Chad and Sarah Markley Interview #3: Moving Forward

March 5, 2010 in Marriage-Family, Ministry-Theology, Therapy-Psychology with 1 Comment

I really appreciate Chad and Sarah opening up so much of their life with us this week. One of the reasons that I wanted to interview them was because I think that their story is, and can be so helpful to many other couples out there — and on so many levels.

And if you aren’t already reading their blogs, you definitely should be.

The final interview (3/3) is below, and you can catch up on the previous two in the links below.

You can read Part 1: here
You can read Part 2: here

This is Part 3 of 3

Sarah, I know you are working on a book and I was wondering if you could share how that process is going?

Sarah: I’m about 50 percent finished with my rough draft. I’m still actively seeking representation and a publisher. When it’s done it will be a creative retelling of my story focusing on redemption and hope but also explaining the factors that led me to the place I ended up.

You seem like you are a very creative family (writing, music, technology, etc.), and I was wondering what creative things you like to do together as a family?

Sarah: We try to give our kids as many experiences as possible without overwhelming them. I’m not talking Disneyland every day, but we do love to go to the science museum or the nature center and try to travel as much as we can as a family. Our girls love to draw and do crafts at the kitchen table. Chad often plays the guitar for them in the evenings and the three of them like to make up songs together. Our girls are involved in sports, dance and horseback riding. They know I’m writing a book and that I write daily on my blog.

Thirteen years in, what do you think is the best thing about marriage?

Sarah: Hands down: being married to my best friend is the best thing about marriage. And the fact that we each know most of each other’s faults and strengths is so comforting too. He knows all the bad things I’ve done and I know the same about him. Somehow we still love one another deeply.

Chad:For me it is shared experience. I love having someone to share the important moments with, both good and bad.

You mention that the two of you saw a counselor, so I’m naturally curious about the role that played in your recovery, if any?

Sarah: We went to see a Christian marriage and family counselor the week after my confession. She came highly recommended by a friend of our pastor’s and we met with her weekly for 6 months. At that time she moved to a different state and transferred us to another counselor in the same practice. We met with her weekly for another six months as well. Both counselors met different needs in us. The first one, besides helping us address the immediate problems, addressed Chad’s ADD and referred him to a psychiatrist so he could seek medication. The second therapist helped us to develop better methods of communication and walked us through some difficult times that occurred later in that same year.

Chad: Counseling was KEY!! People are crazy to think their pastor can understand every single crazy thing they are going through. It was important to me that the counselor was well trained and credentialed in their field AND was a Christ follower. We were able to find both of these at Center for Individual and Family Therapy.

How much information, if any, have you shared with your children?

Sarah: Our daughters are almost 4 and almost 8. We haven’t shared much with them. I plan on sharing some (limited) information with my oldest daughter in the near future. We agree that sooner is better than later when it comes to things like this, as long as it is age appropriate.

What are your hopes for the couples that you share your story with? What do you hope they walk away with?

Sarah:I would hope that they can see that no sin is too big for God’s grace, that God’s love is able to heal in mighty ways (even a heart which has been wounded as deeply as my husband’s) and that it is very possible to “come back” from something like this. Nothing in God’s kingdom is wasted and even something as horrible as what I did and what we went through, God has been using time and time again for His glory.

Do the two of you have any dreams and hopes for sharing your story with others? Speaking to churches, couples, etc.?

Sarah: I hesitate to use the word “dream”. “Hope” is a better word for what we would like to see happen, I think. We spoke together for the first time a couple months ago and when we did we felt right in the middle of our gifting. We worked well together with great chemistry and I think it was very effective. We hope to speak more in that manner. I also will be speaking by myself in the near future.

As a couple, what are you two really passionate about? What shared interests do you have that you really feel connected when you do together?

Sarah: As funny as this sounds, we love to talk about theology, social networking or technology. We are sort of geeks when you get us by ourselves. We have a shared love for people, our kids and our families. We’ll try anything new and we love love love to travel together. Go to a new city, explore the restaurants, walking routes and museums. Our favorite cities are London, Washington, D.C., Paris and Monterey, California. And before we had kids, we used to exercise together (gasp). Now we have to do that alone while the other sleeps in with the kids.

We’re passionate about real living and genuine Christ-following. We have a desire to see people talk about their stories with authenticity and to follow hard after Christ with true motivations behind what they do. We don’t like to “do church” for the sake of “doing church”. Worship, community, learning about God’s word and getting closer to Him — we desire to see people live this out in their lives between Sundays.

Chad: I echo what Sarah lists above but I need to also include my love of worship and music. I LOVE bringing people into worship ANYWHERE and ANYTIME I can get the opportunity.

How have your relationships with God changed as a result of the affair and the healing that has taken place?

