I’ve been doing marital therapy for 25 years or so and, like you, have seen an increase in complaints (usually from wives) about excessive time spent online or just on a computer. But it is only a symptom: the real problem generally turns out to be conflict avoidance or an issue with genuine intimacy.

I wish you well in your profession. Remember to take care of yourself and to never work harder than your clients – well, unless they’re suicidal: then you kinda have to.

I don’t disagree with you….a lot of it is based on my own biases, that’s why I tried to make it clear up front that these were some of my own thoughts on weddings, but how everyone has to do it for themselves. And I definitely think you can be tradition, serious, sacred, whatever, and still have fun and show lots of humor, etc. Even when I officiate weddings I try to tell funny stories about the couple and bring smiles and joy and laughter to them while holding fast to the sacredness of the event.

They may totally laugh about it and I hope they do. I actually laughed myself, yet, still was rubbed the wrong way. I actually didn’t laugh the first time around. The dance processional a few months back I thought was more funny since it seemed all planned and choreographed….this seemed to be more about the groom surprising the bride. But I could be wrong.

I’ve talked with a few couples who ended up in counseling (not for this alone), but because stuff wasn’t communicated, or didn’t go right at the wedding ceremony. A bride was surprised by stuff, etc. That sort of was the beginning of other issues for them.

As for tradition…I have lots of thoughts on that. Is a ceremony even necessary? Does it need to be state approved? Etc, etc.

It’s a big day for couples….so having them plan it together, so that it goes as they planned is important. And if that’s how they want it…awesome.

I think I just have deeper concerns (ones that Jacques Ellul) and other philosophers discuss about the dehumanizing affect that technology has on us and our relationships…it can be so subtle that we don’t even realize it. And eventually we chalk it up to “everyone is doing it” or “culture is headed that way” that we don’t even know what pill we have taken.

Okay…I’m way off track…I appreciate the conversation. Helps me think through things also…which is what I’m doing.

Rhett
.-= Rhett Smith´s last blog ..Can You Be “Fully Present” Relationally If You Are Tweeting In Your Wedding, Church Service and Marital Interactions… =-.

When I graduated from college I walked across the stage with a microphone headset. I tried to get the college president to say hi. I thought it was funny, but didn’t think about some of the other ramifications. Would I do it again? Nope. He may have similar conclusions later.

I think you are right. There are several signs here that may indicate issues. Upstaging the bride, hiding from her things that are relevant to the ceremony, etc.

But I am not one to generalize and say it was wrong. I liked the YouTube wedding dance procession from a few months ago because it showed the joy that I usually feel about weddings. I like this one because it shows some levity in what are often too serious ceremonies. But I don’t want to discount some of the complaints about the dance or this event.

Tradition is important and too often I (and society in general) are reacting against tradition because it is tradition. We are often too limited in our understanding to understand why tradition exists and why it may be important. We are too limited to know what will happen when traditions break down. But we can’t prevent the breakdown of tradition unless we really talk through and discussion what makes the tradition important. This and the wedding dance have done much to help me and others think about why we have traditions in weddings. I wonder how many will think and discussion and how many will just copy and create new (usually much less weighty) traditions.
.-= Adam Shields´s last blog ..Two books on prayer by Daniel Henderson =-.

Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I appreciate your insight.

I was only saying she was out of the loop since that is what was reported on other sites such as TechCrunch. But maybe she was. I do think it was done primarily for humor and something that obviously couldn’t be done 10 years ago. It’s interesting your comments about “marking his territory.” I have never looked at it that way…but that is very possible.

But seemed to be more out of place than anything…..but I wasn’t there….only saw the video. Kind of upstaged the ceremony which I think is unfortunate. That’s all that anyone will remember about it.

I will have to chew on what you said…..

later,

Rhett

I think it was done primarily for humor. It accomplished that. It seemed the pastor knew about it but was not completely bought into it.

But I also think that it was a way of declaring, in a way that we were not able to do 10 years ago, the importance of marriage status. Girls get engagement rings, guys are left with facebook relationship statuses. He is marking his territory (not intending for the dog joke or the sexist/dominant thing, but a sense of showing adulthood and/or manhood.)
.-= Adam Shields´s last blog ..Two books on prayer by Daniel Henderson =-.