Archive - July, 2009

Therapists: Putting More of Yourself Online

For lack of a better metaphor, therapy has often seemed to be this “underground entity”, where at times it can be quite difficult to find a therapist. You look online and most therapists seem to not only not have a website, but finding an email address or some form of contact with them can be downright difficult. Many people end up finding a therapist through word of mouth which is a great form of contact, but I am often confused at why more therapists don’t make themselves more available online? Maybe they are concerned with boundaries. Maybe it’s too much work. Maybe it’s a scary place to venture forth.

By making themselves available online, I’m not saying therapists have to do web chats, or video mail, etc. I’m just saying it would be nice to find more of them having an “online landing place” like a webpage where they can be more easily found…even if one just needs the simple facts. Address. Fees. Phone number. Et cetera.

If you are a therapist, why do you not put more of yourself online?

And if you aren’t a therapist, but have gone to therapy, or are considering it…what things would you like a therapist to put online? What things would be beneficial to you as the client?

Some Practical Tips for Dealing with Depression

If you haven’t noticed yet, I have been covering the topic of depression quite a bit the last couple of weeks. This is going to be the last post on this topic for a while, but I wanted to leave you with an article that I thought had some great practical tips, and coping skills for dealing with depression.

Check out the article here, and if you have any questions, please feel free to contact me.

Leading on Empty

Recently I have been very intrigued by the topic of burnout and depression in ministry, and I have been writing on the topic mainly because it seems to not only be so prevalent, but it’s rarely talked about.  In fact, I would say that the symptoms (burnout and depression) are often a result of a lack of boundaries, and a mentality that says do more and more in ministry…as if that equates to godliness.

There are lots of great resources out there, and some pastors are beginning to approach the subject and write about how burnout and depression has affected not only the ministries they are involved in, but everyone around them. In fact…

I think openly discussing and seeking help for burnout and depression is innovative

because so few are doing it, that to broach the subject puts you ahead of the curve in this area of thinking and praxis.

Recently I read the book Leading on Empty: Refilling Your Tank and Renewing Your Passion by Wayne Cordeiro, who is the Senior Pastor of New Hope Christian Fellowship in Honolulu, Hawaii. Wayne’s book is a great read, and it’s not only very authentic, vulnerable and insightful, but he provides some great steps and resources for those who may be suffering through burnout and depression. Wayne says:

We don’t forget that we are Christians. We forget that we are human, and that one oversight alone can debilitate the potential of our future.

It arrived without warning, like an uninvited guest. Decisions that were once simple now refused solution, and I found myself dodging anything that asked for my emotional input. My once stalwart faith was left fragile; I avoided whatever required my action.

It was a balmy California evening. I had gone for a jog before I was to speak at a leadership conference. I still can’t recall how I got there, but I found myself sitting on a curb, weeping uncontrollably. I couldn’t tell if it took place suddenly or gradually, but I knew something had broken inside. I remember lifting my trembling hands and asking out loud, ‘What in the world is happening to me?’

I had been leading on empty.

This is such an important topic, and I think one that needs to be talked about more in church ministry, especially among leaders. But it must not only be talked about, but action must be taken to move leaders to a more healthy place of leadership.

If Christian leaders do not model a healthy life, then what exactly are they modeling?

Wayne helps leaders assess what burnout and failure looks like, but he also provides a roadmap for how they can get back on track. His seven hard lessons seem obvious, but unfortunately they don’t become obvious except in hindsight for many of us.

Wayne also does a great job of talking about some actions that one can take such as sabbaticals, and he provides some important resources (counseling centers, camps, retreats, books, etc.) for leaders to access.

I think if more leaders would read this book, and learn some important lessons ahead of time, as well as possibly finding a partner in their own burnout (such as Wayne), then they will find themselves in a much more healthy leadership position than before.

Depression and Burnout: Anne Jackson Interview, Part 2

Yesterday I posted the first of two interviews I did with Anne Jackson back in January of 2009. Check out part of the interview below, and read the rest of it here.

