Archive - September, 2009

Jon Acuff On Writing, Storytelling, Cultivate09 and His New Book, “Stuff Christians Like”

September 30, 2009 in Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media with 2 Comments

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The only time you might possibly see me up before 5am is if my baby daughter is sick and can’t sleep, or if I’m interviewing Jon Acuff, the writer of the uber popular blog, Stuff Christians Like. As luck would have it, I was up at 3:30am with my daughter this morning and on the phone with Jon at 5am interviewing him about the upcoming Cultivate Conference, and picking his brain on writing and the creative process behind his new book Stuff Christians Like, which is set for release on April 1, 2010 (Jon, is there an April Fool’s joke coming with your book?). I first met Jon at the Los Angeles airport on September 10 as we waited to share a car ride together to the Christian Web Conference, and it was one of the most encouraging, insightful and funny car rides I have had. I was super impressed with Jon’s combination of witty, intelligent humor, and his humbleness.

So this morning as we talked on the phone there are a few things I wanted to pick his brain about:

Rhett: “Jon, tell me a little bit about your session that you are facilitating at the Cultivate Conference?”

Jon: “I’m doing a 10 minute segment about storytelling where I hope to plant an idea that will hinge both Cultivate and Story since most people are going to both conferences. What I want to talk about is one of the biggest challenges of storytelling.”

Rhett: “In your opinion, what is the biggest challenge of storytelling?”

Jon: “Being dishonest. Writing what you think you should write versus what’s in your heart.”

Continue Reading…

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life by Donald Miller

September 29, 2009 in Uncategorized with 7 Comments

51frH7R79DL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-click,TopRight,35,-76_AA240_SH20_OU01_What would one’s life look like if it was written with, and contained the elements that make for a good story?

This is the fundamental question that I believe Donald Miller is after in his new book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life. Don says that a great story contains “a character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it.” With these things in mind Don sets out to tell a story that I believe has the reader pausing, assessing whether or not he or she is living a great story in the life they are leading.

I have been waiting for the publication of this book ever since I heard about it. In fact, it is this idea of story that I heard Don preach at Mars Hills Church in Michigan sometime in 2007. My wife and I listened to the podcast as we drove across the California and Arizona desert, and we look at that message as a catalyst in encouraging our move to Texas and to step out in faith in new careers. As the book progressed (and it was a page turner for me), I found myself being drawn into what I found to be a more mature, subtle and better writer than in his previous works.

Don really captured a lot of the existential angst that I feel a large and growing generation of young adults are experiencing as they wander the landscape of relationships, careers and faith. And this book was an eloquent reminder that there is more to life than what most of us are living for. There are lots of great passages in the book, but let me leave you with one that has stuck with me ever since I read the words:

“I think this is when most people give up on their stories. They come out of college wanting to change the world, wanting to get married, wanting to have kids and change the way people buy office supplies. But they get into the middle and discover if was harder than they thought. They can’t see the distant shore anymore, and they wonder if their paddling is moving them forward. None of the trees behind them are getting smaller and none of the trees ahead are getting better. They take it out on their spouses, and they go looking for an easier story.” (pp. 179)

Is Facebook Making Your Marriage Vulnerable?

September 28, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media, Therapy-Psychology with 13 Comments

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[image by hikingartist]


Chatter Magazine which is the great print/online monthly magazine for Irving Bible Church dedicated their October issue to technology. There are some really great articles in there like John Dyer’s Stop Bringing Your Bible to Church!

My contribution was on the issue of technology and marriage, more specifically, Is Facebook Making Your Marriage Vulnerable? In the article I address what seems to be a growing trend of people reconnecting/connecting through Facebook, and starting friendships with those people, which eventually lead to an affair in their marriage. Some of the evidence is anecdotal, some of it through stories from friends, but one can see the growing evidence in the daily news.

In the article I focus on the Identity, Boundaries and Accountability as three areas that are helpful if you are married and on Facebook….or if you just want to have healthy relational interactions on Facebook period.

If you don’t already know this, I’m a huge fan of Facebook, but here are some things I suggest in the article.

Here are just a few tips I have found helpful in my own marriage and counseling practice:

* Set parameters around how much time you are online each day. For example, no Internet after 9 p.m.

* Share passwords with your spouse. Let your spouse check your accounts on occasion for accountability and vice versa, not because you don’t trust each other, but for an added measure of protection.

* Do not engage in intimate online conversation with someone who is not your spouse. For example, are you sharing details about your marriage with someone online who is not your spouse?

* Set appropriate privacy filters/details on social media. For example, have you set parameters for your iPhone and YouTube, which are huge avenues of pornography for many?

