Freedom: Lessons from 2 Years of Being Debt Free
- on May 17, 2013
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My wife and I are celebrating two years of being debt free. It has been an incredible journey of ups and downs, but I want to share with you some of the ways we went about it as well as the lessons we[...]
Shane and Shane on the Father-Daughter Relationship and God (and win their new album here)
Your daughter needs God. And she wants you to be the one to show her who He is, what He is like, and what He thinks about her. She wants to believe that there is more to life than what she sees with her eyes and hears with her ears. She wants to know that there exists someone who is smarter, more capable, and more loving than (even) you. If you are a normal, healthy father, you should be glad that she wants to believe in someone larger, because you know all too well that many times you will fail her. You forget her recital, miss games because of business trips, or lose your temper and say painful things to her. You are just a normal, good-enough dad doing the best you can. You need to have someone behind you, someone your daughter can turn to when you’re not there. You both need a bigger, better father on your side. (Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters, by Meg Meeker, pp. 176)
When I came across Shane and Shane’s amazing new record and title song The One You Need and watched their video…it left me in a tearful and emotional place.
I’m the father of a four year old girl that I absolutely love and adore with everything that I have and all that I am.
And yet…everything I have to offer her, and everything that I am to her…at the end of the day is just not enough.
There has to be something more for her in this life…and so when I read the lyrics of the song I found myself resonating with it and saying, “Yes, yes, yes.”
Meg Meeker in her amazing book, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know — and in her chapter Teach Her Who God Is talks about the importance of fathers teaching daughters about who God is. (By the way, this is the best book on fathers/daughters and one I can’t recommend enough)
Shane and Shane’s lyrics reminded me as well that as a father my most important role is to teach my daughter who God is….end of story.
Hey, hey, sweet daughter
I am so proud to be your father
Each day’s like a gift from God.
Hey hey sweet daughter
There’s no music like your laughter
And your smile is like a rising sun.
You know I love you from the start
So come in close take my hand
While daddy shares his heart.
I wish that I could be your everything
Be the one who give you all the things you need
Sometimes I am gonna let you down
But there is a way if you just believe
He’ll be your hero like He’s always been for me
Daughter Jesus is the one you need.
No matter what you walk through
He will always love you
Just the way you are.
for there’s nothing in this world
There all for my baby girl
Until be happy ever after.
The history at your life still untold
I pray the King of all the universe, will make your heart His home.
(Chorus)
Who will never leave spending it all alone
All in your where you came fight to Lord.
Shane and Shane have been so kind to offer up their new album to 5 commenters on this blog post. Here’s how it will work:
Leave a comment below answering the question:
What do you think is the most important piece of advice that a father needs to know about raising a daughter?
You have till this Friday (August 19, 2011) at 12pm Central time to post your comment and then I will randomly draw five commenter’s names and contact you with the code for a free purchase of their new album. So don’t forget to put your email in the comment section below.
And in the meantime….if you can’t wait to see if you win, check out their new album or connect with the guys online.
Speaking as a newly married husband with no daughters, I can only comment on what I advise for my future father daughter relationship.
I would advise fathers to daily turn their daughters back into the unconditional love and acceptance of their heavenly Father. I feel like if fathers are doing this, then their daughters know they are eternally secure in all they were created to be.
As the father of a 7 year old, this song is an amazing reminder of the monumental job I have of letting God's love shine through me to my daughter so that she desires to love Him more that she loves me. Thank you for posting this, Rhett, and thank you for the link to the book by Meg Meeker. I'll be picking that up for sure.
- Brian
Being the dad of a 6 year old and 4 year old girl there are LOTS of questions. My girls live with their mom during the week and then I get them every weekend. I have a hard time dealing with them not being with me during the week. I want them to know that I love them more than anything and would do anything for them. I don't want them to think that I have left them and don't want to be in their lives. I make every effort to see them (i.e. going to school for lunch, being actively involved in their dance etc.)but there has come oppostion from their mother on limiting when I can see them. How do I let them know that I love them more than life itself and I would do anything for them. I want them to know that God loves them and will never leave them and neither will I.
I am so in love with this song! As I daughter, I definitely understand how badly a daughter wants to hear these very words. This is a true expression of a fathers love.