From your own perspective, what is at the root behind the stigma of counseling and therapy in the Church? What would you say to Christians who think that we should not take medications for depression and anxiety?

It has always been difficult for me to say I needed to be in counseling to the extent I was, or to say that I have been on a myriad of anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medicine because I’ve heard countless times people question my salvation or my authority to work out God’s calling in my life. Most people think that something is wrong with my spiritual walk if I have to use these “crutches.” I think that the people who are judgmental about these things live in a bubble that desperately needs to be popped. That means they have stayed safe and comfortable their whole life…and there is nothing about Christianity or redemption that is safe or comfortable.

Depression and Burnout: Anne Jackson Interview, Part 1

I had the privilege of interviewing Anne Jackson back in January 2009 on the topic of depression and burnout, especially as it relates to ministry and the church. Since I have been writing about depression over the last week I wanted to link again to her interview. Here is a piece of the interview below, but check out the full post here.

One of the reasons I wanted to interview you as you know, is that not many Christians are forthright on the topic of depression, anxiety and what I would describe as adjustment disorders….so why did you decide to be more vulnerable about this issue in such a public forum such as your blog and book?

I remember feeling so alone as I struggled with anxiety and depression…especially in the church world. I would go to services at my church or even as I would hang out with other staff members, it seemed like everyone was so happy and put together.

Those issues became so bad, I had to take a three week leave of absence from work where I started some medication and went to see a counselor. Talking about it with her made me feel so free. Go figure…the truth will set you free…that sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

As I began to share what was really going on with my friends and coworkers, many times those same people would share with me their own struggles with anxiety, depression or other issues.

I realize when other people share their struggles with me, it builds an instant bridge of trust. I know I can talk with them because they’ve walked in my shoes. It also makes a “me too” moment. I think it was Rob Bell who said the words “me too” are the two most comforting words in the English language.

Again, just starting that conversation and allowing others the permission to share knowing they will be welcomed with grace and trust and love – unconditionally, is why I am so passionate about talking about these things.

Of Course Christians Can Be Depressed

A couple of different times this week people brought (thanks @justinwise and @witheringfig) this article to my attention, Can ‘Real’ Christians Be Depressed?

And of course, I say EMPHATICALLY YES! (Plus, I’m not really sure what they mean by ‘real’ Christians anyways). By the way, it’s a good article, and I’m glad they wrote it.

If you know me, know my writing, or have seen any of my posts this last week then you know that I think depression is a huge issue, and that it affects all kinds of people, regardless of race, culture, sex, religion, etc. It knows no boundaries and we are all susceptible to it.

It does not matter if one has a strong faith, or a weak faith, depression can strike at anytime. It doesn’t matter if you pray everyday, or pray every once in a while, depression can strike anytime. It doesn’t matter if you go to church, memorize the Bible and do door to door evangelism…yes, depression can strike anytime.

There are plenty of examples in Scripture where God’s people…prophets, kings, disciples were brought to a place of what looks like depression. To places at times where they didn’t even want to go on with life.

I think that we do a disservice to people when we excuse their depression as simply spiritual, or we treat them as if all they need to do is read their Bible more. As I said before, if I have a heart problem, I’m going to go talk with someone who has been trained to know the inner and outer workings of the heart. If I have cancer, I’m going to go see a specialist who knows about cancer. And if I have depression, then I want to talk with someone who takes me seriously and knows how to treat depression.

Does God, the Bible, our spiritual lives, have a role in depression? Sure! They can be all great sources of comfort and encouragement, especially in dark times. And ultimately, if we are Christians, we place our faith, trust and hope in Christ, and that he is the great healer. But I also think God has created us to help one another, and he has gifted many people with certain skills to help people in certain times. So why not in depression then?

Let me get down off my soapbox now and leave you with a quote from the article that I particularly liked.

