One of the things that I vividly remember from growing up was my father’s voice calling out encouragement from the sidelines of my athletic events. It didn’t matter if I was a good or bad player, or whether or not I even got in the game. My dad’s presence on the sidelines or in the stands was always there. The more I reflect on that, the more amazing it is to me, especially since my mom died when I was 11 years old and my dad was essentially left alone to raise my younger brother and I.
I probably didn’t realize it then, but I have come to see it more clearly now, especially since I’m a parent. And what I realized was that for my dad to be present at my brother and I’s events (be it school plays, sporting events, etc.), a sacrifice of time was required. There was juggling of work schedules and many other things that went into him being there.
Ultimately, the message that was being sent to my brother and I was that time with us was more important than making extra money to buy things we didn’t need; that time with us was more important than sitting in front of the television.
I don’t know how many parents get this, but I wish more did.
I have worked with thousands of kids over the last 15 years in various settings. From camp counselor, to youth pastor, to therapist. And they all wish the same thing (sometimes spoken out loud; sometimes only discerned by the look in their face).
And that is….Parent’s time with their kids translates into love. Kids know that they are loved and cared for when their parents are present.
I have never had a kid tell me, “I wish my mom had worked more so I could have had more toys.” NEVER!
I have never had a kid tell me, “I wish my dad was at home less, so he could climb the corporate ladder harder to gain more prestige.” NEVER!
I have never had a kid tell me, “I wish my parents would watch more TV at night to stay culturally informed.” NEVER!
But I have had 100′s of kids tell me with pain in their faces and expressions that their parents never came to any of their events. Some parents are too busy they tell me, though they know if it weren’t important to their parents, then they would have made the effort. Others tell me that their parents just don’t seem to make the effort or care.
Parents, I’m not saying that you can’t miss an event here and there, or that provision for your family is not important. But at the end of the day we all have to ask if we are spending time with our kids. Do they know they are loved? Are there things that we could cut out of our lives that would allow us more time together as a family?
This is just a common theme I see in the kids I work with, and I wish it weren’t so prevalent.
Bingo. Thanks for this. Its not easy, and when kids are in teen and preteen it gets hairy! Time goes by fast. Trust me.
.-= Rich Kirkpatrick´s last blog ..Worship VIDEO, Recap & Set List: October 18, 2009 =-.
Rich,
Thanks for commenting. Seems like you do a great job of being present with your kids. From our conversations, to interactions, to watching you online, I know how important your kids are to you.
I love the photo of you and your daughter stopping at Starbucks on the way to school today. Those will be some great memories for both of you.
Speaking of that, my 2 year old is about to wake up and I think it’s time for a cookie run with her.
Rhett
.-= Rhett Smith´s last blog ..Reminder to Parents: Presence=LOVE =-.
Yeah, this is so huge! As a parent of a two year old boy, with another on the way, I couldn’t agree more. As a pastor the temptation is to rationalize and say, “well, it’s for the ministry and God…so it’s ok to be out.” But I’ve made the decision that I will not be that kind of parent. I will love God first, family second, church third. Thanks for the great reminder!
.-= Rodlie Ortiz´s last blog ..The Importance of Listening Well =-.
Oops….that’s funny…i promise I wasn’t trying to pimp my last blog post….not even sure how that appeared on there. That’s kind funny. Guess it’s a special plugin you have on your blog. Interesting.
Rodlie,
Haaaa….it’s a plugin I have. Try to promote other people’s blogs when they comment.
Thanks for commenting. I appreciate your thoughts. And that sounds like a good choice.
Rhett
.-= Rhett Smith´s last blog ..Reminder to Parents: Presence=LOVE =-.
On Monday nights my husband teaches a Criminal Law class for University of Phoenix… it makes for long nights & I usually dread the “solo” kid duty. But I cannot tell you how beautiful tonight was with my three kids (11, 9 and 6) because I shut my ‘puter off, turned off the TV and bounced like a mad woman between the three of them.
Nothing hugely spiritual happened. I just listened to explanations of why a certain superhero’s powers are superior; why Cooking Mama on my daughter’s DS was frustrating her; got to listen to my son describe his best friend.
Would’ve missed all that if I’d been absent (and I’ve struggled with it). Tonight, I guess God won. And so did my kids.
Preach it, Rhett.
.-= Dawn Carter´s last blog ..Ideacamp Video: ICDC Justice Edition =-.
Dawn,
That’s awesome. Truly God and your kids won.
I can hear you on that. I see the computer sitting there often…thinking of all the work I need to do…not even work with deadlines sometimes. Just blog posts and social networking. I have to work really hard to turn that stuff off and be fully present.
I wish it was easier for me, and somedays are truly easy and not a battle. I just want to be with my daughter. And then other days, I think of all the things that need to get done and she loses out then.
I’m trying to be more conscious of the choices I make. I have one shot at being a parent and I don’t want to regret the choices I make.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing.
Rhett
.-= Rhett Smith´s last blog ..Are You Truly Listening to Your Spouse =-.
Thanks – I needed to read this. I’m three weeks into my first post as Youth Minister, and life is getting incredibly busy; my first child is due in three weeks time. This is a powerful reminder that I need to start my ministry and fatherhood well – by making sure I *make* time for my wife and child from the beginning.
Keep up the great work…