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Archive - June, 2009

What to Look for in a Therapist

June 30, 2009 in Marriage-Family with 1 Comment

Now that we have talked about how to go about finding a good therapist in the previous post, let’s talk about some things you should be looking for. Now, this is going to differ based on a lot of factors, but I think most often, it will differ based on your history of how you have chosen therapists before, or how the community you are most active in goes about doing the process. So the criteria varies depending on who you are talking to.

But here are some things that I think are important.

Education: Have they gone to school (undergraduate/graduate) to receive training for this profession? Or have they been through some sort of recognizable and approved training program?
Credentials: Besides education, what other credentials do they carry that enhance their work in this profession?
License: Are they licensed by the state they practice in? This could vary, as some great therapists don’t carry a state license, but are sometimes certified by an organization (the AAPC is an example), and then they are usually monitored by some governing body such as a church or non-profit organization. When looking online, look for a therapist’s license number which is supposed to be displayed in most cases. You will see things like LMFT, LMFT-A, LSW, LPC, etc., usually with some numbers following it.
Accountability: This goes a little back to the previous item. If they are not licensed through the state, or are not recommended or vouched for by a governing body, then be careful. I have heard horror stories of people who have gone to therapy with someone who was not practicing under proper guidelines.

How to Find a Good Therapist

June 29, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Technology-Social Media with 2 Comments

I have found that there are a lot of people that are wanting to go to therapy, or at least try it out, but they are really unsure of how to go about finding a good therapist. There are several ways to go about this that I want to share with you, and then I’m curious of your own methods in doing this.

Reputation
This is a really good way to find a therapist. And by reputation, I mean those therapist’s names that you have heard before, or recommended by others before, or that keep seeming to come up for good reasons. Anytime you are situated in a community (church, social, work, family) there are certain names, in certain professions or services that one tends to hear over and over again. That’s what I mean by reputation. There is a therapist in Phoenix, AZ and a couple in Pasadena, CA that I continually refer people to over and over again because of reputation.

Personal Referral
This is a really strong indicator of finding a good therapist, and even stronger motivator for often taking that extra step needed to get people in the door. This is the recommendation that comes from a personal friend or family member. More often than not, the person who makes this recommendation has been to see this person in therapy themselves, or is connected with others who have. I think a lot of therapists build strong referral bases primarily on this source of recommendation.

Authority Figure
It is pretty well known that pastors, doctors, psychiatrists, et cetera can be great sources for referrals for people who are looking for a therapist. These professions, and ones like them have had a strong history of providing names of good therapists for people. I know many church attenders who wouldn’t think of asking anyone but their pastor, or some person on their church staff about where to find a good therapist.

Social Media Crowdsourcing
This is probably not as well known, but I think will slowly begin to replace the more traditional methods of therapy recommendations. By crowdsourcing I am referring to the practice of going online and asking people’s opinions via Twitter, Facebook, blogs, etc. I think this practice will gain strength very quickly. A form of this has been the popular chat groups and sites on Yahoo, forums populated by “mommy bloggers”, etc. This is the most common way that people ask my recommendation about finding a therapist, especially in other states. Continue Reading…

Creating Relational Intimacy Through the Sharing of Minor Details in Life

June 29, 2009 in Technology-Social Media with 6 Comments

[image by Tom Purves]

One of the things about Twitter that I have not quite been able to explain that well is why I think the little details in life that one tweets about (eating cereal, going for a walk, crying after that movie, hanging with friends, etc.) are so fascinating. I can’t tell you how many times various relationships in my life have been enhanced through what sometimes seem like trivial knowledge shared through Twitter. It’s quite extraordinary. So I love coming across this idea of “ambient intimacy” which I think explains it well.

I find this post by Leisa on “ambient intimacy” so right on. Check out her thoughts below from her post on this subject.

I find myself talking about Twitter quite a lot. I’m not the only one. The behaviours that Twitter has made more visible are tremendously interesting.

I’ve been using a term to describe my experience of Twitter (and also Flickr and reading blog posts and Upcoming). I call it Ambient Intimacy.

Ambient intimacy is about being able to keep in touch with people with a level of regularity and intimacy that you wouldn’t usually have access to, because time and space conspire to make it impossible. Flickr lets me see what friends are eating for lunch, how they’ve redecorated their bedroom, their latest haircut. Twitter tells me when they’re hungry, what technology is currently frustrating them, who they’re having drinks with tonight.

Who cares? Who wants this level of detail? Isn’t this all just annoying noise? There are certainly many people who think this, but they tend to be not so noisy themselves. It seems to me that there are lots of people for who being social is very much a ‘real life’ activity and technology is about getting stuff done.

