So, so true….theory is no good if there isn’t some practical takeaway from it (at least most of the time) and especially in marriage relationships.

Rhett
Rhett Smith´s last blog ..Destigmatizing Mental Illness

I love your thoughts…#4 is great and so practical. I think we sometimes think our spouse should know everything about us, otherwise we feel like they don’t love or understand us. So in believing that, we take out really simple things that we can use…like asking direct questions. I think that’s a great question to use. And when you ask those direct questions, I think it leads to a deeper intimacy.

I’m “stealing” your ideas and will try implementing them.

Thanks for sharing….

Rhett
Rhett Smith´s last blog ..Destigmatizing Mental Illness

I try to be…..

Rhett
Rhett Smith´s last blog ..Destigmatizing Mental Illness

Thanks for commenting.

I love this statement by you:

“I have a hard time devoting my entire attention to activities that are to be done simply for their own sake. ”

So, so true. We tend to have a purpose in our conversations, interactions, work, etc. It’s not nearly enough to do something just for the sake of doing something. That’s such a hurdle for us to get over.

I like that you are working on this. Even though you aren’t a newlywed (what, like 3 years), it’s great to practice this stuff early on in the marriage relationship, otherwise those habits just tend to build up and crystalize, which I think just leads to a lot of resentment.

Thanks for your comments.

Rhett
Rhett Smith´s last blog ..Destigmatizing Mental Illness

We are such fixers, that is so true. And I think when we continue to want to fix, our spouses decide to find other people who will just listen. So I’m striving really hard to be a better listener.

That is a great movie by the way. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Rhett
Rhett Smith´s last blog ..Destigmatizing Mental Illness

This post was mentioned on Twitter by lorraineokeefe: RT @rhetter: Are You Truly Listening to Your Spouse http://bit.ly/3B6iYB // listen and silent have all the same letters….

To add to the discussion, the big things I’ve learned to do (and still struggle to do sometimes) are -
1) Always ask follow up questions. It makes her feel listened to and it forces me to be engaged without thinking about fixing the problem.
2) Always ask if she wants any of my thoughts before sharing.
3) Repeat what she’s saying back to her to make sure I heard it correctly.
4) When the conversation is more or less over, ask her, “Do you feel listened to?”

Number 4 is the one that has served me the best, as either a yes or no response allows her to ultimately get what she needs from the conversation.

Once again good thoughts Rhett. I hope you are well.