Sabbath Keeping versus Margin Keeping: Practices We Must Foster
Exchanges between friends on Twitter often raise some great questions.
On November 24 Tyler Braun posted the following:
My reply to Tyler was:
And my good friend from the church I grew up in Phoenix with, Anna Broadway, replied with:
So how does margin compare to Sabbath? And is keeping a Sabbath a way of protecting margin? Those are great questions.
I talk quite frequently in my work with families in both the counseling and church ministry setting about the topic of margin in their lives. I talk about creating “white space” on the calendar, where there is nothing scheduled. It is protected time for families and members of the family to just be…to rest…or to participate in something that hasn’t already been planned. It’s a time to be free of “should”, “have to”, “tasks”, and to simply rest. It’s a great time of connection in families, as they are free to be creative, and do things that aren’t demanded of them.
Margin, “white space”, boundaries…whatever term you use, it is essentially the same. It’s the act of creating space that is free of busyness and activities.
I see this task of creating space and margin as being very different from Sabbath.
Sabbath keeping is something that I believe we as Christians should want to do. It is a day where we rest in the work that God has already done. It is a laying down of our wants, abilities and demands, and to be content in what God has already accomplished in our lives. It’s a discipline of saying I don’t have to produce, or do something in order to be right before God. It’s an act of being versus doing. This is reflected in the New Testament, especially at Jesus’ baptism in Mark 1:9-11, where Jesus identity is in his being in relationship with his Father, and not in his doing.
Creating margin, “white space”, boundaries, I view as something that we do on top of Sabbath keeping. It is built in times that are focused on rest, and allowing the creativity in a family/ourselves to come to fruition. Many families/individuals over-schedule their lives with busyness and activities like sports and hobbies because they have somewhere lost the ability to just be with one another outside of having to always do things with one another. There is a distinction there, though subtle, can have huge impacts on our relationships with one another.
I believe we protect the Sabbath because that is something we do to foster our relationship with God, and to state that we are dependent upon him, rather than ourselves.
I believe we protect margin, “white space”, and boundaries in our lives because that is something we do to foster our relationship not only with ourselves, but with those we live, work, and play with.
When an individual, or family loses the ability to foster a Sabbath, or create margin in their lives, I know that there are usually deeper things at work. Often individuals and families are afraid to just be by themselves, or with another, without something planned to do. That fear and hesitation points to the very need to create that space and practice a Sabbath.
Any thoughts that you all have on Sabbath, margin, creating “white space”, etc.? I would love to hear them.
What Sincerity, Change, and Growth Looks Like in a Marital Relationship
“Relationships are like a mirror. They show us who we are, how our behavior is perceived, and where we fit. We see a little of who we need to become, where our behavior is inappropriate, and how we must change to fit better in relationships, and this is especially true of the marital relationship.
In order to have a sincere relationship with my spouse, however, I cannot teach my spouse where he or she needs to change. Sincerity in the relationship means that I must learn about myself. I look at what the relationship reveals in me and then I see to do the work on myself, not on my spouse.” The Essential Humility of Marriage: Honoring the Third Identity in Couple Therapy by Terry Hargrave
Do You Have A Social Media “Mirror”?
I do that with satire, which is a tremendous vehicle for truth. It’s like a big mirror: You take an issue and you blow it up so it’s big enough and obvious enough for everyone to see. Then you stand next to it and ask: “Is that us? Are we OK with that?
I love that quote from Jon Acuff in his Relevant Magazine article, Three Rules of Christian Satire. Jon happens to be speaking about Christians and the Church primarily in this article, but the reality is, satire is a great article for communicating truth in all facets of life.
One of those areas for me happens to be social media. Our online behavior, social media profiles, and tangling up of our identity with them are often that mirror that makes things obvious…most often to those around us, but unfortunately not very clearly to us. Unfortunately, we often live with many blind spots.
I came across this video (HT: Marc Payan) and it was the mirror that makes things obvious to everyone, if they are already not.
I’m on my own journey here with social media, and the mirror for me came in the form of a few different things:
- As a therapist, watching the havoc that a lack of social media boundaries played in my client’s relationships.
- As a husband, seeing how a lack of social media boundaries became a barrier to interpersonal relationality with my wife.
- As a father, seeing my daughter emulate my lack of social media boundaries. Scary.
- As a Christian, seeing my lack of social media boundaries dominate my activity, rather than spend time in prayer, reflection, worship, etc.
These have been some of my mirrors.
What have your mirrors been in the area of social media?
After watching the video above, how did you answer these questions: “Is that us? Are we OK with that?
Me: Yes…No.