Sarah: I often wonder if I was a true Christ-follower before my confession six years ago. I don’t know. There were times in my life that I sincerely wanted to do the right things and please God, but for the most part, my relationship with God before was lifeless and not based on a true love for Him. When I decided to give up the affair and focus on my marriage, my spirit, my heart and my soul was broken. I wanted to be different and the only way to do that was to follow Christ with my whole life. I read through the Bible in one year and I could feel and see the spiritual gifting that I’d suppressed begin to emerge again. I fell in love with Christ and I wanted to do everything possible to live righteously. Finally my Christianity was “real.”

Chad: I have a more realistic expectation of people now. I realize EVERYONE fails and no one is above falling into horrible sin. I also have come to the place where I realize it isn’t too late for anyone to come back to Christ. I think I see people more with His eyes now versus my own.

Chad and Sarah Markley Interview #2: In Process

March 3, 2010 in Marriage-Family, Ministry-Theology, Therapy-Psychology with 0 Comments

To read part 1 of my interview with Sarah and Chad Markley, read here.

In the interview today, I really wanted to focus on some of the questions that arose for me as I read Sarah’s blog posts about their story. It was in these blog entries that I really got a sense of a person–of a couple in process. So, much of the interview today was focused on getting a better sense of some of the things–some of the processes, boundaries and reasons behind much of her writing.

This is Part 2 of 3

Sarah, in your post Stifling, you talk about you being a controlling wife and Chad as being distance…or moving away from you as you became controlling. How do you now deal with the control issues?

Sarah: With grace. It’s part of my personality to be guarded, protective and thus a little controlling. I’m guarded with my time, energy and affection so when I wasn’t following Christ that transferred over into me being a demanding, selfish and controlling wife. After my confession we decided to “try out” living (as husband and wife) the way God intended: the husband lovingly leading and the wife graciously allowing him. I began to give up control. That has been one of the most freeing things I’ve ever done.

You make the comment in Cliches “No one wakes up one day and decides to commit adultery. I don’t know what other people have told you, but something like this takes a hundred million tiny poorly-made decisions layered on top of one another. Never excuses, but certainly reasons.” Do you think couples are often naïve of the small, tiny, daily choices they make, perhaps because they are so focused on trying to stay clear of making the big, wrong choice? Do you recommend how spouses can stay accountable in their day to day choices?

Sarah: I think that most couples will say that it could never happen to them. And only sometimes do I see couples who intentionally try to remain pure in the little things: glances, fantasy thoughts, discipline in keeping things alive between them and their spouse. So, yes, in a way I think that many couples are unaware of how little things can build up to really bad things. Even things like letting a self-serving attitude creep into a heart can make one “ready” to have an affair. With me, my heart became ripe for an affair because of pride and selfishness. How do we remain accountable? We are honest with each other, ourselves and with God. We are also both in strong, godly, same-gendered accountability relationships too in which the others have access to our spiritual lives, our hearts and motivations. A simple way to find out if an action or a thought is “unsafe” is to ask both your spouse and God if what you are doing is honoring to both your spouse and to the Lord. If you are scared to bring it up or talk about it, or if you deem it dishonoring, then the action or thought is probably a wrong choice. And you must be honest.

I loved the vivid imagery of a leaky colander, as you try to hold everything together in Dripping. What do you do now when you notice you are trying to hold everything together?

Sarah: Usually I crack emotionally, anger or tears and then I realize (from routine, experience) what I need to do to get it back together and on the right path both emotionally and spiritually. Sometimes I take a quick break by myself, sometimes I simply just tell Chad that I need a few minutes to be alone, and sometimes I need to spend time in specific prayer about it. But overall, it seems like God has brought me to a place where, even though I do get “off balance” once in awhile, I’ve been able to learn how to regain my balance and moderation.

Crash was so powerful, and while I was reading it, I kept trying to imagine what that would be like to be in that position. Sarah, how did you make it through that night? Chad, I was just thinking of how scary a night that was for you. Not only because of the news you were told, but of the possible reality you faced of having to raise your young girl alone, etc. What were you feeling, and how did you hold it together?

Sarah: Chad told me to go to my parent’s house to tell them what I did. I went, I confessed to them too and they lovingly welcomed me in. They were, of course, grieved, disappointed and hurt but they were able to love me even through their own pain. I was a mess, but somehow I made it through the night. Early on I was able to be very sorrowful about my sin and I felt immediately motivated to do whatever I needed to to make it right with God, Chad and the others I had hurt.

Chad: That night I wasn’t thinking so much about the future as I was feeling the hurt of betrayal and feeling like an idiot because I hadn’t seen what was going on the last 3+ years. I am not the biggest planner in the world so I don’t often think too far ahead. I was just dealing with the “now” of the situation, not so much the future.