I have a 3 year old son, and a 6 month old daughter. I want to teach her that she is a beautiful gift of God, and that He loves her so much more than even I and her mother could love her. Because she is so special to Jesus, she needs to follow him first, not the boys that will try to crowd her vision along the way. I'm praying even now for her to find the man God has in store for her. It's never too early for any father to start praying for his children's future spouses. The day you stop praying for your children is always too soon.
As the daddy of a two year old little girl and another girl on the way, I have learned immensely about the world of girls. The most important piece of advice is two-fold. First, don't be too manly to not play with her. Whether she dresses you up and calls you a "princess" (as mine does) or you're drinking her imaginary tea, those are moments I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. But, along with that, make her a priority and SAY I LOVE YOU!!! Too often, girls in this world don't hear their dads say I love you and are beaten down by the world and it's concept of beauty. Make her a priority, and tell her that you love her. Finally, as any parent should, pray for your child every day!!
Just always be there for them, no matter what. Pray for them. Encourage them. And as a daughter....we always need to hear, "I love you" :)
sorry, here's my email: tahneed@hotmail.com
As a grown daughter, I'm so thankful that my Dad is always available to me for advice....but that he also is willing to just listen. He's learned (though he admits it took him a while :)) to ask if I'm calling for advice or just for a listening ear. I'm so glad he's there to balance my emotions with his steadiness. As a newlywed, I'm also thankful for that in my husband. And I know that if we have any daughters, he will be an amazing Dad to them :)
As someone not blessed with a daughter yet, I can only speak based on what God has taught me in preparing for a child in the future. That is that God loves, He heals broken hearts, He comforts in ways that no one else can. He is always there. He is always the same. His love is unending. Daughters, sons, everyone needs to be reminded of that constantly.
Dads, Be there for your daughter. Support them, love them! Be there!
As a father of a 9 year old daughter (and 3 sons), I can say that there are three things you definitely need to provide for your daughter. The first is unconditional love. Daughters need to know that they are loved. You need to tell them you love them and show them. The second is like it. Set an example of how a man is supposed to love and treat a woman by showing unconditional love and care for your wife. You are setting the standard by which your daughter will likely base her future relationships. Finally, and most importantly, you need to set the example of how to love and honor God by the way you live. Whether we want to admit it or not, our kids are watching us and using us as an example if how to live.
As a daughter, I would say the most important thing a dad can instill in his daughter is to teach her how to be a treasure chest.
She is meant to shine like unique, beautiful jewels. She is loved and adored. Her value is beyond price and she has a destiny only she can fulfill through God's grace.
On the other hand, she is also the outer treasure chest in that she serves a purpose of holding this treasure (Christ) and carrying it into the world. There will be times to open her heart and shine, letting her true colors sparkle, and lead boldly. Then, there will be times where she will need to shut the lid: humble herself, guard her heart and learn to stay in control of her emotions (and not let them control her).
A father is meant to teach and guide her into being a healthy treasure chest so that when she is grown and men come along claiming to have the key to her heart, she will be able to discern which are the ones that truly will protect her for the treasure that she is and help her carry the gift of Christ into the world.
The most important piece of advice I can give to a father is: your daughter is "tuned in" to much much more than what you SAY...she is picking up on your mood, how you treat your wife or other adults in your life, what you value in the way you prioritze your time and what you do with your resources...you are teaching her what she should expect from a man by the way you interact with others in your world and that will hold much more weight than any words you give her about men or herself... Fatherhood is a huge responsibility no doubt, but you are the biggest planet in her orbit and like it or not you have much to do with setting her course...take this seriously and surround yourself with other fathers who can encourage you and spur you on, who can help you teach her that mistakes are ok by the way you handle your own...your little one deserves it and she needs you desperately...
Your daughter needs to know and feel that she is loved unconditionally. Fathers, you model God's love towards us. If I don't model this, you daughter or son may have a skewed view of how God loves them. This can play out causing insecurities and false expectations. Tell her you love her. Tell her AND show her by finding out her love language and communicating via that language.