There are a lot of us, though, who find great value in this ongoing noise. It helps us get to know people who would otherwise be just acquaintances. It makes us feel closer to people we care for but in whose lives we’re not able to participate as closely as we’d like.

Knowing these details creates intimacy. (It also saves a lot of time when you finally do get to catchup with these people in real life!) It’s not so much about meaning, it’s just about being in touch.

Have you found that “ambient intimacy” has enhanced your relationships? How?

So What is Marriage and Family Therapy?

June 28, 2009 in Marriage-Family with 1 Comment

[image by mescon]

Sometimes I get the question, “So what does a marriage and family therapist do?” It’s a legit question, especially amongst some of the confusion over the differences between a psychologist, counselor, social worker, etc. There are a lot of ways I can answer that question, but I most often talk about marriage and family focusing on the entire system that one lives in (family, school, work, social) and how that affects the person in therapy, rather than seeing them as an individual, isolated from the impact of others upon their lives and the choices they make.

I like the very brief and succinct way the American Association for Marriage and FamilyTherapy puts it. They write:

What is Marriage and Family Therapy?
A family’s patterns of behavior influences the individual and therefore may need to be a part of the treatment plan. In marriage and family therapy, the unit of treatment isn’t just the person – even if only a single person is interviewed – it is the set of relationships in which the person is imbedded.

Marriage and family therapy is:

* brief
* solution-focused
* specific, with attainable therapeutic goals
* designed with the “end in mind.”

Marriage and family therapists treat a wide range of serious clinical problems including: depression, marital problems, anxiety, individual psychological problems, and child-parent problems.

Research indicates that marriage and family therapy is as effective, and in some cases more effective than standard and/or individual treatments for many mental health problems such as: adult schizophrenia, affective (mood) disorders, adult alcoholism and drug abuse, children’s conduct disorders, adolescent drug abuse, anorexia in young adult women, childhood autism, chronic physical illness in adults and children, and marital distress and conflict.

Marriage and family therapists regularly practice short-term therapy; 12 sessions on average. Nearly 65.6% of the cases are completed within 20 sessions, 87.9% within 50 sessions. Marital/couples therapy (11.5 sessions) and family therapy (9 sessions) both require less time than the average individuated treatment (13 sessions). About half of the treatment provided by marriage and family therapists is one-on-one with the other half divided between marital/couple and family therapy, or a combination of treatments.

You can also find out more information by reading the Wikipedia entry on family therapy which is pretty good.

Marriage and Family Therapists (MFT’s) work with a wide range of clinical issues, whether it be family, couple or individual. But I think one of the strengths of them is their focus on the entire system.

I’m curious. When you look for a therapist, psychologist, counselor, etc., do you see any distinguishing characteristics in their training or credentials, or do you usually lump them all into one group?

Nope, You Are Definitely Not Crazy…Nor Alone!

June 27, 2009 in Marriage-Family with 2 Comments

Often when people come to therapy there are a couple of things that I notice.

One, some people joke with me about how they must be crazy to come to therapy. Or they are quite curious to find out if I think they are crazy. Trust me, you are not crazy. I tell them that everyone else who chooses not to seek help for issues are the crazy ones…not the people sitting in my office.

Two, people think they are alone in their experiences, troubles, life transitions. They think that they are the first to sometimes enter my office with those issues. But they are most definitely not. They are not the first, and they are most definitely not alone.

I want to share with you a quote from the article by Dana Gionta, The Stigma of Therapy: I Don’t Need a Psychologist, I’m Not Crazy.

Over the years, I’ve heard many creative names for therapy, quite reflective of the various stigmas. Some of my favorites are hocus pocus, mental brainwashing, and headshrinking. Now hocus pocus sounds kind of fun, perhaps because of its magical association. Unfortunately, to this day, the realm of therapy or counseling still remains quite mysterious to most people, somewhat like a magic trick. What really happens in that room? What do they do? Will I still be myself when I leave. If I go to a therapist, does that mean I’m crazy, weak or a failure? What will others think? What if I’m seen coming out of that kind of office? Such concerns are quite natural given our socio-cultural conditioning. Unfortunately, as a result, many people decide not to pursue counseling despite experiencing significant emotional, physical or mental distress.

