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Is Facebook Making Your Marriage Vulnerable?

September 28, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media, Therapy-Psychology with 13 Comments

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[image by hikingartist]


Chatter Magazine which is the great print/online monthly magazine for Irving Bible Church dedicated their October issue to technology. There are some really great articles in there like John Dyer’s Stop Bringing Your Bible to Church!

My contribution was on the issue of technology and marriage, more specifically, Is Facebook Making Your Marriage Vulnerable? In the article I address what seems to be a growing trend of people reconnecting/connecting through Facebook, and starting friendships with those people, which eventually lead to an affair in their marriage. Some of the evidence is anecdotal, some of it through stories from friends, but one can see the growing evidence in the daily news.

In the article I focus on the Identity, Boundaries and Accountability as three areas that are helpful if you are married and on Facebook….or if you just want to have healthy relational interactions on Facebook period.

If you don’t already know this, I’m a huge fan of Facebook, but here are some things I suggest in the article.

Here are just a few tips I have found helpful in my own marriage and counseling practice:

* Set parameters around how much time you are online each day. For example, no Internet after 9 p.m.

* Share passwords with your spouse. Let your spouse check your accounts on occasion for accountability and vice versa, not because you don’t trust each other, but for an added measure of protection.

* Do not engage in intimate online conversation with someone who is not your spouse. For example, are you sharing details about your marriage with someone online who is not your spouse?

* Set appropriate privacy filters/details on social media. For example, have you set parameters for your iPhone and YouTube, which are huge avenues of pornography for many?

* Be a part of an offline accountability group/small group.

* Use online accountability tools. For example, subscribe to an online service such as Covenant Eyes (www.covenanteyes.com), which keeps track of all your web usage and e-mails a report to your accountability partners each week.

You can read the entire article here.

Let me know what you think. And if you have any helpful suggestions, or if you want to share what you and your spouse do, that would be great.

33% OFF Online Therapy Till January 1, 2010

September 24, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media, Therapy-Psychology with 0 Comments

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[image by oddsock]


I’ve been talking a lot about online therapy on this blog, and now it’s time to make you a GREAT offer!

From now until January 1, 2010, I will be offering online therapy at 33% reduced rate. So instead of $75, you only pay $50.

If you, or someone you know is interested in this offer, please contact me.

Are You Able To Be FULLY Present To Others?

September 21, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media, Therapy-Psychology with 15 Comments

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[image by mikebaird]

One of the unique things about being a therapist is that it requires me to be able to be fully present to those who sit across from me in my office. No cell phone. No computer. No interruptions. No distractions. For45-50 minutes they get my full, undivided attention.  In fact, one of the comments that I hear most frequently from those who come to therapy is that this is the only time in their week when they feel like they have someone’s full attention.  Nowhere else does someone seem to be fully present to them.

In a culture that has become increasingly noisy it is not surprising that the correlative affect is that many people are simply drowned out by the noise. And therefore, in the process, this drowning out has a transforming affect on our relationships with one another.  This issue has been an ongoing topic of conversation at conferences I have been attending, blog posts I’m reading, and I had a great conversation with my father about it over the weekend, and with John Dyer last night.

My father, who is not anti-technology at all, simply said to me, “I’m afraid we are losing our ability to be fully present to one another.”

We all want to believe that we are fully present to one another, especially to those of us we consider most important such as spouses, children, friends and family, but more than likely, if we are completely honest with ourselves…we simply are not.

Recently I’ve noticed some of these things I see around me, and I cringed, realizing that I do this quite a bit as well: Continue Reading…

“Life is Short. Have an Affair.”

September 17, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media, Therapy-Psychology with 11 Comments

2412907219_eacb69b1dbThat is the motto that I heard coming from Noel Biderman this morning as he was a guest on The Billy Madison morning radio show. Noel Biderman is the President of the Ashley Madison agency and the creator of their website.

Ashley Madison isn’t the first online technology/agency to provide opportunities for people to have affairs on those whom they are in relationship with, but it’s definitely one of the most well known. In fact, Ashley Madison has also released an iPhone application that can help people have an affair without leaving any online traces.

