The annals of history are filled with people who have done great things (inventions, writings, art, building, etc.) at great cost to their personal and family life.
So it was not a surprise when I read Steve Jobs’ biographer Walter Isaacson say the following:
“I wanted my kids to know me,” Mr Isaacson recalled Mr Jobs saying, in a posthumous tribute the biographer wrote for Time magazine. “I wasn’t always there for them, and I wanted them to know why and to understand what I did.”
I was really struck by that statement “I wanted my kids to know me.”
You and I may never invent something like the iPhone, but everyday we are given the choice to pursue opportunities that pull us farther away from our kids and spouse…family — or to say no to opportunities that pull us away from them. And instead make decisions that enrich our families and the lives of our kids.
I wrote this post not as a moral indictment on what choices we make in regards to how we choose to live our family lives…but more so that we understand there is often great cost to our families when we pursue certain endeavors.
Often these choices get even more murky coming in the form of ministry as well. It’s not hard to find historical records and stories of great men and women of God who have left a huge mark on Christianity with their writings and ministries, but who have left a wake of destruction in their personal and family lives.
For example, I remember hearing in my Church history class of the bad marriage and family life of the famous cleric and theologian John Wesley. We can thank him for the legacy he has left, but there was a personal and family cost to getting there.
Are you willing to sacrifice your personal and family life for your pursuits?
People can still pursue opportunities of great cost, and follow God at great cost…without destroying their families in the process. Perhaps we need to pay attention to, and become better at discerning which opportunities allow us to continue to foster our marriages and families in the process, and which ones could be lethal to them.
I strongly recommend Lyle Dorsett’s short biography of AW Tozer. Tozer was a giant of spirituality, but it seems a lousy father and husband. His wife was asked after his death what it was like to get remarried. She said (my paraphrase here), “Aiden loved Jesus, (her current husband) loves me.”
I have thought a lot about this as well. I am increasingly convinced that the only way that we can really follow God at high levels of stress and pressure and not destroy our families is to work within real teams. That way the team can spread things around in a way that allows one to drop a bit in a season to care for things in the home.
This is my desire is to love Jesus and in doing so I will love my wife and kids.
If we do not love our family then, I would say, we do not actually love Jesus. He said we love him if we do his will and carry out his commandments.
And, for the pastors among us (self included), the way we love our wives (for the male pastors) is the way we view how Jesus loves the church. A strong indictment for many of us.
Blessings & Wisdom to all those who intend to do God’s will 24/7 with the mind of Christ.
I’m feeling the family vs. career pinch Job’s discloses in his book as a church planter. Like Jobs I’m a creative type who has to focus to get anything done. This focus makes it hard to father 3 small children as much as I adore them. The one who wins is my 2 1/2 year old. She is pushy and charming at the same time. I feel guilty when I have spent more dad time (including cleaning, cooking etc.) than pastor time because I make my own schedule. This is still very new for me, but our church plant is my new product that needs a great deal of attention and focus. I think my dwindling team may be a reflection of something Jobs had but I lack, laser beam focus. He set his mind on people and made the most of them. I find myself easing off of pressure and thus losing the commitments I need for an emerging church. My consolation is that God views my role as husband and father as my number one ministry so I must as well.
Thanks for this article.