* Be a part of an offline accountability group/small group.

* Use online accountability tools. For example, subscribe to an online service such as Covenant Eyes (www.covenanteyes.com), which keeps track of all your web usage and e-mails a report to your accountability partners each week.

You can read the entire article here.

Let me know what you think. And if you have any helpful suggestions, or if you want to share what you and your spouse do, that would be great.

What Are You Waiting For?

September 25, 2009 in Therapy-Psychology with 6 Comments



“A fifty-year-old man approached a musician and asked, ‘Can you teach me to play the trombone so I can play in the town civic band and in parades and other things?”

‘Sure,’ the musician said.

‘How long will it take?’ the aspiring trombonist asked.

‘Well,’ the musician said, ‘I could teach almost anybody to play anything he wanted to play in five years’ time.’

‘Five years!’ the would-be student said. ‘I’ll be fifty-five years old by then!’

‘Yes, you will,’ the musician returned. ‘And how old will you be in five years if you don’t learn how to play the trombone?’” (Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay, pp. 101)

Sometimes I think there are things in life we really want to do. A hobby. A new career.

Maybe you want to play guitar…I’ve been saying, and attempting that since I was 19. Man I wish I had just started.

Maybe you want to write a book.

Maybe you want to take a trip.

I’m not sure what it is for you. But sometimes I think there are things really want to invest in, but we want it to happen immediately, therefore, we forfeit it because of what it would require from us.

We are like the man who wanted to be able to play the trombone today, rather than five years from now. So we just quit, or we don’t even start.

Do you have something like that in your life?

33% OFF Online Therapy Till January 1, 2010

September 24, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media, Therapy-Psychology with 0 Comments

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[image by oddsock]


I’ve been talking a lot about online therapy on this blog, and now it’s time to make you a GREAT offer!

From now until January 1, 2010, I will be offering online therapy at 33% reduced rate. So instead of $75, you only pay $50.

If you, or someone you know is interested in this offer, please contact me.

Are You Able To Be FULLY Present To Others?

September 21, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media, Therapy-Psychology with 15 Comments

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[image by mikebaird]

One of the unique things about being a therapist is that it requires me to be able to be fully present to those who sit across from me in my office. No cell phone. No computer. No interruptions. No distractions. For45-50 minutes they get my full, undivided attention.  In fact, one of the comments that I hear most frequently from those who come to therapy is that this is the only time in their week when they feel like they have someone’s full attention.  Nowhere else does someone seem to be fully present to them.

In a culture that has become increasingly noisy it is not surprising that the correlative affect is that many people are simply drowned out by the noise. And therefore, in the process, this drowning out has a transforming affect on our relationships with one another.  This issue has been an ongoing topic of conversation at conferences I have been attending, blog posts I’m reading, and I had a great conversation with my father about it over the weekend, and with John Dyer last night.

My father, who is not anti-technology at all, simply said to me, “I’m afraid we are losing our ability to be fully present to one another.”

We all want to believe that we are fully present to one another, especially to those of us we consider most important such as spouses, children, friends and family, but more than likely, if we are completely honest with ourselves…we simply are not.

Recently I’ve noticed some of these things I see around me, and I cringed, realizing that I do this quite a bit as well: Continue Reading…

“Life is Short. Have an Affair.”

September 17, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media, Therapy-Psychology with 11 Comments

2412907219_eacb69b1dbThat is the motto that I heard coming from Noel Biderman this morning as he was a guest on The Billy Madison morning radio show. Noel Biderman is the President of the Ashley Madison agency and the creator of their website.

Ashley Madison isn’t the first online technology/agency to provide opportunities for people to have affairs on those whom they are in relationship with, but it’s definitely one of the most well known. In fact, Ashley Madison has also released an iPhone application that can help people have an affair without leaving any online traces.

“One resource that most men look up to is the web and through AshleyMadison.com, their tracks will be covered without a trace. Unlike Craigslist’s plain-Jane listings, AshleyMadison lets cheaters customize profiles, chat anonymously and trade messages about adulterous preferences.”

In fact they state that over the past month alone (June):

“Over the past month alone, 679,000 men and women have used the service to contact a cheating partner. According to their profiles, 92% of males on the site are married or otherwise attached, as are 60% of female members.”