Let’s clarify a few things. Most people who initiate counseling do not have a serious mental illness. They have serious life challenges or are going through difficult life-cycle transitions that may be taxing their current ability to cope. This, in turn, may be adversely affecting their well-being and ability to function as well as they would like. Examples of serious life challenges can be dealing with chronic work-related stressors; career issues; financial problems; health issues or a recent health diagnosis; family or parent/child conflict; cultural assimilation; and academic issues. Examples of difficult life-cycle related transitions can be the death of a family member or friend; the ending of a romantic relationship or close friendship; family/couple changes related to the addition of a child; getting married or divorced; caregiving for loved ones due to illness or disability; and decision-making challenges related to these life choices.

These are just some of the reasons why people decide to go to counseling. So, if you are going through one or more of these challenges at the same time, you’re not alone. The effects are often cumulative, which is generally referred to as a ‘pile-up’ of stressors. Counseling during these times can be quite helpful in providing both the support and skills to better address these life challenges. Ultimately, it is an invaluable investment in your emotional, physical and mental health, an act of courage not weakness, and a gift to those whose lives you touch.

Do you have the perception that therapy must be for “crazy people?” Or do you see therapy as the author does…for people who are going through life transitions?

Can Community and Openness De-Stigmatize Therapy?

June 26, 2009 in Marriage-Family, Technology-Social Media with 7 Comments

This is Post 2/100 in my 100 posts in 100 days series.

[image by tboard]

Yesterday I asked the question, Is There a Therapy Stigma? If you haven’t had a chance to answer that question…please take a moment to do so, as I’m interested in your opinion on this important subject.

One of the things that has been on my mind for the last couple of years is the question: Can the stigma be taken out of therapy if there was more openness and transparency in the process, rather than anonymity and secretness?

I have received various feedback on this subject…usually about 50/50. There are many who hold to the more traditional methods of anonymity and secretiveness in the therapy process (note: I’m not talking about client confidentiality here–obviously that is super important and must be upheld). While many, especially those raised in the internet age, are more prone to see the necessity of a more open therapeutic process. Wherever you fall on this question, I think the reality is that many things are changing in the field of therapy…and so it’s something we should be thinking about.

Two months ago I came across an interesting conference that I blogged about, Taking the Stigma Out of Mental Health with the Help of Social Media. I won’t spend this post talking about social media (because I will devote plenty of time to that soon), but I do want to mention some of the questions they were asking at the Mental Health Camp–a Conference about Mental Health and Social Media. The specific interest of the camp was “Erasing Stigma and Exploring Possibilities with Social Media.” And some of the questions they were asking were as follows:

* How can blogging help decrease the stigma of mental health?
* How does someone with a mental illness navigate the waters of anonymity in the transparent world of social media?
* How is the journaling that happens in blogging similar to or different from journaling for healing?
* How can social media participants with mental health issues help each other?

What’s interesting to me is that they were not only asking these questions, but they were getting at the idea that openness in mental health can de-stigmatize it. And more importantly, as we live more and more in an open society, especially with our reliance upon the internet…will therapy head more in that direction?

So I have been pondering various ideas in regards to my practice. And just a few questions come to mind that you might have some thoughts on.

What would it look like to have an office in a more public, highly visible and busy area? Say for example, in an office above retail shopping, or next to a coffee shop. Would you be attracted to that, or is that to open for you?

Do you think therapy should remain more anonymous and secretive?

If you were to see a therapist, would you keep it confidential, or is it something you would share with some people?

Do you think that therapy can be more beneficial if the client has a community of supportive people that are aware of the therapeutic process, and are able to lend support in and out of the office?

Exploring the Online Characteristics of Generation F/Y, and Their Implications-Part 2

June 26, 2009 in Ministry-Theology, Technology-Social Media with 2 Comments

[image by jakeoneil]

Last week I posted Exploring the Online Characteristics of Generation F/Y, and Their Implications-Part 1. This series was born out of my fascination with the great article, The Facebook Generation vs. the Fortune 500. And for the first post focused on the first “online characteristic” of this generation, All ideas compete on equal footing.

Today I want to take a look at another characteristic:

2. Contribution counts for more than credentials. When you post a video to YouTube, no one asks you if you went to film school. When you write a blog, no one cares whether you have a journalism degree. Position, title, and academic degrees—none of the usual status differentiators carry much weight online. On the Web, what counts is not your resume, but what you can contribute.

I’m really curious about this characteristic and whether you agree or not? I still think some credentials are important, and some even necessary to certain vocations. But I do think it’s becoming less important. I tell my wife quite a bit that I’m not even sure college will be relevant when my daughter turns 18. Training schools, apprentices, self-learning, etc. But who knows. I have some credentials that are relevant to my work. My M.Div. isn’t necessary in some church circles, but it was helpful, and pretty much required for the denomination I have been in the last 8 years. My MSMFT is necessary though if I want to practice as a marriage and family therapist in any state.

