One of the questions that comes up a lot in my work with parents of high school and college students is:
“How do I help get my kid connected in a college ministry?”
or
“What are some ways that I can encourage my kid to get involved in a ministry when they are away at college?”
I love college ministry. I was involved as a leader on campus during my own college years, and after college I spent 3 years on a university as an academic advisor, college recruiter and campus Bible study leader. I also spent 7 years as the college pastor at Bel Air Pres, doing campus work at USC, UCLA and LMU. And in that time I learned that many parents know, and students know, that their faith will be challenged at a new level during their college years, and they desire to see their faith grow, and remain spiritually connected and active during this time. I think there are definitely some things that a parent can do to help prepare their kid spiritually for that transition from high school to college, and I think there are some ways to encourage kids to thrive in that transition space as well. Whether it’s parents, a youth worker, friend, etc., many people play a role in helping kids make that transition successfully.
I’ve been looking at Fuller Youth Institute’s College Transition Project and they have been doing some amazing research and providing some much needed resources in this area. The Ivy Jungle also has been providing some resources and stats in this area. And one of the resources that I have enjoyed looking at is the work of my friend Benson Hines at Exploring College Ministry who has been gathering a ton of information and resources during his many road trips to college ministries across the country.
One of the stats that I’ve heard (and that I’m currently looking for the resource), is that if a kid doesn’t get connected to a college ministry/community within the first few weeks of school, there is a very high percentage that they won’t get plugged in until sometime in their junior year. So you can see why the first few weeks of college when everyone is making friends, trying to get connected, and build a community is so crucial.
I’m teaching a class to parents on January 31 at HPPC on this very topic, so let me ask you:
If you went to college and were involved in a college ministry during any of that time…what was helpful, and not helpful in helping get you connected to them?
What can a parent do? Or what did your parents do to help you get spiritually connected in college?
What can youth workers do better to help a kid make that transition?
What would you tell an incoming freshmen about the importance of finding a church/campus church community early on?
I would love some feedback, and I will post later on this topic, as well as adding some of my own thoughts on how to encourage your kids during that transition.
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
Let me break this down to answer most of your questions:
Parents: They can check out what campus ministries are available on the universities student org website, don’t just go with Intervarsity or Campus Crusade because that is what they were apart of, check out the ministries websites and see what they are doing. If your kid liked the bigger ministry stuff in high school, then they are probably going to like the bigger one in college.
Youth Workers: I had Intervarsity at Northern Michigan hold a youth night once, where youth workers brought their seniors into one of the meetings. They got to meet college students and also get information on how to get connected at other campuses, this seemed to be pretty effective.
College Ministry: People respond to the work you put into your freshman org day booth. If you just have a signup sheet and a posterboard with an Jesus fish on it an your club name, that doesn’t really show the pride you have in your club. His House Christian Fellowship at Central Michigan would hand out goldfish to those who stopped by. You don’t forget that! The Young Church would meet on campus for the first three weeks. Following up is everything and getting people plugged into a small group is important. Leadership is huge also, people love when leaders take them under their wings.
Community is huge in college. You are either going to find it at a party, fraternity, your dorm or wherever. Each path leads to what you really want to give yourself to during that time. The reality is, if your child wants to drink and have sex, they are going to do it. Parents need to pray and ask God to steer their kids in the right direction. There can be a ton of good results even in joining a fraternity/sorority and bringing the light of Christ there but really it’s encouraging them that if they want to accomplish their goals in life, they need to surround themselves with a strong community to get there. Who they choose as friends will ultimately affect what they become in life.
Sometimes, those first two years allow for a good wakeup call for them to get back into Christianity a couple years later.
There ya go!
Ben´s last blog ..so what are —-> YOU <—- going to do about it?
Ben,
Wow! Awesome stuff. I love the various ways you have demonstrated that college kids can get plugged in. And as you noted, though I love CC and IV, there are tons and tons of ministries on a campus, both parachurch and church.
Thanks for sharing your wisdom on this topic.