I believe there are 2 important pieces of advice that a father needs to know. First, cherish the Gospel. Teach your daughter the Gospel and how to love Christ and His Word. As Bob Kauflin says, whatever you win them with is what you will win them to. If you teach your daughter to obey God's Word, by God's grace, she will love the Word and cherish it. The Gospel is central to raising your child. She needs Jesus to redeem her.
Secondly, love your wife as Christ loves the church. Give yourself for her daily. Sacrifice for your wife. Serve your wife. Our children learn to do what we do by watching us. Let your daughter see Christ in the way you love and care for your wife. This is a must. Along with teaching your daughter Scripture, this is the greatest example of practically living out the Gospel.
I think that one of the most important things for raising girls (or boys) is modeling the strength, integrity and love of a real man.
As a self-proclaimed Daddy's girl, I find it one of the greatest attributes I can find in a future husband is to find a man who both models the qualities of my earthly father, as well as my heavenly Father. It's one of the best things a man could do for his daughter is set that kind of example of strength, loyalty and love.
It's hard to compare with Meg Meeker and Shane and Shane. But I know that there's one thing that I see my friend Chris doing with his daughter that my heart sings about - I wish my father had known how to do it. Every night, after getting ready for bed, they sit down together and thank God for everything that brought her joy during the day. And when she expresses anything - no matter how strange or unlikely, he always encourages it, saying "that's amazing" or "that's wonderful" or "how good is God!" And she giggles and goes on. At the end of it, he reminds her that nothing is impossible for her, not with such a good God meeting with her every day. Then he sings a song just for her over her as she falls asleep.
So she knows, not only that he listens to her, but that he believes in all things for her, that it is good to celebrate, and that he is delighted that she is so uniquely perfectly crafted by God. She is confident in her father's love, but knows that it is all from her Father in Heaven. And she knows that they both believe in her.
amazingly powerful, that is.
Listen. That simple, & yet for our ADD lives & over-filled schedules.... Sometimes seems impossible. Listen like your life depended on it. Listen for subtlety. Listen for what's said & maybe more importantly, what's not said. Listen. 2 ears. 1 mouth. God intends us to listen twice as much as we speak. Listen.
Jesus is a better dad than you could ever be, so make everything you do point to him.
As a man who has never been married and has no children of his own I know that the depth of love between a father and his daughter is something of which I am experientially ignorant. That being said, the prospect of loving and raising and caring for a daughter is something to which I greatly look forward. Yet, it scares me. How do I do this? It truly is amazing that we have a PERFECT Father that we can take all our cares to. Praise be to God! This work of salvation and these responsibilities are His to do. I simply must agree with Him and obey Him as I would want my children to obey me.
As the father of three daughters this song made me cry. This has been my prayer for a while but you phrase it very nicely! Thanks for sharing your talents with us
Do the best you can and stay on your knees every day!
Shane & Shane are easily in the Top Three of my favorite Christian Artists. Lyrical genius set to velvety melodies with Shane E. hanging in the rafters... All dipped in anointing. BOOM! Get it...now.
Lead by example! Pursue God passionately. Love us deeply. Show us what a Godly husband and father look like so we'll know how to pick one of our own one day!
The most important piece of advice that a father needs to know about raising a daughter is to raise her by training her up in the way she should go, so that when she grows old she won't depart from it. Raising a child is not being their best friend, it's about loving them so much that you occasionally have to be the "bad guy" in order to lead them in the right direction.
My input is this: As our Father in heaven only wants what is best for us, sometimes our choices as his children are not. Through everything He is always there and tells us in so may ways how much he loves us and how important we are to him. As a daughter she needs to know this is true of her Father on this earth as well. Every day no matter what is going on your daughter will need your love and your prayers as you continue to set an example for her to follow as we follow the examples Jesus has given us. God Bless.
I think a father needs to do whatever he can to show his daughter that she can trust him. He needs to speak words of affirmation. He needs to make their relationship a priority...meaning put away the cell phone, laptop, and facebook at home. He needs to date her and treat her like a princess. He needs to be where he says he will be when he said he'd be there. She needs to know, that even when she messes up, that we will be there to save her, protect her, and love her. This is critical because her relationship with us, her earthly fathers, will affect how she views her Heavenly Father.
Thanks for the contest! I love that song and video and have loved the Shanes for a long time!
Just another great example of how to raise your kids in light of God's grace!
