Freedom: Lessons from 2 Years of Being Debt Free
- on May 17, 2013
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My wife and I are celebrating two years of being debt free. It has been an incredible journey of ups and downs, but I want to share with you some of the ways we went about it as well as the lessons we[...]
Men: Put Down the Video Games, Stop Looking at Your Phone, and Turn Off the Computer…It Is Changing You
The ubiquitous barrage of battery-powered stimuli delivered by phones, computers, and games makes “the chaos of constant connection” an addictive electronic narcotic. As continuous stimulation becomes the new normal, “gaps between moments of heightened stimulation” are disappearing; amusement “has squeezed the boredom out of life.” For the hyperstimulated, “the synaptic mindscape of daily life” becomes all peaks and no valleys.
That quote comes from an article by George Will that my dad emailed to me over the weekend, Boredom and the Costs of Constant Connection. If you haven’t already read the article, I highly suggest that you do.
Will’s article is just the latest in an onslaught of data that has been streaming forth over the last few months talking about the hazards of being continually “plugged in.” It’s obviously a very important topic to me as I have spent the last two posts addressing issues of identity and boundaries in a culture that constantly feels the need to be plugged in, Is Your True Sense Of Self And Identity At Risk As You Navigate An Online World? and Setting Boundaries With Technology Can Help You Maintain Your Sense Of Self And Identity.
If you set boundaries, or keep yourself from continually being plugged in, you will be swimming upstream in this culture it seems. Very few people encourage it, and I think even fewer take the time to thoughtfully reflect on how their constant need for stimulation is impacting them.
The article spends a lot of time talking about the impact constant contact with technology has on adolescent boys, often carrying over to men in adulthood. I concur with the findings as here are three very common findings on find in my own therapy practice.
- Men who continue to carry over into adulthood from adolescence their addiction, or high volume usage of video games. Not only does the time it take to play the games often take the form of neglect in their marriages, family, and friendships, but these men tend to lack some of the social skills and boundary setting of their counterparts. Some guys will wait longer in line for the release of a new video game than they will talking to their wife that week.
- Boys whose parents continue to search for a cure for their ADHD and ADD in the form of meds, but do little to help restrict or boundary their kid’s use of technological stimulants.
Cox doubts it is a mere coincidence that “the stratospheric increase in diagnosed learning and attention deficits” has correlated with “the advent of the electronic playground.” When so many Americans meet the diagnostic criteria for attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, it “is arguably no longer a disorder at all—it’s just the way we are.”
- Couples who come into therapy and are bored with their marriage, yet seek comfort, affirmation, encouragement through the use of technology (FB, text, blog, Twitter, etc), rather than doing the hard work of putting restrictions on their technological use and putting effort into face to face time with their partner.
If you are wondering whether or not your need to constantly look at your phone, play video games, and surf the web is impacting you, I leave you with this statement…..wow!
“Unlike reading and listening to stories,” Cox warns, “the blitz of electronica doesn’t build deeper listening skills or a greater range of emotional expression.” Self-absorption, particularly among young males, may be the greatest danger of immersion in the bath of digital amusement: “Not only does withdrawal into electronica enable them to bypass the confusion and pain of trying to give their emotions some coherence, it also helps them avoid the realities of being a flawed, vulnerable, ordinary human being.” So “the silent, sullen boy at the mall’s game store may be next in line for an underemployed, lonely adulthood if we don’t teach him how to maintain effective social contacts with others.”
This is an interesting article and I agree with most of it. Where I would differ is, I have found that video games, like NCAA Football, Madden or Halo, are a great resource to gather other guys together and just have fun. Maybe because I am not married, I do not have the full grasp on this, but I have found that husbands (especially those involved with church) crave "man time." If that means I have to bring my xbox 360 over to their house so that we can all play a game, while the husband/father is still physically present, then that is a good thing for them.
It seems like, and I could be totally wrong, there is a lot of pressure for husbands to limit their activities whereas wives don't tend to put these same limitations on themselves.
Honestly, I don't see any difference in video games, than going out and playing sports, hunting, or watching the game with your friends. However, the need for boundaries is definitely important, as you stated.
This is an interesting article and I agree with most of it. Where I would differ is, I have found that video games, like NCAA Football, Madden or Halo, are a great resource to gather other guys together and just have fun. Maybe because I am not married, I do not have the full grasp on this, but I have found that husbands (especially those involved with church) crave "man time." If that means I have to bring my xbox 360 over to their house so that we can all play a game, while the husband/father is still physically present, then that is a good thing for them.