“One resource that most men look up to is the web and through AshleyMadison.com, their tracks will be covered without a trace. Unlike Craigslist’s plain-Jane listings, AshleyMadison lets cheaters customize profiles, chat anonymously and trade messages about adulterous preferences.”

In fact they state that over the past month alone (June):

“Over the past month alone, 679,000 men and women have used the service to contact a cheating partner. According to their profiles, 92% of males on the site are married or otherwise attached, as are 60% of female members.”

It was fascinating listening to Noel Biderman on air this morning as he stated that he was in a monogamous relationship with his wife, and that he in fact would be devastated if she had an affair on him. When pressed by some of the callers about him being “a walking contradiction”, Noel basically brushed it off by saying:

  1. we weren’t born to be monogamous according to the scientific research.
  2. he’s not responsible for the affairs that come about by his website, stating basically that it’s just a tool, and he can’t be blamed for what people do with it. Continue Reading…

Breakthrough: An Online Platform for Therapy

September 16, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Technology-Social Media, Therapy-Psychology with 1 Comment

58916v2-max-250x250-1The world of online therapy is emerging quickly and there are a lot of tools out there to make this easier, and most importantly, secure. The AAMFT which I am a member of recently sent us out emails about a service they endorse, Therapy Hosting. This is just one of many, and even I at one point last year was in conversation with a technology company about creating an online tool for therapy that I had outlined.

Yesterday I was watching TechCrunch, TC50, and the presentation by Breakthrough.

One thing that stood out to me was this exchange of Q & A:

TO: How do you get therapists to participate?

A: We have a log of providers who are interested.

TO: How do you qualify them?

A: We only get licenses medical therapists and make sure to authenticate all professionals.

In the emerging online world of counseling and therapy it can be quite difficult to authenticate people’s credentials, while many are just plain practicing without credentials. So it will be interesting to see how this does.

I’m going to test out this tool for a little bit and blog about it some more.

For a more in-depth analysis of the company and tool, check out the post, TC50: Have You Considered Tele-Psychiatry? Schedule a Session with Breakthrough.

Cultivate 2009: My Interview with Matt Knisely, And Why You Should Attend

September 15, 2009 in Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media with 1 Comment

The Cultivate Conference in Chicago is getting closer every day.

Two weeks ago I posted my interview with Carlos Whitaker [aka Ragamuffinsoul], and last week I posted my interview with Cynthia Ware of the Digital Sanctuary. Check it out.

This week I’m talking with Matt Knisely of the blog Visual Storyteller.

Cultivate 2009: My Interview with Cynthia Ware, and Why You Should Attend

September 8, 2009 in Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media with 2 Comments

The Cultivate Conference in Chicago is only about 6 weeks away and I’m getting more and more excited everyday with the number of amazing people that are showing up to participate.

Last week I posted my interview with Carlos Whitaker [aka Ragamuffinsoul], and he gave some phenomenal reasons for why he is attending, and WHY YOU TOO should attend.

This week I’m posting my interview with Cynthia Ware of the Digital Sanctuary. Check it out.

If you are attending Cultivate, comment and let us know what drew you to the conference. If you aren’t we hope you change your mind and that we see you next month.

Does Therapy Need to be Face to Face, In Person to be Beneficial?

September 3, 2009 in Technology-Social Media, Therapy-Psychology with 2 Comments

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[image by Wrote]

It was inevitable that with the emergence of more and more of our lives online that the field of therapy would see more and more benefit from doing therapy online, but even still, lots of questions remain for both practitioners and clients. In an article from Monday (thanks to John Saddington for pointing me to the article) the title says it all, Therapy online: Good as face to face? The article begins by talking about a study on the topic of depression:

Participants were randomly assigned to either receive online cognitive behavioral therapy in addition to usual physician care — which may include antidepressant medication — or to continue their usual care and be placed on a waiting list. The intervention consisted of up to 10 55-minute sessions, five of which were expected to be completed by the four-month follow-up.

Of the 113 people who did online therapy, 38 percent recovered from depression after four months, compared with 24 percent of people in the control group. The benefits were maintained at eight months, with 42 percent of the online therapy group and 26 percent of the control group having recovered.