My advice for fathers of daughters would to exemplify the kind of godly man that you would want your daughters to marry. Show your daughters that husbands should be praying and leading family worship and discipling their wives and children...so that they know that these character qualities are expected (not optional.)
A father must remember to cover his daughter with encouragement and constantly build her self confidence.
The amount or respect you earn from your daughter will not doubt be the kind of respect she will give her future husband. In other words if she is angry with you she will treat her husband with anger. Remember to laugh with her at her mistakes so she will learn to have confidence and find joy in everything. Build memories of love and laughter so when she looks back on her life with you she will remember only happiness and also teach her its ok to be a child and she doesn't have to grow up to fast. Once she becomes an adult she can never go back. I have three girls and we have learned to cherish their childhood. Today my first daughter turned 17 and already we miss her golden curls and squishy diaper.
Teach and show her that her worth cannot be found in anyone or anything other than the creator who has known her and knows her. There was a high price paid to ransom her and this and this alone is where you find your worth.
I've always loved my daddy and have thought the world of him, but I began to respect him through an unusual event that happened when I was about 13. The circumstance of the punishment has faded from my memory, but I remember that I wanted to go somewhere, and my dad had said no quite harshly and without much thought in the decision. I went in my room and basically pouted, thinking, "How unfair, why can't I go?" After some time had passed, my dad came in, sat next to me, and said, "I'm sorry. I was too hard on you, and I shouldn't have been." I think my jaw dropped. It was a pivotal point in my life because I realized that my daddy knew he wasn't perfect, and that he was willing to admit that. I finally truly saw his humble, servant's heart for the first time, even though it had been modeled to me my whole life. I think many dads think they can't make a mistake in front of their daughters, and that they have to be without fault to earn their respect. I gained respect for my dad when he did make a mistake, and he admitted it. Be real with your daughters, and don't be afraid to apologize to her and let her know that you let her down. Shane&Shane's song, "The One You Need," really hit home for me because it is the message of a father who knows he's not going to be right all the time, but there is someone who is the perfect Father, and that's just the message my dad taught me when I was 13. I bet he doesn't even know how great of an impact he made. =)
As a 20-something with an awesome dad, I wanted to encourage the young fathers out there...
You will get better with age. I have to constantly remind myself that I probably WON'T find a guy my age as wonderful as my dad, because even HE wasn't as wonderful then as he is now. Don't worry if you do or say the wrong thing... if you do the wrong thing, that means you're at least THERE doing SOMETHING.
On a similar note, your daughter will see your flaws. Your temper, or your laziness, or your denial that you MIGHT not be the best handyman ever. But don't freak out; if you love her, support her, and teach her, she will STILL think of you as her first love and superhero.
Tell her you love her, and that she's beautiful. Every day. Girls go from wanting to be the most beautiful thing their dads have ever seen, to wanting to be the most beautiful thing their husbands have ever seen. (Which, brings up another point... tell your WIFE you love her, and that she's beautiful, every day.)
The Lord is her ULTIMATE Teacher, Guide, Counselor, Comforter, and Lover. You are her FIRST. If your heart is in the Lord's, hers will follow you there.
As a father of a four year old daughter myself, I am ashamed that I have taken Abby (Her father's joy) for granted and treated her as an inconvenience at times due to my own selfishness. I want her to know that the most important thing to hold onto in this life is that not only is she my princess but that she is also a daughter of the Most High King of Kings and no one can ever take that away from her. Her beauty and self-worth come not from what anyone else tells her or thinks of her but from God who created her and loves her more than anything else in this world. I want her to know that He wants a relationship with her but that the relationship will take time, hard work, honesty and humility. Let Him be the roots that ground her so that she will bear good fruit.
I am a young (at least I like to think so) father of 2 amazing daughters, a 7 and 5 year old. And just yesterday we learned that another daughter is on her way. She'll be here in Dec.
The only advice I have is to love them like no one else ever could. Hold their hand every single time they reach for you. Cuddle on the couch if they want. Tickle fights are amazing. Tell them how beautiful, amazing and smart they are.(if you leave that to someone else they'll never hear it as much as they should) Let them see you cry, and laugh. Tell them what they deserve from a boy. Keep every boy away.(good luck) Understand that sometimes...you won't understand. Above all, show her the same kind of undying, passionate, over-the-top love that our Heavenly Father shows us.
as the great theologian, john mayer once said..."fathers, be good to your daughters. daughters will love like you do. girls become lovers, who turn into mothers. so mothers, be good to your daughters, too."