It seems like, and I could be totally wrong, there is a lot of pressure for husbands to limit their activities whereas wives don't tend to put these same limitations on themselves.
Honestly, I don't see any difference in video games, than going out and playing sports, hunting, or watching the game with your friends. However, the need for boundaries is definitely important, as you stated.
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Interesting topic, Rhett. Definitely something I've had to watch out for in my own life.
Our Senior Pastor, Kerry Shook, is actually leading the nation through a National Facebook Fast next week on August 25th to draw some attention to this very issue. The National Facebook Fast isn't about bashing technology or the internet. Just one day that we get intentional about setting aside our televisions, our computers, and our phones to focus on the relationships with those we love most.
Thanks for challenging us in this area.
Interesting topic, Rhett. Definitely something I've had to watch out for in my own life.
Our Senior Pastor, Kerry Shook, is actually leading the nation through a National Facebook Fast next week on August 25th to draw some attention to this very issue. The National Facebook Fast isn't about bashing technology or the internet. Just one day that we get intentional about setting aside our televisions, our computers, and our phones to focus on the relationships with those we love most.
Thanks for challenging us in this area.
Important post. We limit our son's after-school electronics time to one-hour of his choice: facebook, PS3, phone IM, etc.. After the hour, he reads, plays basketball, does homework, plays drums, etc.. No TV / cable in the house, which has helped him read hundreds of books in his young life. He recently scored in top 7% on SAT as a high school freshman.
As for me, I spend hours on the Internet, mostly research. Yes, it's my job :-)
Important post. We limit our son's after-school electronics time to one-hour of his choice: facebook, PS3, phone IM, etc.. After the hour, he reads, plays basketball, does homework, plays drums, etc.. No TV / cable in the house, which has helped him read hundreds of books in his young life. He recently scored in top 7% on SAT as a high school freshman.
As for me, I spend hours on the Internet, mostly research. Yes, it's my job :-)
Great post. I feel like I was a part of the first generation of video gamers the world has ever seen. I have purposely never owned an Xbox, PS2 or PS3 because I couldn’t handle it. I purchased a Wii for our family play together, but my son "loves it". He lives for when his next game will be. We've set "tech time" for a few certain hours of the week, but if we would let him, he would play continuously.
Great post. I feel like I was a part of the first generation of video gamers the world has ever seen. I have purposely never owned an Xbox, PS2 or PS3 because I couldn’t handle it. I purchased a Wii for our family play together, but my son "loves it". He lives for when his next game will be. We've set "tech time" for a few certain hours of the week, but if we would let him, he would play continuously.
Technology is great but women need some us time. We dont need men gawping at the laptop or games console whilst we are talkin to you or need for you to help us with something, its down-right rude.
I dont understand if you have a family you should schedule your time with them, do some outdoor activities get fresh air instead of sittin on your bum all day long, thats what annoys us.
Technology is great but women need some us time. We dont need men gawping at the laptop or games console whilst we are talkin to you or need for you to help us with something, its down-right rude.
I dont understand if you have a family you should schedule your time with them, do some outdoor activities get fresh air instead of sittin on your bum all day long, thats what annoys us.
Ben, I agree that those types of games can be good activity for "guy time." But as a married man and counselor I can say being over connected does have an effect on a person and on their relationships--especially marriage. Like the post says, it just becomes too easy of a place to hide when you don't feel like doing the "work" of relating face to face with your spouse. The same thing is happening with kids--among themselves and as a part of their families.
Perhaps I'm wrong, but I don't think the point of the post was to "demonize" all video games and technology, but rather to encourage firm boundary setting so that they might serve to connect us to one another as opposed disconnecting us--which is the current trend.
Ben, I agree that those types of games can be good activity for "guy time." But as a married man and counselor I can say being over connected does have an effect on a person and on their relationships--especially marriage. Like the post says, it just becomes too easy of a place to hide when you don't feel like doing the "work" of relating face to face with your spouse. The same thing is happening with kids--among themselves and as a part of their families.
Perhaps I'm wrong, but I don't think the point of the post was to "demonize" all video games and technology, but rather to encourage firm boundary setting so that they might serve to connect us to one another as opposed disconnecting us--which is the current trend.