Rhett
Rhett Smith´s last blog ..Helping Your College Student Get Spiritually Connected on Campus
Though an agnostic, I was befriended by some fellow students my first year (sophomore) at the college from which I graduated, who also happened to be involved with InterVarsity. As result of their friendship and some IVF activities, I sought out God in my own life and eventually came to faith in Christ. I also befriended one of my small-group Bible study leaders, who later became my husband
.
So I would say that the personal relationship factor is very important — non-threatening, true friendship as an outreach to both Christian and non-Christian students, and probably the earlier the better.
Bonnie´s last blog ..Follow-up on Brit Hume on Tiger Woods (links)
Bonnie,
That is great….thanks for sharing that bit of personal info. about yourself. You are so right that non-threatening personal relationships can be key to helping not only get one connected, but in helping bring them to a relationship in Christ.
Thanks,
Rhett
Rhett Smith´s last blog ..Helping Your College Student Get Spiritually Connected on Campus
Parents: Don’t push your student or give them too many options or baby them through the process. Part of going to college is beginning to make your own decisions and make your faith your own– a huge part of that is choosing your own fellowship. What I chose wasn’t ultimately that different than my home church, but could have been. Set expectations that they will continue to grow in their faith and make it a priority but allow your student to figure it out on his or her own.
It really helped that Bel Air had transportation and a large group of (relatively) normal students already attending. The drives home with juniors or seniors allowed for good bonding and feeling part of the group. Social activities at the beginning of the year and small groups were huge. My freshman year Bible Study leader JJ was amazing– she made time to care about me and hang out which instantly grounded me into CHARGE (later to become Quest).
It’s definitely important to find something early on- if a college group or church or small group isn’t filling your time and it doesn’t become place where you make your friends something else will fill that vacuum. It doesn’t (and shouldn’t) be your only source of community, but it should be part of it. You should also ask current students the summer before you go off to college where they attend, what it’s like, the format, etc. so your choices are narrowed down before you ever step foot on campus.
I strongly feel that a student will just know. I walked into Bel Air and knew instantly it was the place for me. I walked into Crusade, Intervarsity and a few others and knew they weren’t. They’re great groups but weren’t for me. Students need to trust that their previous experience with church, youth group, God and life has given them the tools to choose wisely on their own and that they can, in fact, make this decision.
Amy,
Thanks for the reply. I like your thoughts about parents being helpful, but not babying or pushing their kids in their process. You are right in assessing that this is a time in life when kids are beginning to make choices for themselves, and parents need to allow for that, especially if they want to see authentic growth and an authentic relationship with Christ that just isn’t present because of their parents (i.e. kids owning their own faith, not having their parents own it.)
You made me laugh about finding “normal” people in the college ministry at Bel Air. So, finding a place where kids connect with others is key, as well as being challenged by others who aren’t like them.
Thanks for sharing.
Rhett
Rhett Smith´s last blog ..Helping Your College Student Get Spiritually Connected on Campus
Rhett- I had a unique college experience in that I went to a small private Christian school that acted a lot like a college ministry group. Because of that I was a bit of a church hopper and never got involved at any particular church besides going on Sundays. But, I was in Bible studies weekly as well as a Wed night on campus college group.
My parents were not a huge reason that my faith continued in college. I credit that to my strong youth group experience and a youth pastor who cared.
I would tell an incoming freshman to find a group that they feel comfortable with and get to know people. You will have to go to something like a retreat or an extended event to really get to know people. If you are just a Sunday Only or midweek only chances are you are not fully invested.
L
Lars,
Good stuff….a youth ministry in high school can really be influential and a great catalyst in helping freshmen college students get plugged in.
Looking forward to our senior guys bible study and helping them get connected in college.