Chad, I was really amazed by your almost immediate willingness to forgive Sarah. Sarah mentions that you didn’t want to, but you felt compelled to because of all that Christ had forgiven you of. Even though you forgave her that night was there a longer process that took place, or did it feel instant to you?

It was both instant and a process. I think it’s similar to salvation and the process of sanctification that follows. The big push is instant, salvation, we are changed in that moment. When I forgave Sarah it was legit and from the deepest core of my person. In that instant our relationship was changed. The actual living out of that choice, sanctification, takes time to process, take root and grow. It took about 6 months for the ache in the middle of the night to fully go away.

Sarah, in your final post Foundation you write, “I was done with my old self. I removed phone numbers from my phone, took pages out of my address book and deleted emails and voicemail messages. I began to try to erase all that had gone before. And God softened the hard places of my heart and brought me close.” I’m curious about this process, and what you now think of the ease with which people can connect and reconnect with people and past relationships online. Do you have certain boundaries online that the two of you hold to?

Sarah: Online: we know each other’s passwords to everything. Even though we don’t snoop, he is privy to all of my phone numbers, my text messages, my emails. I keep nothing from him. And the same with him.

The whole Facebook thing is interesting. Of course, that became very popular years after I had my affair, so during that time it was not a concern. But now, we are just careful to not friend ex-boyfriends or girlfriends and not to be overly friendly or conversational with members of the opposite sex.

The process of trying to “erase” the past was difficult and long. I did know one thing for certain: that I wanted nothing to do with my old life. So I began to try to get rid of the physical reminders (and temptations) that surrounded that old lifestyle. I never made another phone call or sent another email to the man I had the affair with.

The whole memory thing was the most difficult, however. I prayed for God to erase memories from my mind. I promised that I would share with Chad any detail he needed to know. And for a while he asked. But after some time passed, if he asked questions about the past it only served to bring up bad memories I was trying to forget. After time he stopped asking because there was no need for any more details. I have forgotten a great deal of the detailed memories (on purpose) but I still have some memory of that time. I think just enough to remind me how far I’d walked away from God and from my husband.

If you could give any piece of advice to married couples who are going through difficult times, what would it be?

Sarah: I think that couples need to count the cost of their relationship. Marriage will never be easy and will always require intentional work. If both people are willing to do whatever it takes to stay together for the endurance race then it will pay off in increasing love, intimacy and selflessness.

Chad: I agree with Sarah 100%! It all comes down to what you are willing to “pay” for the marriage. We see the price Christ places on us when we look at what the Cross cost Him.

Stay Tuned for Part 3…

Chad and Sarah Markley Interview #1: Their Story

March 2, 2010 in Marriage-Family, Ministry-Theology, Therapy-Psychology with 6 Comments

There are people online that I have never met in person, but that I feel like I know them. And those people I one day look forward to meeting in person. Just two of those people are Chad and Sarah Markley.

I randomly came across Chad online one day because we were following each other on Twitter and we shared some mutual friends that I have actually met in person (one of those being Rich Kirkpatrick). And then separately, I came across Sarah’s writing because of a tweet by Anne Jackson mentioning her. I’ve been a fan of Sarah’s blog ever since. In fact, my wife and I have often talked about Sarah’s writings, and things we have learned about marriage and relationships from them.

One of the things that has drawn me to Chad and Sarah Markley is their story–and not only their story–but their authenticity and vulnerability in which it is told. Sarah sums it up in these three short sentences on her blog:

I cheated on my husband nine years ago. I was lost and without hope. But God rescued me, my husband forgave me, and I am living a new life.

It’s an amazing story full of pain, sadness, forgiveness, hope and redemption. A story of two remarkable people that were held together and strengthened by a loving God.

It is because of their story that I wanted to interview them. It’s a story that I hear over and over again in my work as a marriage and family therapist and pastor. And in talking with them, I hope that their story can enlighten your own, and possibly help bring about hope and healing where it is needed. As well as helping couples read the warning signs in their own marriage.

This is Part 1 of 3.

How did you come to the decision that you wanted your story to be more visible and available for others to read and hear about?

Sarah: I knew that I’d be sharing my story eventually by writing a book and initially I thought I owed it to my blog readers to share with them first what God had done in my life before I become ultra-public by trying to get a book published. I had no idea that this story would attract so many new readers to my blog and reach out to a generation of women (and men) who have been hurt by infidelity.

Now we, as a couple, feel as if it is a calling to share our story with others

What were some of the lack of boundaries in your own marriage? Have you changed any boundaries in that setting? Can you give us any examples?

Sarah: We used to meet members of the opposite sex for lunch or at the gym. In fact, we used to do things alone with opposite gendered friends all the time: long phone conversations and emails. We didn’t really see anything wrong with it because we used each other for our measures of morality. If what I was doing wasn’t bothering my husband than it was okay for me to do. I wasn’t using God to determine if what I was doing was right or wrong. Our boundaries have changed immensely since my confession 6 years ago. (Sarah has written more on this topic here).