The level of benefit shown in the study is about the same as could be expected from traditional therapy, although the researchers did not compare the two as part of the experiment, said Dr. Gregory Simon, a psychiatrist and researcher at Group Health Cooperative in Seattle, Washington, who wrote the editorial that accompanied the study.

Benefits of Online Therapy
This article and a slew of other articles out there talk about the many benefits of doing therapy online. Things such as:

  1. Providing therapy to those with limited/no access to see a therapist.
  2. Some studies show that therapy over the internet allows clients to put down their guard, be more open and vulnerable than in person.
  3. Often the stigma of going into see a therapist is removed.
  4. According to some studies, like the one above, the benefit of therapy online is similar to that in person.

These are just a few of the more common benefits.

What other benefits can you think of?

Limitations of Online Therapy

  1. Some experts say that online therapy limits some of the visual cues in gesture, as well as “speech intonations.”
  2. Some see a limitation in rapport building when not done in person. Continue Reading…

Carlos Whitaker on Why You Should Attend the Cultivate Conference

August 31, 2009 in Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media with 5 Comments

I had a chance to sit down with Carlos Whitaker after the ECHO Conference and to talk about the upcoming Cultivate Conference in Chicago, October 27.

Check out Carlos below as he talks about why you should attend.

We hope to see you there.

Interview with Clover

August 28, 2009 in Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media with 3 Comments

clover_125x125-FaceAd2I’ve been really impressed with Clover and the beautiful websites they have developed, and especially the intuitive ease with which they are designed…especially for those of us who don’t know how to program or code. I recently sat down to interview them and to get a better sense of who they are as a company and what they are about.

Tell me a little about the history of Clover. How did is start? Who was involved? What was the impetus behind their decision to start Clover?

Clover was created out of a design firm called ‘The Regime’. Our developers, Ben and Jim, started ‘The Regime’ back in 2007 and primarily did custom, super-creative work for bands, companies, restaurants, and ministries. After their home church (Cornerstone
Church of Simi Valley, CA) began planting a bunch of churches throughout the country, it didn’t take them very long to see the greater need for websites in the church community. They realized that not every church could afford a $15,000-$20,000 dollar website, and this prompted the idea of ‘Clover’. Clover was launched on May 15, 2008. They figured if they could create sites that met churches’ needs,
and could offer it to many people (rather than a few), they could charge so much less for it. They would also make it to where ministries weren’t dependent on having a programmer on staff or a web company to update their site… This would allow the ministry to save a ton of time and money, both of which are hard to come by. The result was Clover.

What is the #1 reason do you think that people come to Clover for their website needs?

We have found that the main reason people come to Clover is because there is nothing else out there like it. If you have spent any time at all looking for a website for your ministry, you will find that Clover is the only solution that combines beautiful designs, reasonable pricing, and unbelievably easy site management.

What separates Clover from the other web developing companies out there that are aimed for churches and ministries?

I think the ease of use really sets us apart from every other offering out there. With our new Greenhouse 2.0 (coming soon!), our new features will spark even more interest, but our CMS (Content Management System) just trumps anything out there. Another really cool thing about Clover is that you can test out every single feature before ever buying a site. You can go our site (cloversites.com), click on any one of the designs, and actually edit our sample sites. You can put your own photos, your own audio or video sermons, your page
titles and content, all without ever spending a dime. It’s really the best way to see everything Clover has to offer.

You talk about the “ideal user” on your website, but I was wondering if you could answer that again for me. What is the ideal user…or who predominantly comes to Clover for their web development needs?

I would say our ‘ideal user’ is someone who values beauty and current-looking websites, but isn’t a programmer

What is the mission/vision behind Clover, and how does Clover strive to have “Kingdom impact.”

Definitely one of the missions behind Clover is to get the Word of God out. Now, every ministry can have an online presence to reach their community for Christ that is current, gripping, and clean. This is absolutely the most vital part of what we’re doing here at Clover.
Ministries can put their messages on their site to share the Gospel to anyone visiting them online. Clover wants to help equip ministries
to do the work God has called them to do.

If someone is reading this interview, and they are shopping around for a website, what would you say to them to convince them to come to Clover?

The beauty of Clover is that we really don’t have to do much convincing… All we really have to have people do is try everything out at www.cloversites.com.
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