Rhett
Rhett Smith´s last blog ..Helping Your College Student Get Spiritually Connected on Campus
I don’t have a ton of wisdom in this area, but I think the most important part of students being connected when they are in college is their family being saturated with church community before they are in college. A lot of students entering college equate church with youth group, which, sadly, gets pretty easily replaced by the entertainment of dorm life. It’s like a long church camp without the sermons. But when family life is tied up in the church community (more than Sundays or age-stage ministry events, but really living life with other families in the church), then when students end up in college they will feel a void without that kind of (multi-generational) communal life centered around a living faith. I know when college students at Shoreline catch the vision for what church community is really supposed to look like with all ages united around the gospel (bearing one another’s burdens, encouraging one another, correcting one another, forgiving, serving, outdoing one another in showing honor, etc.), it’s pretty easy to see how life isolated on campus can’t really compete. I can only imagine what it would be like if that was more than a vision, and they had actually grown up in that kind of environment.
Brian,
Good stuff….I bet you are pretty good at this stuff. You always did a great job when you were a senior and later an intern in helping people get plugged in to ministry. I like your distinguishing of youth ministry/age stage/entertainment stuff from the larger body of the church. And I think that is important. If you can get college kids excited not just about the college ministry, but the larger church, you are helping them set down some crucial roots that will carry them long beyond the college years.
Rhett
Rhett Smith´s last blog ..Helping Your College Student Get Spiritually Connected on Campus
Christ is in our midst!
Great questions, Rhett. I think essentially it involves relationships at every stage. I see great points made by those who have posted here before me.
The best thing a parent can do, in my opinion, from his/her child’s birth (if not before), is PRAY for the child, and model authentic Christian behavior, without pressuring the child to do anything, and don’t stop praying. By the time college is even a question, the child’s walk with Jesus must be that child’s OWN ADVENTURE. We know it is the Holy Spirit that saves, abides, and indwells, and it is the Holy Spirit that will abide with our children. We have to trust that God will always be with our kids, no matter what, even when they make poor choices. In addition, I think the activities the child gets to have with other Christians ages 0-18 (or so) and the RELATIONSHIPS that child has with other Christians will help a lot in preparing a kid spiritually for college. If the child has a good, healthy relationship with his parents up to college age, that can only help. College is probably the first “Complete Freedom” a kid has out of the house. Sometimes kids have to make poor choices and wander a while so that they genuinely SEEK GOD ON THEIR OWN. “The battle belongs to the LORD.”
Practical tips for seeking a college/campus ministry: GOOGLE, ask your pastor, ask friends who’s kids have been there, check out the college’s website, perhaps they list the ministries. Many large ministries have their own websites. Use the Internet as a tool for good! Call, email or write ahead.
What would I tell an incoming Freshman? College is a new experience, and it’s easy to feel “lost” especially if you’re moving away from home and friends. Getting involved in a college ministry will, among other things, help you find lifetime Christian friends, and help you stay focused on your relationship with Jesus and help foster that growth. If integrity matters to you, you’re most likely to find it in fellowship with other believers. “Do not give up the fellowship” (Hebrews 10:25)
I got involved with Campus Crusade for Christ and the Bel Air College Ministry through a friend I met in my first couple weeks at UCLA. We are still friends today, have been a part of each other’s weddings, etc. We worked together at the Cooperage at UCLA (Coop Pizza!). He had slogans like “Jesus Rocks” and “Praise the Lord” written on his shoes, so I could tell he “Walked the walk”. I told him I was new to LA and hadn’t found a church yet, he had a car and was willing to take me to BAPC, and the rest is history. I consider it a miracle, and it had (sadly) nothing really to do with my parents, more likely Christian teachers and friends praying for me after high school. The power of prayer!
Back to parents, my children are ages 5 and 3 at this point, but the following comes after nearly 20 years of Junior High and High School ministry experience, and keeping in touch with kids as they enter, endure and exit college, and I think some common sense….
Most importantly: don’t preach at, manipulate, goad or otherwise “force” your college-bound kid to do things your way. He or she is in God’s Most Capable Hands. Set an authentic example in your own life of prayer and devotion to the Lord and service to others, trust in the Lord to guide and protect your child, and PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!
Alex,
You had down so many great things.
First, relationships at every stage is crucial, so I like that you mentioned that because it can be overlooked and taken for granted.
Second, I love the modeling of parents and their prayers as laying the groundwork for the spiritual life that their kids set out on.
Third, I love your practical tips….all great.