Chad: We make it a point to remind each other we are the others “number one”, especially in public. I need Sarah to know she is my only girl, but I also need others to understand she is my “number one” and vice versa.

What are some early warning signs of an emotional affair that you think many people overlook?

Sarah: Simply giving away too much of yourself. Sharing intimate thoughts, dreams or concerns in the name of “friendship” with someone of the opposite sex who is not your spouse is treading on dangerous ground. When you find yourself thinking about someone else, watching for them, dressing for them, finding excuses to talk to them – those are also bad signs.

Chad: I agree with Sarah. Things begin to get sideways when we get tired of working through things with our spouse and begin to look for “easier” outlets for our emotional, and eventually, and physical needs

What role, if any, do you think pornography played in your decision to have an affair?

Sarah: Pornography created an unattainable and unrealistic view of sex in my mind. I began to desire things that were outside of the realm of what intimacy in marriage should be. It became something that I needed (whether actually viewing it or thinking about it) to become aroused. So when I found myself in an inappropriate emotional relationship with another man, the sexual aspect of it just seemed less “sinful” because I was already fantasizing regularly in my mind.

Chad: I pulled Porn into our marriage to try and “liven” it up. It had been part of my personal sexual journey since 2nd grade and had poisoned my view and expectation of sex to a significant degree. When I introduced it into our marriage I subsequently brought that same level of unrealistic expectation into the marriage bed. The outcome was tragic and I believe was instrumental in opening doors that may have never been opened otherwise.

Stay tuned for Part 2…

Social Media in Haiti: Seeing Beyond the Messengers to the Message

February 24, 2010 in Technology-Social Media with 1 Comment


[image by Adam McLane]

When I was called and asked to be a part of the Adventures in Missions YMATH Team, I was told that one of the reasons I was being asked to go was to communicate through my blog, Twitter and Facebook during my time there. In an earlier post Why Haiti? And What You Can Do I talked more at length of the purposes for us being there.

This topic was something I wrestled with greatly as I was making my decision, and during my whole time in Haiti. And I know our team wrestled with this issue as well. Every place we visited we talked about whether or not to take photos, shoot video, tweet, etc. It filled a lot of our discussion time.

I think if I had gone to Haiti and had blogged, tweeted and Facebooked (is that a word) about the trip…and didn’t see any fruit from the social media push…then I may have come back feeling less sure about that decision.

We didn’t want to exploit anyone.

We didn’t want to stroke our own egos, or pat ourselves on the back.

We wanted to tell the stories of the Haitian people.

We wanted to encourage people back at home through the Haitian stories.

We wanted to encourage others to come to Haiti and serve or give.

We wanted to use social media to help resource the Haitian people and all the future teams.

And whatever the impression was of our team back at home I can say this confidently. The Haitian people were so glad that we had come to listen to their stories. They were thankful that they could look into a camera and share their plight with others around the world.  Aid and relief often can provide for one’s basic needs which are foremost, but it doesn’t often allow you to speak, to share of yourself, your stories and what you have been through.  People were ready to share.

The rest of the team has stories similar to mine, but personally I can say that I have been greatly encouraged by the connections that the use of social media in Haiti has brought forth here at home and around the world. I have had meetings with other pastors who are wanting to take teams to serve in Haiti. I have received messages from individuals who feel God is calling them to quit their jobs so that they can move to Haiti full-time and serve. I have had people donate money to Haiti because of some story I shared. I have had people express that they felt like they were actually there on the trip…that social media helped connect their head to their heart and have compassion in a way that they couldn’t have previously experienced unless they had gone in person. The whole outpouring of others is quite remarkable and beyond anything we could have done on our own.

Using social media helped connect various parts of the body of Christ, and though God was clearly in command, I believed he used technology to bring various organizations, ministries and people together.

One of the really amazing things about using social media in Haiti, is that Jeremy Zach and I were able to shoot a thank you video of all the water that our team was able to buy for one village because of the money given to Jeremy and I from some friends as we headed out to Haiti. They gave us cash. We bought water. And we showed them in real time (sending out tweets and FB messages of the video) how their money was being used. Wow! The people who donated were moved. A connection was made and Haiti was no longer a country on the news that had faced destruction. Instead it was a country, filled with real people, who were now drinking water that our friends had played a part in helping provide. Real flesh and bones.

Thank You from Adventures In Missions on Vimeo.

