazing job putting on this event.
  2. This was the first conference that I have ever been to that hands you a flash drive to keep that has all the speaker’s notes on it.
  3. Camron Ware’s lighting design was amazing.
  4. The opening session on failure had a wonderful diversity of personalities speaking.  Loved it.
  5. I learned a lot from Anne Jackson’s session on burnout.  Anne in “real life” is who she is on her blog. Awesome!
  6. The Catalyst Team is awesome.  Had great time chatting and hanging out with them.
  7. People desire conversation and collaboration more than ever. Want to work together not just be talked at.
  8. For the world to be transformed, the Church must rely on the totality of it’s “body” not just individual members.
  9. People want to know what you are passionate about.  Do you have an answer to that question?
  10. Jesus has gifted each of us uniquely, therefore, are we being good stewards of those gifts.  Are you?

Those are a mixture of some random thoughts, things I have been wrestling with, and some observations–all from today.

Connecting Tomorrow

I’m looking forward to tomorrow.  I loved the Cover It Live blogging tool I used for today’s events, but I thought for tomorrow I would steer you in a couple of different directions.  I will post a couple of more formal blogs, but I want to provide to you some great online live resources as well.

  1. Tony Morgan has been doing a great job of live blogging. Check out his site tomorrow.
  2. Check out Tweet Chat.  Log in and join the i3 room and follow all of the Tweets at the event.  Awesome tool.
  3. Watching live streaming video and sessions at the Innovation3 Gathering live site. Watch-Chat-Tweet.

Those are just a few great ways to stay in touch all day long and get a large perspective with what is going on.  With over 100 speakers in a day and a half, it’s like drinking water through a fire hose–which is impossible.  So I would think.

And then check back into my blog at intervals (I will tweet about it) to see some posts on some specific thoughts, experiences from the event.

Innovation3 Gathering–Live Blog by Rhett Smith (Tuesday & Wednesday)

I’m very excited to be a part of the live blogging team for the Innovation3 Gathering, put on by Leadership Network, and hosted by Bent Tree Bible Fellowship.

I hope that you can join me on my blog Tuesday and Wednesday as I will live blog 4 specific sessions, and as much of the rest of the event that I can. I hope to see your input and comments throughout the day (via this blog and Twitter–please use the #i3 hashtag), and if you have any questions you would like me to pose the speakers in or out of their sessions, please let me know. You can reach me via the live blog or on Twitter @rhetter.

If you are having trouble viewing this live blog, try watching it in a pop-up window: Click Here

Not only can YOU participate, but the tweets of 11 other Twitterers will post automatically to the live blog. So stay tuned for their behind the scenes insight and thoughts: gregatkinson, cynthiaware, djchuang, scottmcclellan, decart, lancebauslaugh, camron_ware, flowerdust, innovation3, tonymorganlive and mbstockdale.

Connect In Other Ways

Innovation3 Twitter Announcements @innovation3

Innovation3 Twitter Hashtag #i3

Innovation3 Website

Innovation3 Blog

Innovation3 Flickr Photostream

Innovation3 Bloggers Meetup/Tweetup

See you there in person or online….

Leadership Network: Innovation3 Gathering

On Tuesday and Wednesday of this week I will be one of several live bloggers for the Innovation3 Gathering in Dallas, TX.  What is Innovation3?

Innovation3 is a two day gathering of church leaders and innovators for the purpose of connecting, networking, and collaboration. Sure, there will be speakers and sessions and breakouts… but the real power behind the Innovation3 concept is that you will get to rub shoulders and bounce ideas off hundreds of innovative church leaders about what’s working in today’s church (and what’s not). We’ll level the playing field, allowing you to meet and interact with many of today’s thought leaders. You’ll learn from others, and have an opportunity to share your ideas as well.

Those who attend will have the opportunity to “hear from and interact with nearly 100 innovative church leaders that will be a part of our organized program.”

I’m super excited to be a part of this gathering and I’m looking forward to not only connecting with these leaders and those who attend the conference, but all of you online as well.

You can find a schedule of the events here, but let me tell you about four specific events I will personally be covering on Tuesday and Wednesday.

Tuesday, January 27

3:00 – 4:30 pm Anne Jackson (MadChurchDisease.com)
Join Anne Jackson for a lively, informative, and potentially life-saving discussion
for anyone in ministry—vocational or volunteer—who would like to understand,
prevent, or treat the epidemic of burnout in our churches. Ann will provide
research and insight she has learned from leaders from across the United States,
providing statistics, stories, and hope for healing.

6:00 – 7:30 pm — Dinner On-Site
Internet Campus Pastors

Wednesday, January 28

10:00 – 11:30 am “Author Side Conversation” – Kingdom Impact: Church, Culture and
Community: Join Mel Lawrenz, author Whole Church,  Rex Miller, author of Millennium Matrix and Hugh Halter
and Matt Smay, authors of The Tangible Kingdom in a conversation about the kingdom impact of
Church, culture and community.

11:30 – 1:00 pm — Lunch
Choose a table discussion group – Architects and Designers

Hopefully you can “tune in” to this blog on Tuesday and Wednesday and get a sense of not only what is happening at the conference as a whole, but four very specific conversations that I will be a part of.

I will be using Cover It Live (embedded on this blog) for those two days. So hopefully you will have an opportunity to get online and chat, or ask some questions during the conversation.

Twitter Information

@innovation3 is the Twitter ID for the event and #i3 is the hashtag

@rhetter is my Twitter ID if you want to message me.

See you Tuesday and Wednesday…