Last, I love hearing your personal stories from Campus Crusade and Bel Air….thanks for sharing them.
Rhett
Rhett Smith´s last blog ..Helping Your College Student Get Spiritually Connected on Campus
Hi Rhett,
Bel Air Pres was the most amazing place when I went to UCLA (84 – 88). I had no motivation/desire to join a church group when I came to UCLA. I don’t remember exactly how, but I was invited to Bel Air. I do believe they sent representatives to the dorms. Every Sunday and Wednesday night they sent vans out to pick us up. Leaders called and wanted to have brunch, lunch, breakfast, get to know me better. The quality of the people and program at Bel Air changed my life! I have landed at Trinity Presbyterian in Santa Ana, and my three kids are meeting God in the same way. And they invite their friends to Trinity, and the cycle continues. Whoever got out there and invited me the first time has affected many lives. Thanks so much Bel Air Pres!
Kassie,
Awesome. So glad you had a great experience there. Who was the college pastor then? Curious. Was Roger Dermody around then.
Thanks for sharing…sounds like you had some great relationships there that really helped get you plugged in, and it sounds like the ministry sent people out to encourage and invite others.
Rhett
Rhett Smith´s last blog ..Helping Your College Student Get Spiritually Connected on Campus
Rhett…here are some thoughts I had after reading this post.
****If you went to college and were involved in a college ministry during any of that time…what was helpful, and not helpful in helping get you connected to them?****
It’s no real surprise what helps people get connected…relationships. While I had a great youth group growing up, it was the relationships that I made at college (in the dorms) that impacted my college faith journey the most. The college ministry influence on my life came from outside of my denominational affiliation. For the most part it was positive, but because I came from a particular denomination the campus leaders challenged me to go to a “real” bible church to get “the word of God”. Apparently they didn’t think my home church had done that. For a time I believed their influence. I attended a church outside of my denominational affiliation based on their recommendation. It wasn’t until I ventured back to my home church that I got connected and reoriented again. It was a relationship that I already had at my home church that had history and influence that re-directed me back to the right path.
It was also those relationships that went poorly that helped me develop my own understanding of my faith. I had gone to Sunday school and church as a kid, but facing these “problems” gave me a chance to work out my own understanding of my faith. The long-term relationships were the ones I could trust. When I ran into issues I could rely on my church family and all of the mentors I had growing up in the church.
***What can a parent do? Or what did your parents do to help you get spiritually connected in college?***
Many times parents and church leaders fret over all of the statistics about how many students we “lose” when the go off to college. I’m not worried about those statistics…they can be too easily manipulated and we can miss the point (don’t get me wrong, I’m concerned about student transitions…I just don’t always trust the numbers I’ve seen based on my experience working with students). What I’m worried about is how students are being discipled by their families and their churches BEFORE they head off to college. Last-ditch efforts to try and manipulate students to “attend” a college ministry often fall short of the true discipleship that comes from long-term discipleship relationships. Their teaching and training is hopefully being developed over their entire life.
Helpful ideas for parents BEFORE they go off to college
1. Make sure that your life of discipleship is modeling the kind of discipleship you want for your kids. The life you are living now is the model that they will follow.
2. When you take your students to check out a university before they enroll, be an example by taking them by the chaplain’s office to find out about local churches and campus ministries. Show them that staying involved in Christian community is just as important (if not more important) than choosing their major. You might even attend a worship service at a church near the campus where you are visiting.
3. Encourage your youth ministry to play an active role in teaching lessons on college transition early in their high school years.
4. Develop a small group of with other parents that have kids going to the same school and begin praying for them as they transition. This can also be a great place for you to be ministered to by your peers when you struggle with the “loss” of having the child out of the house; or as you struggle with some of the normal life transition issues of having a kid off at school.
Helpful Ideas for parents AFTER they are off at school:
1. Pray and trust that the years you’ve invested in your child have meant something. Ultimately we have to trust God for everything in our life…this will be hard, but remember that your child is in God’s hands.
2. Encourage them to get connected in those first few weeks; it really does make a difference. But don’t badger them…they will rebel against you if you push to hard.