And maybe one of the best examples of the good social media did was this tweet by Anne Jackson:

RT @flowerdust PLS RT: Pls @andersoncooper Meet us 9a @tentcity http://flic.kr/p/7CYFZe 5k+ ppl w/o food/meds HELP THEM http://bit.ly/clQkFP

You all retweeted that message thousands of times. So maybe Anderson Cooper didn’t show up. But many of you did. Not in person, but through your generous financial contributions. Through your connections. People gave money. People made calls. And because of you…because of a story and a people you connected with through the use of social media…these people dwelling in tents were able to receive food and water. When all the NGO’s were unable to provide for these people because of red tape and politics, you were able to step in and help. And that was only the beginning of the story. People are continuing to give to these people dwelling in tents. People are continuing to advocate for them in Haiti from 1000′s of miles away.

The story continues to be told over and over again through the use of social media.

As messengers we may get in the way of the message. But the beautiful thing about God is that he can take our messages in whatever shape we deliver them…and he can redeem them and bring good out of it.

So is it possible that we as the storytellers can cloud the story?

YES.

Is it possible that our egos and agendas may get in the way?

YES.

I hope that we can tell better stories one day where people can see beyond the messenger or the distorted means by which we deliver them. That as messengers of God we act more in humility than we often do or come across. But until then, continue to tell stories. And use whatever means you have available. And in this process I know that God is continuing to transform our lives and the lives of those we come into contact with. I know that he uses us even though we are broken and cracked vessels.

God does and can use social media for the greater good.

Are You Doing Enough to Educate Adolescents on Technology and Pornography?

February 22, 2010 in Marriage-Family, Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media, Therapy-Psychology with 6 Comments

“There is a Tsunami coming. We are a hundred years from understanding what we are dealing with regarding the influence and impact of cybersex on mankind.”

Those are the words of Dr. Patrick Carnes, one of the foremost experts on addiction and recovery issues, especially when it comes to pornography and the influence of technology in aiding that particular addiction. The latest issue of Family Therapy Magazine (January/February 2010) is dedicated to the issue of sexual compulsivity, and is filled with great articles on this topic.

That particular quote is from the article The Tsunami: Adolescents, Technology, and Pornography.

The article goes on to say….

“Technology also possesses the capacity to numb out and desensitize youth from their natural progression as they idle away valuable moments for social, relational, spiritual, physical, mental and neurological development…Teen pornography and technology use is affecting their values, socializing, sexuality and courtship patters.” (pp. 19)

Adolescents. Technology. Pornography.

The perfect storm according to many psychologists, addiction experts and theorists who are on the leading edge when it comes to studying this issue and working with the people who suffer from such an addiction.

I love technology. I love my Facebook. My Twitter. My blog. Etc. Lots of things to love. But I have to also be sober minded enough to know that technology is not neutral. It has a transforming affect on my life. Some of those transformations are good. Some are not. So I have to be careful about how I use technology. I have to be careful about the boundaries I set around it.

If you work with adolescents…Or are parent or mentor to adolescents…Are you being sober minded enough on this issue? What are you doing to educate them about their use of technology and about issues of sexuality and pornography?

I’ve recently been doing a lot of speaking on this topic, both for the National Coalition (Dallas office), as well as for some local churches and youth groups. This Saturday, John Dyer and I will be teaching a breakout session at the Men of Valor Conference. Our breakout will be held twice and will cover the following topic:

Staying Safe in a Digital World—Room C26 (upstairs) Morning & Afternoon Sessions
Speakers: Rhett Smith, MDiv, MSMFT, LMFT-A, Marriage & Family Therapist, Hope Works
John Dyer, Th.M., Director of Web Development, Dallas Theological Seminary

Description: Today’s technology can bring both blessings and curses. In this session, John and Rhett will talk theology, psychology, philosophy and practicality as it relates to technology and its effect on Men. You will gain greater understanding of how technology traps can be avoided as well as used for greater good. John and Rhett are both bloggers who use technology in creative ways to advance God’s truths.

The Cycle of Destruction, Praise and Redemption

February 20, 2010 in Uncategorized with 1 Comment

I experienced lots of emotions during our time in Haiti. It felt like a roller coaster ride, and at one moment I was on the mountain top experiencing wonderful feelings of joy, and the next moment I was plummeted to the valley and felt despair.

It was up and down the entire time, and it has felt much that way since I have been home. This trip will take a lifetime to process, and I hope that it will continue to transform me. I hope that I continue to wrestle with what I experienced.

Destruction. Praise. Redemption.

Those are just three adjectives that I have been swirling around in my mind the entire time. Though you could not be physically present with us on the trip, I know many of you were there in spirit, and through your prayers.

I want to leave you with three videos that have resonated with me the most and I hope that they can move you to action.

Destruction

(The Drive through Port au Prince video by Adam McLane)

Praise

(Haitian worship service video by Lars Rood)

Redemption

(Redemption video by Ian Robertson)

Why Haiti? And What You Can Do

February 18, 2010 in Uncategorized with 3 Comments

This last week of my life has been an unbelievable whirlwind of emotions and it’s going to take a long time for me to process everything that I have witnessed.

