If your wife EVER…I mean EVER, suggests to you, that you, or that the two of you should seek counseling.
GO!
“Couples don’t run to therapy at the first sign of trouble. Researchers estimate it often takes 5 to 7 yrs for some to seek help.” Marriage and Family/Sex Therapist David Schnarch
I find Schnarch’s comments to be so true. I would estimate that the average couple I work with end up in therapy about 2-3 years after the wife had initially suggested therapy. And it’s often not until the bottom completely falls out that the husband usually agrees to attend therapy.
The resulting feeling from the wife at this point has usually been one of resentment and anger….wondering “Why did it have to get to this point before he decided to come to counseling?” Or, “You all of a sudden agree to come to therapy, make all these changes…and I’m supposed to believe they are authentic. I’m supposed to all of a sudden overlook the last 2-3 years of me prodding you to come to counseling with me?”
Think what would happen that if at the first sign of relationship trouble a husband agrees to seek therapy with his wife. Think of all the problems and conflicts that can be addressed rather than letting…3, 4, 5 6, 7 years go by. What if a husband initiated professional help, rather than waiting for the wife to do it.
Any thoughts on why husbands are often so slow to seek professional help for their marriages?
excellent post….great advice. and the reason we are reluctant? its the silence of adam from way back in genesis. its in our nature, because when we hear those words, what we hear is…you are broken. as fixers…we don’t like to hear we need “fixed”.
I initiated counseling, yes I’m a male, and my wife backed out.
Any thoughts on that?
I have addressed her texting, not talking to me but asking me to answer her, etc.
When I try to resolve an issue our arguments go from me asking a question to her getting defensive, wanting to win, calling me names and then me getting upset asking why she said what she said and yes I have yelled. So then it is all my fault.
Help!
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