3. Make sure that your church has their updated contact information. Your church community can’t help you care for them if they don’t know where they are.
4. Maintain your small group of parents and gather regularly for prayer and encouragement. Send care packages and other fun things that will remind your students that you love them and want them to begin developing their own adult lives.
***What can youth workers do better to help a kid make that transition?***
Helpful ideas for youth workers:
1. Start talking about Christian responsibility and living for Christ early on…this will affect both their college journey as well as the formation of their character over their lives.
2. Start teaching about the college transition in their freshman or sophomore year. We all know how busy students get as junior and seniors; take advantage of their attention span while you have it.
3. Help parents network with each other before their kids go off to school…this can help alleviate a lot of stress by talking about transition issues before they happen.
4. Call on a ministry professional from a local university or within your ministry network to teach a class/seminar for parents on good student transitions in college. Have them also teach that class to the students.
5. Maintain the relationships that you have developed over their junior high and senior high years. Since relationships are key, pay attention to who they are connected to and develop a prayer team for kids that go off to college of those people. If you are praying for them you are more likely to pick up the phone and give them an encouraging call every now and then.
6. Encourage them to become the man/woman that God has made them to be. Train them well early and it will last their lifetime.
7. Teach them that they are being sent as missionaries to their campus. Most of the time youth workers teach about the “dangers” of college life. Take the approach that their campus will be their mission field. They don’t have to be afraid of it, they just need to be wise about what to expect.
***What would you tell an incoming freshmen about the importance of finding a church/campus church community early on?***
This is also something that can be taught by churches before students leave for school. It is very important for them to develop good habits in their first few weeks of school. I’ve seen so many kids crash and burn because they were just not prepared.
Finding a church home can be a wonderful way for the entire body of Christ to come around them. Don’t just get involved in a campus ministry…get involved in a church. For many students their campus ministry BECOMES their church. It’s great to be involved in campus ministry, but there aren’t any kids or old people in their campus ministry. We need the whole body of Christ to come around us to help disciple us.
Get involved and get connected. More than likely there will be too many places to choose from. You are not going to find a church that is “just like” your church at home. Find a place to plug in and make yourself know. Don’t be afraid to fill out the information card. Let the church come around you and be the family of Christ.
Keith,
Whoa! Too much to comment on here. Relationships is key, and I love all the points you have for each of the areas that I was contemplating. I’m definitely going to be using this when I work with parents, etc.
Also, I like how you mention to parents about not making last ditch efforts to get their kids involved, or to manipulate them into going. I think you are right about that. Ultimately, college kids are away from home and will be making their own choices, so hopefully parents model some things at home that demonstrate the importance of being connected relationally to a body of believers.
Rhett
Rhett Smith´s last blog ..Helping Your College Student Get Spiritually Connected on Campus
hey rhett i’ve yet to comment before on your blog but the picture of ucla that you choose drew me out!
parents & incoming students: go to YouTube and search not only your specific campus, but more general terms. also research what big conferences each ministry holds (Urbana for IV, Winter Conference for CCC) and search those terms of YouTube–this is a great way to get some texture and personality beyond a typical website.
parents: although i’m happy to connect with your son or daughter but if they have yet to come on their own to any Christian group my experience is less than 5% of these students ever get involved. again this is a limited viewpoint but usually if a student has not chosen to get involved it’s because they do not want to, and only time will really change that.
Brian,
Awesome…the UCLA campus drew you in, huh? Thanks for the thoughts. Those are some good tips for parents, and I think pastors who are available to help kids who are searching for groups is key……a cup of coffee or conversation can go a long way in making a person feel welcome in a group.
Rhett
Rhett Smith´s last blog ..Helping Your College Student Get Spiritually Connected on Campus
Hi – interesting statistic about how important it is to connect in the first couple of weeks at college!!
I would love it if my daughter would conect !!!
Her faith has been greatly shaken due to some awful events that happened in 11th grade. It was further strained by the AP science classes she took and a young man she dated who did not believe in Christ when she was a senior. I would beintetested in any help or advice you van
give.