It was only two and half weeks ago that I received a phone call giving me 12 hours to see if I would be interested in joining an Adventures in Missions team going to Haiti from Februarly 11th—17th. So with the encouragement of my wife, family and friends, I have come full-circle.  And what began as as a time filled with anxiety and worry was transformed into a time of God’s presence to help see me (see us) through what was an exhausting, but life changing experience – and we hope a transformation that will continue to guide our lives.

I will continue to blog about this trip for a great time to come, but I want to leave you with a few key things.

Why did we come?
In hindsight I really look at our trip as fulfilling four basic purposes.

1.  To go out as a scout team and lay out the logistics for what we hope are lots and lots of youth ministry teams that will be heading this direction over the next year and for many years to come.

2.  To use social media to tell stories that could be communicated in real time to people back home — and through the stories hopefully help others to not only give of their financial resources, but to make a heart connection with the people of Haiti.

3.  To serve the people in Haiti, as we had great opportunity to do in tent camps, destroyed homes and crumbled churches.

4.  To be a resource and encourage others to come to Haiti to be God’s hands and feet, both spiritually and physically.

I can look at those four things and say that we were able to accomplish them, but our journey is only the beginning of the many journies we hope you and others take to Haiti.

The Team
I’m so thankful to have been part of an amazing team of servants, and I know that we will all continue to tell our stories, encourage you to come, and we all hope to return here soon as well.

Thanks to….
Anne Jackson, Lars Rood, Adam McLane, Ian Robertson, Jeremy Zach, Tim Schmoyer, Mark Oestreicher, Seth Barnes and Clint Bokelman.

You all were a great source of strength of encouragement, not only to me, but to the people you served in Haiti.  And it was beautiful to watch God work through you and touch so many live.

What You Can Do
If you have connected with the plight of the Haitian people, and you feel that God may be leading you to serve, then I want to encourage you to take action in one of many ways.

There are many things you can do (be creative), but here are a few that come to mind.

1.  You can pray.  Not just every once in a while but unceasingly.  The people of Haiti, and those down there helping need your prayers.

2.  You can support the work of organizations (prayerfully, financially, etc.) there on the ground who are making a difference.  A group like Adventures in Mission who we came down with.  Or people like Water Missions who we had the opportunity of connecting with.  Or YWAM has been serving the Haitian people since.  Or check out the work of Shaun King’s, A Home in Haiti.  Shaun was a great resource while we were in Haiti.  There are many good organizations, but make sure that the resources you provide are getting to the people.

3.  You can encourage someone you may know to come down here and serve by providing a scholarship for them.  What more amazing gift than to send someone down who can act as a servant of Christ, and as an advocate for the people — and return to share the stories and encourage you.

4.  You could come down and serve.  You could be that advocate.

We have been told time and time again by people living in Haiti that what we are witnessing is of huge historical scale – like nothing ever seen before in their country.  Never has there been this much devastation, followed by such a hopeful revival of faith in God.  Haitians who had never stepped foot in church before are now coming in by the 1000′s and there are amazing things happening that could forever change the foundation of Haiti.

You can be a part of that.

Whatever you do…do something.

For stories of our experiences you can continue to check out our blogs and our YMATH Facebook Page.

And if you have any questions or would like to talk to me personally about my experience and about what it would look like for you go down there, please contact me via this post and we can chat.

Haiti Day #4: Displaced People-Displaced God-Displaced Disciples

February 15, 2010 in Uncategorized with 1 Comment

[image by Anne Jackson of tent city of 5000 in Marassa]

Displaced People
About one month ago one of the most horrific disasters in human history struck the small island of Haiti. In the wake of that destruction thousands upon thousands of lives were lost, and thousands upon thousands of people were displaced. We have had the unbelievable opportunity to walk among and pray and worship with these people who were displaced and have now found themselves sleeping in dirt fields, under tarps, in the rubble of former homes, and in open ravines that will be washed away during the rainy season starting next month. Piled into these tents are entire families ranging from five to twenty-five.

Displaced lives.

Displaced families.

In a displaced community.

Displaced God
One of the questions that has been going round and round in my mind is “How can these people who have suffered so greatly, worship and praise God in the midst of picking up the pieces? Because I’m not sure if I could do it. I’m not so sure that if such a tragedy came upon me that I would have even half of the hopeful spirit that the Haitians have displayed to us over and over again during our time here.

This spirit of hope and faith and love is not something that I saw on the news at night. It’s not a story you will read in the papers or online. While the rest of the mainstream media is talking about all of the destruction and mourning, they have failed to see the whole story. There has been no coverage of all the people pouring into churches by the thousands all over the city. Instead of a day of mourning, it has been days and days of hope and praise. A country in transition. In search of change.

