Apologies
John Saddington over at Church Crunch had a great post, Digital Apologies and Blog Confessionals. John’s post was in reference to Digg co-founder Kevin Rose’s apology about comments on his uber-popular video podcast Diggnation. John says:
Blogging, for most part and for many is a one-way street. It’s a digital megaphone to the public. It’s a personal soapbox and a electronic pulpit. It’s a place where apologies aren’t required.
But that’s if you hold the aforementioned definition of “blogging” to be true.
And for some, it is. For others, like myself, blogging is about relationships. You see, I’m more interested in using my blogs to build relationships with other people instead of making sure that my own voice can be heard in the blogospheric galaxy.
And just like in real relationships, things get tough: Feelings get hurt, things get twisted and go all Robbie Williams on you (read: “Misunderstood“). People get passionate and emotional, people get upset and say things they don’t really mean, people sin.
All this means is that people have to learn to apologize, and do it on their blog.
Passion & Blogging, Like Oil & Water…Often Don’t Mix Well
People are passionate and blogging is instantaneous. Mix the two together and you sometimes wish you could take back what you write. I have been blogging for over 4 years and it has taken me as long to be more cautious, careful and gracious when I post something, then say it did in the earlier years.
Blogging is often reactionary, and the quickest way to drive traffic to your site is to say something that can cause a reaction in others. Usually that is done by handling controversial issues, attacking popular figures in an industry/ministry, or by just plain and simple rabble rousing.
In the beginning that might seem fun as you engage a very passionate and rabble rousing crowd on your blog, but in the end, I don’t think that’s enough to sustain a life of blogging. Nor is it sufficient to bring joy into your blogging life. Nor does it often lead to positive change or transformation in the lives of those who read your blog, as well as yourself. It’s difficult to build relationships with those who you are constantly engaged in criticism, contempt and combative behavior with…assuming you want any type of relationship at all. But I think it’s the relationships that are formed, and when they are formed, it’s the synergy that is created online that can lead to long term positive change, not only for the web, but the worlds we inhabit and ultimately the Kingdom of God.
This Is My Confession
Almost 3 years ago I wrote one of those posts I wish I could take back. It wasn’t a post I wanted to take back because I didn’t believe in what I was saying (theologically), but rather it was more vitriolic than I would have liked coming from myself. And it was attackful on the person and character of John Piper, rather than just being in disagreement over views. I wrote it in a fit of passion (aka anger, hurt, sadness, grief, etc.) and published it instantly (Background: my mom, grandmother, aunt and some other loved ones of mine died of breast cancer–so a warning to us all to step back when topics become too emotionally engaging for us–that is not a good time to blog and publish instantly). I hesitate to even bring it up since it has been laid to rest, but John Saddington’s post is a good reminder of our continual need to not only make apologies and seek forgiveness with those in our personal lives, but with those lives we are in contact with online.
My original post was fueled by John Piper’s comments on his battle with cancer.
Whether you read my posts or not (and I sort of hope you don’t), you can see that an initial post written in a moment of passion and instant publishing turned into a total of four posts as things spiraled out of control, misunderstandings occurred, feelings were hurt, theologies attacked, and good people without the context of a relationship…misunderstood. In hindsight, I pretty much still hold to those same theological positions that I held then…but I wish I never would have posted that blog…or at least I wish I never would have posted it without being more gracious, or without first seeking to contact John Piper and have a conversation to gain more understanding. But I did post, and I didn’t do the latter. But hopefully 3 years later I am more mature and living and learning as I blog and as I forgive and am forgiven in the process.
Meeting Abraham Piper Made Things Real
A year and a half after that blog post I was contacted by a guy named Abraham Piper on Facebook. He was wanting to connect at GodblogCon ’07 in Las Vegas. When I saw that last name I was like, “Doh, can that possibly be…John Piper’s son?” And it was. I was nervous to meet him, knowing what I had said about his father. When we met, I nervously offered up my apology for speaking about his father in that way. He immediately said not to worry about it, and that it’s pretty much a waste of energy to hold a grudge or not be forgiving of those who have criticisms of you (those are my words, not his). And I got the impression that as John Piper’s son, he was probably used to his father receiving both praise and criticism.
We continued to hang out the next few days and have a really good time of engaging conversation with one another and those at the conference. What that encounter did was put a real context, real relationship, real human face on the person of John Piper…all through my encounter with his son. From that moment I vowed to do my best to think with more clarity and wisdom and grace before I posted negative stuff (criticisms, etc.) about another person, group of people, etc. I’ve tried and somedays I succeed and other days I fail. Hopefully I succeed on more of them.
