This is Post 1/100 in my 100 posts in 100 days series.
[image by Vali]
There is a lot to talk about in the next 100 days. Lots. So I thought it would be appropriate to start from the beginning. And by beginning I mean…the idea of going to therapy itself. If you haven’t noticed, there is often a stigma when it comes to one going to therapy. The stigma may be culturally…it could be religious…maybe it’s a social stigma. Or it could be that the stigma is created and influenced by your friends and family. Whatever the case may be, many have talked with me about their fears of just walking out the door and going to therapy. And I understand that.
Some of you may be reading this and saying, “Stigma, what stigma. I tell everyone about my therapist. He/She is so great!” Growing up in Arizona therapy was talked about openly. And having lived in California the last eight years, all I can say is that having a therapist was often a popular trend, as fashionable as the parties one attended or the private yoga instructor someone met with. It was not unusual to come across a group of people where all of them were seeing the same therapist and openly sharing stories with one another about their sessions. But Texas is different, and it has its own stigmas about therapy, though I find that most people are pretty open about seeing a therapist.
So what is the stigma about?
- Feeling like you are not in control if it’s come to the point of needing/wanting to see a therapist.
- Fear of having to reach out to someone for help.
- Is the stigma created by being known by others that you see a therapist…or being seen in THAT office.
- Or maybe the stigma lies in the fact that things are better left untouch/unsaid…don’t stir up stuff. Don’t rock the boat.
- Maybe the stigma is religious/church…says that all you need is God, not any help from a human.
- Or maybe the stigma is that people think only “crazy” people go to therapy.
These are just some thoughts.
I’m curious. In your opinion, what is the stigma about?
Would you…or have you ever gone to a therapist/counselor?
Was it beneficial? Why or why not?
What would it take you to walk through that door to see a therapist?
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
what is the stigma about?____I feel the stigma comes with the "come close but don't come to close" personal bubbles that many people have established in their lives now. Because people don't trust like they used to, because people have it in their mind that you will screw them over eventually, going to a therapist puts them in a radical comfort zone shift that freaks many people out.__Would you…or have you ever gone to a therapist/counselor? Was it beneficial? Why or why not?__I went to a therapist in high school for depression and it helped me immensely to gain self-confidence and put things into perspective. I am pondering going now but my insurance doesn't cover it, making it pretty expensiive. I wouldn't be going for depression but other issues that I can share with you offline. The one thing that made the therapy successful was the right match to fit my personality. I need to have someone that can listen but challenge me at the same time, that was key.__What would it take you to walk through that door to see a therapist?__I think better rates. Therapy costs as much as a gym membership, hence why I don't go to either. __
Rhett… I had a very jacked up life growing up. Parents divorced, physical abuse, lots of drugs and porn in my house. I went to a therapist from about 12-16 years old. It helped ALOT with dealing with my emotional issues.That being said…the biggest stigma I see (now being older and married) is an admission of failure on my part in the marriage. To see a therapist would mean to me ( I know this isn't true – but still a stigma) I have failed in some part of my marriage and now I need outside professional help. I would think/guess that most people my age (early 30's that are believers would feel the same way).
what would it take to get me through the door – #1 semantics – I would rather see a "pastor" or a "life coach" then a "therapist"
I think cost is another issue – first thing I think of when I think therapist is $$$$$
just my 2 cents…
Anivus,
Hey, thanks for being so transparent and sharing some of the stuff you have gone through. I'm glad that you were able to get some help and that you thought it helped ALOT. I don't think you are alone in feeling like seeing a therapist = failure on your part. Many people feel that way….I think couples generally feel that….they don't want to go to therapy because that means something is wrong, and they have failed. But often, by the time they finally get past that, and they get in to see a therapist it seems like things have really reached a rough point. I hear what you are saying. I wonder if the younger generations will feel like less of a failure in seeing a therapist. Not sure. Great point.
Semantics…that's interesting. Therapist, counselor, life coach, pastor. I think the semantics has to do with credentials in many ways. And many therapists are life coaches and pastors. I've been looking to add some life coach training to my credentials, but who knows.
As for money. Some are more expensive than others. Hopefully people will be able to find some affordable ones.
Look forward to seeing you at ECHO if you will be there.
thanks for sharing.
rhett
Rhett not sure what's up….tried posting several times now, keeps saying "admin deleted your post"
And of course – that one goes through. Grrr.
So, had a couple ideas. The main one is this:
Stigma for me is most poignant surrounding relational models in my life. I've had several relationships with what I would call "therapy evangelists." To them counseling is a staple, like food, water, or shelter. Being evangelists they feel this is appropriate for everyone and push hard to make converts. As I observe them I feel like they live in the land of raw nerve endings, or that their emotional gas pedals are always to the floor, it seems very intense. I definitely know I have issues, but I need some peace in my life in between periods of dealing with them. Does that make sense?
So, for me the stigma points to these relational models. When I think about seeking therapy a feeling creeps in that I might be becoming a little bit like something I don't want to be. I wonder if anyone else has experienced this.
Thanks for raising the question.
Dan
Rhett, I'd say I've run into all of those reasons you list. Also, for me personally, there's been the issue of finding a good therapist. I'm not apt to spill personal info to someone I'm not confident will handle it well.
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Ben,
Awesome comments. I love your insight, "come close but don't come to close." That is so true. In fact, I would say that sometimes one can be in therapy for months, even years before they finally let the guard down and allow that person in. Thanks for sharing your history with me as for therapy. Going for depression is quite common, and if statistics are right about depression, then the majority of people being affected by it aren't even seeking help. Maybe we can chat at the CWC in September about all this stuff.
I hear you…it is expensive. Some therapists take insurance…others don't. I personally don't take insurance….lots of reasons why, which would take a huge post. But I do help clients submit the proper paper work to their insurance to get reimbursed if they are able.
Thanks for stopping by…you always have great stuff to say.
rhett
Dan,
Hey, thanks for the persistence in trying to post with the comments. Not sure what was going on.
I know what you mean by "therapy evangelists." I'm definitely a big proponent of therapy, but I don't see it as a staple like food, water, or shelter. I think it can be super helpful for people, but for many it's a luxury, and not a necessity. And for many others, it can sometimes be a necessity to help them cope, and overcome some of the many issues they might be facing.
I think downtime is also great….I think there are times, especially in long term therapy where a break is needed, especially as the work gets deeper and more intense. Plus one needs time to reflect on what is taking place as well.
Thanks for weighing in….can you say more about that last part….that becoming a little bit like something you don't want to be?
rhett
Bonnie,
Great point…repoire is key.
There are many great therapists out there as you know…and some pretty bad ones as well.
rhett
I am definitely open to talking to ya about this at CWC. I look forward to spending some time with you.
Chat soon.