But with the explosion of online collaboration, contribution and socializing, this need to justify ourselves through credentials seems to be collapsing. This is an especially strong point of tension in many churches. Online is a place where the junior high kid who posts a funny video, or the college student who makes a film, or the young adult who writes a blog…has as much credentials, and quite possibly as big of a listening and watching audience as does the pastor preaching on Sunday morning.

I think where this tension will become more apparent is denominationally. Many denominations have huge barriers for ordination and participation in certain leadership structures. Not everyone is going to be willing to jump through those hoops, and I think those who will be willing to do so will continue to shrink. That’s why I think denominations like the PCUSA will continue to shrink up, losing more and more bright and future leaders to other forms of church structure and ecclesiology.

Are credentials important in your church?

Does the need for these credentials exclude leaders who could participate more fully in the life of church ministry?

Is There a Therapy Stigma?

June 25, 2009 in Marriage-Family with 14 Comments

This is Post 1/100 in my 100 posts in 100 days series.

[image by Vali]

There is a lot to talk about in the next 100 days. Lots. So I thought it would be appropriate to start from the beginning. And by beginning I mean…the idea of going to therapy itself. If you haven’t noticed, there is often a stigma when it comes to one going to therapy. The stigma may be culturally…it could be religious…maybe it’s a social stigma. Or it could be that the stigma is created and influenced by your friends and family. Whatever the case may be, many have talked with me about their fears of just walking out the door and going to therapy. And I understand that.

Some of you may be reading this and saying, “Stigma, what stigma. I tell everyone about my therapist. He/She is so great!” Growing up in Arizona therapy was talked about openly. And having lived in California the last eight years, all I can say is that having a therapist was often a popular trend, as fashionable as the parties one attended or the private yoga instructor someone met with. It was not unusual to come across a group of people where all of them were seeing the same therapist and openly sharing stories with one another about their sessions. But Texas is different, and it has its own stigmas about therapy, though I find that most people are pretty open about seeing a therapist.

So what is the stigma about?

Feeling like you are not in control if it’s come to the point of needing/wanting to see a therapist.
Fear of having to reach out to someone for help.
Is the stigma created by being known by others that you see a therapist…or being seen in THAT office.
Or maybe the stigma lies in the fact that things are better left untouch/unsaid…don’t stir up stuff. Don’t rock the boat.
Maybe the stigma is religious/church…says that all you need is God, not any help from a human.
Or maybe the stigma is that people think only “crazy” people go to therapy.

These are just some thoughts.

I’m curious. In your opinion, what is the stigma about?

Would you…or have you ever gone to a therapist/counselor?

Was it beneficial? Why or why not?

What would it take you to walk through that door to see a therapist?

In Memory of Professor Ray S. Anderson (1925-2009)

June 24, 2009 in Ministry-Theology with 14 Comments

One of my favorite stories that Dr. Anderson used to tell his students (and is written in the book, Dancing with Wolves, While Feeding the Sheep), is the story that is told of the connection between his farming and ministry days. Ray wrote:

“It happened only once. There was no suggestion that it was planned or premeditated. We were sitting on the edge of the furrow, behind the plow, facing the freshly turned soil over which the seagulls swooped in search of frantic worms. It was the second cup of coffee time. The cigarette lightened the load and loosened his tongue.

‘Stick your hand down into the soil, son,’, he suddenly said without warning. Breaking the rules by looking into my face and talking directly to me. As I did, he said softly, ‘Son, this soil is part of your life–you take care of it and it will take care of you.’ …..

…..What my father had long discovered, but left for me to find for myself, was that there was neither mystery nor magic in the soil. The mystery and the magic, if we dare to use such words, lie in the connection of the heart to the hand. There is no place or task on earth which can satisfy the restless hand which is not attached to the heart.

My father had not attached my hand to the soil on that day long ago, although that was how I had understood it. Rather, he had attached my heart to my hand. My inner self had become bound to my outer life. As a result, whatever task to which I put my hand was done with a sense of finality and completeness that brought joy rather than a feeling of fatalism, which can only produce melancholy and despair. Transplantation without transformation kills the roots as well as the plant. The once in a lifetime gift is one that continues to transform. (pp. 14,18)”

That passion for having one’s hand attached to one’s heart is one of the greatest gifts that I think Dr. Anderson imparted on me, as well as many other students. I think this most manifested itself in the idea of theological praxis, one of Anderson’s favorite words. Here we were, theological students locked away in classrooms and libraries studying theology…and he did not want theology to be just about that. Theology that is confined to academia and the ivory tower, but he was passionate that our theology was practical and that it was engaged in the work of ministry, whatever vocation that may call one to. I owe Dr. Anderson for forming that idea in seminary and helping me make sure that my theology was alive and vibrant, put to use in the work of Jesus Christ.