Thank you in advance for your help!
Christina
Christina,
If you have any questions for me, let me know. Feel free to send me an email. I will drop you a line as well.
Definitely, experiences that we have, good or bad, especially leading into college can greatly influence our desire for or against going to a ministry. And relationships, dating and friend, are very influential as you have noted.
Rhett
Rhett Smith´s last blog ..Helping Your College Student Get Spiritually Connected on Campus
Rhett — Great questions to asks. I was driving home from working thinking about your post and what kept me in church during my college years; and is it different now that I have a daughter in college? As many have already said, good church relationships before college have a huge impact but not necessarily the deciding factor. For parents; pray, pray, pray that they would find a christian group of students that they fit in with, encourage them to be involved in outings and weekly meetings they have, bible study etc. During first college visits, seek out the different affliations on campus and introduce your students to there wheaabouts and what times they meet each week. Locate the campus pastors if possible and introudce yourself let them know you are sending a son or daughter that could perhaps use thier assistance if they so choose. As parents, realize past reglious affiliations has little meaning during this time. Just be happy they are hanging with other church kids. Ask you students if they are involved with a church family or any on campus ministries, don’t shy away in asking. Many students will often say they don’t know of anyone going or don’t know where to go to church while at college. This just usally means thier current circle of friends do not go to church, remind them there are many that go, they just need to locate them. Have them search out the hot churches in the area for college kids, they do exist. We know of a church in the dfw area that matches up individuals within the church with college bound kids to touch bases with them from time to time via text, facebook etc during thier freshman year to let them know thier church family cares about thier well being and offer assistance if they need it. It also sets an expectation they should continue thier walk with God after highschool as well. If you raise a child to love and serve God be assured they know the right path, however, the timing is not always what you want.
Bert,
Great stuff. i remember you talking about this stuff a bit when we had lunch together. Pray, pray, pray is so important. Often it feels like you aren’t doing much (because people want to do more “tangible”, “immediate” things), but praying for our children on their spiritual journey is so important. Especially I think, when we let them know we are praying for them.
Rhett
Rhett Smith´s last blog ..Helping Your College Student Get Spiritually Connected on Campus
If you went to college and were involved in a college ministry during any of that time…what was helpful, and not helpful in helping get you connected to them? What can a parent do? Or what did your parents do to help you get spiritually connected in college?
A parent can model spiritually connected behavior in their own lives. When I was in high school we didn’t go to church as a family. Or, I should say, we didn’t make time to go to church as a family. My mom went to CBS (Community Bible Study) every week. Although she wasn’t actively telling my sister and I that we should go to church, we would see her doing her bible study homework every week. We subconsciously understood church and the Bible needed to be a part of our adult lives.
When I went to college my parents and I didn’t talk about whether or not I would go to church. But I knew if I wanted to become an adult with half the grace and wisdom my mom has, Christian community would need to be part of my life. Thankfully, my mom’s lifetime of prayers were answered. As soon as I arrived at UCLA members of my swim team and my new boyfriend invited me to Bel Air Pres.
What can youth workers do better to help a kid make that transition?
Facilitate student leadership and provide a fun, non-intimidating environment. No one can recruit college students to come to a college group or bible study better than other students. No one can plan activities that students will enjoy more than other students.
Students have big questions and need room to think in college. They need leaders who are approachable, firm in their faith, and open-minded. Leaders should encourage students to figure out who they are in Christ, instead of telling them who they should be. Youth workers should provide safe places for students to form lasting friendships and discuss the questions that are on their hearts with their peers (ie facilitate small groups).
What would you tell an incoming freshmen about the importance of finding a church/campus church community early on?
College is a unique time when your friends become your family. They support you, listen to you, act goofy with you, and validate you during a time in your life when you are figuring out who you are and what you believe. The people you meet freshmen year often become your family very quickly because all of a sudden you’re not seeing your family every day. They are the people you will end up living with when you move off campus. They will influence what parties you go to, what media you consume, and what you believe when you graduate. If you are at all sure that God is out there, surround yourself with Christians and a healthy Christian community.
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