Depression should be treated and can be put into remission through a course of psychoanalysis, cognitive therapy and/or antidepressant medication, supplemented by healthy doses of prayer within a loving Christian community. It is nonsensical to tell a depressed person that if he only read his Bible more or had better quiet times, his depression would surely be lifted. That would be like telling a diabetic that faith alone will regulate her insulin levels. Faith alone gives eternal salvation, but in the meantime, God has given us resources by which to make our temporal existences more palatable. Depression is certainly healed by the grace of God, sometimes directly and miraculously, but more often through the tools of His servants, like pharmacists, therapists, pastors and friends.

So what do you think?

Depression: Discernment in Pastoral Caregiving

Discernment
As we talk and think about the issue of depression in ministry one of the most important factors that we have in helping us determine what exactly we are dealing with is discernment.

the quality of being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure

Discerning what type of help a person needs can be tricky. Should they see a therapist? A psychiatrist? Both? Is a recommendation for meds necessary? Are we dealing with depression, melancholy, burning out, etc? Maybe it’s all, maybe it’s some, maybe it’s none. But the act of discernment is a process and often involves multiple people helping one through their difficult journey.

In the book Depression and Hope: New Insights for Pastoral Counseling (which I mention quite a bit, is a great resource, and which I will reference and quote from heavily in this post), Howard W. Stone says:

Depression disturbs one’s most important relationships; for melancholics this may mean family members or close friends. For the mystic or hermit monk, and indeed for all faithful Christians, that most important relationship is with God. When people feel the absence of God, when they doubt, when religious ritual and service lose meaning, their experiences are very similar to the symptoms of depression.

Pastoral caregivers listen in a certain way to the words of those who are disconsolate, a way that is distinct from other helping professionals. To clergy and other professionals in ministry, despair, suffering, struggle, and adversity are laden with spiritual import, because reflection on the experience of melancholy and spiritual desolation can bring depth and meaning to those who are trying to be faithful to the call of Christ (Stone, 21).

When dealing with issues of such vital importance, you can see why discernment is key.  In fact, I would say that it’s quite rare for most people entering into ministry to have a decent understanding of mental health issues and the role of the pastor in pastoral caregiving.

In his book Stone talks about four experiences that “compare strongly to depression: the dark night of the soul, ‘accidie’, desolations, and Martin Luther’s understanding of ‘Anfechtungen’”. Fascinating stuff! Let me just mention them briefly here:

Continue Reading…

Depression: Christians and Medication

“you may have questions about whether Christians should take this or that. You get in that state, I assure you, you will take rat dung.” Pastor Tommy Nelson on his depression

Why the Stigma?
Let me start this post by saying this. When it comes to the issue of taking medication for depression…there are some Christians who believe in it, and those that do not.

I believe in them. And I’m not trying to convince you otherwise. That will require circumstances, experiences convincing beyond my control.

I have worked long enough in the ministry and therapeutic setting to see the amazing and beneficial results that they have had in the lives of the co-workers, students and clients that I have journeyed through life with.

I believe God has given scientists/doctors/researchers amazing minds to create some medications that can help.

As one friend says, “If someone is diabetic, they are going to take insulin…aren’t they?”

Or I tell my friends, “If you have a heart condition, you are going to the cardiologist, right?”

So what’s the stigma around mental health and medications in the Christian life? I’m not completely sure. There is some disconnect it seems. Or rather than disconnect, there is some inconsistency in how we pick and choose what areas of our lives we seek help on, and what areas we think we should be able to pick ourselves up by our own bootstraps.

Continue Reading…

Depression: Hope Through Hospitality

The fourth and final video I shot for LifeChurch.tv on depression aired today and is titled Finding Hope. Monday’s video was An Anchor in the Journey-Exodus 17:1. Tuesday’s video was Depression-At the Movies continued. Wednesday’s video was Walking Through Depression.

As we end this week looking at depression I wanted to focus on the idea of hope, because without hope in our lives, it is very difficult to move forward, especially out of things like depression and anxiety. The theologian Jurgen Moltmann says:

Hope is a power in this life to begin life again, to be reborn in an affirmation of life from deep depression. At the same time, hope is a comfort in the world to come beyond death. These are not contradictions. The more hope gives strength in this life, the more comfort it gives in the life to come.