Dr. Anderson was a larger than life character, whose “maverick” reputation proceeded him. I first heard about him from my father who took one of Dr. Anderson’s classes at the Fuller extension in Phoenix back in the mid to late 80′s. So when I decided to attend Fuller I knew that I needed to take a class with him…just based on all the great things my father had to say and all the great things that students were echoing. I wish I would have had the opportunity to take more, but I took three classes from Dr. Anderson in my time at Fuller. I took his Karl Barth and Evangelicalism class (to Ray I owe the credit for cultivating a love for Barth and his Dogmatics); I took his Dietrich Bonhoeffer-Life and Thought class (Bonhoeffer’s Cost of Discipleship changed my life in college and Ray only furthered my passion for the life and work of Bonhoeffer); and lastly, Ray let me in his Ph.D. seminary, The Shape of Practical Theology (I was only an M.Div student at the time, but he allowed me the privilege of taking that class–one of the best classes I ever had). It shouldn’t be a surprise that two of Ray’s heroes were Barth and Bonhoeffer…two men who lived lives of practical theology.

The last time I spoke with Dr. Anderson in person was in early 2006 when he taught one of the counseling courses for my MSMFT degree. I still remember him that day…strong, farmer hand shake as always. I could hardly believe he was 80. His body and mind seemed as sharp as ever, and he was breathing theological life into a new class of students. Something he had been doing for decades. I consider Dr. Anderson a friend and mentor, and he was always gracious to meet me on campus on Mondays (his day at Fuller in the last few years), as well as always exchanging emails with me…I had sent him more than my fair share of theological question that were causing me problems. He was even a guest blogger back in July of 2006 when he wrote about his then new book, An Emergent Theology for Emerging Churches.

Dr. Anderson was a prolific writer, passionate teacher, and a great friend. Dr. Anderson will leave a long legacy, and big shoes to fill. I like what was said of him by Kurt Fredrickson, Associate Dean for Fuller’s Doctorate of Ministry program:

“Ray blended a strong theological instinct with a passion for giving theology traction on the ground, in real-life situations,” says Kurt Fredrickson, associate dean for Fuller’s Doctor of Ministry program and a student of Anderson’s at both Westmont and Fuller. “He was never content with lofty theological ideas. Those ideas had to connect with real people. He also was never satisfied with the status quo, in theology or in the church. He challenged his students to think freshly, and even at the edges, all the while anchored to tradition.”

Check out the post from Ray’s former students, Christian D. Kettler. As well as the post by Fuller Seminary.

And you can visit Dr. Anderson’s website.

100 Posts on the Topic of Marriage and Family Therapy

June 24, 2009 in Marriage-Family with 13 Comments

If you have been visiting this blog I really appreciate it. But you may also know that I haven’t been spending much time blogging on this site as I’ve been pretty slow to get into gear. But I have been spending some time reflecting, trying to figure out what would be the most beneficial for my blogging audience.

So I have determined that over the next 100 days (beginning Thursday, June 25), I’m going to be bringing you 100 posts on the topic of marriage and family therapy. What do I mean by that? Well, basically, if it has to do with something in the area of marriage, family, relationships, and the topics that are important to you…I will be blogging about it. Some of my posts will be by way of introducing you to new areas in this field of study…some will be covering topics you have probably spent some time studying yourself. I will suggest some books, resources…how to find a therapist..et cetera.

So 100 blog posts in 100 days.

So here’s a sample of some of the topics I will be covering:

Social media & technology in the field of therapy
Parenting
Marriage
Communication
Generation Y/F–Millenials
Emerging Adulthood
Adolescents
Sex
Divorce
Depression & anxiety
Drugs & alcohol
College Life
Finding a therapist
Stigmas in therapy
Family systems
Genograms
Vocation
Spirituality
Types of Counseling/Therapy
Fear
Pornography
Etc, etc, etc.

If you see a topic you like, let me know in the comment section. Otherwise, feel free to let me know what I’m not covering and I should

You can also vote below.

I hope you will join me on this journey.

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In Memory of Professor Ray S. Anderson (1925-2009)

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