How can the Haitians praise God when many of their lives have been destroyed, and they are deprived of basic needs like food, water, shelter, medical care and security?

I believe it’s because they, like us, worship a displaced God.

Immanuel.

God is with us.

God who took on flesh.

God who has experienced our pains.

“The Lord, whose compassion we want to manifest in time and place, is indeed the displaced Lord. Paul describes Jesus as the one who voluntarily displaced himself. ‘His state was divine, yet he did not cling to his equality with God but emptied himself to assume the condition of a slave, and became as we are’ (Phil. 2:6-7). A greater displacement cannot be conceived. The mystery of the incarnation is that God did not remain in the place that was proper for him but moved to the condition of a suffering human being. God gave up his heavenly place and took a humble place among mortal men and women. God displaced himself so that nothing human would be alien to him and he could experience fully the brokenness of our human condition….In the life of Jesus, we see how this divine displacement becomes visible in a human story….Jesus Christ is the displaced Lord in whom God’s compassion becomes flesh. In him, we see a life of displacement lived to the fullest. It is in following our displaced Lord that the Christian community is formed. (Compassion: A Reflection on the Christian Life by Nouwen, McNeill & Morrison, pp. 64-66)

Displaced Disciples
Displaced lives…who worship a displaced God…become a displaced community full of hope and joy.

That is what I believe. Because nothing else, beyond something supernatural can describe what I have seen and experienced these last few days.

This morning we walked into a tent city of approximately 5000 people who were living in a ravine that will be washed out in the next month. We were invited in this morning to pray for healing for these people. It was a humbling experience. We found ourselves walking down a windy dirt trail through tents (which are really torn tarps tied together), while smiling faces peeked out from them. The farther and farther I walked the louder and louder the music became, until finally I came to a make shift house of worship. They had brought in drums, and a keyboard and microphone (which ran on a gasoline powered generator).

In the midst of their displacement, they formed a house of worship in a sea of tents, spread out as far as the eye could see.

For a moment I had a glimpse of what it must have looked like for the LORD to lead the displaced Israelites through the desert.

As the music got louder and louder, more and more people began streaming through the aisles of tents and made their way into their house of worship. It was at that time that our team leader Seth Barnes tapped me and my friend Jeremy Zach on the shoulders and said we were going to be the pastors for the service.

As we made our way to the front I tried to figure out what I was going to say, but again, words were sparse. I simply told them that I was humbled to be in their midst. And though I have been a Christian my whole life, I have never experienced such an amazing time of worship. Moving out of the tent people streamed to us to pray for their healing and for an hour and half our entire team prayed non-stop for any individual or family that wanted prayer. It was non-stop.

There was tears.

There was laughter.

There was praise.

We — in our weak and vulnerable state, were simply able to be present with a displaced and hurting people. And in that community we came in

[video by Anne Jackson of people worshipping God in Marassa]

Haiti Day #3: Stripped of Everything But God

February 14, 2010 in Uncategorized with 0 Comments

I have always been pretty good about being self-reliant. It’s an inheritenly deep American, Westernized trait that we forge our own paths, and pick ourselves up by our own bootstraps. And if you don’t, then often you are left behind, or looked down upon as if you have some sort of deficiency. And so that’s what I do…I rely on my skills and my gift sets. I use those things to help people. And to a degree, those are the tools that I brought to Haiti with me.

But what does one do when those things are stripped away?

When your ability to continually depend on you…yourself…are stripped away?

You break down and cry.

Okay, maybe not you, but that’s what I found myself doing today in front of a couple hundred Haitians underneath a dirty, makeshift church that was protected by the scorching sun by torn tarps.

It took me about a minute or so to gather myself on stage before I was able to bring forth the words that they had invited me to speak to them. And what’s a minute anyways when I had been asked to speak in the prior thirty seconds. That minute or so seemed uncomfortably long for my translator who was encouragining me to go on. If it was uncomfortable for him (as was the slow painful march to the front of the church) it felt both humiliating and freeing for me. And when I looked in the faces of the Haitians staring up at me, I knew we had connected on a much deeper and personal level than any of the words I could have spoken to them anyway.

In the quiet silence of the church, where only my sobbing could be heard, I was able to identify with their pain in a way that I didn’t think possible…and I believe they were thankful that I could mourn the loss of life with them…and then celebrate the living of life with them.

And now that all my self-reliant gifts and skills had instantly crumbled in front of me, there was only one thing that I could be dependent upon. And that one thing was the person who has always been there, and who I could always depend upon…if I only took the time to lay down my stuff and realize that the things he had given me (the gifts and skills) were to be subservient to him…not to be used in place of him. That one person is…

GOD.

He’s all I had left when I was standing there, when I had nothing to say to a people who have been devastated by one of the worst human tragedies in history.