It was fascinating listening to Noel Biderman on air this morning as he stated that he was in a monogamous relationship with his wife, and that he in fact would be devastated if she had an affair on him. When pressed by some of the callers about him being “a walking contradiction”, Noel basically brushed it off by saying:

  1. we weren’t born to be monogamous according to the scientific research.
  2. he’s not responsible for the affairs that come about by his website, stating basically that it’s just a tool, and he can’t be blamed for what people do with it. Continue Reading…

Breakthrough: An Online Platform for Therapy

September 16, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Technology-Social Media, Therapy-Psychology with 1 Comment

58916v2-max-250x250-1The world of online therapy is emerging quickly and there are a lot of tools out there to make this easier, and most importantly, secure. The AAMFT which I am a member of recently sent us out emails about a service they endorse, Therapy Hosting. This is just one of many, and even I at one point last year was in conversation with a technology company about creating an online tool for therapy that I had outlined.

Yesterday I was watching TechCrunch, TC50, and the presentation by Breakthrough.

One thing that stood out to me was this exchange of Q & A:

TO: How do you get therapists to participate?

A: We have a log of providers who are interested.

TO: How do you qualify them?

A: We only get licenses medical therapists and make sure to authenticate all professionals.

In the emerging online world of counseling and therapy it can be quite difficult to authenticate people’s credentials, while many are just plain practicing without credentials. So it will be interesting to see how this does.

I’m going to test out this tool for a little bit and blog about it some more.

For a more in-depth analysis of the company and tool, check out the post, TC50: Have You Considered Tele-Psychiatry? Schedule a Session with Breakthrough.

Cultivate 2009: My Interview with Matt Knisely, And Why You Should Attend

September 15, 2009 in Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media with 1 Comment

The Cultivate Conference in Chicago is getting closer every day.

Two weeks ago I posted my interview with Carlos Whitaker [aka Ragamuffinsoul], and last week I posted my interview with Cynthia Ware of the Digital Sanctuary. Check it out.

This week I’m talking with Matt Knisely of the blog Visual Storyteller.

“Cancer Affects Everyone”–And Breast Cancer Has Affected Us

September 11, 2009 in Marriage-Family with 2 Comments

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[photo of my mom Melodee and my aunt Judie]


I have heard that phrase time and time again and I know it to be true, at least in my life and the many lives around me. The cancer I am speaking of is breast cancer, and it has affected our family in every possible way. I lost my mother Melodee to breast cancer in 1986 when I was 11 years old. She was just one month past the age of 39 when breast cancer ultimately took her life after a five year battle. My mom was just one of several women in our family who have been affected by breast cancer–my aunt Judie (my mom’s sister) passing in 2001–and their mother Jenny, my grandmother, passing before both of them in the early 80′s. In fact, Jenny lost both her mother and mother-in-law to breast cancer as well…an entire generation of women wiped out from the disease.

It is a disease that affects millions of lives and October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I have spent a good number of years of my life in and of hospitals with the people I have loved as they fought through chemotherapy and radiation treatments, mastectomys, and many, many more things. Sometimes I have felt helpless in the fight, and most of the time I think I was except for the prayers and presence that I and others could offer them.

But this year I have decided to get more involved in the fight for breast cancer and my wife Heather and I are running the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure in Dallas and raising money to bring awareness and education, as well as support the research and treatment in the fight against breast cancer. My wife and I have formed the team The Shaderunners (in honor of all the Shade women who battled against breast cancer), and we hope that you check our team page out.

How Can You Help

  1. Join our team.  You don’t even have to run.  But join in support.


  2. Prayers.  For the many people and families affected by cancer and for our team as we train, raise money and run the race.


  3. Donate money.  We hope that we can get a bunch of you to donate even a little to the cause….$20 perhaps.  You can donate to me, or you can donate to Heather…whatever you do it all goes to the team.  I will also continue running after The Race for the Cure, and will continue raising money as I run the Dallas White Rock Marathon.


  4. Donate your talents/gifts.  What do I mean?  Michael Trent of Third Place Consulting was so moved by the story of breast cancer in our family that he sent me an email offering this: He states:

    “Any church (or person I guess) that donates $1000 or more, I will donate Two Days of Free On-Site Consultation for either an: a) Initial Consult – for new projects (vision and ministry alignment / concept development), b) Or Café Rehab – for existing café environments (a full evaluation, review, and recommendation on site).” 

    Amazing, I was totally blown away by that.  Michael told me that he wish he had tons of money to donate, but since he didn’t, he felt like offering his services was the right thing to do.  Michael is a super talented guy and I’m very thankful for his friendship.  You can contact Michael here about the details of his offer (i.e. the person would need to cover travel expenses, but his services are free).

Stay Tuned
As we progress through the month of October, National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I plan on bringing you updates about our team and training, as well as personal stories and interviews with those who have been affected by breast cancer. If you have a story to share, please contact me via this blog so that we can set up an interview, or place for you to share your story online.
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