My Advice to Husbands on the Topic of Counseling…GO!

If your wife EVER…I mean EVER, suggests to you, that you, or that the two of you should seek counseling.

GO!

“Couples don’t run to therapy at the first sign of trouble. Researchers estimate it often takes 5 to 7 yrs for some to seek help.” Marriage and Family/Sex Therapist David Schnarch

I find Schnarch’s comments to be so true. I would estimate that the average couple I work with end up in therapy about 2-3 years after the wife had initially suggested therapy. And it’s often not until the bottom completely falls out that the husband usually agrees to attend therapy.

The resulting feeling from the wife at this point has usually been one of resentment and anger….wondering “Why did it have to get to this point before he decided to come to counseling?” Or, “You all of a sudden agree to come to therapy, make all these changes…and I’m supposed to believe they are authentic. I’m supposed to all of a sudden overlook the last 2-3 years of me prodding you to come to counseling with me?”

Think what would happen that if at the first sign of relationship trouble a husband agrees to seek therapy with his wife. Think of all the problems and conflicts that can be addressed rather than letting…3, 4, 5 6, 7 years go by. What if a husband initiated professional help, rather than waiting for the wife to do it.

Any thoughts on why husbands are often so slow to seek professional help for their marriages?

6 Responses to “My Advice to Husbands on the Topic of Counseling…GO!”

  1. tom September 2, 2010 at 6:57 am #

    excellent post….great advice. and the reason we are reluctant? its the silence of adam from way back in genesis. its in our nature, because when we hear those words, what we hear is…you are broken. as fixers…we don’t like to hear we need “fixed”.

  2. anymouse September 2, 2010 at 9:30 am #

    I initiated counseling, yes I’m a male, and my wife backed out.
    Any thoughts on that?
    I have addressed her texting, not talking to me but asking me to answer her, etc.
    When I try to resolve an issue our arguments go from me asking a question to her getting defensive, wanting to win, calling me names and then me getting upset asking why she said what she said and yes I have yelled. So then it is all my fault.
    Help!

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Trackbacks/Pingbacks:

  1. Tweets that mention My Advice to Husbands on the Topic of Counseling…GO! -- Topsy.com - September 1, 2010

    [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Rhett Smith, Laurel Milan, Ph.D.. Laurel Milan, Ph.D. said: Yes, don't prolong going to therapy. Good advice- RT @rhetter – My Advice to Husbands on the Topic of Counseling.GO! http://bit.ly/bWuHVb // [...]

  2. | Phil Morgan - September 3, 2010

    [...] So, here is a tip. Ditch the acting job, silence the screams, and wake up your marriage by leading the charge for you and your wife to see someone who can help navigate the shark infested waters you have grown accustomed to living in for so long. Take you wife to a counselor. But don’t just take my word for it. Read this great article by a friend and counselor: My Advice To Husbands on the Topic of Counseling…GO! [...]

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