I have preached in Brazil, India, Mexico, and several other countries. But I have never preached in the midst of such destruction. Never been in a situation where there is almost nothing to say. Up to this point everything I have preached almost seems like lip service (I know it’s not, but that’s how it felt). All one can do is pray, and hope, and love, and be a presence in the midst of people’s pain.

“The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ.”

Those are the words I spoke when they finally broke free from my mouth. Except it was more of a rambling mess…but they must have gotten the idea because they were cheering and clapping and uttering all kinds of praises. These things were not directed at me of course, but to the reality that layed beyond…that I(we), and the Haitians are only parts of the larger body of Christ. And that when we as the members of the body, work together, it is God who brings about the restoration. Not me. Not we. Not us. GOD.

As I walked back to my chair after I finished speaking I sat there looking at all the hopeful Haitian faces in the audience, and I realized that it was THEY who had taught me an important lesson.

That it is GOD who we are dependent upon, and not ourselves. Their jubliant praying and worshipping in churches and streets all over Haiti the last three days taught me that.

And for them I am thankful.

I only hope that in my short time with them, I have been able to transform their lives as much as they have mine. And that GOD will continue to transform us both.

Thank you to my preaching partnersLars Rood, Anne Jackson and Jeremy Zach. Thank you for adding to the work of the body of Christ.

(Re)Birth in the Chaos of Haiti

February 13, 2010 in Uncategorized with 2 Comments






Today has been almost indescribable. After each experience I found myself trying to process what was taking place, and just when I thought I had a good enough grasp on how to try and convey it into words — the scene switched and a completely new experience — a completely new paradigm had been opened up to me. And then words failed.

As we were driving into Port au Prince, our ten passenger van, which was in a three car caravan felt like a slow moving tank into a war zone. Because that’s what it looked like. If you sometimes wonder what you see on the news is as bad as it looks — it is. But it’s even worse in person, because at home I’m without the context, but today I was in the midst of it. I saw the look of despair in their eyes, heard the songs of hope in worship, shook hands, played with kids and even held a baby born five days after the earthquake. As we slowly wound through the streets of Port au Prince, the thought that kept coming to my mind was the way the character in Joseph Conrad’s novel the Heart of Darkness slowly winded his way down the river, edging ever and ever closer to the darkness and despair that laid before him. But instead of finding darkness, we ran into hope. Thousands and thousands of people gathered all over the city in one group after another crying out to God in prayer, worshipping in song and dancing in the streets.

I stood on top of one house, watching a group of about ten-thousand Haitians worshipping anywhere they could in close proximity to the church. I almost expected some people to lower a friend through the roof of the church so that they could be healed. I saw a man standing in a tall tree, just hoping that he could get a glimpse of the prayer service. And I was mobbed by tons of people in a refugee camp, as they frantically asked the translator if I could take their names, write down their needs and bring them help.

I think if I could sum up the day, I don’t think I could adequately do it in my own words, but I think that I can’t do it with an expression of an image that I experienced today. When words fail, sometimes we have to point to symbols, or images, something to express that which transcends our speech. Our churches are full of symbols to help point us to something beyond ourselves –things we can’t get a handle on with our finite minds. Things like communion, baptism, crucifixion and resurrection.

In our very last stop I came across a 40 year old man who was very friendly, and ultimately asked us if he could take us to show us where he lived. As he got out of his chair and began to walk with us I heard a cry from a little girl. It was his little one year old daughter who was worried that her father was going to leave her sitting there with her grandma. So he picked her up to go with us and it very much reminded me of my little daughter at home who is always so eager to go places with me. As we (Anne Jackson, our translator Augustave and myself) walked with them he commented how thankful he was that we were there and that we were always welcome. We turned down a side street full or rubble and walked up to his house that had pretty much collapsed in the earthquake. And it was there in the rubble he told us that the baby his wife was holding was born. Five days after the earthquake a new life was born in the midst of chaos and destruction. Five days after the earthquake, a new life brought hope to a family that was in despair. And now this little baby, barely a month old, for me was a symbol of life resurrected in the middle of all the death.

That’s what I will remember about today.

Even though it was a hard day.

Even though there was crumbled buildings.

I will remember the life and hope that was present in the people we came across.

When I asked the father if he was scared, or if he was overwhelmed by the experience of having a baby in the aftermath of a national and personal tragedy — he looked at me and said that it was in God’s timing. God brought his baby into this world at the right time.

“One of the most powerful experiences in a life of compassion is the expansion of our hearts into a world-embracing space of healing from which no one is excluded. When, through discipline, we have overcome the power of our impatient impulses to flee or to fight, to become fearful or angry, we discover a limitless space into which we can welcome all the people of the world.” (Compassion: A Reflection on the Christian Life: Nouwen, McNeill & Morrsion, pp. 109)

Page 10 of 132« First...«89101112»203040...Last »