I loved reading all of the above posts and thank you all for posting them because I crave learning from fathers with daughters. I especially appreciate all of the daughters who have posted about what has made them be so in love with their daddy's. I was divorced before my daughter turned 3 and my son turned 5... all my daughter can remember in her life is me and her mother's fiance (soon to be husband) in her life. Since then, one of the main things I have always treasured is the love of my kids and that they would look to me as how a man is supposed to love their children and I have always been concerned with how my daughter would learn how a man is supposed to love a woman. I am obsessed with making sure my daughter knows that I did not abandon her or even want this to be the life she is living. I fear the consequences of a split family.
I do not know how to make sure that my daughter knows that there is more to my love for her, but I try to show everyday by trying live within the boundaries and love of Christ. I want her to know that living with a love for the Lord is more liberating than maybe what she has been modeled by the world. I am not perfect by any means, but I want to show her that though I am not perfect that I worship a perfect love and she can do so also... Thank you, Rhett, for everything you post and especially this forum for me to learn from.
Our one and only daughter turns 22 tomorrow. The thing my husband does consistently is tell her he loves her. Even now that she's on her own, he'll still text her weekly and let her know- it's powerful! I can see them dancing to this song at her wedding one day :)
I think a girl's future relationships are largely determined by her relationship with her father. If she doesn't feel loved at home, she'll search for it elsewhere. If her father treats women with respect, especially her mother, that's likely a quality she'll look for in a future spouse.
I'm a 22 year old daughter- and I love my Dad because he has always provided for my Mom and 2 brothers. He works SO hard everyday. He exercises, reads for pleasure, tudors underprivileged children after work, and loves to spend time with me. My Grandfather (his father) passed away a year ago, but he too provided for me and loved me SO much. Now that I'm in college, I avoid all those crazy parties and toxic guys, because I don't need that stuff :) There's a correlation between my father's love and my life choices.
As a father of an 18 year old daughter who has gone through some of the most horrific trials in the last few years, the important piece of advice I think a father needs to know about raising a daughter is this:
You can't do it alone and neither can she. Get together in your relationship with the Lord - start NOW! A daughter desparately craves her father's approval. By following God together, she can understand that the only approval that she needs is that of her Heavenly Father. From there, her purpose, image, and self-worth can be founded in what is eternal.
As a father of two beautiful girls - 9 and 11 (almost 5 days!) - I have learned that your daughters (you're whole in fact) needs to truly see that what you preach you live. It is not enough to simply point them to Christ, you need to show them Christ.
Oh, and tea parties are a good thing!
(your whole *family* in fact)
Today is my husband's and my 16th wedding anniversary. And sleeping in my arms right now is our fourth child...a 2-week-old baby girl. As I watched the video to "The One You Need", I was reminded again of how thankful I am to be loved by a man who sacrifices and gives so much to his family, but still knows that it is not enough. He trusts in our heavenly Daddy to provide for the needs we don't even know we have. We are so blessed!
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Thank you to all of you for all the great comments. I appreciate them so much.
We randomly drew the names of five winners whom have already been contacted. You can see their names on the latest blog post.
And thanks to Shane and Shane for not only producing great music, but for bringing a great message as well.
Rhett
The most important think to know in raising a Daughter is to show her the unconditionall love of Her earthly Father. And in doing so may she grow up to feel loved; self- confident and know what real love is all about. And when she is older may she grow into the woman God created her to be. Be courageous in the faith so that she might grow in Godliness and learn to love herself and others .
Well my Aunt and Uncle just lost their little baby girl to a tragic accident where the father accidentally backed over her. He was so broken. But knowing she was in the arms of God helped ease some of the pain. The song was extremely touching and I absolutely love Shane ans Shane. All you can do to be a great father is truly love them and guide them daily to the love of Jesus Christ. Thanks Shane and Shane for the wonderful music the both of you produce! Love you guys! God bless!