But because of my relationship (albeit through his son Abraham) with John Piper, I am more understanding of what kind of quality man, and passionate Christian he is. Therefore, with the context of the relationship it’s much easier to be gracious in our disagreements, knowing that as followers of Christ we can be united in so much more than our theological differences. And with the context of a relationship, it’s much easier for us to humble ourselves and ask for and seek forgiveness.
So Let’s Be Congruent
This is where online meets real life…they go hand in hand, and they will continue to go more hand in hand as the web becomes a much larger part of our lives than it already is. This is where our online and offline worlds must become more congruent, and we must become more consistent as people in relationships with one another, and as followers in Christ.
So Abraham. I appreciate your kindness, graciousness and forgiveness. I don’t know if you ever read the posts (and I hope you didn’t, and still don’t–because I’m a different blogger now). And John, if you ever did read them, I apologize for the personal attacks…and though we land in different theological camps I appreciate your ministry, and the lives of the people that you impacted whom I’m in direct relationships with.
So What About You
Have you ever put your foot in your mouth, were less than kind, or wish you could take something back you wrote on your blog?
Please share what it was (if you want to), and how you handled it? Did you apologize? Confess? Seek the person out?
Blog on friends….
Have I ever put my foot in my mouth? I would take over your blog with the equivalent of a book-length comment if I started talking about all of the times…
But I WILL say, this is well written and I agree with your conclusions. You handled it very well.
Have I ever put my foot in my mouth? I would take over your blog with the equivalent of a book-length comment if I started talking about all of the times…
But I WILL say, this is well written and I agree with your conclusions. You handled it very well.
Ummm…Rhett, couldn’t you have posted this blog two days earlier, before I got myself in this present mess?
Ummm…Rhett, couldn’t you have posted this blog two days earlier, before I got myself in this present mess?
Foot in mouth disease….hmmmm I have had a relapsing of this so many times I have stopped counting. But going back and apologizing is always key.
Being a passionate person, I sometimes emote within the passion and then start using ad hominum attacks to make my point. This is never effective.
However, I like being a strong debater which can be mistaken as being mean-spirited. Simply allowing the Lord to lead the conversation is my main goal and something I am still learning.
freaking amen.
something that i’ve learned the super hard way is that decisions made while emotional are almost all retarded…
this surfaced immediately after i got married as issues with anger and pride just bubbled out of this world.
turning to the lord and prayer was a “quick fix” (but necessary) but apologizing was the salve.
ah………….
Great post Rhett.
I am passing this on to our volunteers!
Wonderful post! I appreciate your spirit and authenticity. I learned from you words. Thanks, Tim
awesome post Rhett, just awesome. did i say awesome?
loved what you had to say here.
Hey friends…thx for your encouragement and for the nice comments.
And Matt…you, put your foot in your mouth…never!
rhett
Rhett,
thanks for the authenticity in this post. It takes a lot to apologize. Even more in a public forum. God bless you for that.
I also really appreciate the lesson that you are sharing with folks. Too often I see and hear people justify saying hateful or hurtful things with “I’m just telling the truth” or “I got free speech.” The lesson that I have learned (and I really had to learn it) was that we should tell the truth with compassion.
I also see that “social media” gives people the perception that things that used to require a relationship can now be done without one. That is, if I read a blog or a tweet, I instantly have the right, nay the responsibility, to impress my opinion on someone (often without said compassion from the previous paragraph).
Your post highlights how this can turn bad in a hurry. It also shows a quality of grace in the apology that I wish I was capable of more often.
Peace.
fortunately, i’m a quiet type. my dad is where i got my learnings on speaking too quickly. but it figures he’s also the one that taught me not to make a decision (or in this case, a blog post) when hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. the initials spell halt (cheesy i know, but it works). my dad has a thing for mnemonics
I think it’s interesting that electronic mediums (email, blogs, etc.) influence us to communicate more quickly. I know I’ve written a few things electronically that I later regretted, and I never would have written them on paper.
This seems to be the opposite of James’ advice to “be slow to speak”.
I’m sure glad for folks like the Pipers who follow Paul’s advice to “bear with one another”!
I think that these comments that have been left are quite profound in their perspective and I also appreciate your honesty as the author of this post. It’s easy for sin to take over when people can hide behind screen names, blogs and other modern “conveniences.” I’ve been convicted of this myself that no matter who else knows the truth, God ALWAYS knows it and sin no matter where it is, always has consequences. Thanks again for your openness.
Hey everyone…thx for the all the comments, good conversations, etc. I appreciate how all of you have challenged me to grow in various ways as a blogger…keep it up.
rhett
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