The great writer Parker Palmer (who I referenced in a couple of videos) says this about his own depression. In fact, I recommend his book Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation where he talks at length about the role of depression in his life.

I got tremendous help from a therapist at one point — in one of my depressions — who said to me, “Parker, you seem to keep treating this experience as if depression were the hand of an enemy trying to crush you. Would it be possible to re-image depression as the hand of a friend trying to press you down to ground on which it’s safe to stand?” Well, those words didn’t mean much to me immediately because when you’re there, you can’t hear that kind of counsel. But they grew on me, those words did.

So as we go out into the world, let me encourage you in how you might play a vital role in helping others through depression…through the dark times in their lives. There are many ways to do this, but let me leave you with one idea: HOSPITALITY.

“One way to build upon people’s strengths is to show them hospitality. The counseling session needs to be a place where counselees are welcomed, encouraged, and complimented for what they are doing well, not where their past wrongs or present pathology is dredged up….Showing hospitality has for centuries been one of the vital tasks of pastoral care (Depression and Hope: New Insights for Pastoral Counseling, 61).

Just as a therapist welcomes, as well as provides an encouraging environment where one’s strengths and possibilities for the future are opened up, those in the Church need to do the same.

My hope is that one day those suffering from depression will not just seek the safety within the therapist’s walls, but will find a safety within the walls of the Church.

Questions:

  1. Do you know anyone right now who is suffering from depression?
  2. What can you do to come alongside of them and show hospitality?
  3. What might hospitality look like for someone in the context of depression?

Disclaimer: This blog post is not to be a substitute for professional help or advice. Please consider seeking out professional help if you consider yourself to be at risk for depression.

Depression: Soren Kierkegaard on Actuality, Freedom and Possibility

Today, LifeChurch.tv posted the third of four videos that I shot with them on depression. Monday’s video was An Anchor in the Journey-Exodus 17:1. Tuesday’s video was Depression-At the Movies continued. Today’s video is Walking Through Depression. In today’s video I share about the prophet Elijah wanting to die, and actually asking God to take his life away.

Sometimes our depression becomes so severe that we just can’t even function. It evolves into an anguish that is difficult to cope with at times, and sometimes we wonder if we can move on. That is a difficult place to be, and it is not uncommon among humanity.

One of the things I have been reading a lot about recently is the issue of anxiety, and how anxiety lies between our knowledge of possibilities, and actuality. This is something that Kierkegaard talks a lot about, and I think he has some good things to say on the topic of depression.

kierkegaardKierkegaard is one of my favorite writers, thinkers, philosophers, theologians, and psychologists. Ever since reading Fear and Trembling when I was 22 he has continued to profoundly shape my life and thinking.

So it is not surprising that in the book Depression and Hope by Howard W. Stone, that it is Kierkegaard that has something to say to us on this issue. Let me quote at length the following passage from the book:

Soren Kierkegaard’s understanding of persons–for our purposes depressed persons–also helps us understand hope. In The Sickness Unto Death, he describes persons as possessors of actuality, freedom, and possibility. All three are a part of the authentic self, and a good relationship of all three is necessary for authentic existence. Actuality refers primarily to the past; it includes our context, our psychological predispositions, and choices we have previously made.

Freedom is what we have in the present. It is a finite freedom, exercised within the limits of our situation and abilities, our givens and past choices. Because of our actualities we cannot simply become whatever we want to be ‘if we try hard enough for it.’ We make choices, and act, from the range of options available to us.

Possibility addresses the future. It is what we can become as we use our freedom. In that respect our possibilities are not predetermined. We are not automatons. We can imagine, and within the givens of life we can become something new. Living as an authentic self, according to Kierkegaard, means looking beyond our immediate necessities or past liabilities. We anticipate the future with the awareness that we are free–however limited–to actualize whom we ought to become as faithful Christians and to take responsibility for shaping that future. Continue Reading…

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